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Aug 25, 2012 Rubbish_Transcriber commented on An Open Letter to Zoe at AfterElton.
Dan - after MarleyBarley and I transcribed the Ira Glass podcast, I sent you an email (back in February) asking if you'd like to help / at the very least endorse some kind of volunteer group to transcribe your podcasts on a regular basis for your readership that can't hear them. I never heard back, so I made some, possibly unfair, assumptions about you, and then I started to feel really bad about my transcription skills. See how our feelings get hurt by what's obviously just an inability to manage an email client? I realize you get a lot of email, but it should be in there somewhere.
Feb 10, 2012 Rubbish_Transcriber commented on Required Listening: Howard Stern on Ellen, JC Penney, Bullied Gay Kids, Rosie, Santorum, Bachmann, et al.
@38 Did you find one? I'll have a crack at it tonight (tomorrow at the latest) if you don't post that you found one...
Feb 5, 2012 Rubbish_Transcriber commented on What Cancer Is, What Cancer Is Not.
LINDA: Hi, my name is Linda, and I felt the need to do this video, due to the recent announcement from the Susan G Komen foundation about changes in their funding.

I have breast cancer, and I want to tell you what breast cancer is, and is not, to me.

Breast cancer is fear. It's being scared. It's the unknown. It's trauma. It's everything plus more. And I was so lucky to have a great team of doctors. A great oncologist, fantastic surgeons, and a husband who supported me every way throughout my entire two and a half year old ordeal so far.

And I'm still not done with treatment but it's going well thanks to the support and care that I've had. Most women don't have the same type of support. Many don't have any support at all.

What breast cancer is to me is getting a port installed in my chest. This is the first scar I'm going to show you, and by the way, if you're squeamish you may not want to watch this entire video because I'm going to show it all. You need to know what breast cancer is and what it is not.

The port was difficult, but it was necessary for the chemo. Then - the chemotherapy. Four and a half months of intense chemo which left me completely bald. Not a hair on my head. No eyelashes, no eyebrows - I didn't even have nose hair - I didn't have hair anywhere, and I was bald for nearly nine months.

Then came surgery. I had both of my breasts removed, numerous lymph nodes removed and my breast surgery - I was home the same day of my surgery for the 6pm news, with four tubes running out of my body into drainage bags. That's not simple but that is what breast cancer can be and what it was to me.

Next was radiation. I had one and a half months, five days a week of radiation so intense that by the time I was finished my skin was literally cracking, bleeding and falling off my chest. But that's what breast cancer is.

Then I had more surgery to remove my ovaries and my fallopian tubes. That wasn't easy either as I had abdominal surgery. I was in the hospital for five days for that.

Now I'm on medications that I'll be on for another three years, that make it difficult to sleep, which make my joints hurt, I've gained wait - I blame cancer on that - plus when I was finally able to eat normally after chemo without getting sick, I comforted myself with food. That's what cancer does. That's what cancer is.

But now I'm going to show you my chest. I used to have two beautiful girls here. Now they're gone. This is what cancer looks like. This is a bilateral mastectomy and I had lymph nodes removed under both armpits because the cancer had spread. This is not pretty but I'm going to tell you what cancer is not.

Do you see politics on my chest? Do you see Republican, Democrat, Tea Party or Independent anywhere on my chest? I don't. Do you see religion on my chest? Do you see Christian, do you see Catholic, do you see Jewish, do you see Hindu, do you see Muslim, or any other of the hundred religions out there? Do you see any beliefs on my chest? No! Do you see moral values on my chest, or what _you_ believe to be our moral values? No! That's not cancer at all. It's not on my chest and that's not it.

So, Susan G Komen, if you're seeing this video, I was such a proud supporter, but I can no longer support your cause, because politics, religion and God only knows what has infiltrated your program.

It's broken my heart. And I was so proud to be a member but I can no longer support you.

And one more thing. One thing cancer is? It makes you frank. It makes you say what you feel. It makes you no longer scared. When you're surviving, you're ready to fight the world, and I want to tell you something right now:

The foundation? You showed your ass. Now you can kiss mine.

Thank you.

[ends]

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Feb 4, 2012 Rubbish_Transcriber commented on Savage Love Episode 276.
Continues from @55

[FOURTH CALLER]

FEMALE CALLER: Hi Dan, I have a question but I should probably give you some background.information about me first. First of all, I'm a virgin. When I was really young I was sent to an all girls Christian boarding school, and as you can imagine, it was very strict and I never had any opportunity to experience, to experiment sexually. I didn't leave the school until I graduated high school there, and since then I've had many opportunities to try sex, but I just didn't claim them. I never had an interest in sex and I thought maybe there was something wrong with me, but I heard about human asexuality, so now I identify myself as an asexual. I also have a passion for helping people, especially children who have felt abandoned or unwanted. My dream is to establish an orphanage that gives these children special secular education and a good chance at life. Of course this costs a lot of money. Also I am in my third year of college and that is also expensive. I found out on the internet that a girl can sell her virginity for over 1 million dollars. Of course I plan to do this legally. I may be asexual but I'm willing to go through the motions and sell my virginity so that I can [???] my dream. I wouldn't like [???] with a charity because I value self sufficiency and I don't like asking for money, so my question to you is, what is your opinion of prostitution, specifically just one shot at prostitution like selling virginity. My biggest concern is safety, because I know I will be going to maybe the Bunny Ranch in Nevada to make the transaction and I just wanted to make sure that it will be safe - and even if it isn't safe I'm willing to risk it, just for a chance to fulfill my dreams.

IRA: Wow.

DAN: Crazy. First of all I did a little googling, also known as research, and most of the people who've gone on line to auction off their virginities - they're not pulling in a million dollars.

IRA: I was going to say, that number seemed very, very high.

DAN: Optimistic

IRA: What's the going rate?

DAN: The numbers that I saw for people who had successfully - and made a big media splash out of it - 35, 40, 60 thousand dollars - you're not going to fund your education and start -

IRA: An orphanage.

DAN: An orphanage, by auctioning off your virginity, I'm sorry to say

IRA: Well if you do it just once - but if you do it thirty times [Dan laughs] then you have a shot.

DAN: Cos you have to reclaim your virginity.

IRA: Different names, whatever. Basically you're going to have to sell off your virginity thirty or forty times to get a million dollars is what we're saying.

DAN: And I don't think you're willing to do that. I don't think you should do that. But interestingly,there's all this debate about prostitution in Nevada, constantly, you know, if you were actually thinking of doing this in a brothel in Nevada you're actually safer in an environment where prostitution is legal, safer at a brothel, where there are bouncers and there's not been one HIV infection traced back to a prostitute who worked legally in a brothel in Nevada. There's research into it. So if you contacted a brothel and you want to organize some sort of auction online, an auction of your virginity and there's a brothel in Nevada that's willing to work with you, your physical safety - you know, nothing's a 100% guaranteed - but it's safer than trying DIY it yourself on the side. But you're not going to make a million dollars.

IRA: What you're talking about isn't prostitution, what you're talking about is that Robert Redford movie, Indecent Proposal [Dan laughs] which is like the stupidest movie, you know what I mean? - the couple, the husband wants to pay the wife a million dollars to bang her for one night and you just feel like - well take the million dollars! [Both laughing]

DAN: That you would sign off on? If someone were to offer Anaheed a million dollars you'd be like 'Well - a million dollars - we could start an orphanage'

IRA: [Laughs] That's exactly what we would do with it too.

DAN: For gassy dogs

IRA: [Laughing] Precisely. Yeah, yeah, she would sign up for it too. I think that's in our deal You know - you have celebrities who you are allowed to sleep with if you ever encounter them, because you'll never encounter them and then well you know, sure, if anyone ever offers either of us a million dollars to bang them, I feel that goes down very easy between us.

DAN: But you know, we don't want to make this caller feel bad. You know, it's a nice impulse, if you're asexual and you don't intend to be sexually active and sexuality doesn't mean anything to you and your virginity doesn't feel particularly significant because you're never going to be in a sexual relationship with anyone, to want to leverage this culture's obsession -

IRA: I don't see anything wrong it.

DAN: - to pay for your education, I don't see anything wrong with it,so long as it's safe, but you're not going to make a million dollars, you're not going to make a million dollars - but you could make 30 grand, you could make 40 grand, you could pay off your college loans. The other thing though is you'll have to be public. People who auction off their virginities show their faces. So, it sounds like your from a conservative background, you went to a Christian university -

IRA: You want to start an orphanage for children.

DAN: This isn't going to be something you can do with no photo.

IRA: Yeah, but the orphanage isn't going to be started, like next week, so, you know.

DAN: But she'll have to sell her virginity thirty, forty times before she can...

IRA: There is your problem.

DAN: So if you have thirty vaginas, you are set.

[FIFTH CALLER]

FEMALE CALLER (AMANDA): Hi Dan, my name's Amanda, I'm calling from Anchorage, Alaska, 25, recently married, my husband and I got married on Halloween

IRA: Pause for a second. They got married on Halloween? What is -

DAN: Seems weird.

IRA: It seems weird. OK, let's keep going.

DAN: It's Anchorage. It's a weird place.

IRA: I feel like in Anchorage you have permission to be whoever you want. It's more American than America. [Dan laughs]

AMANDA: - this last year, and then we finally moved into our new apartment - yayyy!! - so the reason why I'm calling is because my husband, he's a big huge flirt and I understand that and I originally told him that I thought that I could handle that, you know, that he could flirt and text other females - it was supposed to be strictly texting, you know, to let him do whatever, you know, I just told him that I would prefer that these other women would be not in this state and that, you know, none of them were one specific female, which thankfully he's not talking to her, but he - [hesitates] he started talking to his ex - the chick he was with before me, and

IRA: Pause the tape again. I don't even know what her question is yet, we're still in the middle of this call, but listen to how upset she is, and I hate this guy, like, I feel like whatever her question is going to be, my answer is drop this loser. Alright, let's keep going

AMANDA: When we got together he said he had ended it with her and he didn't want anything to do with her except for her son, who is not biologically his, but that he did help raise, and I said, OK, that's understandable. He has started flirting with his ex and I don't know what to do or how to handle this. I want to talk to him about it but I know that if I try to talk to him about it, if I try to bring it up in any way then he's going to get pissed off and get really mad. My husband has, when he gets pissed off at me, or like if I do something to piss him off then he'll do something to piss me off or hurt me in some way and it sucks, you know, trying to get over that, but it's, I want to talk to him but I just don't know what to do. And you know, talking with his ex the way that he is - she's an ex for a reason and he married me, not her. I don't know what I should do, I love my husband, I don't want him doing this any more, but I'm too afraid that if I say anything then he's going to get pissed off, or you know, something else is going to happen

IRA: I mean I think it's really clear what she needs to do - do you want to start?

DAN: She needs to dump the motherfucker already. DTMFA. This is not a relationship, it's a hostage situation. You need to get the fuck out, get the fuck away from this guy. The deal you hammered out with him where you hate the flirting but you OK'd it so long as it was limited in these ways, and texting, and women outside of Alaska, all this Rube Goldberg contraption you've built to accommodate his bullshit - it doesn't work and it's not going to work and it's never going to work and he's an asshole and you need to leave him. And you're a fool. You know it's easy to beat him up in this situation and he should get sloppy around the situation and so should she. This wasn't really great judgement here, hammering out this deal. She knew who she was, she knew that the deal he laid in front of her - she's a 25 year old woman - she knew that the deal he laid in front of her was never going to work. You know, did she not bounce it off of Mom, off of her sisters, off of her friends, get their input? You need to cut your losses and go.

IRA: Or, if you want to stay with him the one chance you have is to say look, this is what I want, and I don't want you flirting with other women, that's not what I want in the marriage

DAN: He made permission to flirt a condition of marrying at all.

IRA: Did he?

DAN: Yes, at the top of the call, like he'd only marry me if I was OK with the flirting with other women. I knew he was a huge flirt, blah blah blah, but it makes her this miserable. She wanted to be married more than she wanted to be married to him, and so she agreed to this deal with him and it makes her miserable and it's only going to make her more and more miserable and - she lives in fucking Anchorage Alaska, where there's 25 men for every girl

IRA: Not any more.

DAN: Well whatever it is now. I'm still seven brides for seven brothers in my head, which wasn't even Alaska, but that's what I thought Alaska was. Leave. Leave. There's got to be a lesser Johnston brother out there for you.

IRA: How is this though any different from the other calls where you're saying like well, he wants to be non-monogamous, why not be non-monogamous

DAN: Because he's not being non-monogamous, he's being an asshole. When I hear these sorts of calls, these sorts of problems, it's not about the freedom he wants - part of what he wants is to torture this woman. This isn't just about his freedom to be a flirt and you know, tap into that kind of sexual energy from other people - he found someone who'll do his laundry, put up with his shit, and he wants compete license, complete freedom, and her misery is part of it for him, somehow feeding his ego. That's why he's going right to pushing those buttons, flirting with his ex, and flirting with women that weren't on the, that weren't the women that he was allowed to flirt with and in the places he was allowed to flirt with them. He agreed to this shit never intending to honor his side of the deal, in part to make her miserable. This isn't honest non-monogamy.

IRA: OK

DAN: You know, when it comes to people like Gingrich, when it comes to people like Schwarzenegger, every time there's someone like Gingrich saying he wanted an open marriage, to his second ex wife -

IRA: I can't believe that you're bringing that up. This is what you people do all the time - [Dan laughs] deflect us from the true issues in this country.

DAN: Well when that comes up, people write me. I got letters saying 'Oh are you happy now? Newt Gingrich was non-monogamous, not monogamous, open marriage' - Newt Gingrich didn't succeed at non-monogamy, he failed at monogamy. He was in a monogamous relationship and he fucked it up. He wasn't in an honest non monogamous - going to someone six years into your affair with Calista "Devout Catholic" Gingrich and asking for an open marriage isn't non-monogamy done right. That's assholery and abusing people. This is assholery and abusing people, this isn't non-monogamy.

[SIXTH CALLER]
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Feb 3, 2012 Rubbish_Transcriber commented on SPLC Suing Federal Government to End DOMA.
LEVIN: Hello, I'm Joe Levin, co-founder of the Southern Poverty Law Center.

More than 40 years ago, SPLC represented Lieutenant Sharon Frontiero and her husband. She was denied the same housing and medical benefits as married servicemen solely because of the gender of her spouse.

Our lawsuit went to the Supreme Court, which found the policy discriminatory. It was the first successful sex discrimination lawsuit against the federal government, and it helped ensure women in the armed forces received the same benefits as men and, more broadly, the equal treatment of women by the federal government, period.

It seems almost unthinkable today that such a blatantly unfair policy would exist. Unfortunately, there is still discrimination against the brave men and women who serve our country. That is why the Southern Poverty Law Center and our co-counsel have filed a federal lawsuit on behalf of a veteran denied benefits based on, as was Sharon Frontiero so many years ago, the gender of her spouse. My colleague, attorney Christine Sun, is here to tell us about this important case.

SUN: Hi, I'm Christine Sun. Today, SPLC is filing a federal lawsuit on behalf of Tracey Cooper-Harris, a disabled Army veteran, and her spouse Maggie. Tracey served our country with honor in two wars - Operation Enduring Freedom and Operation Iraqi Freedom. During her nine years of active service Tracey received more than two dozen medals and awards.

In 2008, Tracey married Maggie in Van Nuys, California. Their marriage is fully recognized by the state today, granting Tracey and Maggie all the rights and obligations of marriage under California law.

In 2010, Tracey received the devastating news that she has multiple sclerosis - a condition that the VA has determined is connected to her military service. There is no known cure for MS - a disabling disease that attacks a person's brain and central nervous system.

Like any other person who is married, Tracey wanted to ensure that her spouse would have some level of financial security in case she were to die because of MS. As she began end of life planning, Tracey learned that she and Maggie would not be granted the benefits that the federal government provides to veterans in heterosexual marriages. The Dept of Veteran's Affairs defines 'spouse' as a person of the opposite sex, and even if the VA changes this definition, the so-called Defense of Marriage Act doesn't allow the VA or any other federal agency to recognize marriages between same sex couples.

The VA has denied Tracey and Maggie important financial benefits, as well as the eventual right to be buried together in a national veteran's cemetery.

Refusing to grant these benefits to Tracey and Maggie is unpatriotic and un-American. It demeans Tracey's service to our country, and it demeans the central role that Maggie, as the spouse of a disabled veteran, has played in Tracey's life.

LEVIN: Tracey's experience is the story of only one veteran, but her ordeal is all too familiar for gay and lesbian service members. That is why this case is so important. Decades ago it was a honor for me to work on the Frontiero case, which benefited so many women serving our country. Today, it is an honor to work on this case, which has the potential to benefit so many of our gay and lesbian service members. We have a long road ahead of us, but as this important case proceeds, the SPLC will keep you updated on its progress. Thank you for your time.
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Feb 2, 2012 Rubbish_Transcriber commented on Fight Flyer With Flyer.
IDA: Have you met any nice boys in the salon?

GATOR: They're all pretty nice.

IDA: I mean any nice queer boys. Do you fool with any of them?

GATOR: Aunt Ida, you know I dig women.

IDA: Aww, don't tell me that.

GATOR: Christ, let's not go through this again.

IDA: All those beauticians and you don't have any boy dates?

GATOR: I don't want any boy dates.

IDA: Oh honey, I"d be so happy if you'd [???]

GATOR: No way, I'm straight, I mean I like a lot of queers, but I don't dig their equipment, you know? I like women.

IDA: But you could change. Queers are just better. I'd be so proud if you was a fag, and had a nice beautician boyfriend. I'd never have to worry.

GATOR: There aint nothing to worry about.

IDA: I worry that you'll work in an office, have children, celebrate wedding anniversaries - the world of the heterosexual is a sick and boring life.

GATOR: Sometimes I think you're fucking crazy. I'm real happy, just the way I am.

IDA: Oh, let me bleach your hair. Let's go down the Wagon Wheel Bar. I know there's some nice boys there for you.

GATOR: You are fucking nuts Aunt Ida. I gotta get to work. Don't you worry about me, sex ain't no problem. See you after my last wash and set.

IDA: OK honey. Bye.
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Feb 2, 2012 Rubbish_Transcriber commented on Savage Love Episode 276.
TRANSCRIPT CONTINUES FROM @52:

MALE CALLER: Hi Dan. I'm a straight, 24 year old male and I've got one for you. I was in a meeting with new colleagues at a theatre up here in Oregon and we were discussing - it was kind of a team building / ensemble building meeting - and we were talking about ways to bridge conversations and start conversations about class and gender and race and sexuality. Well I brought up that as a homosexual man, I don't think about sexuality as much as I think about gender and race because those are things that we can see. Of course I'm not a homosexual man, I'm a heterosexual man. I misspoke, and didn't realise it until the meeting was over.and I was in rehearsal later that day. And so I thought about it and I was wondering - you know - should I call people, should I tell people, should I let people know on a need to know basis -

IRA: Pause it a second. So wait. He's saying he needed to come out as straight to his co-workers?

DAN: Yeah. He accidentally came out as gay, and now he needs to walk that back [Ira laughs] How often does that happen that a straight guy misspeaks and says he's a homosexual?

IRA: In a group setting, with people who then he ever sees again

DAN: That he sees all the time, who are all in the theatre, and then he has to walk this back.

IRA: Wow. And also, he's actually working in a setting where heterosexual is lower status.

DAN: [Dan laughs] Where they are the oppressed minority group in the theatre.

IRA: That's exactly right. That's exactly right.

DAN: Where he's very likely to be straight bashed if he should try to walk this back and come out as a heterosexual now. [Ira laughs] So let's hear his question.

MALE CALLER: - [??] this morning, and so I wanted to know, just some advice from you. It's already become kind of an issue - a couple of people have contacted me to see if I'm interested in participating in LGBT theatre and while I am, I feel the need to tell them now I misspoke. I don't know if I should nip this in the bud or tell people as they come to me and contact me.

DAN: This is pathetic. This call is pathetic. [Ira laughs] Only a straight guy who worked in the theatre would be wringing his hands about this and wondering what to do - and even be hesitating at all. He's so terrified of -

IRA: You're saying that if he were any other straight man except for one in the theatre he would simply come out and tell people -

DAN: He'd go "oh! wait shit, fuck, what?" The minute someone said 'You want to go to the gay bar later - we're going to go, like, suck some penises' he'd have been like 'wait, what, what? I'm totally straight. I misspoke', but he's like worried about how coming out as straight is going to be received by his colleagues who've identified him as one of the queers in the company.

IRA: Yeah, yeah.

DAN: It's charming. It's very sweet. These are new model straight guys who would even think about this for a moment.

IRA: I think what he has to do is pretty clear. I feel like he has two obvious choices, and one is he has to start banging some actress in the company [Dan laughs] and because it's a theatre company everyone will know within an hour after it happens, and that'll kind of put everyone's mind -

DAN: And that will elevate him to bisexual, but how does he get all the way back to heterosexual [Ira laughs]

IRA: Yeah that is the problem. Well to do that he has to try the second strategy, and from watching Glee I understand that in a theatre setting, if you want to get this across he has to do it in song [Dan laughs]

DAN: Yeah - cos there's nothing straighter than bursting into song. [Ira laughs]

IRA: I'm just saying, and so he needs to either put together some sort of sketch or something, or a song, or somehow create a setting where in a theatrical way he can let everybody know. You know those embarrassing things that you say without realising that you say -

DAN: What would that number be? Anything off the top of your head? You're gay right? You should be able to have some [Dan snaps his fingers] You've dealt with this problem once or twice in your life - you've ever been in an environment where people assumed you're gay -

IRA: I have been, I know, I know, online, online there was a period -

DAN: Your Manhunt profile - people are always assuming you're gay when they find your Manhunt profile, right?.

IRA: Exactly, no, no, there was a period online when I got married and kind of the word of it spread, there was, there was a whole, there was a period where we would get emails and then I would see online like - "why does Ira Glass like pretend this beard thing? why does he pretend, like why does he go through the facade of pretending to be straight" and I remember one especially, it was like "who is this wife character.." [Dan laughs] "..that Ira Glass refers to - who is this 'wife' character?"

DAN: [Laughing] Like it was a performance art piece. Would you like to -

IRA: Come out as straight?

DAN: No, no - wait, Anaheed exists?

IRA: Exactly.

DAN: I've met Anaheed, I assumed she was an actress hired for the occasion. So this guy should just say that he's straight. As a straight guy - straight guy to straight guy, tell this -

IRA: Yeah, man up bro. Man up. Man up; And I feel like you're in an environment where people say the wrong thing and it's embarrassing and it should turn into, like a very humorous - this is your good humorous story of like "Oh my god I said something dumb and then didn't realise it and now I'm trapped" and this is a good story to tell at, like, a cocktail party, and all he has to do is get drunk with one person and confide in them.

DAN: He could be the only guy in America with a "I'm not straight but my girlfriend is" t-shirt. [Ira laughs]. Right, we've all seen the "I"m not gay but my boyfriend is"? - he can make an "I'm not straight but my girlfriend is".

IRA: That would be a good way to do it too.

[COMMERCIAL FOR EXTREMERESTRAINTS.COM REPEATS]
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Feb 2, 2012 Rubbish_Transcriber commented on Savage Love Episode 276.
Thanks so much MarleyBarley. MarleyBarley is a very competent transcriber, so I'm adopting the much better format. Here's the next call:

[TRANSCRIPT CONTINUES FROM 50]

FEMALE CALLER: Hey Dan, I'm a 20 year old in a semi serious relationship that I've been in for a few months and I just kinda want to know your personal etiquette on farting in a relationship. I personally fart a lot more than the average person and they're not particularly pleasant, and I've kept it from my boyfriend for a while, but I fart in my sleep, and it worries me so much that I actually get no sleep when he stays over and he stays over kind of a lot, and it's just kind of become a problem that I would like to solve, and I just kind of want to get a feel for how you feel about that, because I feel like it's a problem that a lot of people face, but it's kind of taboo, so no one really talks about it, and I know it's not a very sexy question but I think it's real.

DAN: OK, this is where it gets real, Ira. Farts.

IRA: I have literally never had a conversation with anyone about this. Or heard one.

DAN: I think you should do an episode about it.

IRA: This is actually something you can't put on the radio.

DAN: You can't put a fart on the radio? You can't say 'fart' on the radio?

IRA: You can't put scatalogical content. No, [literally ??] this is unbroadcastable

DAN: You are kidding

IRA: No

DAN: An anal baby rape joke is broadcastable

IRA: Well, one that you'd have to be sort of awake to, it's sort of like I think if you cared about, if you care to be offended about that joke about your boyfriend being too loose you probably wouldn't get it or it would just go right past you, [Dan laughing] so like that would slip by you in the cover of night.

DAN: Alright, so we can do this on the podcast but we can't do this on the radio.

IRA: Thank god for the internet

DAN: Yeah, that's what the internet's for. Porn and fart jokes. So what should this person do? What would your advice be? When do you start farting in front of somebody? I think that's when you know it's love, like as soon as you're comfortable enough to -

IRA: - to fart. I think that, like my rule of thumb, and I've never talked about this out loud, would be - farting in a bed with somebody else seems gross, but farting in your sleep - like she's worried about farting in her sleep - I feel like you totally get a pass on that. [Dan laughs] Like I can't believe - because you totally can't control it. You totally have like a total cover. So -

DAN: She does, and she can make a dutch oven with that cover. You can take a pass on any of these questions, I just wanted to like, throw you off the Savage Lovecast deep end of like gross, weird, scatalogical questions, because any one you don't want to answer you can just say.

IRA: Oh no, no I"m here to talk. [Dan laughs] I feel like I don't have good advice, because this is one, like I am too uptight to give good advice for, I feel like - so what's your advice?

DAN: My advice would be first of all to look at your diet, like if you have terrible gas all the time, maybe you have a gluten intolerance or something - maybe you need to shake it up - not that you shouldn't fart

IRA: Oh, you're saying get rid of the gas, you're trying to -

DAN: Minimise the gas

IRA: You're trying to medicinize this problem -

DAN: No I'm not trying to pathologize this poor woman - girls can fart, guys can fart, everybody farts - there's a book - 'Everybody Farts' right? But you know, if it's that noxious that she's so self conscious about it and it goes on all the time and it's terrible - maybe there's a diet thing.

IRA: There's a medication called GasEx and there are knock-offs that aren't the name brand that we have to get for our dog [both laugh] - not because he farts but because the gas builds up in his stomach and he can't sleep, and so then he keeps us awake, so for us to sleep we have to buy the dog this over the counter prescription, so in my local pharmacy I'm constantly buying these boxes - we give him three pills a day and I feel so like - this lady thinks I have such a farting problem.

DAN: Gawker hasn't picked up on this yet? They haven't turned you in - the pharmacist?

IRA: No. [Laughing] So -

DAN: So she might want to try GasEx.

IRA: There you go, this medication -

DAN: But you have a pass in your sleep.

IRA: But I feel like by medicinizing this question you yourself are bypassing the like - when do you cross the farting barrier in a relationship - like when do you -

DAN: 12 weeks.

IRA: 12 weeks?

DAN: 12 weeks. Three months in.

IRA: So like the calendar page turns and then - but isn't it the sort of thing where whoever farts first -

DAN: Farts loudest [Lots of giggling ensues] Let's do the next one.

IRA: I just want to say that whoever supplied this question -

DAN: It's a real problem

IRA: It's a real problem - I agree, but wait, I feel like we haven't given her any practical advice on what is she supposed to do now.

DAN: I don't remember what her question was.

IRA: Her question is -

DAN: I wasn't even interested in her question - I just wanted to hit you with a fart question right off the top - to see you you'd react.

IRA: Where is the caring? Somebody comes to you for advice, and you just use -

DAN: I don't care

IRA: You just use her as a bludgeon to hit me

DAN: That's the thing, I really don't care about these people and their problems - if I cared about their problems I wouldn't broadcast their questions - you know, if somebody sends you a letter and you put it in the column, that's not caring.

IRA: Wow, you have such a, such a... Wow, I'm surprised. Cos you seem -

DAN: You're not there to help - you're there to entertain, and sometimes the help is collateral, but the help happens, but you know, I get letters every day from people who have a problem, this very serious problem, but I answered a similar question two weeks ago so I can't use it - and I go like digging through the email for a question I haven't answered in a while, or ever.

IRA: Right. So you can't care about that.

DAN: You can't care about that, and you have to have, sort of a, like

IRA: You only can care about the person listening.

DAN: Right. Who's the column for? The one idiot with the problem or the -

IRA: Or the three idiots listening.

DAN: Or the three idiots listening. [Both laughing] Thank you for that. Here we go!

[SECOND CALLER]
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Feb 2, 2012 Rubbish_Transcriber commented on SL Letter of the Day: Glasstastic Podcast.
@ 33, @34 you are wonderful. I'm going to email you.
Feb 2, 2012 Rubbish_Transcriber commented on SL Letter of the Day: Glasstastic Podcast.
@25 Hey MarleyBarley - thank you so much - it's an hour long so yes, if you felt like having a go that would be just great. Unless you'd like to, I wouldn't worry about the Word Blurs - they're so short that I don't think much is lost in them - I think it's mostly Ira repeating the same word or two while his lovely brain spins.

If you felt like carrying on from where I left off - it's around the 7 / 8 minute mark - that would be fabulous. Just do whatever you can do - anything at all would be great - and post it and then I'll pick it up again - I finish work around noon Seattle time and I'll be able to have another go. Thanks again MarleyBarley.

Also, I'm going to email Dan about this. Maybe we can find a way to get this done regularly.