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May 14, 2015 sexymnmom commented on SL Letter of the Day: Vengeful Ex.
Why does every couple have to stay friends after breaking up? I am friends with some ex's but not everyone. If someone is that lacking of boundaries and that you cannot feel safe around then they are not a friend. Maybe there should be another acronym. DTMFTRA Dump the Mother F.... Then Run Away
Jan 30, 2015 sexymnmom commented on SL Letter of the Day: Betrayal and Ball Ache.
What a mess. I think Dan told him to DTMF because no matter if the second child was an accident or on purpose, this man HATES his wife. My husband has suffered from chronic pain before and it changed his personality. He was more irritable, more self centered, and just more of a jerk. Pain that never goes away is exhausting and for a partner so to blow it off is cruel. She may just be so overwhelmed from taking care of two little kids. We don't know the actual facts or conversations. However, no children should ever be exposed to this level of hatred, blaming, and rage in their home. For Dan, the keep the marriage together for the children, to recommend a divorce this quickly means he can also see the red flashing alarm lights in the letter. Please LW go to several more doctors and move out. Try to be a good dad to both children and I hope your life gets better. If you are still so angry, then the true issue is you.
Aug 6, 2014 sexymnmom commented on SL Letter of the Day: This Cheater Will Never Stop Cheating.
You have already screwed your kids up. You need to chose; your children or your "love".

You spent more time talking about his cheating than about the fact that the father of your children doesn't support them, take them to the park, or help raise two innocent babies. I don't know if you have mental health issues or just never got out of the high school dating scene but this is not normal and you are screwing up your kids every single day. Adults take care of their responsibilities and actually want to be with their kids. Your family thinks that you are an idiot and are tired of cleaning up your mess. They see the uncertainty in your kids eyes when you walk out the door. They see the kids clinging to their toys when their home life keeps changing. Your kids know that you love him more than them. If I was your mother or sister, I would take custody away from you until you finally grow the fuck up.

Sometimes people can act addicted to someone. Go to a therapist, move out of state, or go to a 12 step group. Just stop saying that this is killing you is more drama. If you need help, sign yourself in for a 72 hold in a mental health facility. You probably will get some medication to help you get to a good place to make decisions. Either way isn't 12 years of this crap enough? Put your kids first.
Mar 3, 2014 sexymnmom commented on SL Letter of the Day: Honestly Open And Unbearable or Dishonestly Open And Functional?.
Look cuckold, I agree with you that from what you write, that she owes you. But the reality is that she will NEVER allow it. See, when she has an affair, it is because she was "drunk" or "made a mistake" etc. That means, in her mind, she isn't really guilty because she never premeditated it. This is a really common action in small town or religious communities that teach young people that sex is dirty and bad. So if they never plan on having the affair, it just sorta happened and that means it wasn't really their fault.

You want honesty and she CAN'T do that. So here is your real choices: She continues to cheat whenever she feels like it and you shut up and welcome her home without anger or retaliation. Or, you get a divorce. Now that sounds scary but let me tell you some real scary shit. You both are playing this sexual fight in front of your children. Ya, I know, you don't deal with it with them in the room. It doesn't matter, cuckold, they know. Regardless of how good at lying she is, you probably stink at it. I would bet my lunch money that you can think of at least 5 times you called her a slut or whore with your children in the house. Sure, they were in bed and children never hear shouting or fighting....

Grow up and deal with the reality. The two of you are teaching your kids that marriage is a horrible trap and that people don't have to treat their spouse with love or even respect. Would you let some man treat your daughter the way you are treating their mom? Would you want your son to have the same nightmare of a life that you have? Well guess what, this is what you are teaching your kids on a daily basis. Kids repeat what they see and learn. You have given it a good fight and even tried therapy. Your marriage as you visualize it is dead. You can't fix it when the issue isn't yours and she isn't willing to do anything. So man up and do the hard deed because she has proven she can't deal with reality.

Oh and don't keep this all a secret because she has already told everyone you both know, that you cheated on your innocent wife. Fight for your kids and teach them to live a honest, real life. She will make the divorce a nightmare and you a bad guy. I say this as a devoted feminist, and social worker, that you have no idea what you wife has been hiding from you. She has proven willing to risk your personal health, her kids' emotional and monetary lives, and her own safety to get a thrill. You don't know who she really is. But she has proven to be a better lier and manipulator hasn't she?
Dec 7, 2013 sexymnmom commented on The Homeschool Apostates.
Thanks for sharing this information. I want to state upfront that I homeschooled my son for two years. However, I am about as agnostic as it comes and my goal was to prevent giving my son heavy stimulants at age 6 to deal with his out of control ADHD and other issues. So I have some actual experience in this area.
I was impressed actually with how many activities and classes are set up for homeschoolers here in MN. My son took classes at zoos, science museums, art museums, YMCA's, and much more. Now I only taught elementary school so I felt more than capable of teaching multiplication and reading. But I soon learned that there were really many different types of homeschoolers.
The two I saw the most were: middle class highly educated families who chose homeschooling because they couldn't afford private schools and the families who wanted to protect their kids from "the world". This wasn't always religious families. I could understand both ideals in moderation.
The group that scared me the most were those Quiverfull families. They really believed that they know best about Everything! Picture 19 Kids and Counting type of families. However, I didn't see too much physical punishment as much as I saw complete squashing of individuality and a focus on obedience. Their kids are very, very well behaved. As a social worker, I can tell you about how families that see their children as property will see no issue with abuse. This is a belief that transcends religious belief. However, even normal people who believe that it is in their child's "best interest" to be taught obedience can cross acceptable limits. Religion and peer pressure can make horrific things seem like the best thing to do. A lot of the religious homeschooler families really do not teach science and have little understanding (in my experience only) of basic child development. If their child is doing fine, it is all good. If their child is a late bed wetter, a poor learner, or naturally overactive - pray for that poor kid. Now that is not all or even most of the homeschoolers. In my experience homeschoolers tend to be very loving families. However, in the religious homeschooling community, there is more support for physical punishment, extreme restrictions, and other punishments than there is in most other communities. This is also a group that self isolates and already feels persecuted. They fear government interference and teach their kids that talking about problems is a betrayal of the family.
My son only had to pass one huge assessment test each year and I had to have a college degree. That is all the regulation that I had to deal with. I actually miss homeschooling as it was fun and I really got to see my son becoming an individual. If I had issues, however, I had no support, no resources, and no one overseeing my decisions. When my son decided he wanted to go back to school, he scored off the charts on everything. I don't regret the sacrifices I made to ensure my son became the healthy, self confident young man he is. But if I had just let him watch videos and read Harry Potter it would have been just as legal.
Nov 7, 2013 sexymnmom commented on Savage Love.
I just wanted to add another parent of experience voice to Childless H. I have two kids and we travel internationally every year. Both of my kids were on airplanes before a year old and loved it. They have climbed pyramids, swam in three oceans, and hunted for howler monkeys in rain forests. I am very lucky that my kids are great travelers but we as a family, value travel more than a new car or a perfect lawn. You cannot pick a good time to have a kid because there isn't one. Becoming a parent is a gamble. Now I have two preteens and they are amazing people. They understand how lucky we are to live in America and can discuss global politics as well as Minecraft worlds. Just because you have children, an alien doesn't suck out your personality and replace it with a suburban soccer mom. Oh, I do recommend soccer though. Go to any city around the world and a kid with a soccer ball makes friends.
Feb 8, 2012 sexymnmom commented on Savage Love.
I would like to take this time to apologize for MN letting Santorum anywhere near Washington. MN has a caucus system that is just plain exclusive and only draws true believers. I don’t know any Republicans that actually went and I know a lot of politically minded individuals. My Republican friends don’t feel enough passion for anyone to spend 4+ hours on a weeknight; except the anti-abortion crowd.

We may be the state that elected Bachman and are actually voting on banning gay marriage soon (so embarrassing), but most of us are well educated, common sense, hard workers who believe in the American dream. More women vote in MN than men so Santorum with his 1512 beliefs about birth control and gays will never win. Also, MN hasn’t voted Republican for president since Reagan’s first term. But thanks, Republican party for making sure that Obama will definitely get his 2nd term to finish what he started, now that he is finally standing his ground.
Sep 9, 2011 sexymnmom commented on We Can Win This One.
Hey as a MN let me tell you that this piece of garbage got passed was an embarrassment to most of the state. Maybe you didn't know, but our battling state couldn't pass our state budget but managed to get this done. Enough with the "defense of marriage" concept, how about the defense of jobs, defense of affordable health care, defense of safe bridges, defense of fully funding our educational system? MN has always been a hallmark of education and fairness and in the last 8 years of Governor Pawlenty we have become broke, stupider, and meaner. This amendment will not pass!!! Well except in Washington County with all of the crazy Bachman supporters. Jesus, those people are hardcore!

Check out this article about even some Republicans publicly stood up and stated that this bill was wrong…
Sep 7, 2011 sexymnmom commented on SL Letter of the Day: Post-Traumatic Sex In Order.
As a child survivor of a family much like the letter writer, let me tell you that DTMF is not an easy choice. A mom with a couple of kids and no money and no support is not going to leave a guy just because he is a jerk. My mom finally left my "loving step dad" when he started beating on us kids. We were homeless, broke, couch hopping with 4 kids, and had to deal with even more crazy shit than before for over a year. That said, I respect my mom for finally taking charge of our life and trying to make our life better. A lot of people hide from the mess they created by drinking and drugging it away which just makes it worse. This situation is why education is so important for women. Money doesn't make you happy but it does give you choices.

Letter writer, you deserve happiness and great sex. First, clean up your mess and then fuck anyone and everyone you want. Just keep it away from the kids.
Jul 21, 2011 sexymnmom joined My Stranger Face