The guys who were bad in bed were the ones who somehow had the idea that they were supposed to be sweet and sympathetic and adore me and not objectify me. They treated me like I was going to break if they touched me, and when they touched me, they'd check if touching me was okay even as I was gasping and sighing. If anything, they'd hear a gasp or sigh and check that I was alright because they seemed sure, deep down, that they were hurting me. It was like the were convinced that sex was wrong, their own desire was wrong, and they'd heard so much about feminism, well who knows what they thought.
Are we talking about men who where born in the 1960's, came of age in the 1970's, and who are now in their early fifties? Because I recognize this mindset. It's more or less what made me a sexual failure in my first (and only) relationship, decades ago. The thinking is something like: sex is wrong, unless
the man does his utmost best to make sure that it is good for the woman. So a man should not follow his own desire, but ask the woman what she wants and make sure that she is okay with what he is doing. Otherwise, he is behaving like a Neanderthal, like the men from previous generations.