Gamebird
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3:35 PM yesterday Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Current BF and the Ex-Intern.
I suggest LW trust her instincts and get out. She brought up her concerns and he acted like they were ridiculous. Also, the number of times she deprecated her jealousy or 'owned it' in her letter was weird. She keeps saying the jealousy is irrational, then she describes perfectly good reasons to feel insecure and jealous.
11:43 AM yesterday Gamebird commented on Savage Love.
I'm with DonnyKlicious - Anon seems super invested in making excuses for this guy. Do you really want to spend your time with a guy you have to make excuses for?
Dec 1 Gamebird commented on Jesus Saves....
That's kind of like how Jesus hates people who get amputations or have incurable conditions. He 'saves' plenty of people who come down with diseases that are often misdiagnosed or have a potential for remission, but folks unlucky enough to lose a leg will never see any divine grace restoring their ability to walk.
Nov 29 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Live In Nope.
It's definitely not a man-splaining thing, because here he is trying to tell Dan that Dan didn't provide a thorough enough answer for his liking.

Does this guy not realize how much of a pain in the ass he is? I'm tired of him already and I don't even know him!
Nov 29 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Done Dumped Me Wrong.
@17 and 18 - You rock. That's everything I wanted to say, but better.
Nov 10 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Her Husband Voted For Trump (She Thinks) And She Wants Out.
Doesn't sound fake to me at all. The guy sounds like a combination of my dad and my ex. What she describes, along with the mental processes at work for her, are very real to me.

What helped me was a friend convincing me to visit a divorce lawyer not to get a divorce, but simply to learn my options. I went for a free consultation and left with a plan for him to be served papers and me to borrow money from my parents for the attorney's retainer. She really needs to check with an attorney before getting too carried away. Some states have some really fucked up laws that would punish her (decrease his payments or reduce her chances of retaining meaningful custody of the kids) for moving out or separating (or not separating) finances as the court desires. Also, if she moves out, he will control the family paperwork (account numbers, birth certificates, etc.) which can completely stop the progress of the divorce if he doesn't cooperate in producing said documents for the court. And the court might not punish him for obstructing the divorce. My ex did it for nearly two years and the judge was simply, 'another continuance!' every time, refusing to assess any penalty for him not bringing documents or doing what was required to finalize the divorce. The only reason the divorce was ever granted (my ex told me straight out that he was going to make the process as long and expensive as possible) was because I was the breadwinner for the family and I cut him off from all finances. Eventually he ran out of money and couldn't borrow any more from his friends, and the only route to getting any was accepting the ridiculously equitable division of assets.

So:
1) Meet with a divorce attorney. Maybe several.
2) Get together all the documentation you need. Build a plan.
3) Assemble your support team - parents, siblings, friends, etc. Let them know what the plan is.
4) Have him served with papers and begin the separation process.
5) Keep yourself safe and sane. Realize it's possible that you will lose your kids, your savings, and your ability to generate your previous level of income through this process. You will gain your freedom and your sanity. It might not seem like it right now, but it's worth it. You're worth it.
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Nov 9 Gamebird commented on Savage Love.
There are enough people in the world not named Aaron, Erin, Aron or some homophone of it that the name rule isn't that tough to follow. I wonder if your resistance to it is the corollary to the brown M&M rule - that you'd buck up in the face of any restriction to your freedom, no matter how trivial. So suck it up, be mature about it, and follow the rule as the price of admission for the Erin you're currently with. (Though it wouldn't hurt to have another talk about it just to be absolutely sure she understands your feelings on the matter.)
Oct 20 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Post-Marital Counseling.
I recall trying to sit my husband down and tell him that the marriage wasn't working for me, and that he either had to address my concerns and make things worthwhile to me or else I was going to file for divorce. He dismissively told me there was nothing to discuss and walked out. I sat there in the empty room thinking about that. Within the month, he was flabbergasted to be served with divorce papers. His surprise was the most confusing thing of all.
Oct 18 Gamebird commented on Savage Love.
Dump Trump and his supporters, too. Fuck him over at the polls, but nowhere else.
Oct 18 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Cheaters Club.
Anyone who tries to force you into a rapid decision on something like this needs to be cut from the decision-making process. In this case, that would mean ending any remaining 'monogamy' of the relationship and splitting up. You can always get back together later if you, after careful consideration and perhaps talking to the therapist about this, think that's best. But I'd bet my bottom dollar that if you break up with her now, she won't be interested in getting back together with you later on your terms. There's a power dynamic going on here with her trying to rush you to a decision.