Jan 5, 2012 kc2127 commented on SL Letter of the Day: Monogamish Week, Day 2.
In response to ankylosaur's b) question- if you are in an honestly non-monogamous situation and your partner asks if they're better in bed than your non-primary outside-relationship partners the loving thing to do is assure them that they are, regardless of the truth! =] Unless there's something you did outside the relationship that you really want to do with your partner and haven't previously discussed, in the spirit of GGG openness.
Jan 5, 2012 kc2127 commented on SL Letter of the Day: Monogamish Week, Day 2.
Difficult, very difficult to go with CPOS or not here. I appreciate Dan's point, and on some level I think more middle aged women who experience libido problems should be given a break instead of feeling like bad wives (it's common enough and not just experienced by women close to menopause, those hormonal changes develop over several years, and I wouldn't be surprised if this wife's libido left and came back for those purely biological reasons). However, if it were me I would never trust my husband again, and I would have wanted to know. But, I have friends who have been cheated on and wish they didn't have to know, and I think that's fair too. What would have completely exonerated this husband for me is if he at least tried to discuss non-monogamy, and he doesn't say he did that. Perhaps his wife never would accept it, but I agree with other commenters that it's hard to believe she didn't at least wonder what was going on.
Sep 15, 2011 kc2127 commented on Savage Love.
Long-time reader, I also think your advice is mostly spot on, but don't go telling the 16 year old girl she's not a virgin anymore. As Dan has often suggested our society's obsession with virginity status is based on antiquated Puritan BS and doesn't even apply well to gay people or just people who get off on different sexual scenarios. If you've got serous BDSM tendencies do you lose your virginity when you just have vanilla sex (and what kind of sex? does only vaginal intercourse apply?) or when you BDSM play for the first time, regardless of whether or not intercourse occurred? I know BDSMers who would argue for the second. Questions like that are endless, about people of all sexual varieties, and pointless. NCWTD should take the risks of STIs and pregnancy seriously, but she should not spend a bunch of time guilting herself over her virginity status, as many 16 year old girls will when they're told they're no longer virgins. Do you still feel like a virgin NCWTD? Well then you are, according to you, and that's the only opinion in this case that matters.
Sep 15, 2011 kc2127 commented on Savage Love.
also want to chime in with others and agree that #134 is right on the money w the foot fetishist and I almost feel like that usual Dan-advice paragraph was accidentally deleted from his response or something...Dan always tends to agree, starting sexual activity of any kind in front of family is inconsiderate, rude, and just plain out disrespectful to your family.
Sep 15, 2011 kc2127 commented on Savage Love.
I don't even want to get near the whole, should the guy have a say about whether she gets abortion question because that is so freaking fraught...I don't even know. It's a really hard question for everyone though, dear 16 year old, as the comments here show so read what everyone says, think about it, and do what feels most right for you.
In terms of the "probing" question, I do think there's something else to be said that hasn't been mentioned. Probing is such a tease, as several commenters note, but some women really, really enjoy the opening of the vagina being stimulated, it's pretty sensitive and can feel awesome, and some men really, really enjoy just the tips of their cocks being stimulated. Now, it's certainly highly likely that your lame bf is just trying to pressure you into having sex NCWTD, and you should as Dan advises, stand up for yourself there. But, it's possible he also just enjoys the stimulation probing provides, and perhaps you're feeling a little guilty about it too because you enjoy it too. Let's just say, I was in a very similar situation in high school (26 now & I'm female) and my bf was not an asshole and we had talked lots about losing our virginity to each other and when we wanted that to happen. But he kept jumping the gun and probing and well, when we finally talked about that we realized he was irresponsibly doing it and I was irresponsibly not stopping him because it just felt really, really good for both of us. But you know what is largely harmless? Him probing you gently around that opening area with his fingers and/or tongue (try tongue, wooowee it's awesome), and you playing with just sucking on the tip of his cock (best starting when he's completely/mostly soft as in my experience most guys' heads are too sensitive when they're rock hard to take focused stimulation on just the tip). It's easy for both of you and fun and as long as he's not probing you with fingers that have recently touched his pre-cum/cum (wash w hot water and soap & problem fixed!) there's no risk of pregnancy. There is still a risk of STIs so be careful about that though! Get yourselves both tested and stay monogamous if you want to keep playing bare-back, or learn to use condoms/barriers now, your later partners will thank you.
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Sep 15, 2011 kc2127 joined My Stranger Face
Sep 15, 2011 kc2127 commented on Eating Pussy Harder than Sucking Cock.
There are too many straight guys throwing the vote here! As a bi-ish girl (I like sex w both but only want to be in relationships w men) I unequivocally think sucking cock is more physically demanding. Sure, it depends vastly on the girl/guy in question--there are certainly guys and girls that take 45mins--but the actual arm/mouth muscle worked involved is much more taxing if you're doing it the way most guys like it, with one hand & mouth on cock & one hand on balls/taint/up butt. You're complaining about bending over and falling off the bed whoever wrote this question?? Do you know how hard it is to give a blow job to a guy laying down? Imagine what you're doing while also pumping one arm up & down? You know how tired your arms get in missionary sex? Now imagine that with one arm doing all the work, your back killing you (because it's impossible to lay flat like one can while eating pussy) and with the same level of coordination in terms of hand & tongue placement/movements required. And we haven't even gotten to deep throating & gag reflexes, things that would never even come up when pussy eating! It's no contest.
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