DAVIDinKENAI
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Feb 7 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Only Rich White Homos Care About Marriage Equality—Still With This Shit?.
Straight ally here. Circa 2000, with domestic-partner bills in the news and full marriage equality seemingly a generation or more away, I (wrongly) thought that housing rights, employment rights, etc, were the better place to focus effort and funds. Because everyone - married, partnered, or single - needs housing and employment, but - HEY! - national marriage equality was doable before those other rights. And just as MA in 2004 resulted in CA (briefly) and CT in 2008, VT in 2009, NH and DC in 2010, etc, I suspect and strongly hope that marriage equality will lead to those other human rights being nationally recognized, eventually.

The sky isn't going to fall, the Second Coming isn't going to happen, and bigoted wedding-cake bakers will dry up and blow away in the next decade. Another generation of haters will die and another generation of youth will wonder "Why the fuck was this ever an issue?!?" and (more importantly and more quickly) family, friends and co-workers of gays will continue to come around. Trump and the Rs will take the country so completely off the rails that they'll lose in 2020 (and hopefully lose the Senate in 2018), and then progress can be made again, as it was on other progressive fronts post-Nixon/Watergate.

The other thing I was wrong about (or had too much optimism about) was integration of the military. At times, it looked like that was going to happen - full, open integration - but we only got DADT until recently. I'd thought, akin to racial integration of the Armed Forces after WWII, living and dying together (openly) would have paved the way for more human rights in civilian life. Instead, it was marriage equality that lead the charge and is showing the reasonable people in the middle (I know some haters are still going to hate) that a bigger tent doesn't decrease rights for anyone already inside.
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Feb 3 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Wedding Party.
"with the plan to have a big proper reception" No credit unless you sent the invites. If they sent the invites first, it's "their day". Likewise if they sent their "hold the date" email before you sent yours. All the other days of the summer - those can be yours. Or you can ask them if they mind if you do your reception on a different day that same weekend.

"big proper reception/party. . . We can't afford to go back east more than once a year"

That doesn't add up. I just checked DEN to ATL, EWR, BOS, and MCO for June 2017, and the RT fares are $250 to $375. Versus a "big proper reception"?!? 100 people? 150? With the venue, caterer, drinks, entertainment at $80 to $200 per person? The only way you can afford a reception but not a weekend trip to your brother's wedding is if the reception is for 30 people at Chuck E. Cheese while the airfare is First Class the other way around (over Asia and Europe).

The whole compliant boils down to "we're going to have to share the spotlight with them" even if the events are 2 months apart. So Dan's response nails it.

Oh, and if you got married in December, she's your wife already, so why call her your girlfriend?
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Jan 30 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Fishing For Sympathy.
@1 a little too extreme and the insistence that there's absolutely no way to reduce the drama. When obviously there are lots of ways to reduce the drama and conflict (er, just don't go to family events if your family is fucking crazy?).

@2 the LW isn't the theoretical transwoman taking/keeping herself hostage. So jumping to the Occam's Razor conclusion doesn't risk pushing an (unlikely) actual victim over the edge.

Is the catfisher in a bad scenario? Needy and attention-seeking, yeah. But I imagine various sorts of internet trolls as bored people (mostly men), with enough emotional skills (or repeated practice) to wrap people around their finger, but without the empathy to regret putting well-meaning people through the wringer. Mini-Trumps, if you will. Wait, no, they're Apprentice Trumps!

I have no ctrl-alt-del key strokes on my laptop to get them out into the real world nor employed/engaged 40 hours a week so they get human contact in a positive way.

"Make the Internet a Better Place - Take a Troll to Lunch." would make a decent bumper sticker, but isn't actionably IRL.
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Jan 28 DAVIDinKENAI commented on SL Letter of the Day: One and Done?.
Jeez. Step away for a day and everyone gets upset at a slightly snarky quip (my own @5).

1) Like virgin births and Trump's soul, GGG cards don't actually exist.
2) If they did, you get to print your own.
3) Revoking it is between you and your current partner.
4) I hate lists.
5) And irony.

Pissing on a partner isn't a big deal. Unless it is. The LW doesn't describe it as a big deal nor that it leaves her curled up in the fetal position. Only that there's nothing in it for her.

*nothing in it for her*

That is the epitome of non-GGG to me - when you don't do something because there's nothing in it for you. Even when your partner wants it. She "offered to do something he secretly wanted to try". Then when he opens up and asks for what he wants, she shuts him down because there's no benefit for her (nor any downside either, that she mentions. And LWs ALWAYS mentions the downsides if they exist).
Jan 27 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She's Wonderful! She's Perfect! (But I'd Like Bigger Boobs...).
Agreed, that's how I took it. Dan doesn't like Terry leaving mayonnaise on the counter. If changing that trait of Terry's is a requirement, it doesn't work. If it is a preference of Dan's (or he can reframe it as such), then Dan can decide to pay that POA.

And then, once you decide to pay that POA, you STFU about it.

Except in podcasts and videos seen by millions.
Jan 27 DAVIDinKENAI commented on SL Letter of the Day: One and Done?.
Her GGG card is hereby revoked (not that she likely ever earned one).

She only "can't imagine liking it" and mentions no distaste or traumatic feelings associated with the act. Relationships (and life) are full of tasks which in and of themselves, hold nothing for you. Doing the partner's laundry at times, going to a movie they really want to see, holding the door for someone else, etc.

Is she that shallow and self-centered? Unlikely if she's following some faggot's sex-advice column. So I suspect she's (over)reacting to fears of the "slippery slope" - that sex with him will become nothing but golden showers.

We all like to be considered sexy and mostly in conventional ways. That he likes her boobs, her curves, her smile, her pussy; that all works for her - she feels sexy as a result. That she might become simply the bladder that provides the piss that gets him off could be dehumanizing AND de-objectifying in a negative way at the same time.

So I can see non-DTMFA reasons she might fear this piss play. But she's also supposed to be "in good working order" and should examine her own shit enough to set those fears aside and give it a go. If it's not everything he hoped for, there'll be no encore requests and she's, er, golden. If he becomes a piss-crazed sex fiend, well, cross that bridge when you come to it.

And, yeah, @3: drink 6 glasses of water or have 3 beers earlier that evening and then it's just a bunch of warm water.

Oh, and avoid having any asparagus that day.
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Jan 27 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She's Wonderful! She's Perfect! (But I'd Like Bigger Boobs...).
NoCute @105: "there are preferences and there are requirements and the "price of admission" can and should only apply to preferences."

Yeah, that.

Far more concise than what I wrote.
Jan 27 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She's Wonderful! She's Perfect! (But I'd Like Bigger Boobs...).
@100: for the sake of discussion, okay, not this LW, but some theoretical "breast man" who otherwise loves what his small-breasted partner has to offer and she's thrilled with 0.83 of what he offers.

I'm having trouble imagining a relationship where both partners could be so darn sure it's such a promising LTR that she should get elective surgery and then everything would be fine. We keep hearing and seeing demonstrated how important sexual compatibility is and why that should be confirmed BEFORE you invite 160 of your closest friends, rent a church, and hire a caterer.

I mean, they'd only be in that situation because her small (or large) breasts weren't his thing, indicating their sex life wasn't cutting it for him. And yet, based on his preferred breast size, they'd roll the dice that sexual attraction would increase AND LAST(!) once she's got some scars, likely reduced sensation, and a new bra size.

I don't see how the end game works out. If he's so hard-wired to want what he wants, what about the truism that "With age, everything gets bigger, hairier and closer to the ground."? Will she go under the knife every decade to deal with wrinkles and sagging, or will he remain satisfied with 750 cc in each breast even as they age? If he inherited a bunch of real estate, had a TV show, and was willing to use immigrant labor, sure, he could keep trading them in on younger models, but that gets too expensive for most folks.

Stepping way the hell back and looking at it from her perspective, since all relationships end at some point (through break-up or death), is she going to go from a B to a D for guy#1 and then from a D to a more athletic-looking A for guy#2 and then get a nose job for guy#3?
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Jan 27 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She's Wonderful! She's Perfect! (But I'd Like Bigger Boobs...).
BiDanFan@80, NoCute@83&84, tachycardia@93: I read a lot of comments (79 of them) before I got to your posts that touch on, for me (a straight guy) the most attractive thing about breasts: They are erogenous zones (for NoCute more than anyone I've been with). That they react to my light touch, kiss, firm grasp, licking, or pressure on the nipple ("your mileage may vary, individual results may differ") is so much more important than their size or shape. My own nipples are slightly "wired" (I think that is the term) and licks or modest moist pressure is pleasurable, especially as I get more aroused. Isn't it a gift, as a lover, to offer a more target-rich environment?

Visually, yeah, breasts are sexually appealing. Small ones. Medium ones. As are other curves, a come-hither smile, pussy (to reclaim a word), and enough unshaven bits that you don't look like a leukemia patient. But "responsive breasts/nipples" is much, much higher on my imaginary checklist than "B-cup" or "you could put an eye out with those things".
Jan 26 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Only Lesbian in the Village.
>"Okay, a Unitarian church may be a eye-rollable idea in your town. "

Our small, lay-led UU fellowship in our small, rural, very red Alaskan town had many liberal professionals, some young adults, multiple sympathetic parents of lesbians and gays and one actual lesbian in her 20s. It had been founded by a middle-aged lesbian working at one of our local non-profits.

UU is about as liberal, progressive and un-Jesus-y as it gets ("When is Jesus mentioned in a Unitarian church? When the janitor falls down the stairs."), but if there's not one around, then UCC congregations likewise attract those who seek a message of loving inclusion without any fire and brimstone.