DAVIDinKENAI
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Mar 20 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: You Heard It Here First, Cousin.
>fred2 @32 "The problem with cousin marriage comes not, however, with the first generation, but repeated generations of intermarriage. . . ."

Yeah. Where I'm supposed to have 64 ancestors, I've only got 63. And it just gets worse from there on back. On that 200-person island so far off the Norwegian coast that they speak their own dialect, and there are clearly not enough different genes to go around. Striped pigment in the irises and various other quirks are very common. But maybe hard lives spent farming and fishing culled more hemophiliacs, etc, than in royal families?

Mar 20 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: You Heard It Here First, Cousin.
BDF @25, "Anyone else puzzled by what a "sexual but with no sex" relationship constitutes?"

I took that to mean she's flirtatious during the dry spells. While her libido may wane (more likely, her libido for HIM wanes), she likes the attention of her lap dog.

This is clearly not working for him - he wants more. (The straight-ish!, FWB!, non-exclusive!) LW is getting on a moral high horse about a little cousin-pegging because it lets him vent his jealousy and also his "frustration" (really hurt) about the long dry spells.
Mar 13 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Trump Killed His Wife's Libido.
Don't have any kids until you get the sex / not-much-sex thing sorted out.

If less than once-a-week sex is bugging you now, how are you going to feel when it diminishes even more? And then 22 years from now as you send the last child off to college and it's down to a single, reluctant hand job on your birthday each year, will you finally feel empowered to get a divorce and find a partner with a similar libido?

Because how ever much the idiot relatives may be stressing her out now, the lack of sleep, midnight feedings and the constant needs of young children are going to be MUCH more demanding.
Mar 7 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Should I Warn My Mom's New Girlfriend About My Mom?.
@7 "70 is not elderly"
Sometimes, no.
But it was for Reagan and Trump. Therefore for all of us.
Mar 1 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Italian Teen's Girlfriend Comes Out & Dumps Him. Now What?.
The rest of us who've had LDRs with 20-year-old Swedish women would feel lucky to be told she's a lesbian. Instead of, you know, a 43-year-old from Cincinnati living in his mother's basement.
Feb 27 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Longest SLLOTD Ever Posted.
Three crazy people who love to have drama are having drama (the other husband is possibly sane). So I DON'T want this woman to work on her shit. I want these people to stay wrapped around each other's axles for as long as possible and save everyone else in the dating world some craziness, stalking, and needless drama.

EX: congrats, you saved $140 on a therapy session.
Dan: don't make an exception on letter length again. And stalking is stalking, not "stalkerish" - if a guy pulled that crap, you'd call him out on it.

Feb 23 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Reader Advice Round-up.
+1 on the "you don't need your husband's permission to end your marriage"

There can be a dynamic inside of well-off women's heads that they're not victims of domestic violence / emotional abuse because they don't match the mental image of "white-trash / trailer-park" abuse victims. And there's the gilded cage aspect, too: The nice house in the nice neighborhood and sending the kids to good schools and colleges only seems possible within the marriage. To some extent, perhaps. But to a large extent, a divorce settlement may leave the kids' schooling unchanged. YMMV, talk to an attorney. It certainly would model Mom standing up for herself which is important for both sons and daughters to see.

I'd suggest attending some classes at a women's shelter so she sees the abusive patterns within her marriage in a harsher, truer light. And/or get some references and suggestions for books and bloggers who speak to middle / upper-middle-class abuse victims.
Feb 22 DAVIDinKENAI commented on CHS: Developers Are Going to Tear Down the QFC on 15th!.
Dan, you write like someone who has lived in NYC or SF or Europe for a while - oh, yeah, you have. The clues? Understanding that you need enough population density and local foot traffic to support local stores, which create more local foot traffic and more local stores and pretty soon you don't need a car - you don't even WANT a car, because from public transit to your apartment is just a few blocks and there's a grocery store, laundry, hardware store, bakery, florist and a few restaurants along that route.

Urban acreage is FAR better used for first-floor retail with 2-3 stories of housing above, than for parking lots so people can drive in from elsewhere.

Businesses: house your customers - then they're an income stream through their rents AND their shopping. Housing their cars in hopes of them shopping with you is an expense.
Feb 20 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Ex-Mormon Wants to Come Out as Poly to Mormon Family.
The parallel I'd ask the LW to see is between himself - the newly "converted" polyamorous partner - and those who have newly converted to LSD or any other church. New converts are the most fervent in their new beliefs and heart-felt in how fabulous their lives now are, compared to a short time ago. They aren't the most nuanced or balanced views about their new church nor are they particularly sophisticated in rolling it out to others. This is glaringly obvious when you engage door-knocking Witnesses who tend to be new converts versus Mormon missionaries who, while young, are life-long church members and had a lot of trading beforehand.

Point being: 12 months isn't very long to have been poly and to take on the task of explaining it to a potentially hostile, high-stakes audience. A year or two from now, your own understanding and knowledge of being poly will be much greater, your outside-the-marriage relationships will seem less flash-in-the-pan to your relatives, and some of the new-convert-fervor you feel now will be diminished which actually makes you a better representative: to not be such an over-the-top advocate of what you are, understandably, so excited about right now.
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Feb 15 DAVIDinKENAI commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Why Is My Gay Son Hooking Up With a Girl?.
@15: Yeah, that was the startling bit to me. AFAIK, Dan's never mentioned getting anyone pregnant. I'm a bit too old to have been reading/listening to him for half my life, but I have been reading/listening to him for half of HIS life.