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Oct 28, 2015 misspiggy commented on SL Letter of the Day: Does Nothing For Her.
If a lady finds oral ticklish, a much firmer touch is probably needed (biting can be fun), and she's probably very sensitive, so focusing on the outside of the vulva is better until she demands you move inward.
Oct 23, 2015 misspiggy commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Same Time Next Queer.
This isn't even a 'my wife won't have sex with me any more, can I cheat?' thing. The LW'S wife is offering sex of a kind, but not with attraction. And the LW should have decided before they got married whether that was acceptable. The only ethical options are to negotiate an open/DADT relationship, or to break up, while getting legal advice to protect one's financial interests.
Oct 15, 2015 misspiggy commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Un-Enchanted Evening.
Great advice seandr @7. I wouldn't be 28 again for anything.
Oct 14, 2015 misspiggy commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Column A and Column B.
Minus the dental stuff, this could have been me at various points. But he takes my concerns seriously and works on improvements, putting himself through stuff that is very tough for him. He would hopefully say the same about me (disability means there are some pretty grim things about living with me). Sometimes improvements have taken years, but we're both upfront about why changes are a challenge, without dismissing the other's concerns. So resentment hasn't been allowed to build to the possibly terminal levels experienced by the LW.

I wonder if some people are misled by myths that your lover should accept you as you are, and that you should feel safe to be fully yourself in your own home? A previous boyfriend was rather like that. I guess you need self-confidence to recognise the difference between someone trying to change your impact on their wellbeing, and trying to change who you are.

Oct 2, 2015 misspiggy commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Does a Lesbian Bridesmaid Have to Suck Dick?.
@51 Didn't say everyone hates them - the fact they still happen suggests many people value uncomfortable rituals. Some stag/hen nights are all about humiliating the bride/groom; the ones I've been involved with have been a shared deal. Depends on one's particular subculture I guess.

But either way, if you say you're opting out of a ritual because it's not enjoyable, you've dropped a social clanger because the ritual isn't primarily intended to be enjoyable. It's like, I don't know, saying you're going to drop team swimming practice the week before the big competition, because you don't like sore muscles. Side-eye would ensue.
Oct 2, 2015 misspiggy commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Does a Lesbian Bridesmaid Have to Suck Dick?.
Declining the party invitation so openly was not a good move, especially as the LW doesn't know the rest of the group that well. The accepted strategy is to go to the dinner and avoid the party but lie about the reason. Either decline the party on the basis of a neutral excuse like 'got to study that night!', or come down with a headache at the dinner. If you get hassle after that, the MOH is out of line, but if you say 'I'm not into your silly penis based humour', you broke the social rules and you are now in a difficult social position.

Hen nights/bachelorette parties are not supposed to be sexy, and no one is going because they think it's a comfortable way to spend the evening. Any anthropologist will tell you they play a very different function, all about breaking taboos and so on. For one person to say out loud that they're declining because the activities are embarrassing and a little disgusting breaks an unspoken rule. It's going to be embarrassing and a little disgusting for everybody, and the women involved are putting themselves through this as a gesture of solidarity with the bride.
Sep 16, 2015 misspiggy commented on Savage Love.
BiDanFan @16: the exact same thing happened to me recently!
Sep 9, 2015 misspiggy commented on Savage Love.
Wish the lady garden thing was that simple when various chronic health issues kick in, particularly when doctors won't provide the right treatment because you don't fit the profile for x condition. Which is just to say that sometimes Dan's generally helpful categories don't fit, and then it's a price of admission situation.
Aug 27, 2015 misspiggy commented on Rachel Lark Talks "Warm, Bloody, and Tender," Period Sex, and How I Wound Up Smeared With Blood In Her New Music Video.
@5 - if you're a Pill-taking person, try the newer breed of progesterone only pills. In the UK the brand is Cerazette. No period at all in most cases, 12 hour window to take them in, just as effective as the others, and far less chance of thrombosis.
Aug 13, 2015 misspiggy commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Wetting Zinger.
If the LW is worried about dumping his or her boyfriend because nobody else would want to be with a bedwetter, s/he is so wrong. There are plenty of men out there who can see past surface issues like that and will want to be with someone on the basis of who they are. When I think about what my husband has to put up with it on the physical front it amazes me, but here we are 15 years later.