auntie grizelda
report this user
Jul 25 auntie grizelda commented on Savage Love.
I am NOT lying face down in the gutter, taking illegal drugs, robbing or stealing, or threatening myself or anyone else.
Jul 25 auntie grizelda commented on Savage Love.
@99 nocutename, Part II: All my immediately surrounding neighbors on my floor have moved out of my building, without saying goodbye. Maybe I can't relate o them, either, and it was time for them to move on, for whatever reason. I have periods of depression, lack of focus, irritability, and social detachment that come and go in waves. Often, when the world gets too overwhelming--as it is now, especially, I go sit in my beloved little comfortingly familiar car, wonderful automotive company, letting everything else go by. I meditate, read funnies and horoscopes, and this helps me to collect myself and better plan the course of our day. Short breaks are good, too, to local parks. And of course, playing, writing, and practicing music, or watching favorite films.
The Serenity Prayer often comes in handy, too.
Despite all this, why does so much around me, my VW, piano, flute consort, computers, et. al. feel so weird and out of control? Am I losing control of myself?
Jul 25 auntie grizelda commented on Savage Love.
@99 nocutename: I'd like to try EMDR (so it's a form of jogging one's memory to find out the source of the trauma, and what triggers the reactions / anxiety attacks?). I do have a Dept of Vocational Rehab orientation downtown tomorrow morning, and I have two VA reps who have my back on my VA disability compensation claim. It's now at the mercy of the VA's decision, but I believe my local VA advocate will appeal the decision if it's denied.
I no longer utilize the local veterans center--the guys who run it are selective in the veterans and service members that go through them for benefits and counseling. Their attitude (to me) is 'Get over it, you big baby--go to the Yellow Pages and call anybody you like'. Well, there are certain circumstances I can't get over, from 25 years back: sexual harassment on the job, unfair misproportioning of the daily workload, the added stress of being under wartime conditions where security heightened to every third car being searched, long hours, endless work with the feeling of no relief in sight, and isolation from friends and family in a toxic, life-threatening relationship with an abusive fellow service member---all of which pushed me to the point of suicidal ideation from difficulty to efficiently be able to do my job, nine months after an advancement in rank. It's mortifying for me to see this on my service records, but there they were and are, for an ugly year long period before there was finally a shift for the better in personnel and working conditions weren't so hostile (though I was still in the unhealthy relationship). My honorable separation at the end of my enlistment remains proof that I was otherwise exemplary in my clerical duties.
My father and uncle, among male relatives, were lucky as servicemen and veterans---they never had male chauvinism obstructing their career paths, military or otherwise, nor were they ever viewed as a prime cut of meat--or like a cow for not resembling a fashion model.
To this day I avoid watching any film about the Navy SEALs, or related theme or plot line, such as A Few Good Men or G.I. Jane, and instead prefer to view the sweet side of where I once served---the film location of Some Like it Hot, and where I shared good memories with my parents when they came down to visit.
Jul 25 auntie grizelda commented on Savage Love.
@97: *sigh* Make that ..."hope to have my rent / utilities situation taken care of for next month by this week." But I guess you all know what I meant.
@91 LavaGirl: I'd love for you to email me at, and get your feedback on my composed music and current projects. Bless you for your interest, many thanks, big hugs, and VW beeps.
Jul 25 auntie grizelda commented on Savage Love.
@88 vennominon and @95 nocutename: Lisa Kudrow and I share the same birthday; she's a year my senior. Lisa as Michelle Weinberger and Moira as Romy White from Sagebrush High in Tuscon are two party girls into fashion and are a total hoot at their 10-year reunion.
I now want to see The Opposite of Sex and Happy Endings.
@95 nocutename: I am apparently freaking my surrounding neighbors into moving out. Is something like what I'm experiencing normal? I have flashbacks to a time in which I was on a strongly macho-male dominated base where women were novelties, only serving as staff support, and viewed in two categories: trophy sluts and cows. It often felt very much like Guantanamo Bay, Cuba as in A Few Good Men (1992, directed by Rob Reiner, starring Tom Cruise, Jack Nicholson, Demi Moore, and Kevin Pollack).
I am seeking therapy / counseling, hope to catch up with some dear friends this week, and have my rent / utilities situation taken for next month by this week.
Jul 24 auntie grizelda commented on Savage Love.
@86, Part II: ....and I do plan on wearing my leonine leopard spots at this upcoming Saturday's dinner out. ROAR!
I have to let a lot out these days...
Jul 24 auntie grizelda commented on Savage Love.
@72 vennominon: I did enjoy The Breakfast Club (my own DVD copy on my Mac at home).
Music, my beloved Love Beetle, and being a cat slave keeps me healthy and sane. Back to computer entries on my 30-part orchestral score of movement I. of my second symphony in loving memory of both my beloved parents tonight.
My upcoming birthday movie lineup, in reference to the actual day:
1. What's Up, Doc? (1972, Peter Bogdonovich, starring Barbra Streisand and Ryan O'Neal)
2. Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion (1996, David Mirkin, starring Moira Sorvino, Lisa Kudrow, Janeane Garafalo, and Alan Cumming ) I really do need someone like Heather Mooney to tell a bunch of naysayers I've had to deal with to fuck off.
@79 nocutename: Thank you so much, too, for your kind support. What is EMDR therapy? I would be interested in learning more about it. I have an appointment next week about state vocational rehab orientation, currently waiting on the VA for disability comp status, and just trying to get and keep myself active musically. I know it's a tough market out there, but... I never expected a million dollars overnight! Just to support myself, keep composing and performing and follow my passion. It's comforting hearing from you and others.
I have veterans counselors here in my hometown that currently have my back (and have seen my service records from my U.S. Navy days, and are saying "oh, yeah--you have a valid case, all right"), so this is encouraging. I'll keep you, Dan, and everybody posted on what I find out.
Jul 23 auntie grizelda commented on Savage Love.
Just my dumb luck this week---I got Petered!!
Jul 23 auntie grizelda commented on Savage Love.
@68 LavaGirl: Hey, Lava--! Great to hear from you. Yeahhhhh---I am dealing with PTSD issues from active military service years of way back when that have snuck up and bit me hard on the ass like a tornado wreaking havoc on an otherwise clear blue sky. The flashbacks are ugly, and I'm seeking (hopefully local) counseling through the VA. I had another crying spell this morning.
Music, my blessed little VW, and cats calm, cheer, and keep me sane. I have been sight reading new music by contemporary Swiss composer, Ernest Bloch (b. 1956) for flute and piano, Suite Modale, and have lovingly returned to the Jazz Suite for Flute and Piano (c.1975) by Claude Bolling for Jean-Pierre Rampal. May music never die, and when it's time for my beloveds and me, we all go peacefully together. Earphones---good idea! I'm at least wearing ear plugs.

You're absolutely right---the political atmosphere is indeed, a mad house. Hopefully the world doesn't end up in a hellhole.
I'm ready for Emilio, Judd Nelson (as John Bender), Anthony Michael Hall, Molly Ringwald and Ally Sheedy in detention, and more moving images of Brad Pitt on a road trip and in a cheap motel room with Geena Davis while Susan Sarandon and Michael Madsen are sorting things out.
Poor Sydney and Heidi--I'll bet they had to get scrubbed and sanitized pretty heavily after having to wade through all that noxious shit in Cleveland!
Jul 22 auntie grizelda commented on Savage Love.
@57 vennominon: Thank you for the spelling correction---Emilio Estevez it is, and duly noted. My typing fingers (I never took typing in high school--my bust) are truly showing their age. Luckily, my piano and flute playing fingers are still doing pretty well.
Griz, for her own health, sanity, and self-preservation purposes, is considering putting the purchase of a daily newspaper (But I LIVE for the funnies, puzzles, and the horoscopes!) to an end (at least until elections are over), due to the painfully high volume of current political warfare.
Flo------!! Where the fuck ARE you?