Jan 4, 2013 Beguine commented on Purity Culture Is Rape Culture.
@14: I am sure ig you asked 99% of people involved in purity culture if non-virgins should be raped, they'd say 'of course not." But as a woman who left the purity culture pointed out on her blog, the hyper-focus on complete sexual purity shifts the focus from sex being consensual to sex being allowed (ie: within the bonds of matrimony). Under this system, rape is seen as just another sexual sin, in the same category as entirely consensual and loving (but non-married) hanky-panky, or even just sexy thoughts at the extremes.. Additionally, purity culture commonly also emphasizes that women shouldn "tempt" men by dressing in what they have decided is an 'immodest" wayt, which makes the woman responsible for the man's emotions and actions.

Tl;dr Purity culture can be the basis for rape culture, even if individual people wearing purity rings aren't running around screaming "rape the sluts!":
Nov 29, 2012 Beguine commented on What Does a Good Girl Do?.
Are we supposed to also class the "doesn't report date rape because she decides it must be her fault" and "puts up with street harassment with a smile like a good girl" as 'benign silly little fantasies', 47, or have you decided I'm allowed to be offended by those ones? The thing is, you're treating good girl gina like something showing up on, I dunno, whatever the modern equivalent of penthouse forums are (does x-tube have forums?), but as 45 has pointed out, Reddit is not a porn site or a Storm-front like backwater for misogynists, it's one of the most important sites on the internet. And this meme is filed under advice, not twilight-for-menz. And the advice for men is pictured with a regular looking guy grinning like he's having great time doing things that make him a (sometimes over the top) decent person. The woman version is pictured with a model giving an I'm-smiling-to-be-attractive smile doing things that, as you correctly identify, make her a submissive sex-fantasy. Let me repeat that: this is presented, not as a sexy wish-fulfillment fantasy, but as how actual women should behave if they want credit for being 'good'. Men should not call people out for forgetting their names and should give you beer if they pirate your wifi. Men should be decent people. Women should...cook and give blowjobs. And should warn you before hand that there's no way they're going to have sex with you so you don't waste your time pretending to find them interesting conversationalists. And not mind so much if they're sexually harassed. Women shouldn't be people who behave decently, they should be obedient fantasies that provide comfort on demand and literally disappear when they can't provide those things (ie-just leave for 4 days when they're on their period). You really don't see why that's problematic?
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Nov 28, 2012 Beguine commented on Savage Love.
I think Dan's mostly right about poly being more a thing you do than a thing you are, and I've never heard of a poly bashing. However, there is one thing that polyamory has more in common with LGBT than BDSM and that's the question of legal recognition of relationships (I don't think any of the sane people into BDSM would argue that a slave contract is something that should be legally binding for real instead of something you could walk away from if you chose). For people who are poly with primary and secondary partners, the current system works just fine. However, for more balanced arrangements, there's only one person that gets the health insurance and visitation rights. I think legal acknowledgement of poly relationships could be potentially more complex than acknowledging same sex relationships, and given the genuine danger of the exploitation of young women by fundamentalists from traditionally polygamous religions, perhaps more problematic, but I can see facing the choice of deciding which of your equally loved male partners gets to come to your hospital beds should you get sick and feeling like you're in somewhat of the same boat as someone who's gay.
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Nov 11, 2012 Beguine commented on Sunday Morning News.
If these tweeters were in the work force or even in college, I'd be fine with it. Freedom of speech does not preclude responsibility for your speech. However, they're still dumb adolescents.. Maybe contacting the school administraters and telling them that some unnamed students who had been traced to their school had made racist comments would have been appropriate, so that the school could maybe address the issue with the student body as a whole, but this seems a bit far.
Aug 25, 2012 Beguine commented on Dream of the Fisherwoman's Husband.
@10- I don't know where you work, but where I work nekkid women making out with cephalopods are also considered NSFW.
Aug 4, 2012 Beguine commented on The Saturday Morning News.
@39: Why should they have to clamor publicly for respect in the first place? What does their health have to do with whether or not they deserve respect? I'm in health care, and believe me I'm aware that we're getting more type II diabetes, for example, in much younger patients. BUT I think all my patients deserve my respect, not just the ones that acquired their disease through morally sanctioned channels. My point was that there's a difference between the health risks of obesity and the cultural factors that come into play in regards to publicly acceptable bullying of fat people. You want to talk about doing something about increasing obesity and obesity related diseases? Let's talk about increasing high quality food in poor areas, incentivizing exercise and employer support for time to exercise, mandatory calorie postings in restaurants and encouraging restaurants and food producers to cut back on preportioned sizes. Let's talk about the cheap low quality high calorie crap that goes into publicly funded school lunches. Let's talk about what structures and approaches support and incentivize long-term dietary changes. Let's talk about studies to figure out which interventions work, and which don't. In other words, let's talk about this like an actual public health crisis and not an affront to puritanical values. You want to sniff at other people and say 'well, I just don't think they're trying to be HEALTHY," and you're just looking for an excuse to feel better about yourself by looking down on someone else.
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Aug 4, 2012 Beguine commented on The Saturday Morning News.
@6: We can distinguish between not healthy and not okay. Adults are allowed to take risks with their own health, and sometimes circumstances force them to do so. It's important that everyone has access to healthy, nutriant dense food and a way to get regular aerobic and stength-training exercise. It's also important to make sure that people are aware of, for example, how many calories they're consuming vs. how many need and how much they should be exercising.

Judgement and cruelty, however, are counter-productive. Weight gain shouldn't be treated as some sort of moral failing. First off, you don't know why the person is overweight; you can't tell by looking if it's a medication side effect, or if they don't have easy access to healthy food, or if they're horribly clinically depressed, or if they've successfully adopted a healthier life style and lost some but not all of the extra weight. Even if it's simply a result of unhealthy eating habits, as others have pointed out there's plent of unhealthy habits that don't show so easily (including a poor diet if you happen to have a fast metabolism), and people shouldn't get a pass on sneering at people because of how they look in a bathing suit under the pretense of lecturing them about their health.
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Aug 3, 2012 Beguine commented on Pro-Pit-Bull Activists Win!.
@7: In particular I would be surprised to see a male activist being told he's 'too old and ugly' to be politically active, though some of the other comments might have been levied against a man in her shoes. I agree that the internet breeds vitriol in general, but I do think people seem to think they have permission to let their id do the typing even more when the target is a woman.
Aug 3, 2012 Beguine commented on SL Letter of the Day: 50 Shades of Grey Syndrome.
It sounds like you guy really need to work on your emotional dynamics now that the stress of high intensity child-rearing is over. The resentment of your wife just OOZED out of your letter (she's manipulative, crazy emotional, etc.). Considering the comments you mention from her about you being a perv or the complaint that you don't measure up to an erotic fantasy character, I'm guessing that's a two way street. You didn't have a single positive thing to say about her or the relationship. Maybe this letter was written in the heat of the moment, but if it reflects how you really feel about each other than you have a problem that extends beyond your sexual connection. You may still love each other, but if you like each other I couldn't tell from what you wrote.

In parallel to the relationship counseling and figuring out what you want from each other sexually, I'd work on finding non-sexual activities you enjoy together (travel? cooking or dining out? sporting events or concerts?) and renewing that side of your bond as well. Basically, you need to start dating/hanging out for fun again. It's going to be a lot easier to navigate figuring out the terms on which you're going to interact sexually if you're each negotiating with a friend rather than the bitter enemy you've tolerated for the last twenty years.
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Jul 17, 2012 Beguine commented on Every Child Deserves a Mother and a Father.
@15: Actually, studies say kids from lesbian households do best of all in terms of emotional stability, etc. If we're trying to send kids to ideal households, we should favor those that have doubled down on the mommies over those who have mix and match genitalia. Besides, how does keeping kids with parents like these seem better than letting them be legally adopted by someone like Terry and Dan? The fact is, there are more kids than there are stable loving homes full stop, leaving aside only recognizing families with two parents of the opposite sex. Would you really say these opposite sex parents deserve more legal recognition as a family than a loving gay couple who provide a stable home for their children, or that it would be better for this girl to go back to her psycho stepmom and dad rather than being placed with a lesbian couple with who are raising other happy, well adjusted kids?