The Max
Columbia, SC
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I am a graduate student at the University of South Carolina, studying children's literature I… more »

The Max is crewing up a fast ship with stout mates, preparing our venture to bring down an evil named Gold the Butchie. Hoist high the Black Flag and let our battle cry, "Blemange!" echo throughout the lands. Arr.
Jan 31, 2014 The Max commented on A Morning Message from Mormons.
Personally, if Porn = Nazis and Sexual Naïveté = America, it's too late for me. I've already spanked too many (hypothetical) Jews into soap. Just hang me high. But let me change into my Batman costume first.
Jan 31, 2014 The Max commented on A Morning Message from Mormons.
If we convert George Romney to Gay, will that make Shitty Mitt cease to exist?
Jan 13, 2014 The Max commented on Did You Convert to Christianity This Weekend Because of That Asshole Tweet Sent Out By That Asshole Mark Driscoll?.
I tend to keep the fact that I actually have a somewhat limited direct line to Jesus Need to Know. This seems like a good time to drop His name. I brought up Tulip Theory a while back and He told me that there's a lot to it. Salvation is a gift. It's generally impossible for most people to earn it or buy it. It's also difficult to cast it away. You have to refuse it repeatedly through increasingly harsh thoughts, words, and deeds. There are very few for whom such regular rebuff is functionally possible. Where Calvin and his descendants get it wrong is that it's very hard to fail to get into heaven. Almost everyone eventually gives up and accepts it. Myself, a few hundred years or so from now, I'm looking forward to getting together with Martin and Ghandi and seeing if Jerry Falwell can be coaxed out of his magnificent mansion where he's holed up all alone.
Jan 1, 2014 The Max commented on Resolutions?.
Get back in fighting shape.
Dec 18, 2013 The Max commented on Good Grief and Great Tits.
The detail that most disturbed/resonated most clearly with me was Sarah's buying her Todd a rifle as an act of "civil disobedience." Unless I'm very wrong, she purchased the rifle legally in defiance of the outrage inspired by the Sandy Hook Massacre. In order to commit an act of civil disobedience, you must break the law. That's what it means. Being so blissfully unaware of the meaning of such a key term is prima facia evidence of being unfit for public office.
Dec 5, 2013 The Max commented on Even Comets Die.
It's so sad when a comet just doesn't care any more and feels the need to traumatize the whole solar system to end its suffering. Poor comet. I weep for it and for its friends and family.
Dec 5, 2013 The Max commented on Today's Purebreds.
Holds true in humans too. Case in point: The Royal House of Windsor.
Dec 5, 2013 The Max commented on Lunchtime Quickie: Do Not Watch This Japanese Ad for Car Tires.
Meh. I regularly find scarier things in my pants.
Dec 2, 2013 The Max commented on Gimme Your Fucking Clothes!.
Fucking love that fucking checkerboard onesie! Now I know what my Costume for my Supervillainous identity of Mr. Whiskers will look like!
Nov 26, 2013 The Max commented on The Hobby Lobby/Obamacare Battle Over Birth Control Is Going to the Supreme Court.
While I truly hate to wish for the death of a fellow human being, I just can't let go of the hope that one of the Hard-Core Gang of Four will choke on a cherry pit over the Thanksgiving holidays.