Eva Hopkins
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I'm a writer & artist with experience in the comic book industry I'm also a… more »

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Feb 10 Eva Hopkins commented on Savage Love.
LW #2 - SUB - looks like Dan & others above already gave you great advice: of special note is Mr. Vennominon's saying that you met a bully with appeasement. Take that advice, & don't do that again. If you give someone control over your actions - & not in the hot subbie way, but in the manipulating you with their emotions, way - then that pattern will continue. If ze contacts you again with zir trauma & threats of exposure, do exactly what Dan said. Make sure your conversation with them has a witness / witnesses, & be perfectly clear that the consensual activities that you & your BF indulge in are none of zir damn business. If ze is as freaked out by checking out someone else's Tumblr, then ze shouldn't be online unsupervised &/or shouldn't go looking up things that ze knows will upset them.

The bit about ze being involved with campus queer politics has me concerned that if this isn't handled pronto, ze will use zir position in those groups to cause trouble for you / your BF. Mebbe your BF wouldn't be upset by being further outed, or whatever; ze might then feel the need to contact your/his teachers, roommates, parents, etc. I could be wrong, just, that stripe of drama sounds familiar to me.

Because I'm cynical, my first thought about this situation was that ze had the hots for either you or your kinky bi sweetie, SUB, & that their nosing around & subsequent alleged triggering was zir way of trying to cause trouble between you two. (Oh whoops, Mr. Ven already wondered the same thing! Not surprised.)

Best of luck.

(PS: I've missed you, Sloggers..!)
Nov 12, 2015 Eva Hopkins commented on Models to Feel Bad For.
@32 & @34 - right on.
Jul 23, 2015 Eva Hopkins commented on Glasgow's Alt Pride Celebration Bans Drag Acts.
"I wouldn't wanna be in a feminist group that didn't excluded transwomen. They're women. *second shrug, it's a shruggy night* "

EDIT: This should of course say: "I wouldn't wanna be in a feminist group that excluded transwomen. They're women. *second shrug, it's a shruggy night*

Late-night typing after a long day, woo-hoo..!
Jul 23, 2015 Eva Hopkins commented on Glasgow's Alt Pride Celebration Bans Drag Acts.
A real woman = someone who identifies as & lives as a woman. Sometimes they're born women, & there's a baggage & set of experiences that come with being a woman from birth that is sometimes difficult for someone who hasn't lived that to fully empathize with, I feel.


I don't think biologically born women are "more" a woman, or a more "real" woman than trans women. *shrug* The difference is probably important to people looking for a date, who wanna date a woman. People feel how they feel, they're attracted to who they're attracted to. As long as nobody's lying to / hurting anyone, that's all fine.

Gender's a spectrum, though, & some of us are at different places than others on that line.

Aside from the qualifier of potential dating interest for those for whom that's an issue, someone's gender is their business. I use general pronouns if I can't tell, & those of how someone's dressed if that's the only method of differentiation.

I wouldn't wanna be in a feminist group that didn't excluded transwomen. They're women. *second shrug, it's a shruggy night*

One can speculate about why music festival ended. But it was the passion project of a lone person, that grew to something much larger, & she chose not to hand it off to anyone. Only she knows for sure why she chose to let it end.

..but I'm just an "angry bisexual", what do I know..? ;)

Jun 27, 2015 Eva Hopkins commented on White House Lights Up for Pride.
In 1986 I was in high school & being told that AIDS was a gay disease; that it was "Anally Injected Death Syndrome". It was also the first time I was called a dyke, & I had just left my church because of their reaction to a huge influx of gay congregants (spoiler: people freaked out)..yeah. I didn't know the fight for LGBTQ (back then it was just "L" & G" though) equality would affect me personally but I figured that out soon after.

& all these years..& all those articls written, marches marched, parades attended, donations given & activism..acted up..:) - here we are. There's still miles to go before we sleep, but how 'bout them apples..?
Apr 18, 2015 Eva Hopkins commented on SPONSORED CONTENT: A Note to Our Readers.
Are these actually sponsored content? Are we being trolled? I never, EVER thought I'd agree w/ raindrop. About anything. But yeah..this isn't a print paper. Are things so bad as Stranger HQ there has to be ads right in w/ the actual content?
Mar 9, 2015 Eva Hopkins commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Little Unfulfilled.
D'oh, I've re-read Dan's advice & it's a rare case of, I 100% agree w/ him, not just mostly. :D
Mar 9, 2015 Eva Hopkins commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Little Unfulfilled.
I mostly agree w/ Mr. Dan, FFF/LW. the point about one person not being able to be everything to someone else is huge, & I wish more romantic comedies, love songs, etc, didn't emphasize "one & only" as much as "I love you best". We get different needs met by different people in our lives. Doesn't make our partner less important. :)

I understand why you'd be nervous, FFF, because frequently when someone throws something out there like they've had an "interest" in poly relationships, or S & M, or feet or (fill in the blank w/ fetish here) they'll say it as a curiosity, or that they read it in Dan's column, & what does their partner think? If the partner is like: ewwww, no; then they back off. If the partner is like: O RLY? - then it might be game on to try it. Perhaps your partner thinks that because you've been a little kinky, you're willing to be more kinky, & is testing your waters in a similar way. Maybe it's a little telling that he waited until after you moved in the raise this idea.

If you deep-down suspect he's going to want a poly situation & you *never* will, maybe bringing it up sooner rather than later is a good idea. But if you aren't sure & he never brings it up again, maybe you're just having moving-in cold feet.

How you feel about this at two years might be different than how you feel about it in five years, also.
Mar 5, 2015 Eva Hopkins commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Money Woes and Massive Dildos.
@4, the obvious follow-through from @3 would be, if the LW's SO takes the bag *with him*, he's likely to be using those toys w/ someone else (NOT his SO). Think about it..if you're going traveling for the weekend, & it's a solo trip, & you're bringing a toy to keep yourself busy? You pack - a- favorite toy, not your whole arsenal. (Arse-enal. *Snickering because I am 12.)

I'm kinda w/ @2, though. This might be just a rough patch for the LW & his LT BF, but it might not. 5 years has been the make it or break it moment for a couple of my LT relationships, so I might be biased. But don't let fear of being alone keep you in a relationship past its expiration date.
Mar 3, 2015 Eva Hopkins commented on Jimmy Kimmel's Awesome Vaccine PSA.
Aside from the dig/shaming at Jenny McCarthy's formerly gettin' nekkid, this was so spot on it hurts. & I know where that comes from..rage that somehow celebrity gives a non-medically-trained person's opinion an outsize weight, & does people harm. About time some star on the side of reason spoke up. Thanks, Jimmy!