Corydon
Arizona
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Jan 5 Corydon commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Trump Supporters Want Invite To Their Gay Wedding.
My advice comes with the assumption that the invitees all genuinely want to celebrate your marriage with you. If they're only coming to tell you you're going to hell (hopefully in a lovely and tasteful handbasket) then they got no business being there.

Having said that: There is one very important statement that you can make here that helps spread LGBT equality. That is, that a marriage, yes even a same-sex marriage, is not a political event. That what you are doing is entirely and completely normal (which it is).

That means that neither Clinton nor Trump are invited to the party. The wedding is about you two. Not Republicans or Democrats or whatever.

And part of any normal wedding that doesn't involve eloping off to the JP is that the entire family gets involved. Yes even the crazy ones. Yes, even the relatives no-one likes. You're marrying this guy, you get his family as part of the bargain. That's what marriage is.

So be gracious. Invite everyone you would invite as if you knew nothing of their politics. Start off your marriage on a note of generosity and desire for everyone to come together.

Snubbing people right off the bat will only lead to further conflict down the line. That may be inevitable depending on the personalities involved, but the grievance machine should not start with you.

For all of the above reasons, I don't think you should turn your wedding into a political fundraiser either. Like I said, this is about you and your husband-to-be. Let your wedding be a celebration of that.
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Jan 4 Corydon commented on The Big Secret I've Been Keeping from My Skater Bro Friends.
@10 There's a certain amount of this that's internal to the guy who's working through coming out. I'm of the opinion that coming out will always have at least some anxiety simply because by definition, you aren't conforming to social norms. Then there's also the "Velvet Rage" hypothesis that states that you're initial experience of sexuality is almost always going to be based on rejection, simply because of the overwhelming likelihood that your first crush will be straight.

Looking back on my own experiences, I think the biggest thing that helped me out was not being first. Once I saw someone else come out and be met with acceptance, it made it much easier for me to do the same. Which puts more of the onus on the rest of us LGBT people, which is fine with me. I kind of like looking after our own :)

I know a lot of the derogatory terminology often comes up in these discussions. I'm not going to say that I wouldn't mind seeing words like "fag" or "gay" or "dyke" or "trannie" used in a derogatory sense go away, but ultimately I don't think policing the vocabulary is as important to helping people come out. Words frequently have multiple meanings, and shades of meanings. Human beings are pretty good at ferreting out the intent

I will use the word "straight" as a synonym for "gay"="bad" just to tweak my straight friends who may use it unthinkingly, but unless it's used with malicious intent, I'm not too worried about it and, for me anyway, I don't think the use of words like that ever contributed to my decisions to come out to anyone. YMMV of course.
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Jan 4 Corydon commented on The Big Secret I've Been Keeping from My Skater Bro Friends.
Great article. I really enjoyed it.

I felt there were a lot of parallels with what I went through way back in the '90s when I was in the Army. That's of course, is also an institution with a hypermasculine, very heterosexual culture, with the added bonus of having had the closet actually written into the law of the land in the form of Don't Ask Don't Tell back then.

I was very well aware of my sexual orientation when I enlisted. One of my motivations for enlisting was to say "Fuck you! You can't keep me out!" if only in my own head. I went through a lot of the same mental gymnastics to justify not coming out even to my closest friends there (I'd frame it in my own head as just 'respecting' them and their orientation).

In retrospect, I'm pretty sure that if I had come out or been outed in some way, the overwhelming majority of the men in my company would have been fine with me, if only because I'd more than proven myself as a soldier and friend (though the thought that I need to "prove myself" still irks, even as I still feel it). The fact of the matter is that when I have come out of the closet, at work or school or wherever, I've always had the same good experience as you have. I still can't quite bring myself to believe that it will always be that way though.

Anywhere, lots there that I can identify with. Thanks again for the article!
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Jan 3 Corydon commented on Megyn Kelly Leaves Fox News for NBC.
Technically, Santa Claus (=St. Nicholas of Myra) is Greek, so actually would fall under the conventional definition of white.
Dec 28, 2016 Corydon commented on How Writing for The Stranger Made Me Blacker.
Identity is a tricky thing.

On the one hand, I think one great aspiration is to be able to offer all children the kind of upbringing you were given. There's a lot to admire in that kind of unawareness of race. As a somewhat conflicted liberal, I distinctly remember believing that this was the sort of society to work towards.

Except for all of the problems that Wood brought up. The price that white America charges for this post-racial society is the same it has charged immigrant groups: assimilation. And African-American culture has proven remarkably resistant to assimilation (in large part because broad segments of white America refused to admit black America into the melting pot at all, but also because of unwillingness to "act white," i.e. assimilate).

There's something very similar going on with the LGBT community, with the whole marriage movement symbolizing our assimilation at the expense of quite a bit of our cultural distinctiveness.

The post-racial harmony that I thought of as being within reach in my younger years really does seem to require that kind of loss. We really are looking at two competing goods here, with prices to be borne for either.

The reality is, there's a certain amount of diversity that human societies will tolerate. Moreover, that degree of tolerance appears to be contingent on perceptions of security (both physical and economic). This is seen repeatedly in the historical record: when times are tough, minorities do badly. Jewish history is perhaps the clearest example of this. There are things that we as individuals can do to alter our own responses (Christianity at its finest is all about this), but not at a social level.

So we either all grow more alike, at the cost of our cultural diversity, or we keep the things that make us us, but give up our hope for social harmony.

Classical liberalism was supposed to be an answer to this problem: we call a truce, you live your way and I'll live mine, and if you're objectionable enough to me, then I'll simply keep my distance (it's worth remembering that liberalism grew out of the religious wars of the 17th century). This is actually the position that religious conservatives seem to be retreating to with respect to LGBT issues.

The old problem with liberalism is that this leads inevitably to 'separate-but-(not-so)-equal." The new problem with liberalism is that technology has made withdrawal from each other nearly impossible (though we do keep trying; hence all the geographic sorting).

So I'm considerably less optimistic about how all these racial tensions (which are really cultural tensions) play out than I was when I was younger. I'm not at all sure that we're all on the same sheet of music when it comes to what our expectations for a "post-racial" society should look like.
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Dec 21, 2016 Corydon commented on Bill O'Reilly: Abolishing the Electoral College Is The Left Taking Power From Whites.
Dear Mr. Mudede. If you are interested in much of the reasoning behind the existence of the Electoral College, may I suggest you start with Federalist 68?
Dec 18, 2016 Corydon commented on The Eternal Stupidity of the Trump Christmas.
What @4 said.

I'm trying to wrap my head around the point of this post. i get that blogging is a forum for informal writing and that underdeveloped thinking is par for the course (really, the whole point of the medium). But usually I can see some kind of thesis that's being worked out.

The theses here seem to be:

1) Christmas, especially in its modern, consumerist form, unanchored from its religious origins, is stupid, but that's OK. (OK, yes, fine)

and

2) Trump voters like Christmas, and are stupid, and Christmas is stupid, and that's not OK.

To which I respond, well, fine, I can understand why you might think so. But what is the point of stating this? Are you trying to convince Trump voters not to be stupid? (This sure won't do it). Are you trying to convince undecided voters that voting for Trump is stupid? (A day late and a dollar short on that one) Are you virtue-signalling to your fellow Clinton supporters? (Um, OK, but you opened by calling urban-holiday celebrating stupid too, which kinda contradicts that). Are we rallying the troops here? (let's just say this post ain't exactly Braveheart)

I guess you could just be venting steam, but this isn't really even good polemic.

Or maybe this is some kind of satire that's flying over my head? "Stupid" is a word that most of us leave behind on the middle school playground. Or is that part of the elaborate satirical nature of the post?

I guess my takeaway is that either I'm stupid because I don't get it, or the post is stupid.
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Dec 10, 2016 Corydon commented on Intelligence Agencies: Russia Was Trying To Help Trump Win Election.
@30 "What are the odds that Russia also has dirt on Trump? (high, I think)"

What on earth could possibly come out about Trump that would be politically damaging? Remember "I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters, OK?"

His voters don't care about scandal. He certainly has no shame.

It's a variation on the thought that because he's wealthy he can't be bought: because he's shameless, he can't be blackmailed.

Even if the Russians threatened to disclose that Trump is actually bankrupt (perhaps his biggest potential Achilles heel), he'd just bluster and lie and muddy the waters and everyone would ignore them. That's the environment we live in.
Dec 10, 2016 Corydon commented on Intelligence Agencies: Russia Was Trying To Help Trump Win Election.
Wonderful. Reasons #843952985r2 and #7528943 for why "It's Not Our Fault!" from the Clinton Camp.

The Evil Rooshans! The Stoopid Constitution!

Clinton lost because she failed. She failed to connect with voters in pretty broad swathes of the country. That is why she lost.

Crying over the Electoral College is the dumbest reason of all for screaming "But It's Not FAAAAAIIIIIIRRRRR!!1!!" Clinton only had—what?—TWO HUNDRED AND TWENTY EIGHT FREAKING YEARS NOTICE that those were the ground rules.

Democrats have deliberately chosen to pursue an election strategy that really works well in big cities. And there's a lot to be said for that: there are a lot of votes there. But they're not sufficient. And Democrats know this.

But they wish it weren't so. So they act as if it's not. And then they lose. And then, apparently, whine.
Dec 6, 2016 Corydon commented on Jesus Saves....
Incidentally, the mere existence of contradictions doesn't necessarily invalidate one's philosophical framework as a practical matter.

General relativity and quantum mechanics are contradictory (although we're trying to find ways to reconcile them); that doesn't mean that they aren't both useful concepts.