Jun 13, 2015
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Worst That Could Happen
"If you can't bear the risk of being dumped—because of an ex or some other issue—you'll have to be celibate."
I have to correct Dan on this point: The alternative to both of those is NSA hookups, which as a straight-out-of-college straight woman LW should have no problem making happen if that's what she wants.
Jan 5, 2015
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Harshing His Smell-o
"I can't kiss him without thinking about the teeth that need to be extracted, and it's very gross to me when he touches me with hands that smell like ass."
Tell him what you just told Dan and all of us. And tell him you aren't going to put up with that forever.
Also, 10 years? I'm guessing this guy has let himself go because he thinks that he can count on you being there regardless of whether he remains smart, funny, good, or attractive.
Oct 16, 2014
commented on Savage Love
The real meaning of "post-mononormative" in this context:
"I want to fuck other people, and you can either let me do that without making a fuss, or you can go to hell. But instead of just saying that plainly, I'm going to use a fancy word for it because that sounds nicer than just telling you what I'm going to do."
And I'm going to respectfully disagree with the argument that some people really think in that language. When somebody uses a big word to explain what's really a very simple concept, they're basically hiding their true feelings behind technical jargon. If what you're going to say without using the jargon makes you sound like a complete jerk, then you're still being a complete jerk even if you say it with a bunch of long words.
And in this case, I think both of them need to stop using their graduate-school social science discourse to hide what they really mean.
Sep 3, 2014
commented on Those Leaked Celebrity Nudes: Have You Looked?
I'm really not that curious: Any straight guy who can look at a woman clothed and not have a pretty good idea of what she looks like nude is lacking in either experience or imagination. As a female friend of mine once put it a long time ago: "A lot of guys want to know what I look like naked. Well, I look like me, but without any clothes on."
Apr 3, 2014
commented on #Cancel Colbert: The Politics of Being Offended
My instincts on this: She was in fact trying to claim Colbert's scalp and not really making some kind of satire, believing it would make her some variety of celebrity that would potentially make her a career of some kind. Her almost-success has been almost as good, turning a basically unknown 23-year-old into someone who's getting a lot of press (for at least 15 minutes).
She got as much attention as she did because there are lots of people who would like Stephen Colbert gone for reasons completely unrelated to the joke that got him in trouble when quoted out of context. I also wouldn't be surprised if some of the Twitter support she got was paid shills, which happens all the time to make certain hashtags "trend".
Stephen's original joke was clearly just that, a joke, and the whole point was that Dan Snyder's real foundation was no more acceptable than Stephen Colbert's fake foundation. Anyone with half a brain could see that.
Mar 26, 2014
commented on Savage Love
The question from the person who was definitely "the other man" in a married woman's life reminds me of the old adage: "If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you." (And no, open relationships aren't cheating, but screwing somebody else and hiding it makes you a CPOS).
Mar 12, 2014
commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Ex Files
There is one critical concept here: You can revoke consent for a sexual act anytime before, or even during, the act occurring. You cannot revoke consent after it happened.
"I thought you said you would marry me" isn't the same thing as "I took that drink you handed me and you had drugged it and raped me while I was passed out" or "You were polite all night during the date, but as soon as you got into my apartment you held me down and forced me to do it".
Mar 1, 2014
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Honestly Open And Unbearable or Dishonestly Open And Functional?
One piece of the puzzle which LW hasn't yet figured out: If your kids are reasonably smart, staying together for them is almost always pointless at best. Kids aren't, on average, stupider than adults (evidence: these two!), they're just ignorant. And they're observant enough that they'll know if mom and dad are mad at each other, and will be at least as adversely affected by shouting matches or mutual silent treatments as they would by the household breakup. Most of the social evils that conservatives attribute to increasing divorce rates have nothing to do with the divorce and everything to do with the dysfunctional parent(s) that foolishly decided to have kids in the first place.
Also, this guy's wife will not change her ways unless he's seriously threatening divorce. Why should she? She gets all the benefits of the marriage (whatever financial and emotional support he provides her) without any of the drawbacks (maintaining commitments and keeping him happy and sticking to agreed-upon rules). And apparently this guy is too lily-livered to realize that acting like a doormat isn't what you're supposed to do in a relationship.
Feb 26, 2014
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Haters Gonna Hate
The attacks on Dan Savage have a lot to do with an early definition of Victorian "morality": the unending fear that somebody, somewhere, might be happy.
This is of course a great coping mechanism for people who are miserable but can't bring themselves to make the changes they'd need to make to be happy.