Oct 16 slinky commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Cockyboys, Shymoms, Armpits.
B @13 my first thought was, it's a porn version of Terry Pratchett/Neil Gaiman's Good Omens. With twinks.

Which....I would watch the living loving hell out of that, were it real. Especially Pepper and War being a pair of young and older redheaded butches, Aziraphale and Crowley being their bad selves, and the witch and witch hunter being a delightful BDSM couple who get to their dungeon on a bicycle.

I would SO watch the hell out of that.
Oct 11 slinky commented on Savage Love.
An extra special fuck-you to LW #1....

You want a woman you can cherish.

Not, a partner, somebody you do fun things with, somebody to go through life's little irritations and special moments, but somebody you can put on a pedestal and admire and think to yourself how nice they are.

You know, a trophy who you want to show off to all your male friends, that look at what you did, you landed the Hot Young Thing.

EVERY single dude I've ever dated who talked about "cherishing women" never, at the end of the day, saw me as a person. I was a thing, an ornament to wear on their arms, a cipher with tits and ass for their idea of the kind of man they wanted to be.

I don't date men who talk about cherishing women any more.

It is so toxic and so poisonous. In fact, your entire approach to dating is toxic and poisonous, especially to you. Stop it.
Oct 1 slinky commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Too Good To Be True.
@35, the obvious answer to me is a couple where one woman is a lesbian, one is bi and would like some dick, and that is how they roll.
Sep 2 slinky commented on Renting Prince Charming: Dating Shows, Sex Work, Dating Shows As Sex Work, and Making a Gay Dating Show Work.
Raise your hands if you'd watch a show with a hunky older bear kicking ass and being awesome, regardless of if it was a dating show or not. Kind of like a gay dude Xena: Warrior Princess, only with a hunky older bear as the Warrior Prince and a starry-eyed twink playing Gabriel.
Sep 1 slinky commented on Savage Love.
Also, @Hunter78:

"Gays are disproportionately represented in fields such as women's hair dressing, beauty salons, and fashions."

So, hair dressing, florists, fashion shops, interior designers. What do all of these have in common, economically?

They're all the kind of business where a person can be an independent operator/consultant/business owner and make a reliable living out of it. If you are the kind of person where you are at risk of being fired or never hired because of who you are, you find yourself a job where you can make a living and be your own boss. If you can't be your own boss, like a male nurse, you make sure you are in a profession where you are in high enough demand that if you have a license and you're not a total waste of oxygen, somebody will hire you and pay you a living wage. (I know age 70+ retired nurses who let their licenses lapse who get calls from recruiters offering to pay for the continuing ed courses they need to be relicensed, nurses are in that much demand.)

Because it wasn't that long ago that the only gay men who were out were the gay men who were/are so gay they couldn't be *in.* The ones who were sissy boys, or the ones who were flaming queens, or the ones who were Tom of Finland over-the-top-butch gay. They still had to live and they still had to eat, so they picked careers where they could do that. The ones who could hide in the closet and not arouse suspicion stayed in the closet, sometimes for decades, because they could stay in the closet and work as a teacher/engineer/lawyer/civil servant/whatever and live indoors and eat hot food.
Sep 1 slinky commented on Savage Love.
@13, the vast majority of lesbian women (both cis and trans) I've met are highly interested in female clothing.

Especially shoes.
Aug 13 slinky commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Swinging Double Standards.
@9, there was a study a couple of years ago that said, yes, women DO like casual sex....but they're picky about who with, because the physical and social risks that women disproportinately bear from sex (pregnancy being the big one, followed by disease, sexual assault/rape, slut shaming, and being treated like a living masturbation sleeve) are high. They were willing to have casual sex, but only with a person they felt safe with and who they thought would pay attention to their pleasure.

When, "will this person kill or violently assault me" is a real everyday threat in your dating and sexual life, and you know that if he does try to kill or violently assault you that you will have your entire life picked apart in vivid detail, your past sexual experience questions, and flat out called a liar, you learn to be choosy of who you want to get naked with.

When, "Will I find myself with an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy as a result of having sex with this person" is an everyday reality for you, which no matter what the outcome will end with a bloody mess, you learn to be picky about who you fuck and when.
Aug 10 slinky commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Worst Breakup Story Ever.
Adoption is an alternative to parenting, not to pregnancy.

Dan's kid was placed for adoption by somebody in an unstable life situation....NOT (as far as we know) by somebody who wanted and planned the pregnancy and then had the rug ripped out from under her by an asshole. (Also, LW1, I concur that he met somebody else, is dumping you for that somebody else, and dollars to donuts he comes crawling back six months from now after the new and shiny has worn off. Block all contact and make it so he can't find you, because nobody has time for that 7th grade BS.)

He's already told her he won't have anything further to do with the pregnancy. Highly likely he will resent her having a baby and all of the legal, financial, and social stuff that goes along with it, and make her and the kid's life hell for it.

If he DID meet someone else, which I suspect is what happened, probably he's not telling her that "Oh, by the way, I dumped my pregnant fiancee so I could be with you." The truth comes out, the new someone ditches him (because, again, who has time for that 7th grade BS), and now not only is the guy angry that he has to go through the legal nonsense of child placement, he's furious that the new Love Of His Life up and left because she doesn't have time for 7th grade BS. And he takes it out on LW and on the kid.

Not everything in life will have a storybook ending. The most likely "happy ending," if you can call it that, is this woman has an abortion, mourns what she had and lost, gets some therapy, and moves on. If she chooses to give birth and parent, she needs to start rallying her support network right now, everything from lawyers to people who can help with finances to work support to health care (horrible thought: if she's on HIS insurance and he yanks it while she's pregnant?) to family and friends, and get them helping her.

On paper, an abortion solves all of the legal, financial, health, economic, and employment problems. It isn't an "easy out," nor is it a sign that she's letting him win or any of that. Just....life threw LW a curve ball, and as sad as it might be, an abortion will solve all of the shit that her 7th grade asshole ex put her through.
Aug 5 slinky commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Punting.
And then there's this:

"I told him that the kindest thing he could do if he didn't think he could practice monogamy, or an honest open relationship with rules, would be to tell me now so that I can leave. He said he can because he wants to be with me so badly."


This is how he hangs his success or failure on your head, rather than his actions. He cheats/breaks the rules again? Well, he didn't want to be with you that badly. He won't be honest with you? Well, it's your fault.

Being in a relationship with somebody doesn't make you stupid. Staying with somebody out of denial or sunk-costs doesn't make you stupid, either, but only one choice will cut the pain right now.
Aug 5 slinky commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Punting.
Fichu @9 nails it.

The "and he quit drinking" comes up more than once. Then he got stupid drunk with a rando off Tindr (which is NOT rando's fault, not in the slightest) and acted like an asshole while drunk.