May 16, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Bi Boy Problems
Perhaps I'm projecting a little, here, but it seems to me that NAI's real problem is not being able to ask for what he wants. I know for me that's been a very difficult issue, one I'm still struggling with as I'm almost three times his age.
NAI: Tell yourself you deserve to be happy. And tell yourself that asking for what you want is not only good for you, but also good for the people you're telling, because they deserve to know (I'm agreeing with those people who have been pushing honesty. Honesty is good.) Sometimes it's OK for people to want unreasonable things, but that's not even the case there--all you're asking of Selena is what she's already had and what she's already agreed to: the right to date other people of the same sex while maintaining your relationship. And all you're asking of Dave is to pursue a relationship while not being ready to have sex and not being sure when you will be, which is completely reasonable for someone your age (and possibly reasonable for someone older, but that's beside the point). You can say what you want and ask them for it without being unfair to them, as long as you're reasonable about trying to give them what they want, too, and it sounds as though you have no trouble with that.
If you're anything like me, being able to speak up about what you want will be hugely important to you, far more so than what happens with these two relationships. If you're not like me, well, sorry for the dimestore analysis, but being honest with them is probably still a good idea. Good luck.
Apr 24, 2012
commented on Savage Love
What struck me about STUCK's letter is that he didn't say ONE WORD about what he's done to try to make sex fulfilling for his not-interested-in-sex partner. Or even mentioned whether she's had an orgasm now! Now, maybe he just didn't mention it, or maybe Dan edited it out. But if he hasn't actually made the effort, then it might be worth it. If he has, then Dan's advice is right.
Then again, I agree with those saying that his words about why he likes her raise flags, too, so maybe she'd be better off without him....
Feb 16, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: One Dilemma & One Success Story
Basically agree with what Dan (and @7) said. I would add: if TFG is open to *some* extracurricular stuff, she should talk to him about it, in an open way, seeing if there's a compromise they can both be happy with. And if he's a dick about it, not willing to at least talk about limits on the arrangement, then that's good reason to dump him.
Also, I would add that I think she's meeting guys who want sex but not commitment because *that's the way guys are*. Meaning that I don't think it would be much different if she were a size 1 or whatever. Finding the right person for a serious commitment isn't easy for most people, but that doesn't mean that you need to settle for someone who is less than right. If you found one guy who wanted to commit, you can find another. Who might be better.
Nov 30, 2011
commented on Is Mike Beaudet a Panty-Sniffing Perv?
There's a "feedback poll" attached to the story asking if the teacher should be allowed to keep his job. As I write this 82% have said yes. Score another one for the Sloggers!
Nov 29, 2011
commented on Savage Love
I would like to suggest that one can refuse ANY request, even one not "a kink too far", and still be GGG. I think it should mean that we should accept people's kinks without judgment (although, of course, that does not mean that we have to accept people *acting* on those kinks without judgment when those actions involve others who do not consent or are not capable of consent), that we incorporate those kinks into our sex lives where possible, and that we don't refuse to try things without a very good reason. Now, ISTM that the standard for a good reason not to engage in puke play or shit play is pretty low--"that's gross", "that's unhealthy", whatever. The less far the kink, the higher the standard for good reason. But no one who feels really strongly about not doing something should feel that they can't refuse without being proclaimed un-GGG, if they're sincere about those reasons and they sincerely try to find ways to accommodate their partner's desires in other ways.
Just my two cents.