Awesome Person 2011
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I am quite literally terrible at everything.

Zebes mistakenly believes sarcasm counts as wit.
Nov 12, 2013 Zebes commented on "Your Dick Looks Great In Those Heels".
I don't know what I expected.
Nov 1, 2013 Zebes commented on Basically, There's No Elegant Way to Use "Deck the Halls" Anymore.
"Liberals love to pervert our language, giving words new meanings that advance their agenda," he said, employing 'liberal' as a pejorative without any trace of irony.
Oct 31, 2013 Zebes commented on Who Is the Scariest of Them All?.
Other: The eyelaser-shooting oracle statues from the Neverending Story.
Oct 7, 2013 Zebes commented on What It's Like to (Almost) Work for Google.
"So you've got a shit job that treats you poorly and offers contradictory demands!? It's YOUR FAULT for being DUMB and POOR! You should be leveraging it for all it's worth! SOME people don't have ANY jobs these days, you know!"
Sep 26, 2013 Zebes commented on Now Fnarf Has to Save a Busload of Orphans.
Twitter: Sometimes Not Useless(tm).
Sep 19, 2013 Zebes commented on Call Me Al (Jazeera).
Wait, did they take down the big Pepsi sign?
Sep 18, 2013 Zebes commented on Starbucks Asks Gun Nuts Not to Be Such Dicks About It.
Gun owners who start swaggering about, calling people fags and commies, and saying 'I could be sitting next to you with a gun right now.'

Feeling super reassured over here. Always good to know that the guy who hates you is ALSO armed and ready to kill.
Sep 18, 2013 Zebes commented on Starbucks Asks Gun Nuts Not to Be Such Dicks About It.
Personally, I'm okay with guns in Starbucks. If a gun wants to walk in and order a delicious coffee-like sugar beverage, more power to it.

But when a gun isn't showing up on its own, however, and instead carried by someone who thinks they have something to prove... that's a little worrisome.
Sep 11, 2013 Zebes commented on The Wednesday Morning News on September 11th Twelve Years Later.
I like ponies and all, but really, I've never been able to get the My Buddy song stuck out of my head, so.
Sep 10, 2013 Zebes commented on Richard Dawkins Is Cool With "Mild Pedophilia”.
why the fucking christ does anybody care what richard dawkins thinks about molestation