I haven't watched (or more accurately, tried to watch) porn in decades. I never liked it. Back when I first saw it, it was just too cheesy and kind of gross. I don't want to see just extreme closeups of genitals, or the really hideous men who used to be in porn, or the bad hair, spray tans, fake boobs, fake nails on the women. Or the bad "acting," that took place in the 1.4 minutes before the sex started. All of it. I am actively turned off by all of it. I've tried, now and again, to watch some amateur stuff, but it leaves me cold. I do like HUMP, but I see it for a very different reason than to get turned on.
So I will have to take all y'll's word for it that most commercial or professional porn today is about humiliation of women and has a violent tone. Come to think of it, I have seen some porn in recent years, by Kink.com
, that I had been told I would like, based on what I like in my own life, and again, I was disgusted. There is no way that what I see on a screen ever captures what sex feels like or looks like from my point of view when I'm having it.
I think it's a symptom of the misogyny in our culture that so much porn is based on images of violence or degradation of women. It's as if the more progressive our society gets publicly, the more regressive our porn is. Or something. I am not sure how to articulate this thought. But gross as the old 1980s porn I saw was, it wasn't all about degradation and humiliation: it was just the housewife and the pool boy; just the girlfriends and the pizza delivery guy. So there is clearly something else going on now. I do think it has something to do with the sex-positive, third-wave feminism, ggg-ness that is so prevalent today and the fact that everyone's supposed to be cool with it or they're cast as a sex-negative, uptight prude.
While I know that porn consumption correlates to lower rape stats, I wonder if that is true at the often-unreported acquaintance- or date-rape level. If having easy access to porn keeps violent assaults from happening, that's good. But I have definitely experienced a change in the way men I have sex with have sex over the past ten years. There's a lot of porn-y stuff going on in my bedroom that didn't use to happen 30 years ago. It seems pretty clear that people are mimicking what they see onscreen. Unless what is being filmed is purely reflective of how more people are having sex. I guess it's a symbiotic, recursive thing. Fortunately, I happen to like my sex to be a bit rough, but if I didn't, this would be seriously annoying. And if women are being used this way who don't like being used this way, even if they consented to sex initially, that is a problem.
There is a lot to talk about and think about--and counteract--with the porn issue, and I really wish that porn devotees would allow those discussions to get started without feeling the need to shut them down by labeling any woman who wants to take a closer look and who dares to suggest that in fact some women might be having sex the way they don't want to have it or sex that they don't want to have because of porn's influence as uptight and prudish and narrow-minded.