Achieve the Four Modernizations.

Apr 22 DRF commented on Last Days: The Week in Review.
When Sarah Palin didn't want to do her job as governor of Alaska any more, she quit. Christie is good in a crisis and no one should forget what he did during the hurricanes, but he stopped doing his job for New Jersey a while ago.
Apr 21 DRF commented on Savage Love.
"Countless websites devoted to shaming men who have erections in public"? I've never seen even one. I think BONER needs to stop looking for content that will only make him nervous.

If TIT's boyfriend can't respect her boundaries, she should chuck him. If she wants to give him one more chance via a frank talk, that's her biz, but it sounds like neither is what the other actually wants.
Apr 21 DRF commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Didn't Tell Him About Her Abortion When He Asked—But Did He Ask the Right Question?.
This woman describes herself as a chronic truth-teller, so she won't be happy keeping this a secret. Yes she should tell this guy that she had an abortion way back when. I agree with everyone who said she needs to see if he freaks out and bolts and that it's best if he does so before they have any kids. (Who knows? He might even say, "Of course you've had an abortion. Like a third of all American women have." Or he might freak out and then realize he's being unrealistic and deal with it.) As for withdrawal... well I don't think it's a good idea to give up condoms and hormonal methods. They could always use withdrawal and a hormonal method but either of them could still have an STD.

Telling this woman that she shouldn't feel ashamed of having had an abortion won't do anything. She's allowed to feel how she feels about it.
Apr 8 DRF commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The End of the Affair(s).
This guy should not be with either of these women. Won't-upgrade-him-from-DLS and won't/can't-talk-to-him are both dealbreakers.

Looking at just the first woman alone, if this were a woman writing in about a married man who says his wife doesn't sleep with him any more, we'd all be saying, "He's a big fat liar and he's using you!" Yes men and women are different, but in this case I think it applies. If this woman really is his friend then she'll stay his friend after he tells her that he has to move on romantically (but I think we all know that's less likely).

Sad but true: A 38-year-old man who has a job and is open to kids is more likely to find a partner than his female counterpart.
Mar 31 DRF commented on Going Clear Is Amazing and Depressing and You Should See It.
I liked that Going Clear was balanced. It showed why people fell Scientology in the first place: In their sessions, people would talk about their problems with the aim of resolving negative emotions, which made them feel better--and why wouldn't it? One speaker said something like, "It was great and it helped me work out my issues. Only when I said, 'I'm cured and I want to leave,' did the manipulative tactics come out." The fact that it was presented as an alternative to both psychology and to the drugs that were so common in the sixties and seventies made the movement much more understandable. But it doesn't pull its punches about its financially motivated origins, ridiculous mythology or abuses. It made much more sense than if they'd portrayed everyone as a bunch of brainwashed nuts.
Mar 27 DRF commented on Alison Stevenson Won't Suck Your Dick.
@72 While I agree that not every agreement between consenting adults is automatically okay, what the heck is wrong with this one? If her partner/s are okay with not getting oral sex and she's okay with having a smaller pool of potential partners then whose beeswax is it? The fact that she printed this article means she's not pulling a bait-and-switch.
Mar 26 DRF commented on Alison Stevenson Won't Suck Your Dick.
1) The word "sex" has the default meaning of "penetrative sexual intercourse." That's why we use qualifiers like "oral" to refer to other kinds. Ms. Stevenson is not wrong just because she didn't use the word the way Mr. Savage likes to. Fussing about how other people are just wrong when they are not is not a good way to change the English language.

2) Other than that, 100% yeah. If men don't like that Ms. Stevenson doesn't perform oral sex on them, then they're free not to date her. If anything, this article has saved a lot of BJ-loving guys some time.
Mar 26 DRF commented on Savage Love Letters of the Day: You've Got Hate Mail.
In the response to NAL, Mr. Savage is wrong about exactly one thing: adverbs that end in ly should not be hyphenated. He and his spouse are "legally married," not "legally-married." Mr. Savage is a "highly successful semi-professional neologism creator," not a "highly-successful" one.
Mar 13 DRF commented on Savage Love.
@156 I would certainly agree that the fact that the girls didn't think they were victims and the perpetrator considered himself a nice guy should have no legal bearing. Just because those girls didn't feel like victims doesn't mean no harm was done them. Even if some of them experience no lasting harm, that doesn't mean it wasn't a crime; someone here put up an analogy of how drunk and reckless driving don't always kill people but that doesn't make it okay.

It's not about whether the young person wanted sex. Young people want lots of things that are not good for them. It's more about power and consequences. Of course most teenagers want sex. It's the adult's job to say no.

Other questions: Did this man's multiple partners know about each other? Did he lie to them about plans for the future or knowingly refrain from correcting their misconceptions? An adult knows how to take sweet words with a grain of salt and has a fighting chance to avoid being used. Kids usually don't.
Mar 13 DRF commented on Savage Love.
@104 and others.

I see a lot of people in here going. "Oh your wife shouldn't be upset about a little thing like that!" 1) Just because you wouldn't mind doesn't mean she's not allowed to and 2) SHOULDN'T IS NOT THE SAME AS WON'T BE. This guy's marriage sounds a little conservative. To, some people, things like this are still really important. If the LW tells her the truth, it should not be in a way that dismisses her feelings.

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