avast2006
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Nov 4 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Husband-To-Be's Porn Use Causes Ex-Christian Bride To Despair.
@74: "I'm a straight woman, and I've never known one who liked facials outside of the context of submission/dominance play or an interest in being objectified (which of course can be hot in some contexts)."

You do realize this is a circular statement, right?
Nov 3 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Husband-To-Be's Porn Use Causes Ex-Christian Bride To Despair.
@18: "But - to those who are shaming her for wanting her relationship to be special and for sex with her husband to have meaning,"

Nobody is shaming her for wanting her relationship to be special. They are shaming her for the very specific stupid ideas she has seized upon in order to claim that her relationship with her husband ISN'T special. You seem to be wanting to be angry at other commenters for not talking up hypothetical general principles that don't apply to this letter. How dare they address what she actually wrote?

So sex with her is supposed to be meaningful, and him watching porn renders sex WITH HIS WIFE meaningless? I wonder if her fiance had any relationships before her, and did he have sex with those women? It's all ruined beyond repair.

If she believes that her husband watching porn means he doesn't love her enough to make sex pure and special enough for her to bring herself to participate, then no relationship is ever going to be special enough to meet her exacting specifications. If this is her belief, she should stay single for the rest of her life, rather than trapping some poor sap in matrimony and proceeding to punish him with celibacy for the sin of a libido that ever dared to be focused on anything other than her, her, her. This is the equivalent of him not wanting to marry her because she likes to use a vibrator.

If she's lucky, she will end up in a sexless relationship of her own engineering, with a husband who uses porn constantly because at least porn doesn't turn him down for being vile and dirty. If she's less than lucky, he will divorce that shit after a few years. If she's not lucky at all, he will stay, but cheat on her, because she can't bring herself to ever fuck him.
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Nov 2 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Husband-To-Be's Porn Use Causes Ex-Christian Bride To Despair.
@14: "I don't think it's absurd or awful to have some concerns about my partner's porn watching habits." Yes, fair enough; but it is the _specific_set_ of concerns that CRAP outlines in her letter.

-- I cant help but feel cheated
-- our love is just not that special
-- Sex feels dirty to me knowing what he's doing behind my back
-- knowing my husband whacks off to other women

I didn't see anything in the letter remotely resembling the sort of concerns that you offered up as examples of reasonable ones.
Nov 2 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Husband-To-Be's Porn Use Causes Ex-Christian Bride To Despair.
Dollars to donuts, CRAP's view of sex as special-snowflake magic means that she hardly ever is in that perfect, special, connected mood that allows her to put out. She admits as much, at least now that the porn use has been discovered: sex is so special and sparkly that she can't bring herself to have it with the man she loves, knowing that his brain cells have been polluted by other women -- evil, slutty, absent, non-interactive, two-dimensional-screen-image, essentially imaginary women. This means his choice is -- until CRAP's limbic brain flare subsides anyway, which, based on other clues in the letter, could take quite a while -- either to resort to porn or go without entirely.

My advice is not to CRAP but to her fiance: cancel the ceremony, apologize to the families, and walk the hell away.
Oct 11 avast2006 commented on Savage Love.
The other thing is, you should go find Elliot Rodger's manifesto and read it. Your letter, though slightly more genteel, is cut from the same cloth. The stuff about "missing out on me" and "they would rather be abused, cheated on, and kicked around" could have been written by him. Your creepy factor just went up by about five hundred percent.
Oct 11 avast2006 commented on Savage Love.
Sorry for being Captain Obvious here, but I just have to point it out, since OLDER clearly is making some embarrassing mistakes in his arithmetic assumptions:

You say you are 64. The children of a woman your age are credibly in the age range of 30 - 46 years old. Forty-six. Not kids any more. That's effectively damned near as old as you are, doofus. There goes one of your assumptions about "baggage," up in old-fart smoke.

As far as your thing about exes goes, you should be aware that at your age, to NOT have any exes in your past is itself a red flag.
Sep 23 avast2006 commented on Savage Love.
@142: It is his body. When he is good and ready, he will do it. In the meantime, she is casting about for leverage to make it happen. That isn't her place. You are quibbling about the exact meaning of "force," but what she is doing is trying to make a choice happen that doesn't belong to her.

If she really, really, REALLY never wants kids in her familial life in any capacity whatsoever, she already has an option: to divorce him. She already knows she has that option, and has already vowed to use that option, should the situation arise. But that's not good enough for her, she wants to make him undergo a surgical procedure so that she doesn't ever have to face even the possibility of using that option. That is excessively controlling of her. She is working out her insecurities on his body.
Sep 21 avast2006 commented on Savage Love.
@SNIP - Go stand in front of a mirror and repeat the following: "I am trying to coerce another human being to undergo a surgical procedure, in order to not have to face the fear of possibly losing him to someone else -- when I'm the one who has vowed to initiate the divorce if it happened."

Repeat until it sinks in just how psychopathic you sound.
Sep 21 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Wants To Want Her Husband Again.
@43: I didn't mean to imply the hormone problems were not real, or not the actual problem. What I meant was that when one is emotionally out of control for medical reasons, it's particularly hypocritical to blame the support people for taking your claim of being sick at face value and responding in a way appropriate to a medical situation, rather than concluding you're just being a dickhead and giving you the kicking-to-the-curb that just-being-a-dickhead rightly deserves.

@27: see #28.

@28: It was brave and candid of you to admit that you were mistreating him. Points for that. Regarding your numbered points, however, they don't seem to be adding up to a strong argument for why you should keep trying with him. In reverse order: 3) You have my sympathy if he was ignoring you to play games. That's asshole behavior on his part, and maybe he deserves some of your anger; 2) if he's always been too quiet and reserved for your liking, he's not the right guy for you; 1) It sounds like you are still buying into the idea that his deer in the headlights was a bigger problem than your rageaholic outbursts, which to me says you aren't ready to give them up; and b) as long as you feel that way you aren't ever going to see him as anything but contemptible, because your rage is secretly just fine and it's everyone else's response to it that's the problem. Coming from that place, that loving feeling is unlikely to spontaneously regenerate (if it ever truly existed in the first place).
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Sep 20 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Wants To Want Her Husband Again.
I'll allow as I might have gotten hold of it by the wrong end (I see #19's interpretation was diametrically opposite to mine, and I'm not thrilled that Comitatus liked it), but those were the warning bells that went off in my head when LW mentioned the thing about "cowering." That completely changed the tenor of the narrative for me. Not the first letter I have read where the writer seems to be saying (in some cases actually came out and said it), "I lost all respect for you when you let me walk all over you." Sorry, but that's the way a sociopath justifies their own predatory behavior. Walking all over someone is the behavior to atone for in the first place, not the part where they put up with it, or handled it poorly. Especially not if the malefactor is claiming a medical origin for their misbehavior, because that normally calls for a compassionate response, not a boot up your ass, no matter how richly deserved.

LW is welcome to explain how I misunderstood (frankly I would prefer to hear Hubby's side of the story in his own words about now), or ignore, as she sees fit.
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