avast2006
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Nov 7, 2016 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letters of the Day: What's In a Name?.
One last thought and I will shut up on this topic: You have no idea how much contempt can be made to drip from even the simplest, one-syllable, common, WASP name. I do. You may think you are sparing him from being tortured by erasing your mistake, but you clearly have no idea. I can tell you from experience that the little shit-throwing troglodytes will seize on anything, and the difference between Benvolio and Scott isn't even going to slow them up.

And in the meantime, as I mentioned earlier, you are unintentionally being a name-bully yourself.
Nov 7, 2016 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letters of the Day: What's In a Name?.
And this little toss-off line: "I let go this opportunity, agreed to the one other name we both thought was okay, and I have regretted it ever since."

Let's see that again in super-slo-mo: "I let go this opportunity, agreed to the one other name WE BOTH THOUGHT WAS OKAY, and I have regretted it ever since."

So, your husband hated the things YOU thought were super cool, and you hated the things HE thought were super cool. But naturally we are to just accept that you are the one with better taste, and therefore HE's the one who let your son down, even though the name the two of you settled on is actually in the middle, "the one other name we both thought was okay."
Nov 7, 2016 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letters of the Day: What's In a Name?.
"You can call me that, but it's not my name."

I'll translate that for you: "My name is my name, and you seem to be the only one here invalidating it. You're the one telling me my name sucks and is wrong and I should be called something else. Thanks for siding with the bullies, bitch - I mean, "Mom." I'll call you that... "Mom" ... but you should be called something else."
Nov 4, 2016 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: WOES Gets It, JABBER Doesn't Get It (But Doesn't Mind).
@JABBER: "On the other hand, if your only (or primary) marriage goal is "sex three times a week," then your marriage might be fucked in the long run."

A diet that is nutritionally perfect with the single glaring exception of being completely lacking in Vitamin C will still result in swollen, bleeding gums, loose or lost teeth, easy bruising, slow healing, shortness of breath, spots on the skin, joint pain, edema, and eventually, death. All from the lack of this one thing. Even though absolutely everything else is perfect.
Nov 4, 2016 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Husband-To-Be's Porn Use Causes Ex-Christian Bride To Despair.
@66: When you marry someone, you sign up to share your sexuality with them. Not have it completely determined by them,"

Which is pretty much what the sort of aversion that Letter Writer is displaying has the effect of.

"It seems shady to hide your porn consumption. If you need to hide it from your partner, doesn't that say something?"

At very least, it says your partner is incompatible with you in a pretty extreme way, so I guess all the warning shout-outs to Boyfriend that he should call off the wedding are on the mark.
Nov 4, 2016 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Husband-To-Be's Porn Use Causes Ex-Christian Bride To Despair.
@74: "I'm a straight woman, and I've never known one who liked facials outside of the context of submission/dominance play or an interest in being objectified (which of course can be hot in some contexts)."

You do realize this is a circular statement, right?
Nov 3, 2016 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Husband-To-Be's Porn Use Causes Ex-Christian Bride To Despair.
@18: "But - to those who are shaming her for wanting her relationship to be special and for sex with her husband to have meaning,"

Nobody is shaming her for wanting her relationship to be special. They are shaming her for the very specific stupid ideas she has seized upon in order to claim that her relationship with her husband ISN'T special. You seem to be wanting to be angry at other commenters for not talking up hypothetical general principles that don't apply to this letter. How dare they address what she actually wrote?

So sex with her is supposed to be meaningful, and him watching porn renders sex WITH HIS WIFE meaningless? I wonder if her fiance had any relationships before her, and did he have sex with those women? It's all ruined beyond repair.

If she believes that her husband watching porn means he doesn't love her enough to make sex pure and special enough for her to bring herself to participate, then no relationship is ever going to be special enough to meet her exacting specifications. If this is her belief, she should stay single for the rest of her life, rather than trapping some poor sap in matrimony and proceeding to punish him with celibacy for the sin of a libido that ever dared to be focused on anything other than her, her, her. This is the equivalent of him not wanting to marry her because she likes to use a vibrator.

If she's lucky, she will end up in a sexless relationship of her own engineering, with a husband who uses porn constantly because at least porn doesn't turn him down for being vile and dirty. If she's less than lucky, he will divorce that shit after a few years. If she's not lucky at all, he will stay, but cheat on her, because she can't bring herself to ever fuck him.
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Nov 2, 2016 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Husband-To-Be's Porn Use Causes Ex-Christian Bride To Despair.
@14: "I don't think it's absurd or awful to have some concerns about my partner's porn watching habits." Yes, fair enough; but it is the _specific_set_ of concerns that CRAP outlines in her letter.

-- I cant help but feel cheated
-- our love is just not that special
-- Sex feels dirty to me knowing what he's doing behind my back
-- knowing my husband whacks off to other women

I didn't see anything in the letter remotely resembling the sort of concerns that you offered up as examples of reasonable ones.
Nov 2, 2016 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Husband-To-Be's Porn Use Causes Ex-Christian Bride To Despair.
Dollars to donuts, CRAP's view of sex as special-snowflake magic means that she hardly ever is in that perfect, special, connected mood that allows her to put out. She admits as much, at least now that the porn use has been discovered: sex is so special and sparkly that she can't bring herself to have it with the man she loves, knowing that his brain cells have been polluted by other women -- evil, slutty, absent, non-interactive, two-dimensional-screen-image, essentially imaginary women. This means his choice is -- until CRAP's limbic brain flare subsides anyway, which, based on other clues in the letter, could take quite a while -- either to resort to porn or go without entirely.

My advice is not to CRAP but to her fiance: cancel the ceremony, apologize to the families, and walk the hell away.
Oct 11, 2016 avast2006 commented on Savage Love.
The other thing is, you should go find Elliot Rodger's manifesto and read it. Your letter, though slightly more genteel, is cut from the same cloth. The stuff about "missing out on me" and "they would rather be abused, cheated on, and kicked around" could have been written by him. Your creepy factor just went up by about five hundred percent.