commented on Savage Love
The response to SHIT seemed a little bit rushed.
Besides leaving his wife, and the suggestions Dan made, he does have the option of maintaining the status quo--after 11 years of celibacy/masturbation, he's proven himself more capable of enduring that than most guys.
Also, if the wife isn't asexual, isn't there some chance she's bisexual and just not into her husband, or is a lesbian? Might not him sticking around so long in a sexless marriage indicate that he's maybe somewhere in asexual-land himself, or has repressed same-sex attraction?
Somewhere in that frank conversation this couple needs to have about ending their marriage, or opening up their marriage to outside partners, might be acknowledging that asexuality or bisexuality or homosexuality might be applicable to one or both of them.
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Innocent Virgins
I hope this is fake, but I don't think it is.
Fantasy/masturbation/erotica/porn--there are a variety of ways that young people who have never had sex with another person might discover a bunch of kinks that get them off. Having said that, I hope that both of these young people recognize that what 'works' in a masturbatory fantasy might not be enjoyable in a real life situation with another person.
And yeah, I'm glad I'm not this letter writer's Dad. I try to be open-minded, but it would be distressing to contemplate my virgin daughter diving into the deep end of the pool with some Skype guy from thousands of miles away, who has such a panoply of kinks.
Also @3 Python reference is on point: before these kids go anywhere near her genitals they ought to spend several hours on plain old vanilla making out, with second and third base on the table only if the kissing is hot and fun.
If you don't like kissing this boy, Letter Writer, break up with him, and have the good sense to be relieved rather than disappointed.
commented on Savage Love
I learned cribbage from Iowans, back when I was a kid in Iowa, and we called scoring points and moving the pegs around the cribbage board as 'pegging.'
The double entendre with the newer, naughtier use of the word 'pegging' never bothered me. The connotations seem congruous to me, what with the insertion of the peg to mark one's forward progress around the cribbage board is a good thing, just as inserting an object or peg and making forward progress sexually is a good thing when 'pegging' describes a sexual act.
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Judgement Daze
This is just another instance where its best to ignore the judgments of others about stuff that ain't their business.
It really is analogous to Mr. Savage shrugging off homophobic bullshit. Why give those who aggressively violate the golden rule any credence, weight, or significance?
@2 Not wanting children is entirely legitimate. My views on ignoring those who stick their nose in the personal business of others applies to you in this instance. However, I don't like your assumption that for women it is ten times worse than for men. Who has the right to measure pain, and make absolute judgments like that? Certainly not you. So I shall return your presumptuousness with some of my own: you're a fucking bitch.
commented on An Open Dialogue About Sexuality
"This person" comes to ALL of Dan's college speaking gigs, is ALWAYS first to the mic, and ALWAYS has the same long-ass speech disguised as a question?
You all are missing the point, I think. The content of "this person's" speech is secondary, even trivial. What's important is "This person's" obsessive, very stalker-ish behavior, and single-minded axe-grinding.
She reminds me of Pooh from The World According to Garp--let's hope she never shows up at a speaking gig armed and ready for her Sirhan Sirhan moment.
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Code Breakers
You can put pretty much anything in an OK Cupid profile.
I'd qualify things--I'm not a White Knight, its not about loving chaos--I just prefer uncertainty, someone still on the quest, someone still-posing-those-dorm room bull session questions of why we're here and what's the meaning of life and how do we find meaning in the darkness.
Maybe a pothead hippie chick?
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Neverlasting Love
Yeah, @15 nailed it.
Dan going down the mature poly road was extremely optimistic, and not very practical or realistic.
This is one of those situations where old school Ann Landers sort of advice is what's central--get the deadbeat dad on the hook for child support.
Being practical is what's most pertinent and relevant for this letter writer's sister--emotionally, the odds are very high the relationship will end, and working on that assumption, the most important thing is nailing down the child support/custody/visitation issues.
commented on Feeling Nothing About the Death of Robin Williams?
Loved him as a kid (I was 11 when Mork and Mindy premiered), began backing away in the 90's (too many sappy roles/films), went into a phase of actively disparaging him, and then was indifferent to him.
Now, I'm remembering being 11 again, and how Mork was must-see TV. That show was important to me.
Rest in peace, and sympathies to his friends and family.