Ms Driasis - Fair enough; there is clearly excess on the other side.

But I shall now delight Ms Wallingford and perhaps others by recalling a favourite story line of mine from All My Children about 35 years ago:

Erica Kane has only been married twice. Currently Nick Davis' hostess at his upmarket restaurant Le Chateau, Erica wants Nick to be Husband #3. But he refuses to propose. Never one for inaction, Erica tries to force Nick's hand by leaving Le Chateau to hostess for former football player Tom Cudahy at his new midmarket restaurant the Goal Post. Unfazed, Nick simply hires a new hostess - Claudette Montgomery, back in town after serving out a drug sentence.

Erica is Not Happy. But she is far from ready to make a direct and honest appeal to Nick. She'd much rather just get Claudette out of the way somehow; it's always some Other Woman who's Erica's problem.

As it happens, Pine Valley, though a fictional town, is definitely set in New York (like Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman being set in Fernwood, Ohio). New York decriminalizes marijuana possession at about this time. Erica isn't sure what this means. Fortunately, her second husband, Philip Brent, is a policeman. While asking Philip about what sort of infractions would violate Claudette's parole and get her sent back to prison, Erica also learns exactly what risks would be run by someone with a clean record. A plan begins to form in her mind.

Erica decides that the best thing to do is to acquire some pot herself, as the penalty if she's caught will be sufficiently minor to justify the risk, plant it in Claudette's purse one evening at Le Chateau, and then phone the police. Claudette's bag will be searched, the pot will be discovered, and Claudette will be sent back to prison. The distraught Nick will naturally turn to Erica and beg her to return, even if the price on her doing so is an engagement ring.

And fortunately, Erica will have no difficulty in acquiring the pot. It may be a bit of an open secret or Erica may have just learned this, but Phoebe Tyler's chauffeur Benny Sago has been known to dabble in dealing from time to time, though not hard drugs. Wanting to run as little risk as possible, Erica arranges with Benny to do the deal actually at Le Chateau. (Error #1)

Trying to look inconspicuous as she and Benny meet at the bar, Erica actually draws Nick's attention. Nick observes the transaction. Erica then sees her chance to plant the pot in Claudette's purse, but Nick sees enough to suspect something.

Erica then goes off to telephone the police with the information that the pothead hostess at Le Chateau is high as a kite. They'd better get over there right away! Unfortunately for Erica, she has left her own purse behind. (Error #2) Nick, who has been suspicious enough to find the pot Erica planted on Claudette, slips it into Erica's purse while she is on the telephone to the police.

Erica comes back, collects her purse, and is soon driving away from Le Chateau in a very happy mood. The police will soon arrive. They will find the pot in Claudette's purse. Claudette will soon be back in prison. But - Something Unprecedented happens.

In perhaps one of the best scenes Susan Lucci ever played, Erica realizes for the first time that setting Claudette up to go back to prison is a Terrible Thing to Do! She can't do that to anyone! She must get back to Le Chateau before the police arrive and get rid of the incriminating evidence! Erica turns her car around and speeds back.

Her hurry is duly noted. The usual sirens make themselves heard. And soon Erica is pulled over as Philip walks up to the car and asks to see her license and registration. Unsuspectingly, Erica opens her purse, and Guess What conveniently falls out.

After the usual unpleasantries, Erica is back at home. Ever resourceful, and by now thoroughly repentant of her attack of conscience, she phones Nick. When Nick arrives, he lets her go into her full recitation of how that evil Claudette is trying to get her hooks into Nick, even going so far as to plant pot on Erica! who got caught!! by the Police!!! Then comes Nick's full revelation of what he saw and did. Check. Mate.

Ms Migrationist - Perhaps Mr Savage did suspect such a thing; I am not sufficiently au courant with testing for M instead of N as being indicative of one gender of partner as opposed to another.

But the difference between slipping (even a bad slip) and Serious Cheating, which is a call really dependent on the Cheated Party and her views, ought to have been given a mention in such a case. I am old enough to recall when Thou Shalt Not Sleep With a Man was Rule Forty-Two (thus the oldest rule existing, per the King of Hearts) in the Lesbian Law Book (good old second wave feminism!). Standards are perhaps less strict now, but it remains a dealbreaker for some, and I should not choose to die on the hill of trying to argue anyone into abandoning that dealbreaker.

Mr Savage's position on disclosure (of various things) tends to veer on occasion dangerously close to endorsing entrapment. He has not done so yet, but you may recall how he tends to view the possible reactions of the party to whom disclosure of a dealbreaker has just been made. He's been quite binary about it, that the reaction is either to Embrace the Dealbreaker or to Run Away Screaming, in which case the dealbreaking party gets to call the fleeing party a nasty name. I have been among those trying to add Part With Regret as a legitimately recognized reaction to the disclosure.

In this case, if it were my novel, Soldier would be willing to accept a woman or three as slipping, but a Man (shock! horror!!) would constitute a Serious Infraction (worth at the very least the treatment doled out by Lady Middleton to Sir John when he'd invited the Miss Steeles to Barton without her having ever seen them; she resigned herself to what she couldn't undo with all the philosophy of a well-bred woman, and merely gave him a gentle reprimand on the subject five or six times every day). To be fair and clear, Mr Savage is still on the right side of Disclosing Serious Infractions Before Marriage, but not by that wide a margin. Still, I thought that, had he suspected a man in the bed, he'd have not let AWIT grandfather him in under the Drunk and Lonely Umbrella if Soldier were known to consider Men a dealbreaker.