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Oct 21, 2015 secretagent commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: A Fly In Coconut Ointment.
I couldn't tell the genders of the people in this letter but something about the LW reads female to me, so my comment is if they are MFF. Most straight men I know don't know anything about lube. Period. Let alone that there are differences in lube and that some of them shouldn't be mixed with latex. I think that plenty of the women I know probably never heard that either. We took sex ed in the 6th grade - and I doubt it had that info. Most American people probably don't spend time researching sex topics. They just grab something off the shelves. Also, many couples don't use condoms, but may use lube, so when they play with strangers (and use condoms, hopefully) it might not occur to them that they need to change up their lube.
Oct 19, 2015 secretagent commented on 15 Photos from the Treasure Island Music Festival, a Floating Carnival in the Clouds.
Also, not a single photo of all the art??
Oct 13, 2015 secretagent commented on SL Letter of the Day: Quick question.
@28 Wait, men can't sleep around? Since when?
Oct 13, 2015 secretagent commented on SL Letter of the Day: Quick question.
Donny K and others... So let me ask you this: why don't men write in with questions like this? Is it because men all have sex for healthy and normal reasons? Or perhaps it's because high-libidos in men are characterized as normal and healthy and natural and pathologized in women?

This is an intersection of our problematic views on sex. There are PLENTY of men who are having sex that is not feeding their need for real intimacy, meeting their kinks, respecting them as people who sometimes don't get hard or want sex 24/7 or have varying levels of skill. Men have all kinds of hang ups and issues with sex. They just aren't allowed to talk about it because if they're getting plenty then every thing should be fine, and if they're not, they're considered not real men and they need to up their game. This sexism that you're painting her with (question her reasons, caution her about sluts not being eligible to be girlfriends) impacts men just as much and you should fucking knock it off.

I'm a slut. I've also had my share of solid and monogamous relationships. And I find over and over that men are starved for understanding, both of their emotions and of their sexuality. Plenty of them are damaged because of our expectations of men. Plenty of them have been taught that getting laid all the time is the key to a happy life and then they are lonely, depressed, and struggle to form real connections.

So to her, I say rock on, sister, if you're happy with your choices. If not, seek some therapy and some self-understanding so you can find out how to get what you need. And to everyone else, stop treating and talking about men like sexual animals whilst also treating and talking about women like Madonna/whores.
Oct 7, 2015 secretagent commented on I Saw Ridley Scott's The Martian Last Night and Loved It (Except For One Thing).
That scene pissed me off. I turned to my boyfriend and said that id have snatched that pen out of his hand so fast he'd have been lucky to still have a hand. No, don't touch a colleague at work. No, don't touch a woman uninvited. And NO, Don't touch a female colleague by whacking her in the forehead with an object. These are basic kindergarten rules : don't hit, don't touch. These boundaries are twice as important in a male dominated workplace where women have long had to strive for respect. That so many people don't see how disrespectful and problematic that is shows people have to keep making a stand. Thanks, Dan.
Oct 7, 2015 secretagent commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Can't Unread That.
Absolutely. I learned most of what I know about relationships from doing it wrong. You live, you hurt, you hurt others, you learn.
Oct 6, 2015 secretagent commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Can't Unread That.
Eh, if my partner wrote something about how disgusting he found my body, it would be over. He doesn't have to think I'm the hottest thing ever and he can certainly notice my flaws. But that he would take the time to write down how ugly or horrible I am would really bother me and I don't think I could get over it. And it would be really hard for me to feel sexy in front of him, and therefore our sex life would be over. It's time to move on.
Sep 30, 2015 secretagent commented on Savage Love.
LIAR - get out, get out, get out. Do not continue dating the nice guy with the kid who makes love to you. You want to be fucked. That's ok. Dragging kiddo through the mess this is about to be is not. It's too early for you to settle - get into therapy and figure out what you really want. I suspect you think you can't have an awesome kinky sex life and a good man. But you can. You can also have an honest relationship. Not this one though.

TMI - there's nothing wrong with not being exclusive after 2 months. There is something wrong with allowing someone to believe you are, behaving as though you are, and then changing your mind without telling him. As a person who has done that, and has gone on to date ethically and still gets everything she wants, just be honest. It's so much easier, you weed out douchebags right away, and you get to know the person before committing. And if I'm honest, lots of the most awesome guys are really, really stoked to find someone who isn't just looking for generic boyfriend, but really looking for the right one. They want to know you really chose them and that they have to prove themselves awesome, just like you do.
Sep 23, 2015 secretagent commented on Savage Love.
Friend code: Thou shalt not bang mine FWB. It's pretty standard protocol that roommates and best friends do not bang your bangees without explicit permission. Drunken threesome may have temporarily lowered those boundaries, but BFF put them right back up. Best friend/roommate fucked up. This happened to me. I dropped the FWB, made sure my friend/housemate and I were still in agreement about those boundaries and forgave her. One bang of a casual should not undo years of friendship.

However, FWB has to go. First, because he is obviously a moron. Any man who genuinely thinks it's a good idea to screw two best friends and/or housemates is colossally stupid. There are so many red flags waving in that situation. DRAMA. (As an aside, just because something isn't illegal doesn't mean it's smart. Do not shit where you eat. Just don't do it.) Second, he doesn't care about you that way. He wouldn't do that if he did. And even if you were to magically transform him into your boyfriend (hot tip: you won't) then you have to stress about him not-fucking your best friend. Who happens to be your housemate. No no no no no. There's plenty of dick in the sea. Go find some fresh.
Sep 17, 2015 secretagent commented on SL Letter of the Day: Spawn of Satan.
@DRF LMFTFY - "meant that almost certainly the WOMAN didn't have any STD's..." Purity has rarely been an attribute required of or celebrated in men.