Oct 14, 2015 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Column A and Column B.
@26 - a king bed could help with smooth sleeping, if we had a room large enough to hold one. However, that doesn't help with noise, light, differing sleep schedules, preferred levels of tidiness, or any of the privacy and space factors that come up when you consider sharing a room with someone. It was such an obvious need within my own relationship that I was surprised to find out, once we'd got to the point where we could easily afford to live in a two-bed apartment, how taboo it was. Some people assumed we were breaking up because we wanted our own goddamn rooms. So I guess some people only share because it would be taboo not to, and really, I want to tell those people to just get your own rooms, it really is a huge quality of life thing if you feel that way.
Oct 14, 2015 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Column A and Column B.
Weirds me out that so many people are hung up on bedsharing. I'm an adult; I like to have my own room. Separate rooms means you can keep different hours, make different noises, tolerate different levels/types of mess, and generally have a much more chilled out relationship. I've been married for almost 8 years and we've rarely slept in the same room since we could first afford a place with two rooms (not even two bedrooms, two ROOMS). We can still sleep in the same place when we want to, but that's rarely the case. It's just way easier to sleep without another human trying to live in the same room.
Oct 1, 2015 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Does a Lesbian Bridesmaid Have to Suck Dick?.
After a few really awkward nights out I made a blanket rule of never, ever attending events that are intended as strictly women-only. Not for your wedding, not for political reasons, nada. If you're doing something cool and only girls show up, I'm fine, but if it's built in as 'GIRLS ONLY TEE HEE' I am the fuck out of dodge. Who invites only half their friends to a party? Beats me.
Sep 23, 2015 thene commented on SL Letter of the Day: Help!.
Worse than the legal risk is the risk of being caught. You can explain away some of the other stuff as being a horror kick, a joke, or something your weird friend linked you to. CP would permanently ruin your life even if the cops aren't involved. Hell, some relatives might GET the cops involved if they find out you read CP.
Sep 7, 2015 thene commented on I, Anonymous.
I had a similar experience a few months ago - girl had just been beaten and asked me if it showed.

I was SO underprepared for this shit, and kicked myself for it afterwards. Learn your local DVvshelter and support resources - you never know when you might need to give that info to someone else on the spot.
Aug 24, 2015 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: A Married Woman.
What Chase @ 3 said... Heavens, isn't every married person's phone full of text-flirting? We've been married for 7 years and have collectively accumulated nude selifes of at least 5 different girls. Iirc I'm way behind here, 4-1 - the settled guy thing really is a sext magnet because every girl who ISN'T in an LTR thinks that committed/married guys are the best bet for their non-committal sexting. It's been mostly his ex-coworkers, for some reason - back when we lived in Atlanta it seemed like every girl who quits working with him sends him naked photos within a week or two. I don't even get how couples stay married without sharing their naked selfie stashes. Chill out, LW. Hope you find a cute guy to send you his selfies.
Aug 7, 2015 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: A Fully Weaponized Kink.
gone_girl, next time you think of him as 'well-liked' just remember that there are at least a few dozen people here who would willingly shank him.
Aug 2, 2015 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: A Fully Weaponized Kink.
@39 - the way long-term abusers work is by normalising what they do. Humans are really suggestible and if you treat someone a certain way for long enough, it becomes their definition of normal life. Abusers also play hot and cold, and not just in the classic sense (described in the post) of becoming very affectionate right after an episode of abuse. It's more like, 99% of the time, they're not actively abusing you; instead, you're asleep, or at work, or caring for the kids, or buying groceries, etc. A horrifying abusive occurrence once every few weeks, punctuated by periods of calm, affection, and a battery of explanations about how that thing they did was totally your fault because you provoked it and also it's just normal and reasonable, everyone's got kinks, all couples are like this, get over it already - that's how they work. Abusers run an exploit on how human beings function. A lot of them target people who are particularly vulnerable to that exploit - sharks can smell blood. Never be surprised what people put up with from an abuser. In the same circumstances, you would be equally vulnerable.
Jul 16, 2015 thene commented on Erin Go "Bra-Less??!!".
#6 - not really? There are a lot of different things you can wear that provide support. I only wear bras for extreme formal occasions or job interviews. I hate those fucking things on so many levels.
Jun 25, 2015 thene commented on Yes, I'm Still on PrEP, and Yes, I Still Think of It as a Godsend.
@12/14 - according to Evan's first PrEP article, Truvada was originally approved as a treatment for HIV and has been used by HIV+ patients for many years. So why would it be bad to give it to someone who already has HIV, but didn't know it?