Jul 16 thene commented on Erin Go "Bra-Less??!!".
#6 - not really? There are a lot of different things you can wear that provide support. I only wear bras for extreme formal occasions or job interviews. I hate those fucking things on so many levels.
Jun 25 thene commented on Yes, I'm Still on PrEP, and Yes, I Still Think of It as a Godsend.
@12/14 - according to Evan's first PrEP article, Truvada was originally approved as a treatment for HIV and has been used by HIV+ patients for many years. So why would it be bad to give it to someone who already has HIV, but didn't know it?
Jun 1 thene commented on Anti-Animal Testing Activist Chained to Top of Excavator at University of Washington.
I love how 11 and their ilk seem to think that scientists use animal models for shits and giggles. Oh wait, they just do it TO MAKE MONEY. If it weren't for the moneygrubbing biologists, clearly by now we would have SOLVED CANCER by using NOT ANIMALS to study biology.
May 4 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Is "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Right For You?.
Being sexually attracted to people other than your spouse, and accepting that attraction, doesn't necessarily entail having sex with other people. My husband and I talk about our crushes a lot. We enjoy our crushes, and often each other's. It can be a hell of a lot of fun making-eyes at your hot coworker, or cuddling with a hot friend while nursing a hidden agenda. We've been married for 8 years and not been inclined to act on these attractions; we can't be certain it will stay that way forever (hey, we've yet to both crush on the same person at the same time...that would be fun), but pervy, voyeuristic monogamy is doing us well so far.
Mar 25 thene commented on Savage Love Letters of the Day: You've Got Hate Mail.
I just got a new copper IUD; if you don't mind the slightly heavier periods, they're wonderful. Effortless, 10-year no baby zone.

Westello @ 25 - I'm very sorry. I'm not sure what to read into your comment, but I don't think Dan's brief response to that topic was intended to imply disrespect, only to correct a double standard.
Mar 7 thene commented on Savage Love Letters of the Day: Quick Hits.
Call me rare, I guess. My husband and I have always talked about our crushes - we just see it as the most sane thing to do. Usually it's just a matter of having fun being into a hot friend or coworker. One time, it was pretty serious; that was an odd experience, but not particularly threatening (partly because the crush's circumstances meant that it was impossible that it would lead to anything). I'm glad we were able to talk about it and be patient with each other's feelings. Not least in that whether you're talking about it or not, it's usually REALLY OBVIOUS when your spouse is nursing a hella crush, and going the lies-and-paranoia route doesn't help anyone.
Feb 9 thene commented on The Best Part of Jupiter Ascending Is the Paperwork.
I loved it. It's a fun, dumb movie that's actually fun, unlike over 90% of things billed to me as fun, dumb movies. My one complaint is that it took too long to leave Earth. Totally disagree with Paul about the love stuff - it was deliberately inept, nothing true about it, and the dog comment was just LOL.
Dec 17, 2014 thene commented on "Rape Exceptionalism" and Protecting Law Students from "Triggers".
43 - You are badly misunderstanding the way trigger warnings are used. Rather than 'to have people not talk about all of these subjects', the convention of trigger warnings exists to facilitate conversations about these subjects. You just have to tell people in advance what they're going to be hearing about, so the listeners can a) benefit from being forewarned, which often makes it easier to handle, and b) if there's something they really think they CAN'T handle right now, they can leave without obstructing anyone else's conversation.

It's about informed consent. Part of the problem highlighted above is that you can't give informed consent to an exam question, which is the kind of reason trigger warnings are ineffective in most situations.
Dec 17, 2014 thene commented on "Rape Exceptionalism" and Protecting Law Students from "Triggers".
I still remember a horribly triggering experience I had in a class way back in secondary school. My history teacher was one of those unrestrained ramblers, and one morning he decided to wander off-syllabus and deliver a lengthy monologue on the topic of funeral rites. I was 12 years old, and my mother had died suddenly three months beforehand. I still regret not walking out of that room - it felt like something I could not do, on many levels. I didn't think I was 'allowed' to make that experience end, and I think I was in too much pain to move.

Rape is a much more private trauma than bereavement; that may be why we have this convention of trigger warnings, because without them there's even less space to stand up and walk out of a room because you are trying to work through the aftermath of trauma and cannot turn what you're hearing into an educational experience right now because you are in too much fucking pain to think. However, I think 'trigger warnings' in areas of public life like education (or the workplace, or indeed the internet) are incredibly misleading, hence the scare quotes - these are not the closed, controlled, therapeutic spaces for which the term was coined. If you've ever made use of a real therapeutic safe space - offline or online - this is obvious. Communication in a safe space is highly controlled; trigger warnings are a part of that control, because it's understood that in that space, providing care to the participants is THE overriding purpose of communication. Outside therapeutic spaces, we have many other reasons to communicate, such as self-expression, education, commerce, accessing our legal rights, etc. Trigger warnings cannot work in such environments and instituting ad hoc, patchy attempts to apply them is misleading and pointless.

I am very sympathetic for the need to make more space for human beings to get over trauma while still living their lives, but trying to turn public life into a controlled therapeutic space is not the way to go.

Dec 2, 2014 thene commented on UK Bans Production of Porn Featuring Female Ejaculation.
You might want to read this exchange from 2001-2002 between the BBFC and Feminists Against Censorship, in which the latter discovered that the former had claimed to be banning female ejaculation not because they found it obscene, but because it didn't exist. The BBFC responded to say that, uh, well there were different opinions on whether female ejaculation existed or not, so they were banning it because what squirt fans really want is obviously pee. A correspondent of FAC then wrote in to tell them that the BBFC had asked him to withdraw a documentary-style film he made about female ejaculation because they couldn't allow anything even DISCUSSING female ejaculation, as it was really pee.

No, really. Read this shit.