Jan 28, 2016 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Debt and the Maiden.
@27 - I don't think you have to be a 'big spender' to rack up $170k in grad school debt, certainly not in trap fields like law or liberal arts. You just have to lack insight when it comes to money. All grad schools lie about how much money their grads make and how hot their market niche is, and if you apply to grad school while you're still in college (and the timeline would make sense here), it's easy to get high off their bullshit and glitter. You either believe that the trap degree will magically give you a well-paying job, or (and I've seen this many times), you have too little future insight to understand what the debt will do to your life, and you tell yourself you NEED the grad school to feel fulfilled. (see every MFA, film school, humanities PhD with $100k+ in debt).

I guess that, like differing sex drives, differing levels of financial insight are one of those things that cause tension but which many couples successfully manage. Unfortunately it seems to work best if the insightful person takes on the entire burden of planning and legwork, and it appears that's what was happening here previously. I bet LW is simmering with resentment about having to be the vigilant one and the bad cop for all this time - not just to her but to himself as well. And I don't blame him, I hate feeling that way too.
Jan 28, 2016 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Debt and the Maiden.
Erica @23 - I assumed the opposite. If she was from money, her family would never have let her overpay for a dead-end school.
Jan 28, 2016 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Debt and the Maiden.
I wonder if she was just deeply in denial about her debt, and not so much lazy as overwhelmed.

I feel awful for both of them - for the LW, for having this nasty shock to their plans, and the fiancée, because an educational debt must be a horrible reason to get dumped, or to live under the threat of dumping. You go to some school you were told would land you a good salary (it was law school, wasn't it?), you find out there is no good salary waiting for you and you're stuck as being the secondary earner, and then someone tells you they can't be with you any more due to your debt. What do you do, at that point?
Nov 10, 2015 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Self-Fulfilling Assholery.
Wow, sounds a lot like my BIL's ex-wife. Did I mention 'ex'. Did I mention 'wife'. It's much, much easier to step away from the brink now than to have to deal with divorce and custody a few years down the line.

(I seriously couldn't scratch the surface of that particular barrel of fuck. She was always very nice and personable around me, but we lived in the same house and I guess she didn't know that we all heard her screaming through the walls. She was so jealous that she completely flipped at him once when he called her from the airport after a work trip, because she could hear a woman talking in the background on the call...it was his sister...who she KNEW was going to be picking her husband up from the airport. She then made him quit the job - at the height of the recession, with nothing else lined up - because of 'her feelings' about him travelling for work, and therefore having the purely theoretical opportunity to cheat on her. Anyone that 'jealous' has some deep-seated issues about self-worth, boundaries and control, and the more you abide by their 'feelings', the worse they will treat you.)
Oct 23, 2015 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: First the Funs, Then the Runs.
3 & 4 - she seems to be monogamous so my guess would be that the allergy onset happened to coincide with her meeting hubby. There is, of course, only one way to find out for sure.
Oct 14, 2015 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Column A and Column B.
@26 - a king bed could help with smooth sleeping, if we had a room large enough to hold one. However, that doesn't help with noise, light, differing sleep schedules, preferred levels of tidiness, or any of the privacy and space factors that come up when you consider sharing a room with someone. It was such an obvious need within my own relationship that I was surprised to find out, once we'd got to the point where we could easily afford to live in a two-bed apartment, how taboo it was. Some people assumed we were breaking up because we wanted our own goddamn rooms. So I guess some people only share because it would be taboo not to, and really, I want to tell those people to just get your own rooms, it really is a huge quality of life thing if you feel that way.
Oct 14, 2015 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Column A and Column B.
Weirds me out that so many people are hung up on bedsharing. I'm an adult; I like to have my own room. Separate rooms means you can keep different hours, make different noises, tolerate different levels/types of mess, and generally have a much more chilled out relationship. I've been married for almost 8 years and we've rarely slept in the same room since we could first afford a place with two rooms (not even two bedrooms, two ROOMS). We can still sleep in the same place when we want to, but that's rarely the case. It's just way easier to sleep without another human trying to live in the same room.
Oct 1, 2015 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Does a Lesbian Bridesmaid Have to Suck Dick?.
After a few really awkward nights out I made a blanket rule of never, ever attending events that are intended as strictly women-only. Not for your wedding, not for political reasons, nada. If you're doing something cool and only girls show up, I'm fine, but if it's built in as 'GIRLS ONLY TEE HEE' I am the fuck out of dodge. Who invites only half their friends to a party? Beats me.
Sep 23, 2015 thene commented on SL Letter of the Day: Help!.
Worse than the legal risk is the risk of being caught. You can explain away some of the other stuff as being a horror kick, a joke, or something your weird friend linked you to. CP would permanently ruin your life even if the cops aren't involved. Hell, some relatives might GET the cops involved if they find out you read CP.
Sep 7, 2015 thene commented on I, Anonymous.
I had a similar experience a few months ago - girl had just been beaten and asked me if it showed.

I was SO underprepared for this shit, and kicked myself for it afterwards. Learn your local DVvshelter and support resources - you never know when you might need to give that info to someone else on the spot.