TMI
- Bring It On or Stomp the Yard
- Where's your hairiest square inch?: ... my head? as it should be
- What book have you read the most?: the crying of lot 49
- Pot or Coke
- Dan Savage or Charles Mudede
May 20
mydriasis commented on Savage Love.
mydriasis commented on Savage Love.
Um.... Eirene did you just ignore my multiple posts on all the people feminists don't accept? I actually didn't mention married mothers as one of them.
May 19
mydriasis commented on Savage Love.
mydriasis commented on Savage Love.
@tachycardia
DYING. I was literally thinking of the pie analogy earlier too, although I thought of apple.
DYING. I was literally thinking of the pie analogy earlier too, although I thought of apple.
May 19
mydriasis commented on Savage Love.
mydriasis commented on Savage Love.
@tito
His original comment was (as usual) completely tonedeaf since no one was suggesting that they had a PIV-only sex life, or that anyone wants one.
That's what I was getting at.
I don't know anyone who has PIV only all the time. One time I had mono, so I did PIV-only during that time (don't want to be getting anyone sick!) and it was pretty ok, actually... but it'd be boring long term.
His original comment was (as usual) completely tonedeaf since no one was suggesting that they had a PIV-only sex life, or that anyone wants one.
That's what I was getting at.
I don't know anyone who has PIV only all the time. One time I had mono, so I did PIV-only during that time (don't want to be getting anyone sick!) and it was pretty ok, actually... but it'd be boring long term.
May 19
mydriasis commented on Savage Love.
mydriasis commented on Savage Love.
@migrationist,
Did you read any of my post at 201 or tachycardia's at 213?
You seem to be missing the point.
I guess I'll restate the simplest one. How someone perceives their own sexual experience isn't an entirely logical equation. It's deeply personal, and that's okay.
Masturbation is a type of sex but most people don't refer to it as "sex" - do you feel that's wrong?
Did you read any of my post at 201 or tachycardia's at 213?
You seem to be missing the point.
I guess I'll restate the simplest one. How someone perceives their own sexual experience isn't an entirely logical equation. It's deeply personal, and that's okay.
Masturbation is a type of sex but most people don't refer to it as "sex" - do you feel that's wrong?
May 19
mydriasis commented on Savage Love.
mydriasis commented on Savage Love.
@albiet
Ahhh yes. The old "feminism is about equality and if you don't like it you must not want equality for women" argument. I know it well.
“If I look up ‘carrot’ in the dictionary, most people will acknowledge I do not know all there is to know about carrots and if I truly want to understand carrots, I should probably pick up a horticultural text book. We know that legal and medical terms are going to be, at best, simplistically represented and know we need to find a lawyer or a doctor if we want to know more. Anyone deciding to base their argument on, say, a philosophical concept or term using the dictionary is going to be laughed at at best, or automatically lose whatever argument they’re trying to make at least.
Yet the minute we move into a social justice framework, the ultimate authority changes. We don’t need lived experience, we don’t need experts who have examined centuries of social disparities and discrimination, we don’t need societal context. We don’t need sociology or history – no, we have THE DICTIONARY! That ultimate tome of oracular insight, the last word on any debate!
It’s patently ridiculous and you can see that by applying it to any other field of knowledge. But the privileged will continually trot out simplistic, twitter-style dictionary definitions as if they are the last word and the ultimate authority. No-one would drag out the dictionary to debate science with a scientist. But they’re more than willing to trot out a dictionary definition of racism over any sociological analysis. A dictionary is not the ultimate authority - they’re a rough guide for you to discover the simple meaning of words you’ve never heard before – not an ultimate definition of what the word means and all its contexts.”
— Sparky, Womanist Musings
LOTS of women who care about women's right choose not to identify with feminism because of it's abhorrently racist, homophobic/transphobic, sexphobic history (and present!). I've said it here before and I'll say it again: if people feel excluded from your movement it's not their job to suck it up and join anyway so things will magically get better. If you're a feminist it's your job to make your movement more inclusive to:
- women of colour
- transwomen
- sex workers, and other women who's sexuality doesn't fit the feminist mold
- women from other cultures/countries
not our job to come in, put up with your shit, and singlehandedly make things better for other women like us while you guys deny that there's even a problem in the first place.
Or, if you like, here's another quote:
Q:Are you a feminist?
This is a tough question to answer for me in particular. In my experience, I have found it to be hard to call myself a word that is concreted in a movement that excluded women of color, immigrants and LGBT women since I hold all of those identities in one way or another. Organized feminism can also be found to be filled with classism, academia and things like racism which generally don’t make a brown woman like me feel all too safe.
Currently, I would prefer to call myself a womanist or simply a radical woman of color. I stand in unity with different groups of people and believe in fighting for any group who suffers and am not willing to be an oppressor for the “good” of any cause.
More...
Ahhh yes. The old "feminism is about equality and if you don't like it you must not want equality for women" argument. I know it well.
“If I look up ‘carrot’ in the dictionary, most people will acknowledge I do not know all there is to know about carrots and if I truly want to understand carrots, I should probably pick up a horticultural text book. We know that legal and medical terms are going to be, at best, simplistically represented and know we need to find a lawyer or a doctor if we want to know more. Anyone deciding to base their argument on, say, a philosophical concept or term using the dictionary is going to be laughed at at best, or automatically lose whatever argument they’re trying to make at least.
Yet the minute we move into a social justice framework, the ultimate authority changes. We don’t need lived experience, we don’t need experts who have examined centuries of social disparities and discrimination, we don’t need societal context. We don’t need sociology or history – no, we have THE DICTIONARY! That ultimate tome of oracular insight, the last word on any debate!
It’s patently ridiculous and you can see that by applying it to any other field of knowledge. But the privileged will continually trot out simplistic, twitter-style dictionary definitions as if they are the last word and the ultimate authority. No-one would drag out the dictionary to debate science with a scientist. But they’re more than willing to trot out a dictionary definition of racism over any sociological analysis. A dictionary is not the ultimate authority - they’re a rough guide for you to discover the simple meaning of words you’ve never heard before – not an ultimate definition of what the word means and all its contexts.”
— Sparky, Womanist Musings
LOTS of women who care about women's right choose not to identify with feminism because of it's abhorrently racist, homophobic/transphobic, sexphobic history (and present!). I've said it here before and I'll say it again: if people feel excluded from your movement it's not their job to suck it up and join anyway so things will magically get better. If you're a feminist it's your job to make your movement more inclusive to:
- women of colour
- transwomen
- sex workers, and other women who's sexuality doesn't fit the feminist mold
- women from other cultures/countries
not our job to come in, put up with your shit, and singlehandedly make things better for other women like us while you guys deny that there's even a problem in the first place.
Or, if you like, here's another quote:
Q:Are you a feminist?
This is a tough question to answer for me in particular. In my experience, I have found it to be hard to call myself a word that is concreted in a movement that excluded women of color, immigrants and LGBT women since I hold all of those identities in one way or another. Organized feminism can also be found to be filled with classism, academia and things like racism which generally don’t make a brown woman like me feel all too safe.
Currently, I would prefer to call myself a womanist or simply a radical woman of color. I stand in unity with different groups of people and believe in fighting for any group who suffers and am not willing to be an oppressor for the “good” of any cause.
May 18
mydriasis commented on Savage Love.
mydriasis commented on Savage Love.
"Presumably, having gotten that attention, the DSGs do a quick turn-around and leave the guys hanging."
Wait, why is that your presumption?
Wait, why is that your presumption?
May 18
mydriasis commented on Savage Love.
mydriasis commented on Savage Love.
@Eirene
A straight girl making out with another girl to get the attention of a guy is no more "mocking" of lesbianism than a vanilla girl engaging in a little kink to please her man is "mocking" of BDSM.
Unless you're talking about women literally being like "LAWL LESBIANS LET'S MAKE OUT TO MAKE FUN OF THEM" which was nothing like the letter and certainly nothing I've ever heard of, seen, or even logical...
A straight girl making out with another girl to get the attention of a guy is no more "mocking" of lesbianism than a vanilla girl engaging in a little kink to please her man is "mocking" of BDSM.
Unless you're talking about women literally being like "LAWL LESBIANS LET'S MAKE OUT TO MAKE FUN OF THEM" which was nothing like the letter and certainly nothing I've ever heard of, seen, or even logical...
May 18
mydriasis commented on Savage Love.
mydriasis commented on Savage Love.
@tito
Woah woah woah woah
Ain't nobody talking about a world without blowjobs. Cutting out blowjobs and cutting out cunnilingus are two very different things in my book.
Woah woah woah woah
Ain't nobody talking about a world without blowjobs. Cutting out blowjobs and cutting out cunnilingus are two very different things in my book.
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"I certainly don't consider oral or manual sex as "sex" (for myself)"
"People can have their own ways of viewing their own sexuality."
"I understand that LITERALLY those things are sex. But my brain doesn't process them as the same as sex, my body doesn't experience them as the same as sex, so... I don't call them sex. "
"How someone perceives their own sexual experience isn't an entirely logical equation. It's deeply personal, and that's okay."
These are all things I've said in this thread. So how did you get that I wanted to define anyone's experiences but mine?