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Dec 22, 2011 GQbd commented on Savage Love.
As a gross generalization, I think most guys would rather know that they are ineffective rather than be deceived. It is something that guys talk about but I suspect that that generalization may apply more to guys who know that they can be effective. As for women, I now realize that I have never discussed with my female friends whether they would want a girl to fake an orgasm for them or not.

That said, any misgivings about effectiveness is a touchy subject to bring up because you risk sending the message that you want faked orgasms.
Dec 22, 2011 GQbd commented on Savage Love.
WTF's complaint made me think of an ex-wife who was bad to balance her checkbook after sex. Unlike with WFT, however, that wasn't uncharacteristic at all. Regardless, for someone whose major turn on is giving their partner pleasure and who has never experienced that sort of reaction before, it can be very confusing and upsetting. Maybe the most difficult part is knowing whether it's a message that you need to up your game or that you are sleeping with the wrong person.

Nov 2, 2011 GQbd commented on Savage Love.
I too would like to know what is meant by "fuck . . . your Christmas ham" (is that anything like boning the ham, or cutt'n the ham, or gett'n a slice of that ham, or making the ham squeal like a pig?) but I'm afraid that Dan may have meant it literally and I can't see going there. Besides, my counters are too high and my kitchen windows look out on the neighbors, and vice verse.
Nov 2, 2011 GQbd commented on Savage Love.
#12 has a good point. There is always a bunch of emotional shit swirling around weddings as well as divorces so when you mix the two it's not shit on shit, it's shit squared. Without open communication between TAFCA, her groom and his children everyone is just thrashing about in the dark and there is no way to know what's going on or who is going to be hurt.

My main complaint about Dan's advice is that I did not see it involving consultation with the groom. Yeah, grooms are suppose to traditionally just show up and shut up, but there is a danger of resentment if the bride does not get his buy in (and vice verse) on whatever is decided.

Nov 1, 2011 GQbd commented on Savage Love.
Me, I like EricaP's posts. She is a consistent voice of reason, insight, compassion, experience and maybe a little of whatever it is that makes some of us say, "Oh yeah, baby; that's what I'm talking about!"

For some people (too many, in fact) their first post is one too many. EricaP has never worn out her welcome in my mind.
Oct 26, 2011 GQbd commented on Savage Love.
I am wondering what UPS and her boyfriend have agreed that their relationship will be like after they are geographically united. Monogamous? Monogamish? I may be wrong but I sense that he is afraid of the competition from her kinks. If he is not into BDSM then maybe he is afraid that if she indulges now she won't be able to give it up later and he will feel inadequate. Similarly, if she can do girls in his absence but not guys, what is the distinction in his mind? Does he understand her well enough to know that she can put girls aside, assuming that that is what they've agreed to, or he is just assuming that? Or maybe he can share with a girl and not with a dude. It seems that they both need to have a conversation about what their future expectations are and I suspect that UPS needs to decide whether she can abide by that in the long term.
Sep 8, 2011 GQbd commented on Who's Getting Snotty About Sick Leave?.
Back in the day I employed people and just wrestling with the social security tax withholding was pain enough. I don't miss it. If you can it's better just to work for yourself and not have to deal employees. Sure, hiring employees allows you to grow your business and make more money but money has to be weighed against headaches and quality of life. I mean, the reasons for doing this are fine and good, but don't be surprised if small businesses find a way to do without more employees or even the employees they already have if the burden of having employees gets too large.
Sep 8, 2011 GQbd commented on Savage Love.
While everyone has been obsessed with DARE (Whatever), I've been thinking about ANEMD (without benefit of palm oil, thank you).

At first, assuming that she dates age appropriate, I was tempted to speculate on what mid-twenties were looking for, or starting to look for in a relationship, but that's been 30 years for me, so what do I know. Next I was tempted to say that, in spite what one might infer from Dan's columns, monogomish is not for everybody. I dare say that for those it does work for it might take a bit more maturity and even self confidence than is found in many people in their mid-twenties; an age when (based on my observations)people are either settling down or just having fun sleeping around. That caused me to think that ANEMD should look at older guys who have had their kids and don't mind that their girlfriend gets around. A guy like that might even know women his own age who need some attention from time to time themselves. Of course, age differences can be fraught with problems as well.

It was then that I re-read her letter and got stuck on the phrase "I'm every dude's dream, right?" and I thought, Whoa. What if a guy wrote a letter complaining about not being able to get in a relationship and said "I'm God's gift to women, right?" Dan and everyone would have been on him like stink on shit. It strikes me that ANEMD needs to take a serious mirror break and ask herself whether she's dragging an unseemly attitude into this relationship quest. After that she can follow Dan's advice.
Sep 6, 2011 GQbd commented on Deeply Embarrassed White People Talk Awkwardly About Race.
This is an interesting article and one which I am still trying to wrap my head around. The myriad thoughts going through my head are no doubt compounded by the fact that I am not from Seattle -- never been there, in fact -- so how I view what Seattle considers to be race relations are probably colored by my own ignorance and prejudices(how is it that the "5th whitest city in the US" is only 66% white?). Regardless, is the article's point that the litany of disparities between Seattle's black community and the rest of Seattle would somehow evaporate if only white people would understand their racism? I don't mean any disrespect, but that strikes me as either arrogant or naive.

Sep 6, 2011 GQbd commented on Deeply Embarrassed White People Talk Awkwardly About Race.
@ # 252: Now that's funny!