http://www.thestranger.com/SavageLovePodcast/archives/2012/03/19/savage-love-episode-283 Comments On: Savage Love Episode 283 by Dan Savage en-us Copyright 2013 The Stranger. All rights reserved. This RSS file is offered to individuals, The Stranger readers, and non-commercial organizations only. Any commercial websites wishing to use this RSS file, please contact The Stranger. webmaster@thestranger.com (The Stranger Webmaster) Wed, 22 May 2013 00:00:01 -0700 Wed, 22 May 2013 23:15:00 -0700 Foundation http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Posted by A Nursing Mother]]> Tue, 03 Jul 2012 16:22:49 -0700 The Stranger
What did fuck up my libido? Using birth control pills back before we decided to have a kid. It messed my libido up so badly that my libido didn't fully come back until we finally got pregnant after a year, my pregnancy, and the aforementioned 2 months postpartum. That's how fucked up BCPs are.

Oh yeah, and I started eating meat and a ton more fat. And watched my cholesterol numbers improve, my energy increase, and my hair grow faster. But the improvements began with getting off BCPs.

Anyway, your opinions on breastfeeding are fucking stupid, but I'll forgive them if you support top freedom cause that'll help breastfeeding acceptance anyway.
Posted by Sarah Hillsdale]]> Wed, 04 Apr 2012 02:03:05 -0700 The Stranger
If so, congratulations, and tell me if it's the same way in 10 years.
Posted by Sarah Hillsdale]]> Wed, 04 Apr 2012 01:48:26 -0700 The Stranger discount dildos store


Posted by Ericapleasures]]> Sun, 01 Apr 2012 23:11:17 -0700 The Stranger Posted by wxPDX]]> Wed, 28 Mar 2012 21:41:52 -0700 The Stranger Posted by bella28]]> Wed, 28 Mar 2012 16:41:47 -0700 The Stranger
The only person who was "smoking crack" was Amy Lang on that phone call. Chill out, lady.

I agree with Dan about the shame behavior and the lying being red flags. They could certainly be indicators of abuse, but I was shocked to hear them say that little girls have no notion of the fact that they have holes with which to put things in. And if they have that knowledge, they must have been abused. Sigh. I don't know, it was extremely annoying to me!

I agree that the right answer was "don't do that, it isn't safe," because I realize vaginas don't like to have things like chalk, crayons, and legos in them. I understand that, but the overreaction about where the behavior comes from was frustrating to listen to.

Oh and between that call and the caller with the three year old boy with the raging hard-on: thank you so much for giving me reasons #567 and #568 why I NEVER WANT TO HAVE KIDS.

Ever :)
Posted by bella28]]> Wed, 28 Mar 2012 16:41:03 -0700 The Stranger
I was polymorphously perverse before I could read and didn't discover my father's extensive porn collection 'til a few years into my exciting experiments. I know the experiments preceded the porn because my masturbation fantasies were about power differentials but not related to actual sex 'til the porn discovery, whereupon they became kindof pedestrian--not that they seemed so at the time, all of that stuff being fabulously new and unbelievable, then. You are normal, Rachel Charlie. Normal, normal, normal. See Precocious's post directly below yours for more proof. Also, what was the nonsense about "children are not secretive about anything unless they're being abused?" What kind of Sound of Music sunshiney children can you be referring to? Children don't play doctor in front of adults traditionally, do they? And who masturbates in front of their parents??? I'd think that'd be clearer evidence of abuse or damage or just weirdness than retreating to one's bedroom for some private time like a sane 5-year-old. I guess when people become parents of children they promptly forget what it was like to be children, themselves. It must be some kind of adaptation to keep the species going, because if you remembered accurately what normal healthy children are like, you'd never be able to face the horrors of parenthood.

Also, Rachel Charlie, you should read David Sedaris's hilarious account of discovering a salacious novel and sharing it around the whole Sedaris household--kids and mom--before David finally sneaks it into the bed of some guy's pickup truck in the parking lot of the grocery store, and then watches the guy come out of the store, find the book, study it briefly, and speed off in anticipation. I forget what book it's in, but seek it out.
Posted by cousine]]> Tue, 27 Mar 2012 15:54:50 -0700 The Stranger
In my case, I breastfed for 2 years, got knocked up, breastfed for 3 years, got knocked up and then breastfed for 2 years. I was pregnant or nursing for a decade. And I pretty much had no sex drive the entire time. It started to return after the second child, which is what led to the 3rd child (condoms are not 100% effective!)

When my last child was about 4 years old, I went to my doctor and complained about my absent libido and she told me to wait until my youngest was in grade 1, and make sure to have pity sex reasonably regularly until then, because husbands still need that connection.

Grade 1 seemed a little nuts, but she had yet to steer me wrong, so I followed her advice. Sex didn't interest me at all, but I faked it about once a week for my husband. He knew I wasn't really interested and that not being interested very much distressed me and was a really good guy about it. A good, *patient* guy.

And, oh my god did my sex drive come back. Like a freight train. Like my body saved up 10 years of horniness and dropped it on me all at once. Even with 3 kids and busy lives, we are having more and more interesting sex than ever before.

With kids, you sometime have to take the long view.
Posted by Yael]]> Tue, 27 Mar 2012 11:17:37 -0700 The Stranger
It's not always the case that sexual behavior in children is the result of sexual abuse -- in my case, at least, I was just plain kinky and curious.
Posted by Precocious]]> Mon, 26 Mar 2012 14:49:09 -0700 The Stranger
The pendulum swung the other way in my teens and I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21. Now as a 34 yr old I have a relatively low libido.

I had assumed that it was natural and common for most children to experiment with sexual play, but after listening to the pod cast I can't help but think that I was damaged in some way that lead me to act in an adult manner at such a young age. The only things I can think to link it to was the easy access I had to sneaking glances at my dad's porno magazine collection (he was separated from my mum and lived in a house with other men who had a shared magazine collection in the lounge coffee table) and the fact that I remember from a young age hearing and seeing my mum and her partner engaging in a variety of sexual acts.


Posted by Rachel Charlie]]> Sun, 25 Mar 2012 19:13:09 -0700 The Stranger Posted by giuseppe]]> Fri, 23 Mar 2012 18:38:13 -0700 The Stranger Posted by giuseppe]]> Fri, 23 Mar 2012 18:28:12 -0700 The Stranger Posted by SL]]> Fri, 23 Mar 2012 09:19:09 -0700 The Stranger Posted by bitmar]]> Thu, 22 Mar 2012 14:18:23 -0700 The Stranger Whoever these breath players are, they sure have good lobbyists. This predilection for asphyxiation just keeps creep creep creeping towards vanilla status. I for one am creep creep creeped out just by the aesthetics of it, and have been gratified to know that this is one grotesque perversion that you can fail to be gggame for and still say you're only heeding sex-positive sex advice columnist Dan Savage's sage admonitions against possibly killing or getting killed in pursuit of a simple orgasm.
Dudes are wringing the necks of their sex partners in an alarming proportion of the porn I google up for the occasional wank. I can't think of the many other examples I've come across, but I also recall seeing or hearing casual references to choking chicks on movies or teevee as of late.
This is a personal vendetta I've got, by the way -- an ax I gotta grind -- because my distaste for choking was unfairly diagnosed as sexual incompatibility in a relationship that otherwise stands as my favorite gf ever. Fuck that shit, man. So Dan, please reassert the abnormality of choking. I'd sooner get japanese rope bondaged any day of the goddamned week.
Posted by creepy creep]]> Thu, 22 Mar 2012 13:13:27 -0700 The Stranger Posted by marmer]]> Thu, 22 Mar 2012 09:09:53 -0700 The Stranger Posted by cgd]]> Thu, 22 Mar 2012 05:49:05 -0700 The Stranger
Unfortunately I didn't hear Dan's response before my husband and I got into a huge fight after I let him go down on me and didn't seem to enjoy myself enough, after which he asked for a "date" when things would go back to normal. I now know that this really is connected to breastfeeding (I hope!) and it's given me an extra kick in the pants to get the show on the road with weaning.

Oh, and re: little girls and legos: as someone who masturbated when I was 5, as I said in the call -- it was never "sexual" but just sort of an exploratory rubbing of the clitoris. It felt good, but not great the way it did once I hit puberty. And it NEVER involved insertion, which I can't imagine feeling good for a little girl!
Posted by Getting My Tits Back]]> Thu, 22 Mar 2012 04:37:45 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Melisande]]> Wed, 21 Mar 2012 20:15:51 -0700 The Stranger
I had to stop and laugh at that for a while.
Posted by sahara29]]> Wed, 21 Mar 2012 19:53:59 -0700 The Stranger
Posted by moshey]]> Wed, 21 Mar 2012 17:49:22 -0700 The Stranger Posted by sappho]]> Wed, 21 Mar 2012 16:52:02 -0700 The Stranger Posted by avast2006]]> Wed, 21 Mar 2012 16:07:01 -0700 The Stranger Posted by soleil]]> Wed, 21 Mar 2012 15:51:48 -0700 The Stranger