http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2012/10/26/not-everyone-is-looking-forward-to-heteroween Comments On: Not Everyone Is Looking Forward to Heteroween by Dan Savage en-us Copyright 2013 The Stranger. All rights reserved. This RSS file is offered to individuals, The Stranger readers, and non-commercial organizations only. Any commercial websites wishing to use this RSS file, please contact The Stranger. webmaster@thestranger.com (The Stranger Webmaster) Thu, 23 May 2013 00:00:01 -0700 Thu, 23 May 2013 05:45:00 -0700 Foundation http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss
Bodies can be celebrated without diminishing their inhabitants so long as people aren't made to feel that their body and attractiveness is not the most important contributor to their worth. We currently exist in a time and place where girls are both inundated with the message that being pretty/hot is basically the most important thing, AND that acting on sexual desire or exposing their bodies to receive sexual desire is whorish, or dimishishes them, or is anti-feminist, or crude. Neither of these things are true, and playing this Twister-game of expectations ties many of our girls in crazy knots.

It is in allowing for - and celebrating - the differences, variety, and vast list of possible attributes that make a person valuable in the world that we can find a solution here. Sexy? Awesome. Brainy? Rad. Caring? Excellent. Love your big tits? Prop 'em up and show 'em to the world. Prefer wearing an entire shirt and rocking a party with your wicked sense of humor? That's killer too. Fat hairy guy in a diaper dressed as Cupid shooting people with arrows all night? Hi-fuckin'-larious. Let's be permissive and celebratory here, shall we?

And @52, I think your desire to see people normalize their appearance in order to, I don't know, what exactly? Not look like "weirdos" or... "tacky"? To... you? Well, it's pretty damned backwards and repressive, I've gotta say.
Posted by PocketMouse]]> Wed, 31 Oct 2012 10:53:42 -0700 The Stranger
I'd add the caveat that people can request people can request wearing/not wearing something only in video/song form and only if more funny than preachy.
Posted by debug]]> Wed, 31 Oct 2012 10:10:54 -0700 The Stranger
1. I like sexy halloween costumes.
2. I dislike sexy halloween costumes.

Not-acceptable positions.
1. People must wear sexy halloween costumes
2. People must not wear sexy halloween costumes.

DEBATE CONCLUDED!
Posted by cpt. tim]]> Tue, 30 Oct 2012 16:14:29 -0700 The Stranger Posted by dirac]]> Mon, 29 Oct 2012 21:10:11 -0700 The Stranger
When they say: "Keep your tits in!" (around :55), they are, actually, telling women what to wear.

Posted by EricaP]]> Mon, 29 Oct 2012 19:14:59 -0700 The Stranger
I could give a shit about the sex lives of other people. What I do have an opinion on is how people dress in public. I judge people based on their appearance all the time, especially if they are obviously dressed looking for attention for their outfits, from the Belltown douchebags, to the weirdos in kilts, to the guy who is way too old to be walking around in a skirt made out of rainbow handkerchiefs (sorry, guy, you look crazy). Most of us do. What you wear sends a message, and if you dress like a hooker and expect people to not react to the fact that you are out in public dressed like a hooker, then I don't know what to tell you. And no, I am not calling you a hooker or implying that you are a hooker in any way. All I know about you is that you are someone who feels hooker attire is appropriate to wear out in public. And I think it's tacky, just like all the other examples of tackiness I listed above.

I think it's the pro-sexy Halloween people who are the ones wringing their hands over the issue by assuming that because we state we don't want to see unneccessary public displays of uncreative, sexy boobie costumes AGAIN that we are somehow telling women what to wear and being slut shamers. No one is dictating anything to women here. But a lot of women have opinions on fashion, and this is some "fashion" that is fucking stupid and cliched.


Posted by virginia mason]]> Mon, 29 Oct 2012 17:19:00 -0700 The Stranger
Maybe we can all agree that that Tim Gunn impression was pretty spot on?
Posted by debug]]> Mon, 29 Oct 2012 13:45:43 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Homocrites All Of You]]> Mon, 29 Oct 2012 11:56:10 -0700 The Stranger
For me, the problem when people do things they're not into is that they haven't learned to stand up for themselves. So I teach my children to stand up for themselves and to pay attention to other people's signals, starting when they were very young. These are common phrases around our house:

"A game isn't fun unless both people want to play."

"When someone says stop, you stop, even if they're laughing." [ie, because of tickling]

"Offer hugs...but don't hug unless the other person responds."

"Don't just say 'stop it!' Be specific, name the action you want them to stop."

With that background, I hope they are empowered to figure out what they want and to communicate clearly when they're being pressured to do something they don't want.

I just feel that when cultures tell women that it's morally wrong to display their sexuality, that leads to people policing women's bodies, in ways which are not helpful to women, young or old. This video felt like that kind of policing. I'm for persuading young women to make creative costumes; I'm against telling them that only certain ways of being creative are acceptable.
Posted by EricaP]]> Mon, 29 Oct 2012 11:42:55 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Ken Mehlman]]> Mon, 29 Oct 2012 10:46:45 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Tommmmi]]> Mon, 29 Oct 2012 05:28:17 -0700 The Stranger
Come to think of it... the sexualized version of blue man group would actually be a great costume. Blue cleavage!
Posted by EricaP]]> Sun, 28 Oct 2012 23:49:12 -0700 The Stranger
I hate when anyone, male or female, dresses with the sole purpose of showing their gym bodies off. It's not fashion, it's a boring look, and you might as well be walking around with a sign around your neck that says, "I have no personality or creativity, so here's my tits." If you're going for sexy, at least do something different, like the drag queens on Ru Paul's Drag Race with their homemade, amazing outfits. I've been to parties where there have been multiple girls in the same $10 sexy Rainbow Brite costume, and it's just sad and lame.
Posted by It's called fashion criticism]]> Sun, 28 Oct 2012 16:29:54 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Buttercup]]> Sun, 28 Oct 2012 14:28:16 -0700 The Stranger http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/happy…

Here he is just presenting the other point of view.

Second, I'd buy their point more if they were emphasizing do-it-yourself and self-expression, rather than emphasizing "don't show your tits." This isn't career day. What's the fun in saying I'm going to be a nurse or a nun or a cop for Halloween?
Posted by EricaP]]> Sun, 28 Oct 2012 09:05:27 -0700 The Stranger Posted by niko4ever]]> Sat, 27 Oct 2012 16:57:51 -0700 The Stranger
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4rUiV_Hh…


Posted by Sexy Mustard!]]> Sat, 27 Oct 2012 15:19:20 -0700 The Stranger Posted by fannerz]]> Sat, 27 Oct 2012 13:48:25 -0700 The Stranger
Not sure I'm following you there. There are very few opportunities in the US for straight men and women to dress up sexy without being judged or facing some other negative social consequences. Burning Man is one of them, but not everyone can afford to take a week off to run around half naked in the middle of nowhere. The fact that Halloween provides another opportunity is a good and healthy thing. Bashing the sexy, whatever your misguided reasons, is the problem, not the solution.

FWIW - I'm dressing as a (hopefully sexy) leather daddy.

Posted by seandr]]> Sat, 27 Oct 2012 11:03:44 -0700 The Stranger
I agree that many women invest to much of their self-esteem in their sexual attractiveness. I think the lesson we can draw from this is that it is unhealthy to allow to much of your self-worth to depend on a single facet of your being. I don't think that there is anything wrong with girls enjoying the attention they get because of their physical beauty.

@32 There is a certain kind of guy who likes seeing tits and ass during spring break or whatever, but who talks trash about how "my daughter will never act like that because I'll raise her to have the right values." The best way to find out if a guy is this kind of asshole is to ask his position on gay marriage. A guy who would be OK with his grown son marrying another man would probably be OK with his grown daughter going topless at Mardi Gras.
Posted by Ken Mehlman]]> Sat, 27 Oct 2012 10:56:19 -0700 The Stranger
"Treating women as objects, removing their agency, and making their bodies public property for male consumption is anti-sex."

Sure, "making their bodies public property," would be pretty awful...but what? Who sent out that memo? Who is Making bodies public property? How come they didn't let me know?

We are not dealing with a crisis here. I'm pretty sure that women can walk out of their collective front door w/o being done up like a hooker on 10/31. The Immorality Police do not patrol the street on 'ween ,making sure that poor subjected women are provocatively clad, 'or else'...

Halloween is our culture's blow-off-steam holiday. Like Carnival/Mardi Gras, we can put on masks and take a little walk in other shoes, flirt with a little taboo. Women--and men--use that social pass to manifest their sexuality more publicly. That's what it's there for: one day where the usual rules don't hold.

"I don't think there's much of a choice these days -- take a look at any site that carries costumes for women and count up sexualized vs nonsexualized." Is Halloween crass and commercialized? Yes, but that is endemic. We are in the USoA. But there is no dark conspiracy forcing women to disrobe in public to please men. Nobody has to purchase and employ a 'slutty' costume. This is not Fancy Dress Obamacare. Put on a blue sweater and a fake beard and go as Cpt. Haddock if you want. Add some fishnets and heels and go as 'slutty' Cpt. Haddock if you want. Or--you know--don't.

"The problem with "sexy Halloween costumes" is that on a day devoted to people exploring all the things they could possibly be, it *assumes* that a major thing women want to be is sexy." Yeah, they do. A major thing that most people want is to be desirable to those they desire [seen a men's health magazine lately? I sure wish I had those abs]. But if that is not what you want, or is not attainable, manifest your choices and values otherwise, but let's not act as if human social mating behavior is something to be solved.

Sheesh.
Posted by Ophian]]> Sat, 27 Oct 2012 09:51:08 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Lady of Eagle Lake]]> Sat, 27 Oct 2012 09:50:09 -0700 The Stranger
1. Every year the costume racks present a grim parade of square sexuality, in which women are encouraged to bare as much skin as possible in the early stages of winter, in what is surely a plan to render them too cold to complain.

2. A lot of women, particularly young women, buy into the idea that their sex is their greatest value, to some degree at least.

3. With women's attention focused on the never-ending task of self-sexualizing, society is forced to rely mainly on the social and intellectual contributions of men, who as we know from commercials and sitcoms are too dull and flighty to cook a dinner, organize a surprise party, run a Fortune 500 company or the government of a nation, or clean an oven.

4. Hence, the current state of horrifying collapse we find ourselves in.
Posted by Fistique]]> Sat, 27 Oct 2012 09:42:58 -0700 The Stranger
The problem with "sexy Halloween costumes" is that on a day devoted to people exploring all the things they could possibly be, it *assumes* that a major thing women want to be is sexy. If I want to dress up as a zombie, it's probably because I want to play with ideas about death, scariness, infection, etc. If the option I'm given at the costume store is just "sexy zombie," then that assumes that the *most* interesting thing to me about the costume is that other people find it attractive, not what *I* might want to think about while I'm wearing it.
Posted by Gaudior]]> Sat, 27 Oct 2012 08:51:24 -0700 The Stranger Posted by msanonymous]]> Sat, 27 Oct 2012 05:13:55 -0700 The Stranger