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  <rss version="2.0" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom">
    <channel>
      <title>Comments On: The Problem with Polynormativity
    
      by Dan Savage</title>
      <link>http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity</link>
      <atom:link href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Rss.xml?oid=15881493&amp;id=comments" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" />      <description>Comments On: The Problem with Polynormativity
    
      by Dan Savage</description>
      <language>en-us</language>
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      <pubDate>Tue, 18 Jun 2013 00:00:01 -0700</pubDate>
      <lastBuildDate>Tue, 18 Jun 2013 21:00:00 -0700</lastBuildDate>
      <generator>Foundation</generator>
      <docs>http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss</docs>
      
        
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15907338]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15907338]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[danfan]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[42 FTW.
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Profile?oid=2724005">danfan</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Sat, 02 Feb 2013 00:17:24 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15903524]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15903524]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[BlackRose]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[@33: Did you see this article on polyandry? <a href="http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/02/01/polyandry-more-common-than-previously-thought" rel="nofollow">http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archive&hellip;</a>
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Profile?oid=4439781">BlackRose</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Fri, 01 Feb 2013 14:26:20 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15901678]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15901678]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[CLDG]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[It's weird to see a blogger I've been following as a reader for a long time get discussed over one article that hits another longtime favorite blog.  I guess this should make me rethink my own knee-jerk assumptions about *other* other bloggers when reading a single post of theirs that starts going wide.  Hmm.
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Profile?oid=3267742">CLDG</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Fri, 01 Feb 2013 09:56:13 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15900452]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15900452]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[alanaeldora]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[@43 agreed. I think a lot of what she's describing is ethical nonmonogamy rather than polyamory. But either way, why can't we all navigate these waters in the way that works the best for us as individuals and couples? I'm not going to apologize for having a primary parter in my husband. Most of the other people I see have primary partners as well. It works for us. We're happy.
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Profile?oid=9981254">alanaeldora</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Fri, 01 Feb 2013 06:11:02 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15897129]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15897129]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[E_Mur]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[Wow, there's a lot to hate in that column.
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Profile?oid=15897126">E_Mur</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Thu, 31 Jan 2013 20:07:42 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15890593]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15890593]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[Learned Hand]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[I know this may sound shocking to a polyamory advocate, but she has to consider why these articles are written and read in the first place.  The whole point is to find something sort of titillating to write about that will draw in readers and make them want to continue to read.  <br />
<br />
This means something slightly outside of their comfort zone while still seeming to apply to them and still within a stone's throw of their comfort zone.  So in magazines oriented towards the mainstream this will mean behaviors that are pretty close to mainstream sexuality.  If she wants articles about queer poly relationships those are going to appear in queer media for the same reasons mainstream poly relationships appear in mainstream media.<br />
<br />
Seriously, as much as this issue may be her passion, this is seldom going to be an issue of hard hitting journalistic investigation and integrity.  It's just a little bit of naughty human interest intended to move some magazines and provide for some clickbait.  <br />
<br />
This is true for every subculture so she really needs to get over herself.  No one is going to take seriously nerd complaints about how cosplay is misrepresented in the media or hardcore knitters's complaints about how media focus on hipsters distorts coverage of what is really going on in the knitting world.  Accurate articles about niche communities are for media consumed by those niche communities.  For everyone else they are a momentary diversion.
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Profile?oid=1506088">Learned Hand</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Thu, 31 Jan 2013 01:09:38 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15889817]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15889817]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[SoapMacTavish]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[40 wins the thread.  I thought the same.
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Profile?oid=10963381">SoapMacTavish</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2013 21:41:58 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15889430]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15889430]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[beatgrl]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[Are you sure this isn't a clip from Portlandia?
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Profile?oid=1531759">beatgrl</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2013 20:33:32 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15888949]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15888949]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[Drew2u]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[@2: Mmmaybe not. There was a "True Life" episode about a gay-for-pay porn star and his wife and their cupcake business. The husband looked like he was having the time of his life while the wife looked like (and did at the end of the episode *SPOILER!*) she was going to have a nervous meltdown at the drop of a pants. It was painfully obvious she wasn't okay with it, even though she was allowing her husband to fuck dudes.
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Profile?oid=1510032">Drew2u</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2013 19:30:20 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15884436]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15884436]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[wingedkat]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[Well, better badly represented polyamory presented as normative than no polyamory represented at all.  <br />
<br />
We're not going to see much better until the polyamorous feel comfortable coming out outside of communities like LGBTQ and BDSM.
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Profile?oid=4006458">wingedkat</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2013 14:15:36 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15884428]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15884428]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[gregok]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[meanwhile mainstream british televison has a show about Thai 'Ladyboys' including full and frank discussion about sexual identity of the girls and their parners, sex acts, genital and hormonal treatments, and the inherent power imbalance between european tourists and thai hookers. US television is timid and bland by comparison.<br />
Glad I live in Australia where we receive so much british content.
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Profile?oid=3153402">gregok</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2013 14:13:35 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15884116]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15884116]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[STS]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[They'll get to accepting other forms of poly. They just tend to nibble these things off in bits. Probably next after the MF seeking bi F will be either the couple dating couple, or my configuration of two best friends in an LTR with the same girl.
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Profile?oid=2289280">STS</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2013 13:24:27 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15884042]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15884042]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[But... See... Michael Jordan Is...]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[I find the hand-wringing by the author about the polyamory community's (especially new and potential members) response to their aggregate depiction in the main stream media kinda cute.<br>
<br>
Acceptance often comes from a realization that "they" are just like "us"; it would seem that within it's flawed framework, the main stream media is giving the polyamory community the best it could expect.
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by But... See... Michael Jordan Is...]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2013 13:06:49 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15883920]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15883920]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[bigyaz]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[@29: Pretty much every major American movie and TV company (Showtime in this case).<br />
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Profile?oid=2021959">bigyaz</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2013 12:39:11 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15883608]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15883608]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[Sandiai]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[I wish polyandry were normative.
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Profile?oid=3606329">Sandiai</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2013 12:20:07 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15883459]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15883459]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[Proteus]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[Most states still don't allow gays to marry, denying homosexuals the basic rights enjoyed by heterosexuals. So maybe it's not such a bad thing that polyamory, at this cultural moment, is primarily seen as a straight thing. Seeing as how so far the winning argument for same sex marriage has been that it won't open the door to a radical redefinition of marriage.<br />
<br />
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Profile?oid=1721767">Proteus</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2013 11:44:49 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15883439]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15883439]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[lewlew]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[Just for fun, watch the movie Guys and Balls.  Silly cute and entirely watchable.  Includes a triad of leather guys who live and bed together. Fun stuff. <br />
<br />
Ahem, it's European, so that's why...<br>
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Profile?oid=2835820">lewlew</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2013 11:41:33 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15883165]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15883165]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[what a stupid analogy]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[@2: Uh, you do realize that they're ~acting~ on camera, right?<br>
<br>
JFC, actors in rom-coms don't love each other either.
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by what a stupid analogy]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2013 11:32:12 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15883143]]></link>

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    <author><![CDATA[Falcor]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[<br />
.<br />
.<br />
.<br />
.<br />
"the uploader has not made this video available in your country"<br />
.<br />
.<br />
.<br />
.<br />
<br />
WTF??<br />
<br />
What kind of idiotic scumbag does that?
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Profile?oid=14967288">Falcor</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2013 11:28:10 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15883066]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15883066]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[Whoop Di Doo]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[That "community" specifically being straight couples who are interested in threesomes with women, not polyamory in general.
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Profile?oid=8687768">Whoop Di Doo</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2013 11:07:58 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15883060]]></link>

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    <author><![CDATA[Whoop Di Doo]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[I mean, I'll admit that there are certainly some couples out there that are more respectful of boundaries, but the sheer amount of this shit that you get if you are a single bi woman on a dating site suggests it's not a fluke, but an attitude common in that community.
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Profile?oid=8687768">Whoop Di Doo</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2013 11:06:21 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15883052]]></link>

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    <author><![CDATA[Whoop Di Doo]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[@1: As a bi woman who has been harassed a lot on OkCupid by couples looking for threesomes despite making it clear in my profile I'm not interested, I would say no - because the mentality there is primarily that the woman's bisexuality only exists as a sexual kink, that it's not a legitimate sexual orientation on its own besides how it can please a guy's lesbian-porn fantasies.
        
        <br />
        
          Posted by <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Profile?oid=8687768">Whoop Di Doo</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2013 11:04:09 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15883024]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15883024]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[Jizzlobber]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[25: Yeah, I really don't get all the quasi-academic wank surrounding having sex with multiple partners.  I guess it makes them feel special.
        
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          Posted by Jizzlobber]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2013 10:59:00 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15883017]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15883017]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[Mugwumpt]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[Oh Gawd. I barely managed to get through this. I'm not going to go read more whining about people who insist on getting outside confirmation for private personal choices. I think its lovely if you have deep meaningful relationships with dozens of people, but really, you think you're going to get Hollywood to present that in a respectful, thoughtful manner?
        
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          Posted by <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Profile?oid=1626989">Mugwumpt</a>]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2013 10:56:52 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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          <item>
    
    <title><![CDATA[Re: The Problem with Polynormativity]]></title>

    
    <link><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15883009]]></link>

    <guid isPermaLink="true"><![CDATA[http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/01/30/the-problem-with-polynormativity/#15883009]]></guid>
    <author><![CDATA[Jizzlobber]]></author>
    <description>
      
      <![CDATA[This over-thinking of sex is starting to be annoying. I have trouble believing that anyone who'd write that much about this could possibly be very good at it.
        
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          Posted by Jizzlobber]]>
    </description>
    <pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2013 10:54:57 -0800</pubDate>
    <source url="http://www.thestranger.com">The Stranger</source>
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