http://www.thestranger.com/SavageLovePodcast/archives/2013/02/05/savage-love-episode-328 Comments On: Savage Love Episode 328 by Dan Savage en-us Copyright 2013 The Stranger. All rights reserved. This RSS file is offered to individuals, The Stranger readers, and non-commercial organizations only. Any commercial websites wishing to use this RSS file, please contact The Stranger. webmaster@thestranger.com (The Stranger Webmaster) Tue, 18 Jun 2013 00:00:01 -0700 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 18:15:00 -0700 Foundation http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss
The real reason straight men are more stressed is because yes, they have to deal with women. Like it or not mens sex drive is stronger than womens, so men have to fight tooth and nail for pussy, not something gay men have to deal with, well nothing close at least. Do gay men ever have to wonder did my partner have an orgasm? ;) Think that one over and you will understand. The concept of not ever having or not knowing if you've ever had an orgasm is alien to a mans brain, once you get thats what some men ..the straight ones have to deal with, then you will understand the stress.

Furthermore you've touched on another issue, the issue of feminists pathologizing male sexuality, its the bread and butter of die hard feminist theory, and its seeped into the culture. Bill maher had a bit on how the culture was built around "making women nod". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmRDUcbx9… basically men are saying whatever they need to in order to stay out of the dog house...because women do have the power to ration out the pussy. This is just something gays don't have to deal with, even bi's know they can escape...
Posted by fradimas]]> Sun, 24 Mar 2013 01:12:47 -0700 The Stranger
Many people want to be out with something: atheism, not wanting to go to college, smoking, not having kids, anything that isn't "normal" within their set of friends and family. They feel like they have to hide that part of themselves and they aren't sure if their people will accept them if they knew the secret. With out gay men, the secret is out. They have pushed through one of the toughest, scariest barriers in modern society and come out ok. This must give them more freedom to really define themselves and BE themselves. Meanwhile we closeted others keep wondering if we are truly loved and do not define ourselves openly. This is very stressful.
Posted by housewife]]> Thu, 21 Feb 2013 11:19:42 -0800 The Stranger
And yes, circumcision sucks. Any women considering circumcision for their sons should at least have sympathy for their future spouses who will have to put up with lockjaw, hand cramp and sore ladybits. Maybe it's an anti-sex measure? Cut bits of your sons' dicks off so getting off with another person becomes such a huge chore it's not worth the effort... grizzle grizzle
Posted by misspiggy]]> Wed, 20 Feb 2013 06:44:54 -0800 The Stranger Posted by agony]]> Wed, 13 Feb 2013 17:28:31 -0800 The Stranger I'm an alternative straight guy. Artist, actor, cook, parent, gamer, et cetera and I know that what defined a man in my father's eyes was none of these things. My sister thought I was gay because I liked Simon and Garfunkel. It was the '70's I'll cut her a little slack. When her son came out, trust me, it rocked her boat. My brother is so homophobic that he and we don't talk anymore because of my nephew. We had to drop him because it wasn't just a difference of opinion. So I've had my masculinity called into question once or twice. And I know my brother is more stressed about his sexuality than I am, methinks he doth protest too much.
Everyone needs to come out from under societal expectations of who we are supposed to be and be who we are and re-define society. Social evolution is what we need to focus on if we are ever going to heal the divides that cause fear and hate. Sexuality before Victorianism was a wholly different deal and the East was never bogged down in the shame of the body the West has endured. It's not thinking outside the box it is thinking without the box. Peace.
Posted by Unclespyder]]> Wed, 13 Feb 2013 09:57:02 -0800 The Stranger Posted by melanie.is]]> Wed, 13 Feb 2013 07:20:38 -0800 The Stranger
She might be a tomboy. Coming up on puberty can be really hard for tomboys: we grew up as boys and kind of planned on growing into men - and then tits come up and there's bra shopping and people smile at you and think you're going to be happy because now you can attract boys! - which, according to the media is the whole point of life for us at this stage. It's really stressful. And to make matters worse, everyone around you notices that you're not into doing your hair and make up, and jumps to the conclusion that you're gay, even your parents. My father thought I was a lesbian until 18 - which was weird because I didn't even like girls. They were a totally alien species to me.

Remember: the majority of transgender boys grow up to be gay, but the majority of transgender girls (which severe tomboy-hood definitely is) do not.

Your advice can be the same, but I would caution that mother about jumping to conclusions about her sexual preference.

Posted by melanie.is]]> Wed, 13 Feb 2013 04:50:01 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Monarc]]> Wed, 13 Feb 2013 01:31:33 -0800 The Stranger
In countries where female circumcision is practised, mothers (themselves cut) also think that their daughters should undergo the same. It's a cycle, and we can't get out of it without offending some people. It's worth it.
Posted by tiay]]> Tue, 12 Feb 2013 02:44:43 -0800 The Stranger Posted by wxPDX]]> Mon, 11 Feb 2013 18:24:53 -0800 The Stranger
In my personal anecdotal experience (sorry, not slutty enough to amount to a proper study), giving handjob to cut guys = takes for fucking ever, by the time he finishes my hand has gone numb and my wrist and arm hurt.

First time I got my hands (hehe) on an intact penis, the first thing the guy said was "woah! A little gentler please.." I was amazed. And the cut guys had told me that the sensitivity was in one area (frenulum).. so when I asked this guy, he described where he felt pleasure; all around the rim, and the glans, and the frenulum, some down the shaft.. oh and he has two different types of orgasm (one with the foreskin up, sort of a layered friction effect which is gentler, and one with the foreskin retracted which feels more direct) I was like.. WHY do you americans insist on cutting this thing off? You realise that it's really not that different from the most common forms of female circumcision? And as soon as I point this out, people are like "NOOO you can't say that! they're nothing alike!" because they don't want to admit that we've been mutilating our sons baby dicks and violating their right to genital integrity. Nooo, they say, when circumcised women experience sexual problems, that's clearly because they were cut. But when cut guys are more likely to develop the death grip and higher rates of ED in later life, nooo, that couldn't POSSIBLY have anything to do with it...

So when that woman asked how to make sure her son didn't develop the death grip.. I thought.. How about not chopping bits off his dick? That helps. Oh, and before I get some girls bitching that circumcised dick is "nicer" or "cleaner" or whatever.. Firstly you are wrong, and more over, how would YOU like it if guys were saying they prefer circumcised pussy? That should NOT be a factor in deciding wether we chop off healthy body tissue for no medical reason.

Dan, I think you need to do a show on circumcision.
Posted by tiay]]> Mon, 11 Feb 2013 11:43:12 -0800 The Stranger
1.) the first comment about the guy talking about the female condom: him and his wife must have such an awesome sex life that they fumbled through the awkwardness of trying something new, giggled a little, and now loving fucking so much that he calls your podcast.

2.) the sommelier: a cool angle on people around us inadvertently sharing our hang-ups on that - what often turns out to be - a stressful day.

3.) the guy who had great morning sex: he was really paying attention to his girlfriend. Good for you, man.
Posted by Effy_Blue]]> Sun, 10 Feb 2013 15:20:22 -0800 The Stranger
Here's what I mean: if you're straight, yes, you live in a hetero world, but when heterosexuality is considered the default, it fails to work as an organizing principle. In that climate, straight men learn they are supposed to be the agents of that world, the aggressors in relationships, but they are pretty much just thrown in to compete. (i.e., just walking into a breeder bar doesn't give me any special connection or identity with others there like me; if you're gay or lesbian, though, you can find that niche). Like I say, it's counter-intuitive: certainly, the dominant discourse of our world leaves non-straights wanting for a support network to come out, or sometimes, just to survive. But the social practices involved in finding and maintaining that support network would certainly seem to work in their favor. Straight men, expected to be competitive or fail, tend not to have such a network.

It would be interesting to see how this research applied to straight men involved in kink or some other sexual-orientation linked community . . .
Posted by sophist2]]> Sat, 09 Feb 2013 14:46:01 -0800 The Stranger
I also agree with @8 - Dan completely blew it - the blabbing extra-relationship-fucker dropped the ball. You got the golden ticket, and ya blew it.
Posted by Monarc]]> Fri, 08 Feb 2013 09:18:09 -0800 The Stranger thanks
x
Posted by underthemoon]]> Thu, 07 Feb 2013 18:35:49 -0800 The Stranger
@22 You are bottom-dwelling trash. Take your weak bullshit elsewhere.
Posted by Faradn]]> Thu, 07 Feb 2013 13:48:33 -0800 The Stranger
Now mind you, I don't think this means anyone should feel pressured to compromise their own health and safety by allowing their partner to not use a condom, and any man who says otherwise is being a selfish jerk. I just don't think it's helpful to deny a real phenomenon exists. All it will do is hurt your credibility with men who do experience a difference with condoms on, and help create more communication problems between men and women if some women actually believe you. I think the rest of your advice was much more useful, where you reiterated the risks of unprotected sex, and gave some tips on how to overcome the problems some men have with condoms. Particularly I have found that using a good fitting condom, masturbating sometimes with condoms, and putting some lube on the end of my dick before putting the condom all help a lot.
Posted by MrBAJ]]> Thu, 07 Feb 2013 10:32:15 -0800 The Stranger
I also agree with the person that said he violated the rules by telling his partner about his encounter. But I'm also annoyed that someone would consent to opening a relationship and then get upset that his partner had the gall to follow through with it.

@14 Not be a dick, what are you waiting for? Four years is a long time to avoid confronting an issue that's obviously taking a toll on you and your partner. It's nearly half the time you've been together. Why not consult a therapist?
Posted by StockBreak]]> Thu, 07 Feb 2013 07:48:26 -0800 The Stranger
Then I went to Large Public University in the Fall of 1987. Lots of very out gays and lesbians. One, I wasn't dating any of the guys, so it made it pretty clear I was straight. Two, it became a matter of, "So what if you think I'm gay?" because "gay" was no longer this strange boogeyman that everyone accused each other of being while also arguing that no one could really be crazy enough to be gay. "Gay" was now Chuck and Steve. And a few professors. Eh, big deal.
Posted by LML]]> Thu, 07 Feb 2013 07:09:53 -0800 The Stranger
The problem is securing sex.

As an intellectual and academically focused guy, (GEEK) the issue is that hot fantasy girls that are young are looking for the frat boys, the rich guy, experienced older guys, anything other than a young geeky boy who hasn't found his flirting groove.

Look at the mass-shooters... these guys are the ones that are young, dorky, strange, but what is the common theme? Getting no action.
Posted by daddy]]> Thu, 07 Feb 2013 00:29:26 -0800 The Stranger
I have been in a relationship with someone who admitted to not being into women (after which we broke up) but we never had a very satisfying sexual relationship and so it didn't come as much of a surprise.
Posted by Agemaki]]> Wed, 06 Feb 2013 23:01:42 -0800 The Stranger
The guys who still had their foreskins had no such difficulty and those who had remnants from circs of varying executions always wanted stimulation on the bits they still had. I'm circumcised and consider myself to have somehow dodged a bullet in still being able to enjoy sex.

Sexual happiness matters and circumcision is definitely a detriment to it. The claims about avoiding disease are questionable and there are other ways to avoid disease besides removing body parts.
Posted by Phil Meup]]> Wed, 06 Feb 2013 21:56:34 -0800 The Stranger
All the desired sensation, highly reliable barrier protection against pregnancy, slightly better protection against STI's than regular condoms, no latex to be allergic to... female condoms are genius.

Calling them female condoms made me think they weren't for me and calling them bin liners is unsexy and robs them of their clever design attributes. They are absolutely liberating and feel great. There's a little getting used to them - scrunching up the inner ring and putting it in and the small crinkly noise, so go out right now and buy a few or find the free basket somewhere and have some fun with something sexy and new!
Posted by Phil Meup]]> Wed, 06 Feb 2013 21:40:59 -0800 The Stranger
But hey, love the show. Just my two cents.
Posted by david118]]> Wed, 06 Feb 2013 16:40:19 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Chicklet5]]> Wed, 06 Feb 2013 14:06:22 -0800 The Stranger