http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/02/05/another-attempt-at-a-grindr-for-straights Comments On: Another Attempt At a Grindr For Straights by Dan Savage en-us Copyright 2013 The Stranger. All rights reserved. This RSS file is offered to individuals, The Stranger readers, and non-commercial organizations only. Any commercial websites wishing to use this RSS file, please contact The Stranger. webmaster@thestranger.com (The Stranger Webmaster) Wed, 19 Jun 2013 00:00:01 -0700 Wed, 19 Jun 2013 15:30:00 -0700 Foundation http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Posted by KateRose]]> Mon, 11 Feb 2013 07:22:35 -0800 The Stranger
I was responding to 59's "Would you rather wait a month and then have sex, or go back to contacting people and potentially waiting for months?" which implies that she thinks that that's how men are going to perceive the options she's giving them, and trying, clumsily, to say that they won't perceive the situation that way. They'll be less optimistic about the first option or more optimistic about the second, and in any case it's not an either/or option.

Posted by Old Crow]]> Fri, 08 Feb 2013 17:08:10 -0800 The Stranger
@60 Guys that have talking to me on dating sites? You're lucky if I'm willing to meet you IN PERSON within a month, let alone have sex with you. It's a lot harder to recognize the pervs online. And if you try to get me to hang out with you within a few hours of our first messages? You'll probably lose any chance you might've had because I'll be wondering if you're a serial killer.
Posted by KateRose]]> Fri, 08 Feb 2013 13:18:01 -0800 The Stranger hear, based on past experience, is "I am not and never will be interested in any sort of relationship with you, but I'll be polite to spare your pride." Because that's what women have meant when they've said this to me before and I've been naive enough to call them again. I'll certainly be polite back to her, but I won't call her again.

Posted by Old Crow]]> Fri, 08 Feb 2013 12:38:55 -0800 The Stranger
I've decided that I'm a relationship person. I need trust to feel comfortable being naked with someone, and I don't trust anyone on the third date. Especially when they don't bring up STIs, I do, and I've never had a date provide test results. The awful FWB supposedly got tested but said the clinic only provided results if he had something, so he never did provide me with any proof (I've tested negative twice for everything).

My opinion is that for guys, bad sex beats no sex, and for me, no sex (or solo sex) is better than bad sex. Most (or at leas a lot) of the guys on the free dating sites are really looking for this Grindr type of hookup, but they don't want to be honest about it because they figure they've got a better shot if you actually meet them than if they tell you up front they are only looking for sex and women who don't want that refuse to ever meet with them in the first place.

I laugh because the two guys who basically accused me of being immature for waiting to have sex (and again, I'm middle aged), neither one had his own place. One had a job but no car and the other had a car but no job.

Right now I'm at the point where I'd prefer to wait a month, and I have no problem telling that. Would you rather wait a month and then have sex, or go back to contacting people and potentially waiting for months? Plus I agree with you that waiting is much hotter. The anticipation is the best part, even when you are actually having sex.
Posted by Lemon Laws]]> Thu, 07 Feb 2013 15:25:07 -0800 The Stranger
Call me a prude, but since I've become decided to have an ethical and responsible sex life (at around 35), I haven't had make-out sessions with guys without first having discussed : STI status and showed each other recent tests (and planned for another test) ; condoms ; my exigence of oral before vaginal - and having made sure we were on the same line on all that.

Women get to say no on sex, and get to say no on kisses too. You don't have to lower your expectations to match those of randos, especially if they are jerks.

Sure my way is not spontaneous, and it might look less "romantic", but having to wait a week or two skirms the assholes, and I find waiting a bit much hotter anyway.
Posted by sissoucat]]> Thu, 07 Feb 2013 02:29:36 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Lemon Laws]]> Wed, 06 Feb 2013 20:45:44 -0800 The Stranger You seem to know so many things, you should know that asking about stuff is not positing it's true.

@44 Valid point.

@36 Oh, nice, why not, next time you're coming to France ?
Posted by sissoucat]]> Wed, 06 Feb 2013 06:43:05 -0800 The Stranger http://www.scientificamerican.com/articl…

And this, my friends, is why Bang with Friends won't work. If you are female your male friends will probably have sex with you. You don't need an app for that.

@44 - Of course there is a male desire to have emotionally satisfying sex with a steady partner. That doesn't exclude the competing desire to supplement that with NSA sex with friends and strangers. I assumed this was a shared trait among the genders, but reading this week's Savage Love on cuckolding, apparently lots of women really don't want that.
Posted by Tim Horton]]> Wed, 06 Feb 2013 06:13:23 -0800 The Stranger http://www.gotinder.com/
Posted by James McDaniel]]> Wed, 06 Feb 2013 01:08:46 -0800 The Stranger
OMG OPEN THIS EMAIL ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS THINKS YOU'RE HOT!

Just go to our site and tell us the name and email address of anyone you think it might have been, and we'll tell you if you were right!

So you go and put in the four or five people you think it might have been. Of course, ten minutes later, they all get "OMG OPEN THIS EMAIL" messages in their mailboxes, claiming that one of their friends (you) think they're hot, and the cycle begins again. Even if you do happen to guess the person who submitted your name, you have no way of knowing whether they were really interested or whether it was just a guess borne out of curiosity.
Posted by Slartibartfast]]> Tue, 05 Feb 2013 23:22:36 -0800 The Stranger Posted by alguna_rubia]]> Tue, 05 Feb 2013 20:50:19 -0800 The Stranger Posted by undead ayn rand]]> Tue, 05 Feb 2013 16:53:51 -0800 The Stranger
Posted by CLDG]]> Tue, 05 Feb 2013 16:19:27 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Lance Thrustwell]]> Tue, 05 Feb 2013 15:14:09 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Reverend Tap]]> Tue, 05 Feb 2013 15:02:00 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Lance Thrustwell]]> Tue, 05 Feb 2013 14:21:42 -0800 The Stranger No, those older men were probably more receptive to your straightforwardness because they were more secure with themselves then the younger guys you approached.

"How hard it is, not to think in stereotypes."

If you don't want people to think in stereotypes please stop asking stereotype-based questions such as:

"are women choosier than men...."
"Do we, as a group, so often lie on what exactly we want..."
Posted by consensual_nonconsent]]> Tue, 05 Feb 2013 14:09:55 -0800 The Stranger
This app isn't going to result in more practical jokes than sex.
Posted by Dougsf]]> Tue, 05 Feb 2013 14:06:57 -0800 The Stranger
The notion that most guys would like to have a steady regular sex partner is not so suprising - regular sex with someone who likes you and isn't (too) crazy is generally better than sporadic sex with randoms who may not like you that much, may be crazy, and generally require a lot more effort/convincing to have sex. And if you're one of these relationship-seekers, the prevailing assumption/pressure to be a nonstop pussyhound (I'm not sure how this relates to gay men) is likely to make you keep quiet about it, for fear of appearing less "manly".

Which is unfortunate for both men and women. Sex in this country is so pathologically fucked up.

http://www.theage.com.au/national/ending…
Posted by Chase]]> Tue, 05 Feb 2013 13:54:22 -0800 The Stranger
As a secondary observation: Is Dan's readership getting old???
Posted by dccc]]> Tue, 05 Feb 2013 13:39:31 -0800 The Stranger First, you're Tim Horton, so stop shilling for business.

Second, (and I speak from personal experience in the years after my divorce when the last goddamn thing I wanted on this planet was romantic or sexual entanglement) the one thing guaranteed to convince a woman that you want into her pants is absolute firmness on the point of "this is just friendly, that's it". Send that message and the woman will interpret it as if you just handed her a list of hotels. I do not know what that is. I just know it to be so.
Posted by seeker6079]]> Tue, 05 Feb 2013 13:29:52 -0800 The Stranger
Look, there's a reason why some of the biggest laughs Chris Rock gets is when he does his "Friend Zone" routine. Yeah, I know, some friends later fuck and even get hitched. They are exceptions, not the rule.
Posted by seeker6079]]> Tue, 05 Feb 2013 13:26:54 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Tim Horton]]> Tue, 05 Feb 2013 13:05:03 -0800 The Stranger
Posted by Old Crow]]> Tue, 05 Feb 2013 12:57:33 -0800 The Stranger