http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/02/25/sl-letter-of-the-day-out-and-in Comments On: SL Letter of the Day: Out and In by Dan Savage en-us Copyright 2013 The Stranger. All rights reserved. This RSS file is offered to individuals, The Stranger readers, and non-commercial organizations only. Any commercial websites wishing to use this RSS file, please contact The Stranger. webmaster@thestranger.com (The Stranger Webmaster) Fri, 24 May 2013 00:00:01 -0700 Fri, 24 May 2013 08:15:00 -0700 Foundation http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss When you take a break , go and click some advertises and make some tasks, i use clixsens for 1 hour a day, and I earn about 100 dolars in first week.After you create an acount , invite some friends to join this.you will earn comission from their earnings.
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Posted by Christian87]]> Thu, 28 Mar 2013 05:46:40 -0700 The Stranger Posted by spinning2heads]]> Fri, 01 Mar 2013 04:57:49 -0800 The Stranger Posted by A Nonny Mouse]]> Wed, 27 Feb 2013 18:31:07 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Ballard Pimp]]> Tue, 26 Feb 2013 15:50:26 -0800 The Stranger (Everyone's favorite objectivist writer taught me that one.)
Posted by givesgoodemail]]> Tue, 26 Feb 2013 15:36:10 -0800 The Stranger
BITCH, my ex-girlfriend had a similar experience the first time she came out to her mom, at the age of 22 or so. Her mom was talking about dating or something, and my ex said something like, "What if I swing the other way?" (I don't think she could bring herself to use the word "gay" with her very conservative Catholic family.) Her mom said, "If you do, I don't want to know." Ex said "Just kidding." End of conversation. This was probably a couple years into our 6-year relationship, and her folks did their best to keep from acknowledging our relationship all six years, though I was there for every family function. I'm not in contact with her anymore, but I hear from a mutual friend that she is very happy with her wife, and when they had a commitment ceremony, her parents attended. I don't know if this helps, just want you to know you're not alone.
Posted by Trinabeana]]> Tue, 26 Feb 2013 15:36:07 -0800 The Stranger
Had I come to my parents at age 15 and said, "Mom, Dad, I've decided I really don't want to go to college. I've decided instead that I want to open a florist shop after I graduate from high school," I would have gotten exactly the same response from my parents that BITCH did. I wouldn't call that "anthrophobic," nor would I call BITCH's mom necessarily "homophobic," just scared.
Posted by cheakamus]]> Tue, 26 Feb 2013 10:41:49 -0800 The Stranger
If mom was "worried" about her daughter being into black guys no one would have a problem terming her "worry" as racism.

Sure, mom is "worried" about her son being gay. But that worry is fueled by anti-gay attitudes, it doesn't excuse them.
Posted by Fortunate]]> Tue, 26 Feb 2013 08:39:33 -0800 The Stranger If my dad in amsterdam ( who didnt call it a phase btw, he just needed some adjustment time) was already worried i can see how a mum in the US could be
Posted by dutchie]]> Tue, 26 Feb 2013 08:10:40 -0800 The Stranger
Sounds like you have some issues accepting that your Dad is (or was) a bit of a homophobe.
Posted by smajor82]]> Tue, 26 Feb 2013 06:40:59 -0800 The Stranger Parents will be parents, mine forbade me for almost a year to have my then girlfriend sleeping over in my room because they found HER "not ready" even though I was allowed to sleep at hers from her mom from the start. (Which meant by the way she was sleeping in my sisters room who wasn't out yet :-) since they where friends).
Posted by dutchie]]> Tue, 26 Feb 2013 04:42:06 -0800 The Stranger borngaybornthisway.blogspot.fr which has stories by gay people who knew they were different from an early age, even before they had sexual feelings. That is probably the case with him as well, and if he could explain to his mother that his orientation goes way back, before hormones, and that look! it's very common! it might help her accept the idea that it's not just a phase, that he was drawn to other males in a romantic way when he was young and that's how he knows now that he's gay.
Posted by KCFrance]]> Tue, 26 Feb 2013 04:10:08 -0800 The Stranger Posted by I Fucked Your Dad]]> Tue, 26 Feb 2013 02:05:42 -0800 The Stranger
BITCH, hang in there. I don't know if a couple of months will be enough time to wait before coming out to your mom again. One thing to keep in mind: Are you getting your driver's license right now, or will you be soon? If a car might be your only mode of transportation to an LGBT youth center or other type of support group for young gay people, consider delaying your coming out until you've got your license, and seeking support outside your home first. It would probably help so much for you to be able to talk to people who are going through the same thing.
Posted by planned barrenhood]]> Tue, 26 Feb 2013 01:18:35 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Hannelore]]> Tue, 26 Feb 2013 00:29:35 -0800 The Stranger
And a more substantive quibble--coming out a Second and Final time in 3 or 6 months sounds rushed to me. Better for BITCH to give his mom a year, or two, I'd think.
And really, given the implicit threat from Mom that made BITCH very understandably back off, isn't this a situation where BITCH might be better served waiting until he's got some money banked and a back-plan if she freaks and kicks him out? That to me suggests that the Second and Final coming out may have to wait until BITCH is 18 or even older.

Just sayin'--be careful, BITCH, and seriously consider delaying Coming Out Round Two for a hell of a lot longer than 3 months from now. Better to be closeted than homeless and living on the streets.
Posted by Functional Atheist]]> Mon, 25 Feb 2013 22:44:43 -0800 The Stranger
If your mom never suspected you might be gay, it must have been a shock for her. Possibly a "no wedding no grandchild" shock, although those are both changing.

The odds are good that she will come around. Please try to forgive her when she does. And good luck with everything.
Posted by mother of two]]> Mon, 25 Feb 2013 21:43:59 -0800 The Stranger
After she went to bed - she'd had a little cry, and there'd been lots of hugs and "I love yous" - I lay awake for a while. And I got a shot of fear. What if the haters are right? What if she's going down a path that is bad and wrong, will lead to her destruction, and if I was harsh with her I could save her from, from, whatever it is that they say I should be saving her from? It was a scary minute, but it was only a minute. Warmth and openness and tolerance and support and love have proven to be the right way so far, I'm not giving up on them now. Every choice I've made in my life springing from fear and hate has turned out wrong, and every one motivated by love and warmth has turned out right.

But I don't know if I blame a parent for falling, for a minute, for the lies of people like @18, especially if that's what she hears all around her. I would blame her, though, and hard, if that's where she stayed. It's not just love on our side, after all, but reason and reality-based thinking.
Posted by agony]]> Mon, 25 Feb 2013 21:23:59 -0800 The Stranger I hope your mum will come around soon.
Posted by kim in portland]]> Mon, 25 Feb 2013 20:52:51 -0800 The Stranger Posted by vennominon]]> Mon, 25 Feb 2013 20:46:05 -0800 The Stranger Posted by kwodell]]> Mon, 25 Feb 2013 20:40:50 -0800 The Stranger
@18, science (real science, not made up crap) is on the side of sexual orientation not being a choice. It is somewhat fluid in women, but even that is not something we choose. There are physical differences in our brains that can be seen under a microscope and in certain brain scans. Gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender men and women all have differences in our brains that support this not being a "choice". And LGBT people can live equally happy and fulfilling lives as straight people. Oftentimes they can be happier, because they have had to work harder to be themselves, they have developed into stronger people. If they can get past the bullshit we straight people heap on them, they usually have amazing lives. Lay off of your "choice" crap, and go back under your rock where you belong.
Posted by SeattleKim]]> Mon, 25 Feb 2013 20:38:36 -0800 The Stranger Posted by kwodell]]> Mon, 25 Feb 2013 20:35:14 -0800 The Stranger
Homophobic parents (or those who are at least on the spectrum if not outright 'phobes) remind me of Dennis Philby's father (an electrician) in the White Ghost episode of Cracker. They may say they're proud of their boy from Rumford who goes off and succeeds in Hong Kong, but what they really want is for him to join the firm, take the wages and move two streets away. They go around saying, "I don't know what's wrong with the boy; I can't get rid of him," while inside they're beaming at the huge compliment.

But I also think of the moment in when a young widow realizes for the first time that her small daughter is a person in her own right, "...she is herself. If there is love between us, we will be friends all our loves, but if there is not love between us she will grow up and we will be strangers," or something very like that.

So, stay safe, Sunshine, build a good support system, help your mother's conscience along if you can, and make your predecessors proud. We're not that hard to please. Your chosen family awaits you, and it can be a grand one.
Posted by vennominon]]> Mon, 25 Feb 2013 20:32:57 -0800 The Stranger Posted by kwodell]]> Mon, 25 Feb 2013 20:31:12 -0800 The Stranger