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Fuck My Wife, Please!

December 7, 2006

Joe Newton

My boyfriend and I are currently doing the long-distance thing, as I'm finishing up some schooling. About two months ago during some dirty phone talk he said he'd been masturbating while thinking about me fucking another man while he watches.

This was unexpected. In the past, I screwed around on boyfriends. He knows this, but I thought he also understood that I only want to be with him and that I am not interested in additional male partners. He brings this scenario up whenever we're having phone sex or we're together and he's aroused. When he's not hard, he says that the thought of my being with another guy is gut wrenching and awful, but when he is aroused, he tells me that he really wants me to do this.

I'm confused. Previously, partners have brought up unexpected stuff and I've rolled with it (bondage, strap-ons), but they were able to talk about it later—what it was about, why it was a turn-on. My current man gets upset when I try to talk about it outside of sex. Are you familiar with this sort of drastic, disgusted, after-the-fact denial?

Unsure About The Cuckold Thing

Yeah, UATCT, I'm familiar with drastic, disgusted, after-the-fact denial. When I first came out—back before I knew better—I fucked a handful of "straight" guys. And let me tell you, UATCT, the shit that comes out of the mouths of closet cases just before and all during sex will turn your hair white and/or make your dick hard. No one begs to be fucked quite as sincerely, graphically, or desperately as some frat boy who hasn't yet reconciled himself to being gay.

But, oh, the moment a closet case gets what he came for—the moment he comes—his tone changes dramatically. Not only does he stop begging to be fucked, he will deny he ever wanted to be fucked in the first place. The truly messed up ones would even deny that they had been fucked at all, never mind the evidence all over their abs. And any attempts to address their absurd denials—"What do you mean you've never been fucked? My cock is still in your ass..."—were a waste of breath.

Like those "straight" frat boys I fucked back at the University of Illinois, your boyfriend wants it. He wants you to fuck around with another guy, preferably in front of him. But he doesn't wanna want it and wishes it would go away. And it does go away, just like magic, immediately after he comes. Unfortunately, it comes roaring back as soon as he's horny again.

Where did his cuckold fetish come from? Like many fetishes, his cuckold thing is most likely a subconscious, erotic response to a sexually charged fear. While most of us learn to live with and occasionally conquer our fears without eroticizing them, a number of us respond to sexual fears or traumas by incorporating them into our erotic imaginations. Think of women—hip, together, progressive, feminist women—who act out rape fantasies; think of homos—hip, together, out homos—who dress up like soldiers, cops, firemen, and other stereotypically violent homophobes.

Women fear rape, yet some develop a fetish for it. Gay men fear violent homophobes, yet some dress up like violent homophobes. And what do many straight men fear? Being cheated on, of course, and dealing with that particular brand of sexual humiliation. Your boyfriend has, consciously or subconsciously, eroticized his fears around your cheating on him—and that's not an entirely irrational fear, UATCT, considering your past.

Cuckolding may seem like some sort of brand-new fetish, but it's not. But we are hearing more about it now thanks to the internet. For while straight women have long been free to share their rape fantasies with their male partners, and gay men can share their homophobe fantasies with each other, married straight men into cuckolding have a harder time of it. A rape fantasy, however charged, or a homophobe fantasy, however comical, is easy to realize. ("Hold me down." "Wear this uniform.") A cuckold fantasy, on the other hand, is more complicated. Not only does the wannabe cuckold have to talk his partner into it, he also has to find a willing third. It wasn't until sites like www.cuckoldplace.com and www.adultcommunitiesonline.com/ourhotwives came along that cuckold fetishists—or "cucks," as some insist on calling themselves—were able to create a community of sorts, put a name to their desires, and swap tips on broaching the subject with their wives and girlfriends.

I'm among the "growing legions" of cuckold fetishists. My wife is a Hot Little Slut, and she's happy to accommodate me. Recently, while at a seminar, HLS hooked up with a guy. She did a repeat when he was in our area on business. The guy, also married, assumes that my HLS is having sex without my knowledge. We don't believe we have an ethical obligation to notify "one-nighters" that HLS will be sharing the details with her "wronged" husband later. However, the issue seems less clear with regulars. Is there is an obligation to inform?

Husband Into Slut

I don't believe HLS has a moral obligation to share the details with "one-nighters." Regulars, however, have a right to know—but only if they inquire.

As I see it, HIS, your wife's regulars believe they're putting something over on you. That you're actually putting one over on them, well, that's a classic double-cross. You're cheating the cheater, robbing the robber. But if, as many cuckold fetishists agree, it's hotter when the other guy rubs your nose in his enjoyment of your wife, then you can inform him.

So there are "legions of men" into cuckolding. Fantastic. So is my husband. The problem is that I find the idea of humiliating my husband like this revolting. I don't want to have sex with other men and I cry when he talks about his fantasies. It's only been in the last year that things have progressed to this level of incompatibility. Is there any chance he'll move on to something other than someone else's come in my pussy? I had no idea I'd be at this point in life with a problem like this.

Wife With Worries

Cuckolding isn't oral, it isn't light bondage, it isn't the husband wanting to wear panties. Like scat or hardcore sadism, cuckolding is "a fetish too far," meaning it's not a fetish your husband has a right to expect that you'll indulge. The emotional and physical risks are too high. You gotta wanna or it's off the table.

So, WWW, you have a right to say, "You have to drop this. You can fantasize about it whenever you like, but this isn't something I'm ever going to be able to do for you." Then, for the sake of your marriage, he has to promise not to bring it up. You, for your part, have to promise not to obsess about what might be going through his mind when you two do have sex.

A new Savage Love podcast is available for download every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.

mail@savagelove.net

 

Commenting was not available when this article was originally published.

Comments (26) RSS

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Allen Gilliam 26
Interesting post gaga1979. Perhaps cuckolding should be seen as taking the enjoyment of your partner's pleasure to a higher level. If you focus entirely on that, it wouldn't matter whether you were physically involved.
Posted by Allen Gilliam http://softlyspokenmagicspells.com on June 23, 2013 at 4:00 PM · Report this
Lola Down 25
Read more about cuck/hotwife here: mysexlifewithlola.com
Posted by Lola Down http://mysexlifewithlola.com on March 31, 2013 at 4:41 AM · Report this
24
What common fears are never eroticized? I can't think of a single one.
Posted by Biev on January 3, 2013 at 12:02 PM · Report this
23
I think there's something to the idea of fetishes and kinks being eroticized sexual fears. Not true in every case, I'm sure, but I know a lot of my biggest turn-ons look a lot like the things I was most afraid of when it came to relationships when I was, say, 12.
Posted by Melissa Trible on May 11, 2012 at 4:42 PM · Report this
22 Comment Pulled (Trolling) Comment Policy
21
I was putting in a search for women with cuckold fetishes - i.e. women who love to get a boyfriend, so they can fuck all of his friends, without him knowing, and without the BF's consent. I have never met a pretty woman without this 'fetish'. A friend of mine's GF told me, him, and another guy friend, in a conversation about my cheating GFs that I should be happy for my ex GF because she must have liked the friends of mine she fucked.

Well , she may have liked them, but she was an evil two-faced liar, and did it for control, dominace, and humiliation over me, I suspect as well. Where is the web pages, and blogs about women bragging about cheating? If it's every woman *I* have ever met or talked to, it must be mainstream, isn't it?

I would love to hear these women express the great joy of destroying a man's life, having all his 'friends' betray him, make him lose his job because his girlfriend excepts his big-fat-boss's sexual offer,and no girl ever want to go out with him ever again, since he stuck his cock into such a dirty slut. Anybody have a link to the volumes of blogs those women must write?
Posted by Lucky Over Love on July 17, 2011 at 5:01 PM · Report this
20
I was putting in a search for women with cuckold fetishes - i.e. women who love to get a boyfriend, so they can fuck all of his friends, without him knowing, and without the BF's consent. I have never met a pretty woman without this 'fetish'. A friend of mine's GF told me, him, and another guy friend, in a conversation about my cheating GFs that I should be happy for my ex GF because she must have liked the friends of mine she fucked.

Well , she may have liked them, but she was an evil two-faced liar, and did it for control, dominace, and humiliation over me, I suspect as well. Where is the web pages, and blogs about women bragging about cheating? If it's every woman *I* have ever met or talked to, it must be mainstream, isn't it?

I would love to hear these women express the great joy of destroying a man's life, having all his 'friends' betray him, make him lose his job because his girlfriend excepts his big-fat-boss's sexual offer,and no girl ever want to go out with him ever again, since he stuck his cock into such a dirty slut. Anybody have a link to the volumes of blogs those women must write?
Posted by Lucky Over Love on July 17, 2011 at 4:58 PM · Report this
19
I have written a cuckold memoir about my sexy wife and her black lovers here that is published on amazon.

http://cuckoldtales.fannypress.com/
Posted by dhart on April 1, 2011 at 8:13 AM · Report this
18
I really agree with the last post by Allen - that I doubt Dan's theory of people eroticizing fears in the case of most fantasies/fetishes (i.e. cuckolding, rape fantasy, etc.) Simply put, there are many common fears that people never morph into erotic notions. However, it makes perfect psychological sense to assume that these types of erotic fantasies or turn-on's have to do with one of two things, either; 1) The guilt they fundamentally hold, and finding a way around their guilt in order to be able to enjoy the act, or 2) That it is simply something that is perceived as "wrong" within our cultural upbringing of sex, and therefore becomes a turn-on because it is outside of the box and allows someone an outlet of being something other than what others (meaning society, family, religion, etc.) have 'told' us to be through the course of our upbringing and the development of our moral framework. By breaking free from those restrictions within sex, which is an easy outlet to do it (versus breaking free through a non-traditional family structure or career choice, etc.), it gives people a way to feel they have control over their own lives and choices - and are not a slave to the society and cultural institutions that were built without their input (meaning before they were even born).

I lived in Sweden for a few years in my early 20's (I am not in my early 30's) and many of these sexual things that are 'taboo' here in the US would be considered totally 'normal' in Sweden and not frowned upon at all by ANY group of people within that society.

I am a well educated and successful woman who owns her own business, holds an MBA, volunteers at the animal shelter; by any account I am a 'normal' person and a productive part of society. However, my boyfriend is huge into cuckolding, and I have a 'sex-friend' that I am allowed to do anything with - either when my bf is there or even when he is not. There are 2 other guys as well that I have sex with on a somewhat regular basis - those are always with my bf present. My bf is an extremely successful and smart guy, incredibly good-looking, unbelievably wealthy and well-educated. His reasons behind liking cuckolding derives from a few levels - he likes that it is considered 'wrong' by our social norms, and therefore turns him on. He likes the idea that other guys want me badly, and get so turned on by me, but that he ultimately 'has' me (we are very much in love and have a perfect relationship on every level, complete honesty, have fun together - all of our friends see us as the perfect couple, although they don't know about our sexual lifestyle bc to be honest they would FLIP and quite certainly judge us for it -- we plan on getting married and having a family one day in the near future - and do not plan on giving up our sexual lifestyle at any point). The biggest thing for him is that he is able to give me everything I want - this is the biggest turn-on for him. Either it be new clothes, a vacation, a car - even a bigger cock or a hotter guy - his whole thing is that he wants to make sure I get everything and anything that I want. This is my first relationship where I had I've done cuckolding, and it is by far the best thing EVER and works sooo well for us! The fact that he wants to make sure I get everything I want - that it turns him on! - even if it is me f-ing an even hotter guy than him (which is hard for us to find!! ha!) - well, in some odd ways, it makes me feel more loved than I have ever felt before! I would totally recommend that anyone who is sexually open enough to try it, do it - but the only way it can work is to be totally 100% honest about everything from the beginning, and to lay down rules from the start. For instance, my bf and I have NO rules except emotions cannot be involved with me and the other guys. I can sleep in the same bed as my main sex-friend, I can do anything sexually with him that I want, as long as I tell my bf about it (usually I do in a sexual way and he gets very turned on by it!). I have my own rules - for instance I won't do anal with anyone but my bf - and if my bf is involved or watching there is no touching between him and the other guy (my bf is straight, but sometimes the other guys try to take it to a whole other level :-)
More...
Posted by gaga1979 on November 29, 2010 at 10:21 AM · Report this
17
I really agree with the last post by Allen - that I doubt Dan's theory of people eroticizing fears in the case of most fantasies/fetishes (i.e. cuckolding, rape fantasy, etc.) Simply put, there are many common fears that people never morph into erotic notions. However, it makes perfect psychological sense to assume that these types of erotic fantasies or turn-on's have to do with one of two things, either; 1) The guilt they fundamentally hold, and finding a way around their guilt in order to be able to enjoy the act, or 2) That it is simply something that is perceived as "wrong" within our cultural upbringing of sex, and therefore becomes a turn-on because it is outside of the box and allows someone an outlet of being something other than what others (meaning society, family, religion, etc.) have 'told' us to be through the course of our upbringing and the development of our moral framework. By breaking free from those restrictions within sex, which is an easy outlet to do it (versus breaking free through a non-traditional family structure or career choice, etc.), it gives people a way to feel they have control over their own lives and choices - and are not a slave to the society and cultural institutions that were built without their input (meaning before they were even born).

I lived in Sweden for a few years in my early 20's (I am not in my early 30's) and many of these sexual things that are 'taboo' here in the US would be considered totally 'normal' in Sweden and not frowned upon at all by ANY group of people within that society.

I am a well educated and successful woman who owns her own business, holds an MBA, volunteers at the animal shelter; by any account I am a 'normal' person and a productive part of society. However, my boyfriend is huge into cuckolding, and I have a 'sex-friend' that I am allowed to do anything with - either when my bf is there or even when he is not. There are 2 other guys as well that I have sex with on a somewhat regular basis - those are always with my bf present. My bf is an extremely successful and smart guy, incredibly good-looking, unbelievably wealthy and well-educated. His reasons behind liking cuckolding derives from a few levels - he likes that it is considered 'wrong' by our social norms, and therefore turns him on. He likes the idea that other guys want me badly, and get so turned on by me, but that he ultimately 'has' me (we are very much in love and have a perfect relationship on every level, complete honesty, have fun together - all of our friends see us as the perfect couple, although they don't know about our sexual lifestyle bc to be honest they would FLIP and quite certainly judge us for it -- we plan on getting married and having a family one day in the near future - and do not plan on giving up our sexual lifestyle at any point). The biggest thing for him is that he is able to give me everything I want - this is the biggest turn-on for him. Either it be new clothes, a vacation, a car - even a bigger cock or a hotter guy - his whole thing is that he wants to make sure I get everything and anything that I want. This is my first relationship where I had I've done cuckolding, and it is by far the best thing EVER and works sooo well for us! The fact that he wants to make sure I get everything I want - that it turns him on! - even if it is me f-ing an even hotter guy than him (which is hard for us to find!! ha!) - well, in some odd ways, it makes me feel more loved than I have ever felt before! I would totally recommend that anyone who is sexually open enough to try it, do it - but the only way it can work is to be totally 100% honest about everything from the beginning, and to lay down rules from the start. For instance, my bf and I have NO rules except emotions cannot be involved with me and the other guys. I can sleep in the same bed as my main sex-friend, I can do anything sexually with him that I want, as long as I tell my bf about it (usually I do in a sexual way and he gets very turned on by it!). I have my own rules - for instance I won't do anal with anyone but my bf - and if my bf is involved or watching there is no touching between him and the other guy (my bf is straight, but sometimes the other guys try to take it to a whole other level :-)
More...
Posted by gaga1979 on November 29, 2010 at 10:18 AM · Report this
Allen Gilliam 16
I doubt Dan's theory about people eroticizing fears. There are lots of common fears that are never eroticized. Perhaps the reason some women find rape fantasies more exciting than consensual sex is because it allows them to get around a narrowly defined shame of green-lighting sex. If they're being forced, then they don't have to feel ashamed of allowing themselves to be fucked. Less shame equals more pleasure. Applying this psychological framework to cuckolding, it could be that the guy is ashamed of giving women pleasure. He wants to see his girl in the throes of passion, but if he isn't the one doing it, there's more pleasure for him because there's less shame.
Posted by Allen Gilliam http://softlyspokenmagicspells.com on November 18, 2010 at 9:22 PM · Report this
15 Comment Pulled (Spam) Comment Policy
14 Comment Pulled (Spam) Comment Policy
13
I too love cuckhold life style, as my wife has several different lovers, we still love each other and do not want to live apart, I enjoy her beig loved by different men or fucked by different men, using her as a cum deposit or place to unload their nuts. we both love satisfying them it is satisfying to us both, we do about every thing else people consider normal to us spreading her legs with different men is the ultimate, am a cuck and love it.
Posted by bidel on May 25, 2010 at 6:23 PM · Report this
Posted by dieterbloed1 on March 23, 2010 at 1:33 PM · Report this
11
The types of Cuckolds and Cuckold Relationships can be very different from each other.
There is the consenting Husband but than there is the Cuckold Husband forced to watch his Wife fuck other Men...while Cuckold Husband is getting Humiliated and Dominated by the HotWife

you can check this out here: http://KingdomFetish.com
Posted by dieterbloed1 on March 23, 2010 at 1:30 PM · Report this
10
wanna here a simple plain simple answer from a real man who has friends that may fit this explanation. they don't want you 2 be with another but they don't have the courage 2 stand up 2 you because they think u might leave them (yea thats stupid yer dealin wit desperates). Stand up 2 him tell him 2 be hiself like he is around his friends WITout u. otherwise dump him so he can become his own man and learn from his young virgin bullshit.
Posted by reallygrowup on February 23, 2010 at 5:10 AM · Report this
9
quote from this article:
"What do you mean you've never been fucked? My cock is still in your ass...."

very funny, lol
Posted by dprice on February 5, 2010 at 4:29 PM · Report this
8 Comment Pulled (Spam) Comment Policy
7
@ cuckold like I said this type of thing is not for me but give credit and my hats off to you.
Posted by danny189 on January 22, 2010 at 4:26 PM · Report this
6
@lenny The subject of Cuckolding fascinates me. I'm really not into it but I give credit to those who do. I mean pros for this si the fact that many people claim it prolong marriage/partnership etc... and I think evidence show this to be true so im my oppinion well worth it.

----------
Read my blogs: interracial sex|kelly divine| interracial pictures
Posted by danny189 on January 22, 2010 at 4:15 PM · Report this
5
To WWW, why not tell your husband that while you actually being physically involved wit another man is permanently off the cards, you can have a very active imagination. We women all have our wonderful fantasies, so tell him about them! Even if you are one of the rare few that actually fantasises about her husband, tell him it was a stranger, or pretend you are telling someone else. It can be hard saying your fantasies out loud for the first time, but you would have a most appreciative audience. Just make sure, in real life, he knows these are fantasies only and will never be acted out.
Compromise?
Posted by tetrapod on October 27, 2009 at 1:52 AM · Report this
4
I'm a cuck also I thourly enjoy my wife with her legs splayed wide open while another man enbeds his cock deep into her in fact I have helped hold her legs spread out and open when the guy cums deep inside her knowing she is fucking bareback with the posibility of her getting knocked up again by another man, but only our close friends and not one lover at a time useing 3 to5 guys which she cannot get enough of , by the way me too.
Posted by lenny on August 31, 2009 at 8:38 PM · Report this
3 Comment Pulled
2
hey Dan,
I am a cuck. I describe my situation to my wife as a man on a disk balanced on a gyro. in th emiddle is a man who fantasizes about everyone and everything. on one end is a lonely devastated man who doesn't fantasize at all. and on the opposite end is a crazy sob who doesn't fantasize but wants everything to be real. this is the part of me tha wants to watch my wife suck another man's cock, that wants to watch her fuck. I've always been a voyeur and i'm also an exhibitionist. I get kicks all over the spectrum but having my wife cuckold me is huge. big time sexual thrills. in the same moment i want it so bad i dread it. I do believe, though, that if we do this together, if she fucks in front of me, if she makes sure i have some kind of erotic thrill (she works 1500 miles away and has already been playing libido tag with a couple of guys) like photos or she includes me via web cam, we can have a very good time with this. honesty is the key.
but I'd like to know what you think because outside feedback is always beneficial.
wanting to watch
Posted by cuckold on December 13, 2008 at 2:30 AM · Report this
1
Try Interracial and Interracial Porn Same Cuckold Topic covered there and a huge board. I was surprised after reading this article.
Posted by Mukohvich on November 23, 2008 at 10:32 PM · Report this

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