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April 4, 2012

I have an awesome relationship with an awesome guy. He loves me and takes care of me. I'm GGG and he's vanilla. I only draw the line at poop, animals, and children. But he's never asked me for anything other than vanilla sex. Which is why I don't know what to do. I went downstairs late the other night, and he was sitting on the couch masturbating while stroking the cat, which was sitting on his chest. The cat was sitting ON him, Dan, WHILE he was yanking himself. I don't know if he saw me. I went right back upstairs and went to bed. In the morning, he acted like nothing happened. Now I don't know what to do. Confront him? Get him help? Get rid of the cat?

Can't Analyze This

Pets want to be petted, and some pets are pushy about getting their pet on. Bearing that in mind, CAT, I want you to pick the two likeliest scenarios out of these four options:

A. Your boyfriend is attracted to your cat.

B. Your awesome boyfriend—unlike so many other boyfriends—is capable of doing two things at once.

C. Your boyfriend fantasizes about fucking the Almond Roca out of your cat's ass.

D. Your awesome boyfriend needed to rub one out and he was considerate enough to slip out of bed and go downstairs—so as not to wake you (he's awesome like that)—and there he was, lying back on the couch, concentrating on the task at hand, when the cat jumped up on his chest.

Now, you were there, CAT, and I wasn't, which means you're in a much better position to judge. But I think B and D are the likeliest scenarios: Your boyfriend was having a wank when the cat jumped on him, for a few moments he divided his attentions between stroking the cat and stroking himself—those moments you were unlucky enough to witness—and at some point he pushed the cat off his chest and turned back to the task at hand.

But, again, you were there, CAT, I wasn't. So did it look like your boyfriend was masturbating about the cat, with the cat, or at the cat? Or did it look like your boyfriend was masturbating in the immediate vicinity of the cat? These are questions that only you can answer.

And here's a question that only your boyfriend can answer, CAT, and I think you should put it to him: "I came down the other night and you were beating off with the cat sitting on your chest—what was that about?"

And here's the answer you're likely to get: "I was jerking it and the cat jumped up on me and I petted her for a minute mid-wank—but I didn't want to lose my hard-on and have to start all over, so the part of my brain that regulates higher boner function instructed my right hand to go into erection-maintenance mode. But I wasn't perving on the cat, honey, I swear."

Your awesome boyfriend will say that even if he was perving on the cat, CAT. But if he has the decency and good sense to lie to you about it, you should have the decency and good sense to pretend to believe him.

I'm a 25-year-old straight male who's into big-dick porn. I'm not into the dicks per se, Dan. It's the domination and dirty-talk aspects of big-dick porn that turn me on, i.e., hearing a woman say things like "That's huge!" "Stop!" "You're too big for me!" I'm not too bad off down there, but I want more. Significantly more. Do you have any recommendations on enlargement techniques? Pumps, pills, whatever? I have a partner who is sub and very GGG. I would really like to be able to play these fantasies out, but I know nothing of the feasibility.

An Enlarging Problem

There's nothing you can do to make your dick bigger. Pills only waste your money, pumps only bruise your dick. (Yes, a pump can make your dick look a little bigger, temporarily, but your temporarily bigger dick will also be a whole lot softer, AEP, and what's the use of that?) Your only options for safely exploring your big-dick fantasies are strap-ons ("Not Just for Dykes Anymore") and "cock extenders," i.e., hollow dildos that a guy can wear on his dick. You'll find a nice selection of cock extenders here:

Finally, AEP, I trust that you stop when your girlfriend—or any woman—says, "Stop!" unless you and your partner have pre-agreed to a safe word that (1) isn't "stop" but means "stop" and (2) allows her scream, "Stop!" to her heart's content.

I agree with almost everything you say, Dan, but I have one complaint: You have made several comments over the years bashing meth users! I know, I know—meth has a bad reputation. But people used to say that smoking pot caused insanity! Don't believe the hype! Being a meth addict is not good, but occasional use never hurt anyone. I only do it maybe five times a year, and unlike what you see in anti-meth ads, I'm not crazy, I don't have holes in my skin, and I'm not a junkie. Instead, I'm a straight-A female student from a wealthy suburban family. You know when I really like to get some meth? Around finals, so that I have lots of extra time to study. Stop bashing meth, Dan!

Occasional Meth User

Your pot analogy is a big fail, OMU: Different drugs have different risks, to say nothing of different chemical compositions and psychotropic effects. That anti-drug crusaders overstated the dangers of marijuana to advance their anti-hippie, pro-incarceration, or blatantly racist political agendas does not prove that meth is safe. Meth, unlike pot, is highly addictive. While there's no such thing as a fatal dose of pot, there is such a thing as a fatal dose of meth. And while abusing pot—and pot can be abused—makes a person lethargic and lardy, abusing meth makes a person crazy and dead.

But hey, why should you take my word about meth, college girl? What do I know about meth? It's not like I've ever used meth, right?

"Most meth addicts started out feeling like meth was the perfect fix to a 'problem' like needing extra time to study," says gay porn star Trenton Ducati. "I started out using meth 'occasionally,' too. Pretty much all meth users start out that way. And it's not novel to think your life is in control and that you've got it all together—everybody who gets addicted to meth thinks that."

Trenton says that people who use meth—even occasionally—are the worst judges of whether they have a meth problem.

"Meth wound up taking me places that I'm sure OMU doesn't want to go," says Trenton. "There is just no way to use meth safely. Even if she is not willing to listen to those who've come before her—and it sounds like she's not—she could at least refrain from promoting a drug that has ruined so many lives." (Gay-porn fans—particularly fans of behind-the-scenes pics of porn shoots—can follow Trenton Ducati on Twitter: @TrentonDucati.)

And maybe you didn't learn the word "sophistry" when you were cramming for the SATs, OMU, but you might want to look it up. It's never too late to expand the ol' vocabulary—or to put down the meth pipe.

CONFIDENTIAL TO LGBT KIDS WITH CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN PARENTS: Matthew Vines is your new best friend. Watch his video about what the Bible does and doesn't say about being gay, and send the link to your mother and father:

@fakedansavage on Twitter


Comments (216) RSS

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Posted by did i do one? on April 3, 2012 at 5:37 PM · Report this
mydriasis 2
All drugs (including meth) should be legal, no question, and though occaisonal use of addictive* drugs certainly IS possible without becoming PSA fodder. This girl definitely sounds like a twat and her argument itself is stupid but demonizing chemicals is pointless and misguided.

To paraphrase (this is from memory) "we should not be asking 'why the addiction' but 'why the pain?'"

* The idea that addictiveness is some sort of sliding scale like calories or centimeters is absurd and not really well supported. Though some drugs are more apt to cause addiction than others, the human taking it plays and even bigger role. But I won't go into my "myth of drug-induced addiction" rant here. The fact is, different things are addictive to different people.
Posted by mydriasis on April 3, 2012 at 5:59 PM · Report this
Anyone taking any bets on the chances of CAT's boyfriend being a closet furry?
Posted by YellowCat on April 3, 2012 at 6:10 PM · Report this
As a cat owner, I am absolutely certain it's D. Cats like to be inconvenient and a little wanking is not going to dissuade some cat who realizes its human is busy doing something other than rubbing its ears.

If the guy were into cats, CAT, and trying to get the cat to cooperate here, the cat would have flicked its tail and been gone. Chasing the cat around the house with his dick in one hand and cat treats in the other, then you might have a problem.
Posted by IPJ on April 3, 2012 at 6:12 PM · Report this
@2: Well that's all well and good, but knowing how capitalism works, it would *really* not be very long before hardcore addictive drugs are being put into anything that can be put in the human body, just to keep customers coming back for more. And more. And more.

After all, down there in the states you can currently go to your local 7-11 and buy alcohol-infused Full Throttle.
Posted by gromm on April 3, 2012 at 6:19 PM · Report this
Re the last letter: You should read what the Brits first thought of coffee. Poor OMU, having a unique and safe meth experience unlike all those people who get addicted. College students are uniquely free of these issues.

@2: I'll grant you different things are differently addictive to different people (listen to some smokers faced with those who can smoke one cig a month), but the way you find out is to experiment and discover which ones cause you to fuck up your and other people's lives because that's better than not having them. If you never experiment, sure, you don't find out if you would have been safe, but you never have to try to become a former meth addict, either. In terms of how much damage will you do to get it, I do think meth is off in a different category from, say, caffeine.
Posted by IPJ on April 3, 2012 at 6:22 PM · Report this
To CAT as a cat owner I know that when my fuzzies want to be petted they don't care if I'm masturbating, holding a bowl of hot soup, or juggling Ming vases. They want to be petted NOW.
Posted by msanonymous on April 3, 2012 at 6:25 PM · Report this
mydriasis 8

Oh for sure. Meth is worse than coffee. But so is alcohol. Frankly, if I were to eliminate one drug of abuse off the face of the planet (taking away the messy hypotheticals of other drugs filling that void), I would get rid of alcohol. The number of murders, suicides and rapes commmited under the influence of alcohol outstrip those commited under the influence of other drugs by miles and miles. Which isn't to say that meth is safer or less addictive than alcohol (I'm actually not sure what you'd find if there were an ethical way to study that because of all the boatloads of confounds, and I won't bore you with my theories) but just that alcohol effects (and hurts) MORE lives than meth.

But I digress.

Personally I've never (intentionally) done meth and think it's kind of a crappy buzz. The sex is good though.
Posted by mydriasis on April 3, 2012 at 6:32 PM · Report this
mydriasis 9
"Well that's all well and good, but knowing how capitalism works, it would *really* not be very long before hardcore addictive drugs are being put into anything that can be put in the human body, just to keep customers coming back for more. And more. And more.

After all, down there in the states you can currently go to your local 7-11 and buy alcohol-infused Full Throttle."

Um... no?
Are you a troll?

But FYI, the way capitalism CURRENTLY works is that billions of dollars are being poured into destroying the most diverse ecosystem in the world, billions (trillions?) of dollars are being poured into prosecuting people who have done nothing wrong (not to mention human rights violations and revictimizing the most traumatized people there are), and trillions of dollars are being poured into an illegal, murderous trade that is the bread and heroin-butter of terrorism.

But yeah, your threat of crack-sandwiches seems pretty credible.

P.P.S meth is "legal" in that it's a prescription drug. Better inspect your OJ real hard tomorrow morning.
Posted by mydriasis on April 3, 2012 at 6:39 PM · Report this
@8: How much of that is because it's legal and the other drugs, at least in their modern intensely purified forms, have not been?

I've never had an urge to experiment, as I hate the feeling of even a mild buzz or cold medicine. I can't imagine taking lots and lots of cold medicine for the thrill. But I warn my children, as they get older, that the only way to know if they inherited the genes for alcoholism that exist on both sides of their ancestry is to try seriously abusing alcohol, and that's not the greatest idea if they turn out to have lost that lottery. (Plus the current thinking, underscored anecdotally, that you're more likely to become addicted to something you started using under 25, brain still developing. I suspect that works in terms of neural pathways tied to the drug and tied to coping mechanisms.)
Posted by IPJ on April 3, 2012 at 6:46 PM · Report this
As the parent of a (thankfully) post-meth addict, I can only say you've obviously never watched helplessly as they destroyed themselves and did their damndest to destroy everything they came into contact with, all in the inexorable grip of their addiction. Just because you're a college student doesn't make you smart. Quit playing with fire now, while you can, or find yourself "on the stroll" to support your pimp and your habit.
Posted by helpless_bystander on April 3, 2012 at 6:58 PM · Report this
"Your awesome boyfriend will say that even if he was perving on the cat, CAT. But if he has the decency and good sense to lie to you about it, you should have the decency and good sense to pretend to believe him."

Because if he's some perv who wants to get it on with her cat, that's totes awesome!

Except, you know, *not really*. Cats (like other animals and children) can't give informed consent to sexual contact. If I'd stumbled upon that scene, I'd have demanded an explanation... and I still might have thrown him out on his ear.
Posted by Kittenmommy on April 3, 2012 at 6:59 PM · Report this
"Your awesome boyfriend will say that even if he was perving on the cat, CAT. But if he has the decency and good sense to lie to you about it, you should have the decency and good sense to pretend to believe him."

Because if he's some perv who wants to get it on with her cat, that's totes awesome!

Except, you know, *not really*. Cats (like other animals and children) can't give informed consent to sexual contact. If I'd stumbled upon that scene, I'd have demanded an explanation... and I still might have thrown him out on his ear.
Posted by Kittenmommy on April 3, 2012 at 7:00 PM · Report this
mydriasis 14

To answer your first question...

I believe that there are other drugs that could take the status of alcohol (sole legal way to get fucked up) and induce equally bad effects, or worse. But I also think there are other drugs that could take the status of alcohol and have way less of those effects (marijuana, for example, is used at fairly high rates too, in my country, for example and doesn't show the same social impact that alcohol does)

Alcohol is by nature a nasty drug, IMHO.
But I never liked it myself and when I used to try to indulge my 'alcoholic genes' kicked in. My worst 'adverse drug reactions' were with alcohol, not 'hard drugs'. So I'm a little biased.

Fun fact: the way cocaine is consumed traditionally is by chewing coca leaves. People still do this in the countries where it's grown. Apparently it's about on par with drinking a cup of coffee. The line between "hard drugs" and "harmless drugs" is not always as clear as we might like to think.

As far as alcoholism genes go... they haven't really found any yet, and even gung-ho genetics types still put gene influence at like, 50%. Depending on the 'type' of alcoholic they are predisposed to be, it might not matter what age they start at, either. Long story short: environmental factors are huge and you can influence those, so I wouldn't fixate too much on the possibility of genes?
Posted by mydriasis on April 3, 2012 at 7:02 PM · Report this
Yep. Unfortunately, OMU will probably develop some addiction over the next few years unless her supply runs out, or possibly if a boyfriend gives her an ultimatum over the issue, she has a baby, or she finds Besus. Seen it happen too many times.
Posted by beccoid on April 3, 2012 at 7:21 PM · Report this
@14: "Alcohol is by nature a nasty drug, IMHO."
You've obviously never had a really good Belgian ale.
Posted by chi_type on April 3, 2012 at 7:24 PM · Report this
O my Captain 17
Dan, I think you're being baited into a debate about Meth usage.
Let's just agree that Meth=death eventually.

If she don't wanna know, forget her...
Posted by O my Captain on April 3, 2012 at 7:46 PM · Report this
I watch porn. Fequently. A wide variety of porn. How is it that I've never heard of big dick porn? MOst of the dicks I se in porn are big, to the point where I wince and think 'better her than me'. I've never heard any of those lines in any of the porn that I've watched. Then again, I watch a lot of French porn (none of the men are circumsized, which makes up for the poor quality breast implants) and I'm not entirely sure what the French translation of "you're too big for me" is.

This is why I love Savage--I always learn something new.

Meth is some scarey shit. Anything that can be cooked in the trunk of a car out of things that no one in their right mind would consider ingesting separately is pretty fucked up, and can't really be compared to either pot or liquor. Just my opinion, but nothing anyone says is going to convince me that meth is harmless. And if I found any of my girls doing it, I'd kick her narrow ass.
Posted by catballou on April 3, 2012 at 7:56 PM · Report this
I suggest you read a little about the Opium Wars, and all the problems that legalized opium caused in China. A short summary, by the 20th century 20% of the citizens were addicted, and not in any state to work, which naturally messed up the economy.
Another example is the popularity of absinthe in certain regions in France, that resulted in increased rates of still birth's and neurological disorders until it was banned in 1915.
All drugs were legal at some point, cocaine was promoted by the pope and fed to babies, and most got banned for a good reason.
Folks in western societies tend to abuse drugs, plants that indigenous people used for thousands of years in moderation were modified by westerns to mind blasting, fast acting chemicals that are mostly good for messing people up if not controlled.
Even the relatively harmless marijuana (and long term use can impair short term memory and cause respiratory problems) that had 0.4% of active principle forever and ever and suited people all over the world just fine, was modified, and today contains 14% of THC, which is why people get paranoid more often from it.
So while legalizing all drugs would work in a perfect world, in our society, as was proven by history, it would suck big time.
Unfortunately, because lack of education about the history and both good and bad sides of all those chemicals people either vilify or idolize them.
Posted by Ru on April 3, 2012 at 8:06 PM · Report this
Lilliable 20

Oh please! Good luck getting a cat to do anything it doesn't want to do.

(And calling yourself an animals "mommy" is creepy.)
Posted by Lilliable on April 3, 2012 at 8:11 PM · Report this
Lilliable 21

I hate it when I do that
Posted by Lilliable on April 3, 2012 at 8:14 PM · Report this
mydriasis 22
You're assuming that I don't know the histories because I don't agree with you? Tsk tsk.

I suggest you look at the rate of HIV and drug use in Portugual now. I also suggest you look at marijuana use in the Netherlands now. Or you look at the influence of needle exchange programs and safe injection sites.

It's not about it "working" or it being a "perfect world", it's about harm reduction. It's about a lesser of two evils. Legalizing drugs will not solve the problem of drug addiction, but the war on drugs makes the problem worse while creating many new problems in the process.

If you want me to go further into explaining why, I can.


I honestly hate all beer. Sometimes I miss mixed drinks but all alcohol is off limits for me!


Meth isn't harmless. No drug is. I'd agree with you it's particularly nasty, but it also depends a great deal on the person using it. My ex boyfriend had horrible horrible experiences with alcohol that made meth look harmless in comparison (in comparison!) and though he loved it, he never went all requiem for a dream.

Plus, although I will probably use the 'look at the chemicals they make it with!' scare tactic on my kids if I ever have any, I'll have to hope they don't have the knowledge background to understand that it's exceedingly misleading. All drugs are made with toxic chemicals. That's how synthesis is done (for real!). Anyone who's ever worked/studied in an organic chem lab knows that pretty much everything you use is poison. (Doesn't stop them from drinking the 90% ethanol, though)


Ugh. Yes.
Posted by mydriasis on April 3, 2012 at 8:28 PM · Report this
Mischa Vainburg 23
Yep, animals just don't get the concept of privacy.

One time I was trying to give my man some nice spontaneous head on the living room floor and had to interrupt the moment and go upstairs when the cat and dog absolutely *insisted* on playing right next to where we were trying to get it on...

And just today had to push the cat out of my personal space while trying to wank. So yes, "erection maintenance" and multitasking are the most obvious options here.
Posted by Mischa Vainburg on April 3, 2012 at 8:29 PM · Report this
mydriasis 24
Oh, and the French translation?
tu es trop grand pour moi?

it's been a while
Posted by mydriasis on April 3, 2012 at 8:31 PM · Report this
chibby 25
Agrees with the some of the other pet owners here:Animals don't care if you're masturbating or getting your ass pounded,they will come up and say "Hi" whenever they feel like it.
Posted by chibby on April 3, 2012 at 9:04 PM · Report this
For CAT: I can't even tell you how many times I've had sex with the cat right next to me on the bed, possibly touching my foot. I may have even petted her for a moment while changing positions. Cats are weird and have zero boundaries.

For AEP: since what the women are saying is the turn on, why not just ask your partner(s) to act like you're absolutely skewering them? I bet just hearing it will be good enough, since that's the part you like (rather than, saying, actually making them uncomfortable with a too-big dick).
Posted by emma99 on April 3, 2012 at 9:13 PM · Report this
My cat comes running whenever she hears anything buzzing. I've been working to train her out of it, but when my husband shaves, I use a back massager, or during "me time" she thinks that's the perfect time to cuddle.

It seriously kills the mood for me. If you can stay aroused and pet the cat at the same time, power to you.
Posted by DianeLGD on April 3, 2012 at 9:20 PM · Report this
AEP, emma99 @26 has good advice.

Here's what Dan usually says but didn't this time: "So you have a small dick, how big's your forearm? And your forearm never goes limp."

Also, please take to heart Dan's gentle comment that "Stop" means STOP, unless the hugeness of your penetrative tool is part of the fun for her too and she has a safeword to stop you if she needs to.
Posted by EricaP on April 3, 2012 at 9:27 PM · Report this
Another vote that cats don't give a shit what you are doing. This one probably took one look and thought "Oh look. Hands in motion. I can put those to better use than THAT."

Besides, cat fur feels nice. Enjoying the feeling of petting the cat doesn't mean he was getting off on the cat. It's just a nice sensation. He might just as easily have been rubbing his fingers over the velvet nap of the couch.

I suppose you could always have the cat killed, skinned, tanned, and converted into fur-lined cuffs. I'm sure that would make everything much more proper and acceptable.
Posted by avast2006 on April 3, 2012 at 9:42 PM · Report this
I apologize if i repeated information well known to you, I assumed you don't know not because you disagree but because your post seemed based on emotions.
I don't get how your reply is related to anything I said. Last time I checked "all drugs" weren't legalized in Portugal, and in the Nederlands cannabis is legalized and even it is controlled pretty tightly, "hard drugs" are illegal there. I personally think marijuana should be legalized, considering alcohol is, but definitely not drugs like heroin or meth. My point is that there are dangerous drugs that should remain illegal, not that all laws currently focus on the right ones or that their enforcement is successful.
Posted by Ru on April 3, 2012 at 9:43 PM · Report this
mydriasis 31
@ 30

Though I am passionate about harm reduction, that passion is based on an understanding of the facts. Just because a person gets emotional talking about sweatshops that force children to work for pennies doesn't mean they don't know what they're talking about.

Re: Portugal - Last time you checked must have been over a decade ago… (they are decriminalized, not legalized - is that what you meant?)

The idea behind making drugs illegal is that the laws are meant to make a reasonable dent in drug use. They do not. I'm not a historian on opium so I can't speak to China but I'd take a bet that there were other social factors at play besides opium that caused the problems you're talking about. As for the absinthe comment, I find it hardly noteworthy? Babies are born with FAS and low birth weight due to smoking all the time. Both legal drugs. They're also born addicted to heroin or cocaine (despite drug laws, if you can believe it). If I had the time I'd dig up the book I did read that touched on historical drug use, maybe later?
Posted by mydriasis on April 3, 2012 at 10:04 PM · Report this
mydriasis 32
Also, not to belabour the point but………

You really haven't heard about Portugal?

Also, the idea that decriminalization/legalization of drugs (even 'hard drugs!') is the way to go is held by most addiction experts, doctors (especially those who work with drug addicts) and any cop who's been working long enough. :p

Sorry everyone, too much soapbox for one night.
Posted by mydriasis on April 3, 2012 at 10:12 PM · Report this
@24, merci
Posted by catballou on April 3, 2012 at 10:36 PM · Report this
Just my personal experience: used meth perhaps ten separate times as an undergrad. Didn't really care for the high (lots of grinding of teeth and restless energy), so only snorted a line or two when it was offered (split a $20 bag once, for a grand investment of 10 bucks.) Flash forward ten years, and snorted it two more times, again when offered socially. Didn't really care for the high (again with the grinding teeth and insomnia). Flash forward eight years, and snorted it once more, as a social thing. Same experience--restless teeth grinding, and a chemical-feeling, vaguely unpleasant and speedy type of high. Three years later is now, today, and no other use.

So. Meth CAN be used casually. I'm not saying it is at all a good idea, but it is inaccurate to assume that casual use is impossible.
Posted by Functional Atheist on April 3, 2012 at 11:02 PM · Report this
Little miss casual meth user really needs to get her hands on some Adderall. That's what normal college kids use to extend their study time. Heck, it's usually pretty easy to convince a doc to give you a 'script for it if you can't find a street vendor.
Posted by carrot on April 3, 2012 at 11:18 PM · Report this
Without the drug war jacking up the price of cocaine, we probably wouldn't have meth. Aside from probably being more harmful to society than cocaine (not that cocaine is good, mind you), meth production is also extremely dangerous and produces highly toxic waste products that are not, of course, disposed of properly.
Posted by treeowl on April 3, 2012 at 11:56 PM · Report this
The CAT letter was hilarious to my husband and I. Our cats like to play the "how long can we keep sleeping on the bed after they start fucking?" game. We have to kick them out of the room, though sometimes they hide under the bed and make that impossible. One pushy cat thinks oral sex is the best time to get scratches (no pun intended). They have no concept of inappropriate. It is funny most of the time though it no doubt brands us as crazy cat people.
Posted by wxPDX on April 3, 2012 at 11:59 PM · Report this
Actually there is an excellent organization called Law Enforcement Against Prohibition (LEAP)made up of long time, experienced, retired narcotics cops whose well informed, well articulated position is that any form of prohibition NEVER works. All it ever does is create a violent criminal underclass.

I agree with LEAP. All drugs should be legal, taxable, regulated as to safety of content, (uncut with deadly adulterants), and available OTC, without a prescription, to all adults. The bloodbath in our streets and in other countries would be instantly eliminated because there would be no profits for vicious street gangs and cartels. Desperately needed manufacturing jobs, using quality control and producing more relatively cheap generic drugs, would be created.

The enormous propaganda machine fueled by the DEA, which did not even exist prior to 1971, the pharmaceutical industry that reaps its greatests profits from drugs still under patent, the addictionologists and all other doctors, who have an enormous, vested financial interest in retaining the "right to write", religious groups that object on puritanical moral grounds, the 12 steppers whose heirarchy makes big $$$$ and whose beliefs are derived from an evangelical Lutheran nutbag minister, and politicians who use fear mongering to get elected will, of course, never permit this to happen in the U.S.

The most reliable scientific evidence shows that only approx. 3%-5% of people exposed to any drug become addicted. It also shows that the overwhelming majority of those quit on their own, without meetings, rehab or intervention.

But hey, just keep listening to Drew Dipshit and Nancy Grace. They must be right. They're on television. You could go to Youtube and watch something called "The Chilling Effect," but that would cut into valuable time that could be better spent analyzing furries.
Posted by gently on April 4, 2012 at 12:24 AM · Report this
Hey Dan, abusing pot doesn't just make people lazy and lethargic. It can cause paranoia, depression, psychosis and has the ability to bring on drug induced schizophrenia. There are many studies and research papers on this and while it may be a softer drug, it's irresponsible to play off pot as a 'nothing' drug. Just because you've had a good experience with it doesn't mean everyone will. All drugs have the potential to be harmful.
Posted by zeep on April 4, 2012 at 1:06 AM · Report this
Dear meth-head,

So the opposite of "crazy", "holes in skin", and "junkie" is "straight-A student", "female", "wealthy," "suburban" and "family-oriented".

That's just a little bit smug and elitist of you.

Demographics are no protection against disaster - and it's kind of offensive to people less fortunate than yourself, don't you think, to imagine that scholastic high-performers who live on Ferris Bueller's street are somehow immune from the reality that all those lesser souls have to put up with?

Surprisingly, growing up shielded from most of the genuinely tough parts of life is no guarantee of resilience - it just means you've not yet been seriously tested (although it looks like you're determined to do that with your little crystal friends there). With relatively undeveloped tough-shit-handling skills, however, you're arguably more likely to fail, not less likely.

Reality doesn't give a flying fuck about your academic transcript, princess. You have no force field; you are nothing special.

That slide into the junkie life does happen to people like you, you'd better believe it. Open your eyes, get a little humility, and grow up. You may find this useful for other good things in life, once you've succeeded in avoiding addiction, alienation from all you love, and a pathetic early death.

But hey, your call. You seem to know best.
Posted by protected species on April 4, 2012 at 1:28 AM · Report this
i've never tried meth so i'm not in a position to judge, but i live in europe where many health professionals agree that the danger in hard drug use lies primarily in composition.
i do believe omu may just be a recreational user and never become addicted, but the risk in accidentally taking something that may be lethal because it's cut with poison is too great.
and yes, there is no comparison between pot and meth. pot is naturally grown and meth is synthetic. if you need to stay awake for exams omu, i would suggest brewing a strong pot of coffee.
Posted by markzurich on April 4, 2012 at 1:47 AM · Report this
One of our cat's has taken to "claiming" me (as the alpha I guess) in the head butting insistent style whenever I'm in bed w/o the Mrs.. Then one day my wife was on top of me (frog position?) when the damn cat jumped up on the bed, ran across and launched off of the exposed back of her thighs. I mean dug in rear claws making bullseye bruises. Ever since, due to "training" (squirt guns are your friend) all I need to do when she starts clawing the furniture during our sex is snap my fingers. (Oh, was I pissed at that little shit! It's bad enough to have to cover all the bedroom chairs from scratching, but drawing blood is beyond the pale!). And, yeah, the cat would want to be forcing me to scritch her if I didn't make so much noise while masturbating.

I've written before that some people are "wired" to be susceptible to addiction. OMU should be thankful that she may not be, but being intelligent and arrogant is no barrier to falling into the same trap as everyone else. It wasn't for me anyway. OMU: quit while you're ahead.


PS: Jon Stewart interviewed an MD that came up with the most amazing observation; street drugs are safer than prescription drugs. Look at celebrities that OD, and most do it from prescribed drugs or in combination with them.
Posted by Married in MA on April 4, 2012 at 1:49 AM · Report this
I've had a cat sit down on my sandwich to be petted (after head-butting my tits so I spilled my coffee didn't work), and seen one lie down on top of a breastfeeding baby. There is nothing odd about this: why would Kitty care what her slaves are doing when she needs to be petted?
Posted by Anne Marie on April 4, 2012 at 3:21 AM · Report this
MythicFox 44
I'd be willing to bet that CAT's boyfriend might've been half-asleep at the time and might not have realized exactly what was going on.

Regardless, anyone knows that if a cat jumps up on you wanting petted and doesn't get petted, you're likely to wind up with holes in you.

@3-- If he was simply a 'closet furry,' he wouldn't have any interest in the cat. Educate yourself.
Posted by MythicFox on April 4, 2012 at 5:00 AM · Report this
I used meth occasionally in college. And coke occasionally. So did a lot of my friends. I used heroin occasionally in grad school. None of us ever got addicted. We're in our 50's now.
Posted by nordica on April 4, 2012 at 5:16 AM · Report this
I remember watching a show where a guy in prison talked about making meth- he set up two 55-gal drums and bought several (many) cases of beer and he'd cook the meth - drinking the beer and would toss the empty cans into the drums - when he finished all the cases of beer the meth was done- can't be good for you
Posted by Wiredless on April 4, 2012 at 5:31 AM · Report this
In reference to AEZ, why didn't you suggest, well, pretending? Can't AEZ's girlfriend learn to act terrified and in pain from AEZ's cock — now, clearly gigantic in size? It seems like the easiest solution.
Posted by sleeplessinrochester on April 4, 2012 at 5:59 AM · Report this
In regards to AEP, why didn't you suggest, well, pretending? Couldn't AEP's girlfriend learn to act like AEZ's cock is "painfully large" and "too much", begging to stop? It seems like the easiest solution.
Posted by sleeplessinrochester on April 4, 2012 at 6:02 AM · Report this
cat comments: why i hate cats... they belong outside with the raccoons.
Posted by houstontreehugger on April 4, 2012 at 6:16 AM · Report this
#2 - you agree with the lw's premise, but you feel obligated to call her a stupid twat? why? because she's a girl? or because dan disagreed with her?

of course ANY drug can be used casually, if that's your deliberate intention. meth, heroin, cocaine. alcohol. even caffeine. if you hear yourself thinking, "oh i'm coming down, i need more right now", that's when you need to hear yourself and put on the brakes.
Posted by circe on April 4, 2012 at 6:28 AM · Report this
mydriasis 51
Oh also, re the 'big dick' guy.

Penis size is all relative to the girl you're with. If your relationship is open/monogamish you might want to seek out a girl who finds your dick 'too much' and see about that?
Posted by mydriasis on April 4, 2012 at 6:56 AM · Report this
I don't think the fact that it's possible that you could use meth a couple times without getting hooked is any reason to call it safe.

Also, #4's image of CAT's boyfriend chasing the cat around with cat treats and his dick in his hand is hilarious. :)
Posted by Makenna on April 4, 2012 at 6:58 AM · Report this
@4 is absolutely right. We've had the cat jump on one of our backs in the middle of sex, or head butt us, or some such nonsense. That's the nature of cats. When they want attention, they want it NOW.
Posted by sfguy on April 4, 2012 at 7:03 AM · Report this
mydriasis 54
@ 50

Are you assuming I'm male?

I called her a twat because she's implying that because she's rich and suburban she's 'different' than other drug addicts. She also appears to think that will shock him and shake up his delusions about drug use when anyone who's spent any time around drug culture knows her type. It's ignorant. Finally, I agree with the idea that some people can use 'hard drugs' casually, I wouldn't call occasional use of any drug harmless. You have a bad experience on nearly any drug and end up dead.

"of course ANY drug can be used casually, if that's your deliberate intention."

Some drugs can be used casually by some. Some people may be able to use all drugs casually. But there are also people who intend to use a drug casually and end up using it way more.

You clearly have no concept of how addiction works. The neurobiology just straight up doesn't agree with you.
Posted by mydriasis on April 4, 2012 at 7:08 AM · Report this
Cats aren't all oblivious to human sex. I've got one that comes running with his favorite sex toy (any article of clothing lying about) when masturbation is afoot. I lock him out of the room but it's clear what he's doing out there. He's a talker.
Posted by Mr. J on April 4, 2012 at 7:28 AM · Report this
AFinch 56
@2, @5 nails it: the issue isn't protecting people from themselves - particularly the 80% of the population who are neither sociopaths nor defenseless - it's protecting the 15% who are defenseless from the 5% who are sociopaths. For some poignant examples of anarcho-capitalist (ie, Koch/Paul/college-sophist-pothead Libertarian Social Darwinist idiotlogues) 'everything should be legal':

1) Sugar. We demonized Fat - particularly animal Fat - in the 60s, and the food industry played along - substituting sugar (HCFS - that's Fructose folks, just like in fruit) in all it's forms (flour, pasta, "complex" carbs, root vegetables) in order to sell us more product - taking advantage of tickling an evolutionary addiction response (strong reward preference for) and we now have an obesity epidemic - we really have the metabolic trifecta: diabetes, coronary artery disease (and they are now recognizing the sugar in the blood may be the actual cause of plaque, not bacon fat) and hypertension. And it's not just the 15% incapable at the bottom of the IQ/education scale this affects.

2) The "I/O Option-ARM" - aka super-risky mortgage. No, it's not really "addictive" in the usual sense of being an ingested substance, but the need for a constant repeat and the abuse to mask bad finances is now quite obvious. These higher-profit products were aggressively marketed to those least able to understand them, in a quasi-predatory fashion. The entire fight with Wall St. and the Dems has been centered on preserving the ability to prey and feed upon the unsuspecting with some really terrible financial products - products that really do not benefit our larger society, but do disproportionately benefit the sociopaths.

Somehow the process of being "fed upon" by the sociopaths is supposed to teach the naive, uneducated and slow in the 'school of hard knocks' to be wise, clever and quick, but you know, if you're dead (meth) or permanently damaged (debt for life, bankrupted), there's kind of no do-over to get it right, even if you did actually figure it out.

So yes, the government needs to regulate this shit to protect us from the predators in our society who will rapaciously devour the vulnerable among us, wherever they find them. And the problem with the Social-Darwinist, Anarcho-Capitalist model is that we are not Jeffersonian Democrats, each a self-sufficient farmer island, so the costs to the victims affect us all. So um, yeah, while I find the reasoning of Fat Tony Scalia's 'superior intellect' to be...selective (results oriented) at best...and I fully endorse the legalization of cannabis, I do have to agree with the support for the Control Act.

Whew...ok, /rant.

ps - this girl is a moron, and Dan nailed it.
Posted by AFinch on April 4, 2012 at 7:51 AM · Report this
AFinch 57
@32 (et al) - Despite my rant, I am in complete agreement that decriminalization and harm reduction are spot on. I'm just realizing I came off sounding like a prohibitionist and nothing could be further from the truth.

There is no question that a lot of hard drugs - the opiates in particular - are not fatal nor even necessarily result in dysfunction for long-term addicts - if they are regulated for purity and accessibility. Still, they have to be regulated. De-crim and De-reg are not the same thing.
Posted by AFinch on April 4, 2012 at 8:03 AM · Report this
@56: Are you arguing that they put sugar in lots of stuff because it causes people to buy more? (True.) Or are you arguing that sugar should be controlled and regulated or banned to protect people from its health consequences?

Because that isn't going to work. I can avoid nicotine casually and easily; a diet that includes absolutely zero sugar or carbs (meat and leafy greens?) is not one most people want to follow, and certainly not be forced to follow for our own good. Including lots of very healthy people, e.g. lean triathletes who do not want someone standing at the cash register pronouncing "Ravioli, out. Also no chocolate bar. And no beets."

People are hard-wired to like the taste of sugar because it's in breast milk. Anyone who didn't like it died in infancy.
Posted by IPJ on April 4, 2012 at 8:18 AM · Report this
CAT, I have two very noodgy dogs and a rather malicious cat. I take a long time when I masturbate, and sometimes they just feel the need to check in with me. Depending on where I'm at in the process, I will pet them. Trust me, it's not erotic - in fact, it's kind of a mood wrecker. But petting my attention-starved (hah!) pet for a little bit is less of a mood wrecker than getting up and ordering them out of the room. There is a SMALL possibility that he may have a bit of a fur fetish and stroking fur is a turn-on, but I'm going to place my bets with the cat being a bit of a brat.
Posted by JrzWrld on April 4, 2012 at 8:21 AM · Report this
And I'm betting OMU was high as a kite when she wrote that letter.
Posted by JrzWrld on April 4, 2012 at 8:22 AM · Report this
Good to know I'm not the only one with an obscene cat. It's pretty bothersome but he spontaneously insists on cuddle time whenever I've pulled out the vibrator. I don't feel right multitasking on this though so it's gotten to the point I pull it out, put it down and wait for the cat to come over, give him his 10 minutes of petting, he goes away and then I have my me time.
Posted by Karey on April 4, 2012 at 8:28 AM · Report this
mydriasis 62

We completely agree.
I am not for de-reg.
To me legalizing implies regulations (make the drug trade a legit business subject to scrutiny), decriminalizing implies a more hands-off approach which doesn't "deregulate" but rather leaves a completely unregulated market the way it is.

For that reason I'm more in favour of legalization, but decriminalization would be a huge step in the right direction.
Posted by mydriasis on April 4, 2012 at 8:29 AM · Report this
CAT-as a married guy who doesn't want to wake his wife, I'll sometimes pleasure myself on the couch and sometimes one of our two dogs will come over to see what I'm up to; at that time I have to shoo said dog away while training to maintain focus. in nooo way is the dog involved, other than my trying to get it to go elsewhere for the next few min

as for omu...I'm sober and do a monthly meeting in the psych ward of the county jail...the guys most out of their mind (and in need of serious mental health treatment) are the meth addicts, not knowing all of the sciencey stuff, what I see is that meth scrambles brains and what I hear is that "I started out using occassionally" and then that individual ends up in lock-down on a mental health ward with a fried brain. I'm in no position to judge anyone, but I do wish that anyone thinking that occassional meth use is "okay" could see the end results where addiction to meth leads.
Posted by pmcsd on April 4, 2012 at 8:40 AM · Report this
As a cat owner living in small quarters, I frequently have to choose between masturbating with a cat on/near me and not masturbating at all. Or getting up to put the cat out of the bedroom, but then I'm masturbating to the sound of petulant meowing and claws against the door.

If this isn't the explanation for CAT's husband, maybe he likes the sensation of fur, and CAT can indulge him with furry lingerie. That's a far cry from wanting to actually fuck an animal--which, if it were happening in CAT's house, I think she'd have noticed by now from the state of her cat's health.
Posted by Skipper Jo on April 4, 2012 at 8:46 AM · Report this
Only a meth head defends meth. I support the legalization of most drugs as I would prefer the government spend that money wisely, but meth is just a really stupid way to go. Am I judging the users of meth? Yeah, sorry, but I also judge pedophiles and do not feel remorse over that either.

Posted by Kylere on April 4, 2012 at 8:53 AM · Report this
The Max 66
CAT--Others have said about the same thing, but with my profile pic being what it is, I'll weigh in as well. I jerk off regularly in the near vicinity of the cat in the pic, oftentimes while petting him. (His name is Edmund). Totally not perving on the cat, just lazy. Easier for me to put up with his kitty demands for existence validation than the caterwauling, scratching, and knocking of objects d'art off of high places when his kitty will is thwarted.
Posted by The Max on April 4, 2012 at 8:55 AM · Report this
AEP might want to try towel-hanging. Basically it's (very light) weightlifting using your dick. It's not going to turn a small dick into a big one, but it will build the muscle and make you a bit bigger.…
Posted by Brett Alan on April 4, 2012 at 9:28 AM · Report this
If she's still a student, then she probably hasn't been using meth long enough for the holes in her skin to form or for her teeth to turn yellow.
Posted by DRF on April 4, 2012 at 9:29 AM · Report this
Dear CAT: Does he always keep the cat on his lap and stroke it? Does he insist that the cat must be nearby at all times? Does he refuse to fly anywhere, and only drive to Vegas, etc., so he can bring the cat? Would he rather stroke the cat than you? I know a woman who had a boyfriend who had this type of obsession with his large, female rabbit. They broke up, eventually.
Posted by marilynsue on April 4, 2012 at 9:31 AM · Report this
Anybody here know if meth is any relation to the drug I used to take back in the mid seventies we called "speed"? White powder, often crystallized, that you didn't have to cook, just mix with water and strain through a filter. Mainlining it took the top of your head off, then a nice high energy buzz for an hour or so. It was pretty cheap - cheaper than coke, any way, and IMO a way better high.

This was something I used maybe twice a year for a couple of years, and then got in with bad companions and started hitting up once or twice a week or so. Didn't take more than about a month of that to think "This is not a good idea" and moved to the other side of town. Wasn't addicted at that point, but got a definite feeling that it wouldn't take much longer.

Now years later don't do any drugs at all, can barely drink a cup of coffee. I've always assumed that the meth I hear people talking about is the same or a similar drug - is it?
Posted by agony on April 4, 2012 at 9:34 AM · Report this
@41 That natural vs. synthetic argument is not well supported by reality, but if it makes you feel better...

As for meth itself, that covers a broad range of formulations, from a relatively safe and studied, prescription version produced in clean labs, to the increasingly cluttered array of dangerous concoctions, formulated from increasingly perverse products to hide its dirty manufacture, including the attendant harmful containments and production by-products that prohibition has created.

In short, most meth is like bathtub gin; hardly a fair reflection on the actual drug.

@42 Yes. That is an incredible assertion. Drawing a conclusion about overall product safety based on a few publicized deaths is ridiculous on its face.
Posted by Those Are Not My Drugs on April 4, 2012 at 9:46 AM · Report this
AFinch 72
@70 - yes, of course, it's been around a long time, starting with the military - Air Force in particular - handing it out: methamphetamine aka speed. I've only ever tried 'hard' once - some coke, supposedly, which I believe was heavily cut with speed, as was apparently common in the mid-80s when I tried it. Never again, for either, thanks.

@62 - yes, we do completely agree, especially about the nuance between decrim and legalization - I want a legit, public market, kind of like another addiction: gambling in Vegas.

@58 - no, of course I don't want sugar itself regulated (though I support better labeling), precisely because you can't stop something like that where we are hardwired and it's in all of our food (even leafy green vegetables, just in very low amounts). Unlike psychotropics which have no nutritional value, it's a dual-purpose good.

I'm simply using it to illustrate what you get when you let capitalism get ahold of a substance of abuse - something we are hardwired to want. Modern economics and capitalism are about marketing: manufacturing demand, and the gold ring for that is latching onto a reward system hardwired in our brains. Nicotine, gambling, opiates, cannabinoids and sugar all do that.
Posted by AFinch on April 4, 2012 at 10:03 AM · Report this
chibby 73
Sorry,but I'm going to have to chime in.You can totally use drugs recreationaly.Voice of experience felt the need to set the record straight.Some people don't need your"protection" from the evils of the world.Part of the experience of life is finding out what you are capable of.I'm not saying everything should be legal,neither did the young college lady that wrote in.This thread has totally derailed off topic.
Posted by chibby on April 4, 2012 at 10:20 AM · Report this
guys looking to get bigger should try thundersplace. Only a couple inches max, but a couple inches is a couple inches. It's a huge pain in the ass, and as a woman I have no idea why anyone would want to go through all that, but it does work.
Posted by Marrena on April 4, 2012 at 10:27 AM · Report this
I yelled at my cousin for saying cocaine is not addictive. It is something my cousin heard from her cocaine addict father. How can people be so stupid? If you want to study harder get some black market ritalin or something. That stuff isn't safe either, but it's better than METH.

I also want to punch this girl in the face for thinking that getting good grades and living in the suburbs makes her a better person. Is meth somehow more dangerous for C students from detroit? You're just another teenage human with a stupid habit, it makes no difference what kind of grades you get.
Posted by TheLastComment on April 4, 2012 at 10:44 AM · Report this
@43--My cat does that head-butting thing on my tits, too. She gets all OCD about it and will do it repeatedly. It is odd.

Another cat guardian here. I have three. I also have a husband. The cats want to be involved in all kinds of activities that are cat-unfriendly. Sometimes you can distract them with something else or scare them away by shaking the squirt bottle (I rarely actually have to squirt any water on them, but I have a few bottles around the house), and sometimes you can't. It's the nature of cats. Some with wander away and find something else to do if you lock them out during sexy times, and some will holler, wail, throw things, scratch at or bang on the door, etc., etc.

Cats can be very intuitive, sensitive, comforting creatures. (Mine might have saved my life when I was depressed.) They can be good company. They can, to some extent, be trained. But mostly they train their people to give them what they want just when they want it. And sometimes, living with a cat means learning to work around the cat's wants.
Posted by AyKayEss on April 4, 2012 at 10:57 AM · Report this
My wife likes to go for a second O after I have gotten off sometimes with a big magic wand, inevitably the cat decides we are done since the thrashing about has stopped and I have to play defense to keep him from hopping on her and pawing at her boobs while she is trying to get off. Cats just do not give a shit.
Posted by drjones on April 4, 2012 at 10:58 AM · Report this
By the way my stupid cousin is a straight A student from the suburbs, and her drug addict father was also a straight A student who went to a fancy catholic school.
Posted by TheLastComment on April 4, 2012 at 11:00 AM · Report this
sissoucat 79
To CAT : my cat has sometimes insisted on staying in the bedroom when my lover and I were getting it on. At the beginning the cat was studiously looking on, and then I stopped checking on the cat, so who knows if it was still looking or not.

I don't think that cat is a perv, though, nor do I think that we were pervs to force it outside. We were not in the mood of keeping on hearing it scatching at the door. Cats are curious and they tend to not care about whether you'd like privacy or not.

And cats hate to feel used : forcing a cat to do anything it is not up to, will lead one to pain pretty fast. I don't think using a cat as a sexual object can be done. So in short : Dan is right.
Posted by sissoucat on April 4, 2012 at 11:10 AM · Report this
That Trenton guy looks like a beefed up Dan Savage. Just saying.
Posted by Dragonrose36 on April 4, 2012 at 11:10 AM · Report this
sissoucat 81
*not* to force it outside.
Posted by sissoucat on April 4, 2012 at 11:13 AM · Report this
I'd like to weigh in on the meth discussion with a point that is not about how addictive/destructive it is or is not, or in comparison to other drugs, etc.

What worries me about this college student is that she "uses" meth to help her for college finals. It's like a tool for her and it makes her life easier sometimes. With alcohol, or pot, or even something highly addictive like cocaine, I think it tends to be less addictive and less dangerous when it's used for entertainment, as in: Hey! I wanna have a good time and experience this particular type of buzz/high. I think that is less likely to turn into a slippery slope of addiction (though still very possible!).

But when it becomes, I need this drug because it helps me do my finals better/ because it makes me into a more agreeable person/ in order to function in some way on a regular basis, that is what typically leads to addiction. If meth helps her out on finals so much, what happens when her normal course load gets too much and she needs more time then? Meth helps her have more time for things during finals, why not in the tough spots in her normal schedule? Usage increases. More rationalizing. Etc. Addiction is defined by dependency, and I think this girl is already showing some signs of that.
Posted by Kella on April 4, 2012 at 11:14 AM · Report this
Troy from IN 83
As a cat owner, D has happened to me a lot!
Posted by Troy from IN on April 4, 2012 at 11:16 AM · Report this
My cat comes over and gets very affectionate when she hears the vibrator going. I think the vibrations are what she's into. She doesn't get near the thing, tho, just rubs her face all over my face while I'm busy. As soon as the vibe is off, she's gone. I really don't think this is inappropriate. I don't think sexy thoughts about my cat, nor does my cat have a clue what I'm doing. She just likes the sensation. Lucky pussy!
Posted by ChelseaHotel on April 4, 2012 at 11:20 AM · Report this
My cat loves the sound and sensation of the vibrator, and makes herself a bit slutty when it's going. She actively rubs herself all over my face when the vibe is buzzing. I think it's cute, not sexy, but I don't send her away. What do I care if she gets a little love from my self-lovin'?
Posted by ChelseaHotel on April 4, 2012 at 11:25 AM · Report this
Meth 'addiction' is ugly. Meth 'use' is not always completely destructive. I have experience with this. I also work with addicts who have no ability to regulate their behaviour, use or the consequences, and for them, and many others, it is a poison they should steer clear of.

I can't say that many people have the strength to not get derailed by it, but for those who can, very occasional use is not a tragedy. Many people come out of the situation without losing their minds, their jobs, their self-esteem or their social lives. Most don't, but it's not impossible to try meth a few times and live to tell the tale.

This is not drug use promotion. It's clarifying drug war propaganda. Yes, methamphetamine is the least safe form of amphetamine we've created so far, and the strongest that I'm aware of. But it's still just a drug.
Posted by ChelseaHotel on April 4, 2012 at 11:33 AM · Report this
As a dog (Jack Russell Terrior) owner, D has happened to me a lot.
Posted by ThankYouDan on April 4, 2012 at 11:37 AM · Report this
@4 Thanks for that image.

AEP, cock sheaths. I'm sure Dan's link carries them, so does Mr. S in San Francisco. Bonus, they double as a condom.
Posted by usagi on April 4, 2012 at 11:56 AM · Report this
Responsible drug users exist. But what do you expect? You expect Dan to say "meth is awesome!" and encourage his readers to do meth? Drugs are taboo. Even if he personally loves meth he isn't going to say that. What percentage of drug users are responsible? Who knows? A smart responsible drug user isn't going to advertise what they do. All you brainwashed drug h8ters out there... someone you know responsibly does some drug you don't approve of and you'd never know it.

As for CAT, I'm a woman and I do that sometimes. I seriously doubt he got the cat to sit on his chest on purpose, cats do whatever they feel like doing. The cat is just a soft warm thing that is INSISTS on being petted so why not? I'd only be concerned if he was fingering the cats behind or something.
Posted by catlover on April 4, 2012 at 11:59 AM · Report this
mydriasis 90

Excellent point.

Hold on,
Do you actually believe people will put drugs into other products if they become legal/decrim? If that were true they would be doing it with nicotine right now. Most addictive chemical known to man, and it's legal!


Right on the money. Thank you.

Most drugs are white crystalline powders in pure form so that doesn't really help. Likely it was methamphetamine or amphetamine. Not a huge difference between the two (except duration/intensity, I believe?)

In short? I reckon you did some meth.


Um, no. It's the fact that she's used it a max of 20 times (assuming she's a full time student) based on her statement. The holes are from picking, that's not going to happen with every-few-months use. She could (theoretically) use meth at the same rate for the rest of her life and never have any of the symptoms you're talking about.


Haha! Fail.


"Am I judging the users of meth? Yeah, sorry, but I also judge pedophiles and do not feel remorse over that either."

Wow. That's super ignorant. Lord help us if you ever have a job where that kind of opinion holds any sway.

Posted by mydriasis on April 4, 2012 at 12:05 PM · Report this
actually, you can use a cat as a sexual object. i once walked in on a guy i was dating who was allowing his kitten to lick his balls. when i asked what the fuck he was doing, he said "she likes the salty flavor". needless to say, i broke up with him.
Posted by spark99 on April 4, 2012 at 12:15 PM · Report this
I also started using meth occasionally in college. The first years were just that, a few times a year around finals, or during major paper writing. Because, yes, you can work all night long with a "clear" head.

Then I stopped two years, then started again when I had a late working job... first once in a while, then every weekend, then twice a weekend, then everyday, then several times a day. Yes. Hook, line and sinker.... I quit the job, stopped taking it (which was hard) and went another two years without using.

Then at a party I was offered a line, and the process started again, first once in a while, then more and more, until I was totally hooked again. I couldn´t sleep, I got massive bruises, I was skinny as a rail, I was having skin and teeth problems, and was losing many friends that were getting fed up with my abuse of the drug. Also, I was broke, as my main concern was buying the drug, not paying my bills.

Then I made a drastic move to someplace new, and since in my new residence I had no contacts (and still no money) I was able to kick the drug again, but it took me half a year to get back to normal again. Kicking the habit is no joke, I had nightmares, mad cravings, my legs and back would be paralyzed at night.

Now almost 10 years have past since I last took meth, but I have no doubt that even one line would be enough to start the whole process again.

I can NEVER do it again, and I realize that. As much as once in a while I would snort a line and clean and organize my whole workshop in one night, as much as I'd like to easily lose weight... there is NO way I can safely do meth again.

I also thought I could control the drug. In the end it controlled me. As it may to OMU, one day.
Posted by OGA on April 4, 2012 at 12:28 PM · Report this
@27 (and others who've mentioned vibrating things and the like) haha EXACTLY. I like to rub 'em out with a blanket on usually...which is apparently my cat's cue to come hop aboard. He gets a little confused about the vibrating beneath him but stopping to remove the cat is an exercise in futility...

I tried to write something short about OMU's post but I just ended up devil's advocate-ing back and forth. A lot of my odder feelings about the topic come from being defensive about how I was recently prescribed d-amphetamine (not that really still prescribed?) from my preachier friends who were making, I thought, unfairly direct comparisons between the two. Upper class people get prescribed it and it's covered by healthcare, unfortunate meth addicts are blamed for their addiction and are looked down upon. I guess upon closer inspection, there's not really a line between proper use and abuse...just a spectrum with clear right and wrong portions and a fuzzy middle.
Posted by muroo on April 4, 2012 at 12:30 PM · Report this
Dude just wanted a little pussy.
Posted by carnivorous chicken on April 4, 2012 at 12:41 PM · Report this
Anybody else notice the hidden cruelty of sending a guy who wants to enlarge his penis to a tinyURL? ;)

That aside, cats can be pervy and intrusive. I can't actually think of a time when my cat has NOT inserted herself into the scene as I'm with a lover, even somebody I only just met who the cat doesn't know. Kitty doesn't like being on the bed (or wherever) when actual sex is happening - too much moving around, too much noise - but if there's so much as a two-minute quiet spot, she's right there. The issue here isn't your boyfriend's behaviour: it's the cat, and his (her?) behaviour is purrrfectly normal.

Yeah, I know. I had to.
Posted by Salcia on April 4, 2012 at 12:42 PM · Report this
mydriasis 96

I'm assuming you were prescribed dexamphetamine for ADHD?

They shouldn't be judging you as it's a legtimate medication but they are correct in comparing the two. Chemically the only difference is a carbon atom and three hydrogren atoms (that's a methyl group).

ADHD is exceedingly common among drug addicts, especially those who abuse stimulants (cocaine is similar in structure to ritalin) and many believe they are self medicating. It's a reasonable theory.

The dose make the poison. It also makes the drug. A therapeutic dose of codeine is not the same as a fun dose of heroin, same goes for all medical uses of drugs that bear resemblances to street drugs.

Finally, I believe last I heard meth was still listed and I believe it's still given to certain military people as well. I think it's used for similar cases as amphetamine where something stronger is needed. The trade name is 'desoxyn'.…

Anyway, sorry your friends are being such dicks when they should be supportive. If you like I can hook you up with some reading material you can politely direct them to.
Posted by mydriasis on April 4, 2012 at 12:46 PM · Report this
jesgal 97
CAT - Keeping our cat out of the bedroom is impossible, she will hide under the bed and getting her out dampens the moment. She's into watching what's going on, and our dog did that too when he was alive. Are we perv’s, NO, we're just pet owners. Our cat meowed once right after my spouse came, she was telling us time to pay attention to her!
Posted by jesgal on April 4, 2012 at 12:46 PM · Report this
OK, so I'm @70 - occasional meth user for a couple years, who upped it to danger point, quit easily and never went back. Also followed the same pattern in those years with heroin (though I never liked it as much) and cocaine. A go hard or go home kinda girl - liked needles, and went straight for them. It's been a good thirty years since I've done anything but pot, and twenty since I last smoked pot. Don't drink much. Don't miss it, no struggle.

That's me.

My husband had much the same background, though he continued to smoke pot, and do a little this and that, now and then, as we got older and settled down. In his late forties he started doing quite a bit of coke, smoking crack. I started to get a little worried, talked to him about it, and he said "I've been doing drugs all my life, I know what I'm doing, don't worry" which seemed reasonable to me, so I backed off. Until we all had to admit that he was a hooked through the bag and back crack addict.

So that's him. Recreational user for thirty years, then addict.

My advice to my own kids, and to any other young person - you might be that rare soul who can, within limits, take it or leave it. Much more likely that you are not. Why play with that tiger? Drink a little beer, smoke a little pot, and stay away from the edge of the cliff.
Posted by agony on April 4, 2012 at 12:56 PM · Report this
AFinch 99
@90 - um, maybe they would. Coca-Cola used to. But no, that's not really what I'm saying.

I'm saying that there is an incentive on the part of sellers of anything they sell to sell as much as possible in as unrestricted a manner as possible to anyone and everyone.

ISTR hearing that alcoholics account for a huge chunk of alcohol sales. One hears similar things from the gambling addiction folks. I can't find numbers to cite this minute which I don't consider suspect (prohibitionist propaganda). Does this mean that most users are abusers even that most of the use is due to abuse? No. Of course lots of people use recreational drugs safely and responsibly - this isn't really about those people.

I don't advocate prohibition - I think prohibition causes far more harm than the drugs themselves inflict on users. I am suggesting that we need a regulated market, and really that the money we spend on prohibition could be spent elsewhere on treatment for those who do have problems. But, these are still - even if most of the danger is from the 'bathtub gin' nature of the illegal market - dangerous drugs. The dangers of alcohol abuse did not disappear when we eliminated (mostly) bathtub gin.

And yes, in fact, cigarette makers DO artificially adjust the levels of nicotine in cigarettes just as processed food makers adjust the levels of sugar in foods - there is no natural potato in the world with the sugar content of a McD's french-fry (or any other for that matter). This is a legal product, insufficiently regulated. It would be hard to put nicotine into a food product without doing bad things to the taste, and in this day and age (post surgeon general's report) without incurring the wrath of the public (or slipping it past them when they developed a 3 snake cake an hour 'habit').

If completely decriminalized and deregulated, it's very very easy to imagine trace amounts of amphetamines making their way into energy drinks. For exactly the kind of use OMU cites. Amphetamines were definitely marketed extensively as diet pills for years.

After a lifetime of arguing that the WoD is a cynical war on our own civilian population and as a pro-legalization arguer, I can't believe I'm arguing against it.
Posted by AFinch on April 4, 2012 at 1:04 PM · Report this
mydriasis 100

Oh, yeah nothing you're saying is untrue (although if they decided to ban the absurdly caloric food I love, I'd pitch a fit, so I'm not sure exactly what you're proposing in terms of 'regulation' but I'm sure it's fine)

Would people be inclined to put meth in energy drinks if they could get away with it? Absolutely! I have no doubt. That's why capitalism is so god-awful. But a LOT of things would have to change (besides legalization) for that to be possible. Otherwise we would see nicotine in energy drinks now. Or meth, for that matter (see my post at 96). Both of them are legal - just controlled.

Frankly, I think bringing back "original" coca cola would be rad as fuck. Age-limit that stuff though.

P.S. I never, at any point, suggested deregulation, the only reason it came up in the first place is because @5 suggested that legalizing drugs means "only a matter of time" before hard drugs are put in everything. I think we both know that isn't true. Even in the absurdly deregulated American market, we don't see that to be true with legal drugs.
Posted by mydriasis on April 4, 2012 at 1:22 PM · Report this
meth? meth?! I read that right right? straight a female student from weathly suburban family only uses it for exams? glad to see there is some discussion over this but we all know how this ends right?
Posted by stormcrow on April 4, 2012 at 1:32 PM · Report this
@100 The evil capitalism is also responsible for organic foods, natural foods, locally grown foods, and every other kind of non-meth food.
Posted by TheLastComment on April 4, 2012 at 1:44 PM · Report this
mydriasis 103

That's cute.
Fun fact: agriculture predates capitalism. True story.
Posted by mydriasis on April 4, 2012 at 1:48 PM · Report this
If I hear one more sanctimonious, judgmental twat use an attack on booze to justify other drug use I will reach through the Internet and strangle them. Look, alcohol, like most drugs, does have a big social cost. I think that's pretty obvious. But most drinkers are responsible, and there's nothing wrong with enjoying alcohol. How can a perfectly natural drug created through the fermentation of things we eat be disgusting? Seriously. I don't get why people pushing pet drugs are always so puritanical when it comes to booze. You don't like it, don't drink it.
Posted by Jizzlobber on April 4, 2012 at 1:58 PM · Report this
Kind of fascinating reading the mix of big dicks, hard drugs, and soft kitties and puppies.
Posted by Violet415 on April 4, 2012 at 2:49 PM · Report this
Okay, now it will be too obvious how old I am, but if even Fat Freddy doesn't have anything good to say about it, you know it's a bad idea:
On a more personal note, I am a big fan of trying (almost) everything at least once, but meth is definitely not my favorite. Some time ago my partner of 8 years (or so) was casually doing speed, to occasionally get him through long workweeks (he was in the film indusry), then to have some fun on his days off, then to get through the next week 'cause he hadn't had enough sleep... You get the picture. It took a couple of years to get from occasional to frequent, but it got there. I got to learn what speed psychosis is (NOT FUN), and he ended up dead at 36. Between that, another friend who got AIDS from dirty needles, and the violence I saw from otherwise sane and loving people (see speed psychosis, above) I would say meth deserves its crappy reputation.
Posted by octothorpe on April 4, 2012 at 2:52 PM · Report this
mtnlion 107
Mydriasis is right. Drugs (all drugs) need to be legalized and controlled. No more meth lab explosions and children breathing in those fumes and getting burned and neglected. No more junkies turning towards dirty needles and contracting HIV. No more pot dealers being thrown in jail with violent offenders, or worse, prisons clearing out sex offenders to make room for drug users. No more kids who get busted with coke once at age 19 being denied any student loans forever (this rule is stupid for many reasons). No more Mexican narcos cutting the heads off of innocent people to "send a message" about snitches.

It's just that drugs will always be there, and so far, making them all illegal has made things worse.

And mydriasis's other point, that drugs affect people entirely differently, is also valid. I think anecdotal evidence ("I've done coke/meth/cigarettes and I'm not an addict!") proves nothing except that you were lucky enough to have a brain composition that didn't become dependent on those drugs to feel happy, awake, alive. That doesn't mean there isn't a drug that would get you there, though. But it's best not to find out.

All one must do to see how it could be better is do a little research into how other countries (Portugal, the Netherlands) are doing. It's turning out pretty well.

Posted by mtnlion on April 4, 2012 at 2:52 PM · Report this
Okay, I have no idea what happened to the link I just tried to include, my apologies. If you really want to know what it was, look for Keed Spills on Wikipedia... (And some oth day I'll figure out how to do that properly.)
Posted by octothorpe on April 4, 2012 at 2:58 PM · Report this
Okay, I have no idea why that link got so strange, my apologies. If you're curious, go look for Keed Spills on Wikipedia - and in the meantime I'll try to learn how to actually post a link correctly...
Posted by octothorpe on April 4, 2012 at 3:01 PM · Report this
AFinch 110
@100 - yes, @5 is smoking crack to think that hard drugs will wind up in everything. I do think the results would be non-trivial though. In a way, sure, just like raw natural potatoes aren't as bad as fast food fries, chewing cocoa leaves rather than smoking crack isn't so bad. Ditto the evil weed. Still, people figured out ways to refine...of course, prohibition drives that. There's no need to refine (increase potency) if things are available in abundance.

Again, I think we really agree quite a bit.
Posted by AFinch on April 4, 2012 at 3:02 PM · Report this
I am mid-40's mother of two young adults. I have always been a party girl, and when I was younger I would try just about anything to get high (except heroin - that one always scared me)

I remember doing "crank" which is the same as meth today (probably), I did cocaine, and I've done meth. Cocaine was the worst for me as far as side effects go.

When my children were younger, I did meth daily for a span of about 3 years. I was a single mother, with a full-time job, and two active boys! With meth I felt like a superwoman - I was slim, attractive, on-the-ball, nailing my job, and it did make sex more fun!

One day, driving home from my dealer (I'd get a weekly supply so I didn't have to be running around all the time), I realized that I was either going to be an addict or caught as a criminal, and I couldn't imagine my kids having to go through either.

I stopped shortly after that, and have never gone back. Sometimes I miss it (especially when I'm feeling fat!), but I always get over that eventually.

Yes, this is anecdotal, and everyone is different. I just wanted to go on record and say it is possible to do a drug, outgrow it, and move along.

I still smoke pot and drink.
Posted by ebetsy on April 4, 2012 at 3:24 PM · Report this
I was also prescribed Ritalin a couple of years after the meth period, and HATED it! It made me cranky and headachey.
Posted by ebetsy on April 4, 2012 at 3:25 PM · Report this
Here's a suggestion for "An Enlarging Problem": He could try getting a butt plug into his girlfriend's ass. Not only is putting it in compatible with a dominant role, it will also make for a much tighter fit when he fucks her, giving both of them the sensation that he has a bigger dick.
Posted by notfromaroundhere on April 4, 2012 at 4:19 PM · Report this
Another cat owner who thinks it's D. Cats like to be where your attention is.
Posted by mother of two on April 4, 2012 at 5:09 PM · Report this
anyone think its quite possible he was petting the cat to keep it from meowing and waking up the GF? Cats gravitate to masturbating like fat kids to cake.
Posted by Chud on April 4, 2012 at 5:19 PM · Report this
I have cats and I couldn't be less attracted to them sexually. But when I masturbate (laying on my front) you bet they're jumping on me all the time.
Sometimes they have the decency to wait, and they all come to get petted as soon as I'm done orgasming, but honestly, it's not much better.

If he was attracted to cats, he'd probably be masturbating with the cat, or getting the cat to lick him or something. You can't just interrupt whenever a cat gets in contact with you or you'd never have an orgasm.

About the enlarging problem, he doesn't need to enlarge his penis for his girlfriend to say all these things. He might want to try if that alone works for him.
Posted by Avistew on April 4, 2012 at 5:20 PM · Report this
also: to big dick wannabe, big dicks arent as practical in real life as they are in porn. Most real girls get sore, can't give u a great BJ, etc etc. "Punishing" girls with big cocks doesnt work so well in real life. Its fun to hear "wow thats insane", but more fun to fit your whole cock in places repeatedly without constantly worrying about how sore she's gonna be afterwards. :(
Posted by Chud on April 4, 2012 at 5:26 PM · Report this
@102 I'm not talking about history, I was referring to the stuff you buy at the grocery store during present times.
Posted by TheLastComment on April 4, 2012 at 6:00 PM · Report this
All Cat Lovers - stop letting your cat run your life. You should be able to have sex without being worried about getting clawed. Shut the damn bedroom door! Our bedroom door is kept shut always, whether we are in there or not, and the cat is never allowed in. That way we're not sleeping in sheets covered in pet hair. We have a tom cat that is very assertive, but he knows the rules and leaves the bedroom alone.
Posted by cat fan on April 4, 2012 at 6:45 PM · Report this
Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In 120
CAT, reminds me of a funny story: A long time ago, I was half-napping on my bed, w/ my cat at my side. My other arm was free, and feeling a bit... hard & tingly, I rubbed one out. There was a handy towel nearby, but tragically, a bit of the white stuff spurted over the towel and landed on my cat's face. Whoops. Got all tangled in the whiskers and fur.

My cat looks up from his nap w/ a confused look on his face and a wad of my gametes & fluid hanging down. Funniest thing I'd ever seen. (this is pre-internet, so funny cat pics weren't ubiquitous.) I laughed so hard, my roommate knocked and came in to see what was so funny. Awwkwarrrrdddd....
Posted by Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on April 4, 2012 at 8:04 PM · Report this
I'm a female, but I can relate to CAT's boyfriend. One of my cats sometimes wants to be petted while I'm taking care of business. I don't know WHY, he just does. If my hands are free (and they aren't always), I'll pet him for a bit until my hands are needed elsewhere or he leaves, whichever comes first. I'm certainly not attracted to him, it's just that he doesn't understand appropriate versus inappropriate, and I don't care. Meh.
Posted by Lorran on April 4, 2012 at 8:26 PM · Report this
I am a Clinical Psychologist, and I am compelled to state the obvious in regard to "recreational" meth use. The neurotransmitters in the brain are severely affected by even the first use of methamphetamine. The receptors in the neurological pathways are physically altered once the methamphetamine bonds to the dendrites in the synaptic cleft. Methamphetamine is not a safe substance and users/abusers of this drug are at heightened risk of developing cognitive impairments, not to mention alterations of personality and physical structures of the brain that are irreversible. Many side effects include delusions, hallucinations, ideas of persecution, and DEATH. Given that many college students ascribe their use to "recreation" or "extended study", these are apparent personal fables, which are egocentrisms of adolescents. There are far more reasonable alternatives to obtain "extended study time". Further, I highly advise any "recreational" user to investigate the "ingredient list" for meth at
Posted by Dr. Cattell, Ph.D. on April 4, 2012 at 8:56 PM · Report this
mydriasis 123

And you clearly missed the point.
The fact that food needs to be specially labelled as locally grown or free range is because the industry shifted away from that in the first place. What do you think was the incentive for factory farming?

Look, I don't think capitalism is the root of all evil, but if you actually think the "invisible hand" works in our best interest (which seems to be what you're implying by crediting capitalism with 'organic food') then you best get an imaginary friend that doesn't make you vote stupid instead.
Posted by mydriasis on April 4, 2012 at 9:08 PM · Report this
mydriasis 124

Look, I respect what you're saying, but I do feel that part of it it's slightly misleading.

"The receptors in the neurological pathways are physically altered once the methamphetamine bonds to the dendrites in the synaptic cleft."

Um, okay, that's true of dozens (hundreds, possibly) of drugs that act as receptor agonist/antagonists. Alcohol is believed to bind GABA receptors, for example. Also, no disrespect, but I was under the impression that the agonism at the postsynapic terminal was less important than reuptake inhibition and increased neurotransmitter release in terms of how meth exerts it's effects.

If you want to scare people with science, tell them it's a neurotoxin.

Don't get me wrong, I essentially agree with what you're saying, but to the best of my knowledge, the scientific argument against methamphetamine isn't that occaisional use will cause cognitive impairments, but rather that occaisonal use is unlikely and HEAVY use causes cognitive impairments. I mean, it's used as a pharmaceutical. The LW is pretty obviously wrong and I'm against academic preformance enhancement (you'd bettee believe it in a competitive program) so I'm with you there.

Anyway, I guess what I'm getting at is that if you've ever read any studies suggesting that one time meth use has appreciable effects on the brain (aside from the typical-to-any-drug ones you mentioned, so I permanent ones) I would love it if you shared them with me. I mean that sincerely.
Posted by mydriasis on April 4, 2012 at 9:28 PM · Report this
Cats often climb on people who are relatively stationary on a couch/chair. The cat doesn't know the guy's wanking! He probably pushed it off a couple of times, it climbed back on and he shrugged and decided to just leave it there until he finished.
Posted by GG1000 on April 4, 2012 at 9:29 PM · Report this
My kitty is very aggressive when he wants a pet (or wants anything else, for that matter.)

And yes, he's leapt up and on me when I've been occupied like vanilla boyfriend.

Didn't incorporate him in my activity (I don't think that's something either of us wants) but have given him a pet or two to get shut him up.
Posted by catloverbutNOTlikeTHAT on April 4, 2012 at 11:02 PM · Report this
ean 127
Dan: your catnip response is all-time. High five!
Posted by ean on April 4, 2012 at 11:06 PM · Report this
I have those kind of cats... the ones where if it's petting time, it's motherfucking petting time, and nothing short detonating a bomb will convince them otherwise. You can push them away, you can try moving to a different location, it don't make no damned difference. If you shut yourself behind the door, they will yowl the entire time you are behind said door. The quickest way to make them go away is to fucking pet them already until they've had enough, then they'll go back to ignoring you.
Posted by MinnySota on April 4, 2012 at 11:37 PM · Report this
Years ago, a friend of my wife's gave us a cat. Seemed like a well mannered, good cat. We couldn't figure out why they wanted to get rid of the cat until we were having sex. Picture:

Me on top, enthusiastically doing my thing with my wife enthusiastically doing her thing below. Suddenly, I feel something on my back. Umm... WTF? The cat is there, with a look on his face like, "Woo-hooo!"

Apparently some cats are pervs, too.

PS- Yes, the cat was neutered.
Posted by CatsrPervs2 on April 4, 2012 at 11:52 PM · Report this
Cats -- oy!
Two cat stories -
3 couples sharing a big house -- party downstairs. The silent time when the music and talk all stops for a minute. A voice from upstairs "Oh look, kitty wants to play with it!" Then a horrible hurt yelp from the person who got played with (is it a big mouse?) Then the sound of a cat hitting a wall and a door being slammed.
One time I woke up with my tomcat on my pillow licking himself about 3 inches from my face. I pushed him off the bed. He went and peed in my clean laundry.
Cats don't get human priorities or needs at all.

Actually one cat I knew did once -- in his own context as predator. I had chewed him out for stealing my steak off the kitchen counter when my back was turned. Several days later he dragged an almost dead rat to me to make up for his error.

Cats -- you love em or you hate em -- but they don't make love with you or you with them -- not possible
Posted by not.zorg on April 5, 2012 at 12:23 AM · Report this
SlimJimPoisson 131
Well, it appears that one way to get plenty of comments is to write about sex, kittens, and legalizing drugs. Compared to that, trying to increase the size of your dick is just plain boring.

With drugs it is clear that your mileage may vary. What you take, how it affects you, how much you enjoy it, how much you can control it, and what damage it does or benefits it provides are different for each chemical and each person.

I am the Tom Bombadil or drug users. I can take them or leave them. They can be fun or interesting, but when I am ready to do others things I can walk away from the cookie jar, a round of drinks on a bar, a jar of pills in a bottle, or a pile of coke on a mirror. Pot specifically actually makes me more active, creative, insightful, compassionate and hungry.

My advice to AEP would be to investigate the core of his desire. I see a more BDSM interest buried (only slightly) in there, but almost to the point where I want to call it vanilla BDSM (what a wonderful oxymoron). The theme appears to more about control, submission and (consensual) pain than about dick size. There are plenty of other ways to achieve that same result using toys or some other form of pleasure.

But as always, be safe and have fun!
Posted by SlimJimPoisson on April 5, 2012 at 1:27 AM · Report this
WRT meth: I have severe ADHD. I used to take Ritalin (a.k.a. methamphetamine). Having had to take the stuff on a daily basis, I honestly cannot understand why you would want to use the stuff voluntarily at all.

Ritalin makes you cranky, nervous, and severely nauseated. (I had trouble keeping food down for almost a year as a kid.) It gives you tunnel-vision, which is only good when you're trying to memorize facts, NOT when you're studying a creative subject like English. And I know it's addictive for the simple reason that I was desensitized to it scary-quick. I was switched to Adderall when my doctor realized that I weighed 70 lb, was taking 45 mg a day, and it STILL wasn't working right.

There is no good reason to take meth. Seriously, if you want to stay up all night, caffeine is readily--and legally--available. Amphetamines are Class A controlled drugs for a damn reason.
Posted by The_L85 on April 5, 2012 at 4:12 AM · Report this
Cat fucker.

Clear case cat fucker.
Posted by slidebone on April 5, 2012 at 4:27 AM · Report this
Also: To the people saying "Take Ritalin/Adderall instead," ADHD MEDICATIONS AND METH ARE THE SAME DAMN THING. They're all amphetamines, they all give you the same kind of high, and they all have the same kind of risks.

I was prescribed every ADHD medication available during the 90's except Concerta. I've taken the drugs, I've read the damn labels. I know what I'm talking about. Ritalin is meth. Adderall is meth. The only ADHD medication I know of that isn't meth is Strattera.
Posted by The_L85 on April 5, 2012 at 4:32 AM · Report this
Um, students? Plan ahead. You know when the end of the school year is. You get exam schedules way ahead of time. Your courses are structured around exams.

People have jobs and some even have families and still manage to study without resorting to drugs or even coffee (I never drank coffee until I took a 5 a.m. shift job). I never had to pull an all-nighter either.
Posted by Gloria on April 5, 2012 at 5:16 AM · Report this

Ritalin and other prescription drugs aren't cut with other substances like meth is. Ritalin is speed and so is meth. Meth is adulterated speed. Ritalin is unadulterated speed.

The last letter-writer should take Ritalin instead of meth. A good grade is not worth the risk of a long jail sentence.
Posted by Ashley Amber on April 5, 2012 at 6:13 AM · Report this
crivins 137
Anyone remember Seldane? The allergy drug? It had some form of amphetamines in it, and was absolutely the BEST. ALLERGY. DRUG. EVER. (You know, for those of us whose entire head swells and explodes in the spring when the trees bloom). And it made me a complete basket case - elevated heart rate, dry mouth, moody, angry, etc. Then it was pulled off the market because it caused, you know, DEATH.

So, although I'm fully on that stupid federal list thing that you have to sign every time you want to go get some actual Sudafed (which is, you know, legal amphetamines), I'm the first to say that it's seriously bad shit, and to stay away from it. Go get yourself a real espresso machine and OD on that. Or actually study in advance and do your term papers on time.

Just because you get good grades and live in the suburbs, you're not exempt from being a twat.
Posted by crivins on April 5, 2012 at 8:05 AM · Report this
My cat can, evidently, tell from the edge of the backyard (and it's a big yard) the exact moment that I've begun to really hit my stride when I'm having a little "quality me time" and it's my experience that trying to get rid of him (or planning ahead and closing the door) only results in frustration....he'll either nudge at me or yowl at the door until I've totally lost the moment. If I give in, give him a little scritch and carry on while he snuggles beside me, it's a little wierd but I'm not left in knotted up annoyance by an "unfinished job"
Posted by Love my kitty but not like that... on April 5, 2012 at 9:02 AM · Report this
bigg 139
I think that talking about (or doing!) meth whilst stroking yourself and a cat is a bad idea.
Posted by bigg on April 5, 2012 at 10:57 AM · Report this
Two comments:

1. Mydriasis is right on all points and says it better than I could.

2. The cat stories, even the harmless cute ones, are all ick. I am dog person.
Posted by Crinoline on April 5, 2012 at 11:30 AM · Report this
Thanks for sharing the Matthew Vines video around, Dan. I'm sure that's a great resource for those who prefer learning over video. It's worth noting that those ideas have actually been around for a while, though, and there are some great books by people like Daniel Helminiak and Jack Rogers that address the same topics. In case anyone or anyone's parent is more into reading than watching an hour long YouTube vid, these books are worth recommending.
Posted by silvern_chatter on April 5, 2012 at 11:50 AM · Report this
Concerning sexual activity, either partnered or solo, and pets. Put the animal on the other side of the door and close the door. Bedroom door, bathroom door, whatever. The end. It's a lot easier to get used to scratching or yowling than it is to get used to being actually scratched or getting a cold nose right ... there just in the moment.
Posted by marmer on April 5, 2012 at 12:51 PM · Report this
I was at a fraternity house years ago when a dog started licking my ear while one of the frat boys licked my pussy. It doesn't mean I want to screw animals, but it was hot!
Posted by klb on April 5, 2012 at 12:59 PM · Report this
This week's illustration is just perrrfect. ;)
Posted by Cptn.Kitten on April 5, 2012 at 1:04 PM · Report this
CAT- My wife & I tried to mimic the action of petting a cat on the chest whilst wanking (no actual cat was involved) & we both found it to be quite difficult unless you really concentrated. It's kind of like the "pat your head whilst rubbing the belly" exercise. Very hard to do unless one naturally has great coordination or has had sufficient practice. This tells us that: a. this guy is very coordinated in the moment self pleasure. b. This guy has done this before. c. This guy is incapable of pushing a cat off his chest whilst wanking but can engage in a or b. My wife & I advise CAT to proceed w. serious caution as we have pets too & always have found a way to shoo the pets out!

AEP- So you want your dick to be so big that it hurts women? What ever happened to being turned by a woman's enjoyment from a big dick & not their pain? Hearing a woman say "oh that's so big & feels so good" is much more sexy than the rapey-like sound of "oh hurts."

OMU- Try coffee, try OTC uppers, try Red Bull, or whatever... but don't use using meth for studies as an excuse. That's a BS excuse for doing a drug that, you should know as a college student, is seriously toxic. Here's another idea for when in the midst of finals... take a nap. It does more to refresh the brain than any stimulant.
Posted by Frantasm on April 5, 2012 at 1:50 PM · Report this
I do think drug enforcement is probably the biggest waste of money, time, and energy that's ever been endeavored. I also agree that regulation is probably wiser and that people should have the choice to live however they please. Still, I think it misses the fact that humans (despite how beautiful, clever, compassionate & etc they are in general) are pretty f-ing stupid. Maybe not consistently or even for long stretches of time, but it's certainly there. If you need an example just look at driving.

So please, even if you're just thinking of expirementing, have an intelligent fallout plan. And don't even THINK of it if you don't have a strong, reliable support system to keep you in check.

As for drinking; you have to look at the context. I can sit down have some wine or a couple beers at home and just have a nice relaxing evening. Put me with my family (big partiers) and I end up having to police myself constantly otherwise I end up in a garage playing beer pong for two or three hours straight, getting coerced to knock back shots of tequila and yager with my aunts everytime I go inside; only to end up thrashed for a day or so after.
Posted by mygash on April 5, 2012 at 1:57 PM · Report this
Well, I'll never eat Almond Roca again.
Posted by Kristen on April 5, 2012 at 2:14 PM · Report this
@145 "My wife & I tried to mimic the action..."

Thanks for the mental image!
Posted by EricaP on April 5, 2012 at 2:25 PM · Report this
mydriasis 149

Thanks! In regards to the cat stories, I'm with you. And I'm 100% a cat person. I can't believe these people don't close their doors when engaging in sex acts, that's pet ownership 101 in my world.


"I've read the damn labels. I know what I'm talking about. Ritalin is meth. Adderall is meth."

Um NO.
You have no idea what you're talking about whatsoever.

"Meth" is methamphetamine.
Ritalin is methylphenidate. (More similar in structure to cocaine by the way, and it's not an amphetamine, the structure is fairly different)
Adderal is amphetamine (a racemic mixture of dex and levo amphetamine - NOT methamphetamine)
Methamphetamine IS prescribed in rare cases of ADHD (see one of my posts above)

They're all stimulants so they all have similar effects, I can understand why they maybe felt "all the same" to you, but they are not. I've done most of them myself and they absolutely don't feel the same for me. Also, people without ADHD will experience them differently from you (it's called the stimulant paradox effect if you're curious). That might explain why you can't understand how anyone would take them willingly.

If you hate ADHD medication you might want to try the other options available to you (assuming you haven't already).

Best of luck.
Posted by mydriasis on April 5, 2012 at 4:27 PM · Report this

You are in no position to say whether I am wise.

Posted by Hunter78 on April 5, 2012 at 4:40 PM · Report this
I fired meth a few times. Liked the high, not the down. Did the other speeds of the time. Bennies. I loved Black Beauties. Meth was definitely the most awesome.

I got away from it. My friend Jf had his life wrapped around meth, and in retrospect it wasn't pretty.

Yes, some people get fucked by drugs. But does putting drug-possessing people in prison fix the problem? The DW increases the price of drugs. Increasing the drug prices increases the monies flowing to those involved in the DW. It doesn't help the rest of us so much.

Posted by Hunter78 on April 5, 2012 at 5:02 PM · Report this
Personally, Ritalin is nasty, nasty stuff. When I was on it my emotional stability veered sharply towards rage. In retrospect that period is one of my worst as an adult. (Adult ADD/ADHD diagnosis.)

Posted by Married in MA on April 5, 2012 at 7:06 PM · Report this

In their little kitty brains, many cats think a closed door is a personal insult. They may or may not chose to go through it. But when you close the door, the only thing they can do is sit outside the door and cry at the tops of their lungs and dig up the carpet around the door.

Honestly, it's a much bigger mood killer than staring cat-eyes, or the occasional run into melee. They can be trained out of that. I've never been able to train my cats out of the wailing beside a closed door.

On top of that, "me time" at our house usually means that one of us is asleep, and do we really want to wake the other person?
Posted by DianeLGD on April 5, 2012 at 11:32 PM · Report this
Registered European 154
In my experience, two closed doors between you and the cat is sufficient for it to stop bothering you.
Posted by Registered European on April 6, 2012 at 2:34 AM · Report this
Very wide range of personal reactions to various forms of amphetamine and analogs.
Back early 70's had free access to such but fell asleep.
A few years back my kid was supposed to have ADHD prescription was for wellbutrin the doc knew damn well that a script for any speed like dex adderall methylphenidate whatever would just get sold on the black market and do the kid no good.
But -- what they call crystal meth or so -- yeah typically really crude chemically and targeted at dependency type personalities.

That's all I know about it
Posted by not.zorg on April 6, 2012 at 3:13 AM · Report this
You have no idea how loud my cats can yell.
Posted by DianeLGD on April 6, 2012 at 5:27 AM · Report this
mydriasis 157
Eh, that isn't true for all cats. The cats I had growing up weren't super needy. Maybe that's because they had eachother? The whole jumping on top of my homework so I'd pet them thing wasn't like a constant occurance, for example.

Anyway, if you guys are all telling me that having a cat means never having sex in private again then I might reconsider getting one. I've been waiting for years, too!
Posted by mydriasis on April 6, 2012 at 7:53 AM · Report this
My conclusions on drug laws based on totally anecdotal observations--

From what I can tell, there are some number of people who seem to be hardwired to have trouble with addiction. If it's not heroin, it's alcohol. If you manage to keep them away from alcohol, they have trouble with cigarettes food or gambling or keeping a job or remain batshit crazy in a variety of ways that make them difficult to be around. I've seen the number placed on these people at around 3-5% of the population.

There also seem to be some number of people who have the opposite problem with drugs. They have trouble forming habits of any kind. They can't find pain killers that work even for the most understandable sort of pain as when injured or for surgery. Maybe the prescribed medicines work in one sense, but the patient doesn't like the high feeling. They'd rather not take cough medicine or muscle relaxants. For hayfever, they like antihistamines and skip the sudofed. The few times they tried marijuana or other recreational drugs, they didn't see what the big deal was about and never wanted to repeat the experiments.

Then there are the great number of people in the middle for whom environment plays a big part in their drug use. This is why I like Mydriasis's comment in 2 where she says "we should not being asking why the addiction, but why the pain." What's making people seek out the drugs?

It's a given that drugs will affect different people different ways. It's also a given that public policy should be dealt out as fairly as possible even though we know it will affect different people different ways. Some individuals would do better in an environment where they could never get their hands on drugs. Some individuals would be crazy anyway in that environment but probably better off if they couldn't get high. And some individuals, if they couldn't get their hands on drugs would get their hands on drugs anyhow.

What's a government to do when it comes to forming policy? Do their reasonable best to regulate. This creates a moral hazard in that some people, far from all, would, in that environment, start using when previously, they'd have stayed clean because of the lack of availability or social stigma. Drug laws are good for those folks, bad for the ones it turns into criminals.
Posted by Crinoline on April 6, 2012 at 9:22 AM · Report this
mydriasis 159
Actually Crinoline, I'd have to disagree with you on your final points.

Some people would do better if they couldn't get their hands on drugs, yes. But drug laws fail miserably at the goal of reducing the supply of drugs. Indeed, more cocaine comes out of Colombia today than ever before and now it's largely cut with deworming medication that causes white blood cell count to plummet. Surely you were a teenager once, right? In a lot of places, it's easier to get drugs than alcohol for teenagers.

So first, drug laws fail at stopping these vulnerable people from getting drugs. Well okay, what about fear of being arrested? Surely that must deter them. Nope. I mean think about it logically. Drugs can kill you. They can ruin your life, your relationships, your health, your appearance. If these people don't consider those risks to be deterrants, do you think the risk of maybe eventually going to jail will have an impact? It doesn't. Also, if you look at countries where drug laws are even MORE draconian than American drug laws, people are still arrested for drugs (if they're lucky enough to not just be executed without due process).

Finally, to your point about social stigma. Again, a lot (not all) of hardcore drug addicts were already socially stigmatized for race, socioeconomic status, mental health issues, etc etc etc. It's hardly a deterrant. Also, depending on what subculture you're in, drug use can be not only acceptable but celebrated. Drug culture is exceedingly accepting. You ever been to a rave? Everyone's welcome. If anything, drug use means LESS social stigma for a lot of drug addicts.

And besides, social stigma is seperate from law. Marijuana, heroin and ecstasy are all illegal, but the stigmas around them are different from eachother.

"This creates a moral hazard in that some people, far from all, would, in that environment, start using when previously, they'd have stayed clean because of the lack of availability or social stigma."

So I'd disagree with that, there is no lack of availability, and the social stigma you reference would still exist without drug laws IMHO.

There is maybe a very very small portion of the population (people who are inclined to become addicted but only abstain from drugs because they are afraid of going to jail. Frankly, this seems like a neurological oxymoron, and I've certainly never met such a person, but I suppose they might theoretically exist) that benefits from drug laws, but it hurts the vast majority of people - not just drug addicts - such as police officers, doctors, patients, soldiers fighting wars on terror, residents of countries that are wargrounds for the drug war, and anyone who pays taxes in countries that wage wars on drugs.
Posted by mydriasis on April 6, 2012 at 10:05 AM · Report this
I would be willing to give the guy in letter one the benefit of the doubt. There have been so many times when my husband and I have had trouble getting a little privacy since adding a couple of dogs to our family. We have sometimes had to ask our teenage kids to babysit the dogs so we could "talk".
Posted by Diagoras on April 6, 2012 at 10:10 AM · Report this
mydriasis 161
Here's some factoids/stats about whether or not the war on drugs has succeeded in even it's most preliminary goals.
Posted by mydriasis on April 6, 2012 at 10:16 AM · Report this
Holmes 162

Get yourself a Catwoman suit. Either the Halle Berry or Eartha Kitt look. Michelle Pfeiffer will do in a pinch. Next time the BF is feeling like a bit of self love, slip into in and climb on.
Posted by Holmes on April 6, 2012 at 10:22 AM · Report this
@145 There is a Jezebell article about two different intersections, where 11% of the males under 30 who arrived during the study appeared to be masturbating while driving.

If you and your wife can't manage to stroke two things at once, perhaps you two should quit holding yourselves up as examples and go back to remedial...
Posted by Those Are Not My Drugs on April 6, 2012 at 10:49 AM · Report this
159-- I don't think we disagree all that much. The problem may be in the way I expressed myself by not going into more detail in what I meant by "reasonable best to regulate." Right now, the government is doing a piss poor job at regulating. It's going in all the wrong directions by trying to criminalize. By regulation, I envision an admittedly difficult situation where the worst of that 3-5% would have access to prescription drugs that could get them high and intensive counseling that would help them deal with pain other ways. Right now, we have no diagnostic tools to help determine who's a hardwired addict and who's lazy and would rather become addicted out of sloppiness. Right now, no one is addressing that issue.

( I know this is science fiction, but I almost wish someone had told me (back when I was a teenager) "go ahead and experiment. The experience will do you some good, and the chances of your getting addicted are close to nil. You're just not wired that way." Similarly, I wish I could explain to doctors that I'm going to need careful pain management because their painkillers aren't going to work. It's fine when I'm campaigning for less drugs since I'd rather put up some reasonable amount of pain than feel that awful groggy, high feeling, but sometimes I need something that works, and they've got nothing.)

To continue rambling, it's not good regulation when people who need pain meds can't get them because the society is more focused on punishing addicts than serving the public good.
Posted by Crinoline on April 6, 2012 at 11:24 AM · Report this
Dan!!! Kudos on Savage U!!!!
When will you be coming to WWU?

Another great column!
Posted by auntie grizelda on April 6, 2012 at 7:43 PM · Report this
I own a cat. It is completely second nature to me to let the cat to just about anything she wants. I suspect it is the same with most cat owners. If she wants to sit on my chest, she's going to sit on my chest. And if she demands cuddles, she's going to get cuddles.

That said, because I have a life and interests outside of my cat, I've learned to multitask. I can study while petting the cat. I can talk on the phone while feeding the cat and changing the litter. I can watch tv while waving a cat toy around. I can even type comments on Savage Love while my cat tries to walk on my keyboard! I do the vast majority of this without even thinking about it because it has become second nature to me.

What I'm trying to say is that CAT's boyfriend probably didn't even notice what he was doing. And if/when he did, he probably shrugged it off as no biggie.
Posted by Brie on April 6, 2012 at 9:15 PM · Report this
CAT seems awfully quick to jump to judgement. was she ready to dump her awesome vanilla guy over something as innocuous as petting a cat that was sitting on his chest?? seems she's not as GGG as she would like to believe.

if she doesn't come at him all accusatory and shit, this could be an open door to a conversation they've been needing to have - except she just didn't know it.
Posted by AxYoMama on April 6, 2012 at 9:32 PM · Report this
CAT seems awfully quick to jump to judgement. was she ready to dump her awesome vanilla guy over something as innocuous as petting a cat that was sitting on his chest?? seems she's not as GGG as she would like to believe.

if she doesn't come at him all accusatory and shit, this could be an open door to a conversation they've been needing to have - except she just didn't know it.
Posted by AxYoMama on April 6, 2012 at 9:35 PM · Report this
Y'all have emboldened me. This secret is from when I was 11. A Saturday morning, parents still in bed, playing with myself in an inexperienced way, sister's unfixed tomcat comes in rubbing hisself on stuff as he did often. Jumps on my bed and rubs up my leg. I'm now holding still but when he rubs on what I'm holding I get my first ever squirt!
Never happened again (with a cat) but was sure a surprise then...
Posted by dumb kid on April 7, 2012 at 2:21 AM · Report this
Sounds like CAT just subconsciously wishes her bf was into something, anything. That not being the case, she never gets the chance to second guess his vanilla sexuality so the moment she caught him doing something 'borderline', regardless of it seeming to be completely coincidental and innocent, she jumped to conclusions.
Posted by bggbg on April 7, 2012 at 6:52 AM · Report this
There's another possibility for what's bothering CAT. She says she's GGG while he's vanilla. She doesn't say, but I'm inferring, that she'd like sex more or sex different from she's getting. So when she sees her boyfriend masturbating, even completely innocuously with no cat in sight, she might be feeling left out. She might be thinking "why are you doing that alone when I've told you a million times that I'm available for anything you want?" So she feels unhappy in a vague indefensible way, looks around, and decides the cat is at fault.
Posted by Crinoline on April 7, 2012 at 8:43 AM · Report this
mydriasis 172
I think CAT has just absorbed Dan's message of "if he says he doesn't have any kinks, he's just embarassed to tell you his kinks." I know I dated someone very vanilla and to this day, I think he WAS vanilla, but reading Dan's column makes you think they're just hiding the worst fetishes there are.
Posted by mydriasis on April 7, 2012 at 9:49 AM · Report this
@145: 163 is right. I've masturbated while driving--hell, I've masturbated while driving while high on meth, to tie it all together--and I bet most people have used remotes, surfed the internet, or even texted while masturbating. Besides, there are a lot of different ways to stroke both a cat and a dick. How do you know that what you were trying had any relation to what CAT's boyfriend was doing?

As for the drug thing, it's absolutely possible to be a casual user of hard drugs. It's also absolutely possible to be a straight-A student with clear skin and healthy teeth while hooked through the nose--as I was. Hell, Stephen King wrote most of his best-loved novels while high as fuck and drunk as a lord; his success in that area of his life didn't make him less of an addict.

(If you need a reason not to try meth, and the fear of bad skin and teeth doesn't do it for you, there's this: my old dealer once confided to me--and, oh, how I wish he hadn't--that he can't get a full hard-on unless he's high anymore. Whether he's trained his dick that there's no sexy-times without drugs, or it's an actual side-effect of the drugs, is a life without hard-ons really a risk you'd want to take?)
Posted by sierra on April 7, 2012 at 12:33 PM · Report this

The chances that he's perving on your cat are similar to you're being a Mega-Millions winner. Chances are he was just jerking-off, and the cat wanted some action. Bf was being a good guy.

I wonder at you're being so ggg and he's working out by himself. Could be innocent.

That you're willing to ditch either tells me you're in love with neither. You don't have to be.

Posted by Hunter78 on April 7, 2012 at 3:33 PM · Report this
When we're getting it on, the dogs (mf, both fixed) like to be there. For the cats (3) that makes the scene uncool.

The dogs are shooed off the bed. He tries to imitate the action, she's totally unresponsive. A lot of air-humping.

When we're done, he hops on the bed to lick the love juices, mostly semen and lubes. K restricts him to her hands. He usually has his way with me.

When he's done, he jumps off the bed. She gets on and snuggles.
Posted by Hunter78 on April 7, 2012 at 3:48 PM · Report this
The fact that anyone would defend meth use is crazy to me. If you want to think that it's okay privately, fine, but my brother was an addict for a few years and it did things that I don't think any other drug is capable of doing. Shut up, lest some naive kid take it literally. Oh, and by the way, all of my brothers meth friends died because of it. Seriously, all of them.
Posted by Garythecat on April 7, 2012 at 4:30 PM · Report this
I've got to check out that prescription meth, the stuff they make in the clean labs...
Living in a world with cat people, it's wierd. Cat people are losing the battle and becoming more like cats than cats are human. Do they do anything ? Get the paper, guard the house ? Nope... Do you all cat people let them do or go wherever they want ? Yes you do, because they sense your weakness.
Posted by Xam on April 7, 2012 at 4:53 PM · Report this
@Mydriasis, if drugs are unregulated, wouldn't we have (via lovely capitalism) said drugs being pushed to people with enticing advertisements the same way junk food is? It seems some sort of restriction is in order.

Do you think that working on finding what is causing the pain after the drug addiction starts can work? If kicking off the habit is so difficult as many people suggest, what would the expected success rate be?

(In passing: I think I'm a lot like Crinoline, in that pain killers and sleeping pills don't seem to work easily on me; also, every time I tried pot, I didn't seem to work: the other people in the room started feeling the effects while all I felt was thirst (and sometimes hunger).)
Posted by ankylosaur on April 7, 2012 at 6:57 PM · Report this
@178 ank-san,

The advertisements could be regulated like those of tobacco, and alcohol. More importantly they are taxed for federal revenue, and another source of revenue couldn't hurt.

Posted by Married in MA on April 7, 2012 at 7:50 PM · Report this

My cats were both bottle-fed orphans. As such, they really don't know that they are cats.

In my experience, cats have two ways of bonding with other creatures on a social level. They either think of you like a member of a lion's pride, or they pair-bond with you the way that some tigers pair-bond with their siblings. Most people only experience the first kind of relationship so they think cats aren't all that needy.

The boy pair-bonded with my husband, the girl pair-bonded with me. I joke that the boy cat loves and adores my husband beyond all rhyme reason and sanity, tolerates me, and actively hates the rest of the world and wishes for their deaths. The girl is pretty affectionate with everybody else, but not like she is with me.

As far as I'm concerned it's worth it because when I call my cat, she comes running, and when my husband goes to bed at night, his cat lays on the bed waiting so they can cuddle before going to sleep.

Now there are draw-backs to this, but you *can* train your cats with patience. The girl almost never runs to the sound of buzzing anymore, and they know that when we are gettin' it on, we *won't* pay attention to them, so they generally leave the room. But we don't close doors in our house, because we've discovered that it's just not worth it.

If you really don't want your cat to be all that needy, get two kittens at once. If the cat is inclined to pair-bond, it'll almost always bond with the other cat.

Why yes, I AM a crazy cat lady.
Posted by DianeLGD on April 7, 2012 at 8:48 PM · Report this
mydriasis 181

"if drugs are unregulated"

First off, I never advocated that. Legal =/= unregulated. Drugs are currently LESS regulated than alcohol, for example.

"wouldn't we have (via lovely capitalism) said drugs being pushed to people with enticing advertisements the same way junk food is?"

Perhaps. Depends on how capitalist the country is. But even bend-over-for-commerce America regulates cigarette advertising quite heavily. Alcohol ads too, I believe.

Besides, drugs sell themselves. The music/movie/videogame industry glamourizes drugs free of charge, and indeed, so does criminalization (American teenagers use marijuana at a higher rate than teenagers in the Netherlands).

"It seems some sort of restriction is in order."

Yep. But evidence doesn't suggest that criminalization serves this purpose.

"Do you think that working on finding what is causing the pain after the drug addiction starts can work? If kicking off the habit is so difficult as many people suggest, what would the expected success rate be?"

I do, yes.

But this is a very complicated question. On a social scale, we have a good idea of why the pain. Personally I prefer prevention.

Drug addiction is quite nuanced and recalcitrant. I won't bore the entire comments section with my long answer to this question (if you'd like the long version, feel free to email me) but the short answer is that the success rate depends on many many factors and I think it would vary by country, socioeconmic group, gender, etc etc etc. A big step is availability to treatment (where I grew up, kids got shipped off to fancy resort-style rehab - not exactly an option for gutter-dwelling junkies) and lessened stigma.

"(In passing: I think I'm a lot like Crinoline, in that pain killers and sleeping pills don't seem to work easily on me; also, every time I tried pot, I didn't seem to work: the other people in the room started feeling the effects while all I felt was thirst (and sometimes hunger).)"

Why people respond differently to drugs is pretty poorly understood still (genes that code for the enzymes that activate or break down drugs, the receptors that sense them, etc, often vary) which is a bummer because I think it's super interesting. My mother had to go on morphine (an opiate) once and hated it, my dad hated it too. My older brother LOVED opiates, more than any other drug he tried. I'm in the middle, I like the way they feel but I don't find them addictive. It's crazy how that works.

Are you a somewhat anxious person?
Posted by mydriasis on April 7, 2012 at 9:41 PM · Report this
mydriasis 182

Or heck, ban ALL advertising. The global drug trade is worth hundreds of billions of dollars every year. I'm no economics expert but glancing at Wikipedia tells me that Coca Cola takes in like, one tenth of that. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the drug industry isn't exactly hurting so I'm not sure those regulations matter?

I'm a total pinko though, so my first thought would be to have the government take it over.


Thanks for the info! :)
Posted by mydriasis on April 7, 2012 at 9:55 PM · Report this
Just watched your new show Savage U on MTV and I'm happy to say I am now a Dan Savage fan! (Hate to admit I didn't have much Dan Savage knowledge before this show, although I knew about It Gets Better campaign and have donated to it in the past.)
Question - what does GGG mean in two of the letters above?
Posted by FtlBeach on April 7, 2012 at 11:27 PM · Report this
I watched the Matthew Vines podcast Dan touted at the end of his section.

Thank God I'm not a believer.
Posted by Hunter78 on April 8, 2012 at 3:56 AM · Report this
mydriasis 185

"Good, giving and game" - the qualities of a good girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse/sex partner. Usually people use it to refer to being accommodating in the bedroom.

Posted by mydriasis on April 8, 2012 at 6:06 AM · Report this
On the question of whether either criminalization or stigma deters anyone from using drugs--

Sure it does. I know plenty of people who did a little acid, coke, or pot when they were teens back in the 60s and 70s when the consequences weren't as great as they are today. They weren't as likely to get caught, and if they did get caught, they weren't as likely to get life-ruining jail sentences. Today, these people avoid all illegal drugs because it's not worth risking their careers and lives with a drug record. If the drugs were available in a legal and regulated way, one where they knew quality and potency, they'd probably partake now and then as they do when they have a beer watching a ball game or a glass of wine with a nice dinner.

I know people now in their 40s, only about 10 years younger than I, who have never tried the drugs because of that combination of legal consequence, propaganda (called education), and unavailability (meaning that they'd have to find a dealer as opposed to going to the package store, something that has implications in itself).

Thus my original point-- Just as drugs affect us all differently from a DNA or chemical standpoint, the laws and stigma surrounding drugs affect us all differently. For some of us, criminalization is an effective deterrent. For others, not so much.

Posted by Crinoline on April 8, 2012 at 7:31 AM · Report this
Add another D vote. I've never had the specific situation but I have known a cat that always came for affection during sexy time--not a good thing when one's partner is scared of cats!

I had always figured he was noting that affection was taking place and he wasn't the subject of it.
Posted by Really Anon on April 8, 2012 at 9:11 AM · Report this
mydriasis 188

I agree with you that laws affect everyone differently. My point wasn't that stigma wasn't a ever a deterrant it was

1. Law and stigma are not the same thing, they don't map perfectly. Things can be equally legal/illegal while being differently stigmatized. Use reflects this (compare heroin and marijuana).

2. For the people who become hardcore addicts, stigma typically isn't a deterrant because

a. They're already heavily stigmatized by society and have little to lose

b. They are often less stigmatized by drug culture than mainstream culture.

c. Their assesments of risk and reward are often deficient to begin with.

So to your final point, my suggestion is that the people who you're referring to (your friends) are not inclined to become hard core drug addicts (the fact that they dabbled with cocaine, for example - one of the more addictive drugs - and didn't run into trouble would support this) in any case.

Plus the people you know in their forties are probably an anomaly - there's no statistical evidence that drug use has declined at any point (that I know of) in response to drug laws. I certainly didn't see an absence of drug use among the young people I knew in highschool. If I made assumptions based on my own personal experience I'd think drug use is off the charts in teenagers. That's the thing about anecdotal evidence, it can be super misleading.
Posted by mydriasis on April 8, 2012 at 9:46 AM · Report this
mydriasis 189
Oh that's annoying! It took out my final part somehow.

Anyway what I was going to finish with is, in order for prohibition to serve the purpose you're suggesting it does a few things are required

1. A significant group of people must be deterred by drug laws

2. A significant subgroup would not be deterred if there were no drug laws (so they are not deterred by the risks of OD, stroke, heart attack, psychosis or triggering of latent schizophrenic symptoms, seizures, losing the structural integrity of their face, losing a limb, losing a job, bad trips, miscarraige, liver damage, dental damage or death)*

I think that's a pretty vanishingly small group of people with some really weird priorities or they're uneducated.

3. This group is reasonably large, and a significant portion of them will hurt themselves with drugs above and beyond the damage they currently do with smoking/alcohol.

I don't think that's the case. Do you?

I mean, even if you do, that small benefit is (in my opinion) vastly vastly outweighed by the massive costs. But I'm curious.

*Though some of these risks would become smaller if drugs are legalized and regulated, they are still all risks inherent to the drugs themselves.
Posted by mydriasis on April 8, 2012 at 9:57 AM · Report this
There is an expression called "drug of choice". It is quite possible that for a lot of individuals, perhaps a significant portion of the population, there is ONE drug that might really cause them to become hooked, whereas other drugs they can use once in a while no problem. If drugs are decriminalized, then certain law-abiding people (uneducated, educated whatever) might feel freer to experiment. The more they experiment the more likely they will become hooked on something. Say 1% of the population falls into this category. Then before long you have 30 million new addicts. Some people actually do care about the law.
Posted by whiteorchid1 on April 8, 2012 at 11:53 AM · Report this
mydriasis 191

I don't think you really understood what I said?
Yes, some people care about the law, but the people who are inclined to become drug addicts typically do not.

Even if 1% of the population falls into that catagory (frankly, I think that estimate is high for the reasons I explained above) and your premise is right, you have to think about the benefits of legalization as well.

Addicts are less likely to get treatment in a prohibitionist regime. So even if more people experimented and became addicted after legalization, the net number of addicts is still likely to decline quite a bit due to increased treament (see Portugal) and recovery.

Plus also the fact that it's unethical to send people to jail for being drug addicts. It's truly sad that I need to point that out.
Posted by mydriasis on April 8, 2012 at 12:31 PM · Report this
@190 whiteorchid,

Your argument is very similar to that used to quash sex education. "By frankly discussing and acknowledging sex, we as a society are promoting children to engage in sex." Pragmatists can show that isn't the case in the real world, and, within those under statistical probability to have done so anyway, the negative effects of unwanted pregnancy and STDs are decreased.

Alcohol is a good example of a bad problem minimized by legalization. Some ninety years later we still feel the negative effects of when it was criminalized. It is a sad joke that "Reefer Madness" is still viewed as a seemingly realistic social commentary (though I will be very quick to note it is an extremely powerful one), particularly in light of the beneficial possibilities of the hemp plant and the societal damage caused by the exceedingly harsh penalties for it's use. I wonder how many people in this country can't point out knowing benign use by an acquaintance (of marijuana). That should be an important factor in our legal equation, yet in 2012 marijuana is still illegal and it's medical use is being denied. Shouldn't we go with the greatest benefit to our society?

Posted by Married in MA on April 8, 2012 at 8:06 PM · Report this
Any chance you can create a "genius" Google bomb for Bella, Rick Santorum's handicapped sick child? You got her dad so good, you should do the same for her. You are just the right type of genius to do a perfect job of destroying that sick, handicapped kid.
Posted by lovethaturabully on April 8, 2012 at 9:31 PM · Report this
I'm sure there are people who've managed to use meth occasionally and not get addicted, but I suspect those folks are statistical outliers - like people who can smoke cigarettes occasionally and never get addicted to them.

I've seen it ruin a lot of folks, and it gets on top of them very fast, before they realize it. It was pretty awful to watch.

I don't believe in the "war on drugs," and I don't really think most currently illegal drugs should be illegal. But that doesn't mean they're safe, or that people should treat them lightly.

If you're going to endanger yourself chemically to try and get "extra study time," you'd be better off with something like adderal (aka amphetamine/dexamphetamine, rather than methamphetamine, which is the bad stuff) or modafinil (sold as Provigil in the US). You're better off not treating your brain that way at all, in my opinion, but if you're gonna do it, explore stuff that's not as bad for you, and not as addictive, and that you can get legally.
Posted by CoyoteConscious on April 9, 2012 at 12:03 AM · Report this
@#29 - I almost choked myself I laughed so hard.
Posted by troubion on April 9, 2012 at 12:52 AM · Report this
If you think there's nothing wrong with using meth, it's almost certain you are meth addict.
Posted by Bobo on April 9, 2012 at 3:36 AM · Report this
mydriasis 197
Amphetamine is nearly as addictive as meth. Especially when you factor in the fact that most people who take amphetamines grind them up and snort them. Though I'd agree with you it's safer, unfortunately there's a massive problem with students using ADHD medication as preformance enhancement and thinking it's okay and safe and world's apart from what this young lady is doing. It's not.
Posted by mydriasis on April 9, 2012 at 8:44 AM · Report this
@197 mydriasis,

*lights the fuse, throws bomb through door*

You know amphetamines are recognized memory enhancement drugs, right...

Posted by Married in MA on April 9, 2012 at 12:11 PM · Report this
mydriasis 199

Not exactly a bombshell. :p

Logically, meth would be a BETTER memory enhancer.
Besides, I'm not really down with people using drugs as preformance enhancement. It's a complicated issue, but... yeah I'm not exactly comfortable with it. Adderal/ritalin/etc are there for people like figher pilots who need their alertness and people with a legit neurological disorder (ADHD) to subdue their symptoms and allow their intelligence and aptitude come through.

But some halfwit can take them and spend 24/7 drilling themselves and memorizing textbooks and get a better grade than someone who actually deserves it (ie, understands the material). In a competitive environment like mine, you bet it bothers me.
Posted by mydriasis on April 9, 2012 at 12:42 PM · Report this
mydriasis 200
Or to put it another way, your academic preformance is meant to be a reflection of your capabilities. If that student can only keep up with amphetamines in their system, then what does that mean? It means they either do shittier in their job than they did in school or they keep up the habit. Do you want your surgeon to have an amphetamine habit? Do you want him or her to be preforming at a level that never would have gotten them the job in the first place?
Posted by mydriasis on April 9, 2012 at 12:44 PM · Report this
@199 mydriasis,

I seriously doubt that amphetamines help non-learning disabled students enough to warrant them being termed an unfair advantage. But I hope you don't begrudge those of us that truly do need such measures to perform at our best. I suspect that those persons that do best had the best capabilities prior to going sleep deprived, even if they didn't spend all their time studying before the crunch.

As far as "fighting" someone with a photographic memory, good luck. My father's perfect recall was incredibly frustrating, mainly because I only got a portion of it. In my case the aggravating "fight" was with someone with perfect pitch, and while my ability is superior to most, I knew I couldn't be in the first chair with us both putting in the same effort.

As someone diagnosed as an adult having ADD/ADHD, I hope your umbrage isn't with sudents that receive accommodations. Even if we're doing well without, it isn't as well as we could do, and I'm sure that borderline cases still go undiagnosed and self medicated.

As always, when dealing with the stresses of studies, break a leg!

Peace, and dreams that come from having sleep.
Posted by Married in MA on April 9, 2012 at 3:51 PM · Report this
mydriasis 202

Wow, my message really across wrong!

"[these drugs are for] people with a legit neurological disorder (ADHD) to subdue their symptoms and allow their intelligence and aptitude come through."

That is what I said they are made for, intended for, and should be used for. That's not the same as preformance enhancement. I think people who don't need these drugs using them is unfair to the people who DO need them.

If it seems that I begrudge people who receive accomodations, I'm suprised to hear it. Do I seem neurotypical to you?

"I seriously doubt that amphetamines help non-learning disabled students enough to warrant them being termed an unfair advantage."

I think you may be wrong. Avid memorization can mask a lack of aptitude and understanding. Someone who does't have the capacity to get an A by understanding a concept can drill and memorize so they can get that A anyway. Believe me, a disturbing number of students operate this way. This memorization can be aided by abusing a drug intended for someone who really needs it. That bothers me.

But going any deeper into answering your question would get more personal than I'm comfortable describing here.
Posted by mydriasis on April 9, 2012 at 4:35 PM · Report this
Holmes 203

"You know amphetamines are recognized memory enhancement drugs, right..."

So you'll remember how to put your car back together again after being up all night taking it apart. You've got to concentrate on something worthwhile to make that memory useful.
Posted by Holmes on April 9, 2012 at 5:46 PM · Report this
@202 mydriasis,


The differences between the 1980s era and today may well mean that "everyone who needs it, gets it".  I apologize, I went through a time when (in retrospect of the period when the diagnosis of ADD was being formulated) "some people" had real enhancement due to using speed-ish things.  I also live in a community that has some people that argue more resources should be directed to the top performers and not directed to those that could do better with assistance.

As far as rote memorization, you have the practical disciplines like the sciences and math (and engineering) that usually require application of understanding principles above and beyond memorization, and in the rest you need to write papers to show competency.  Somehow I have the feeling that given the opportunity, you'll kick ass when it comes time.   

When I came into the real world, my work in a professor's lab (to get a recommendation) counted far more than simple grades (or at least it was true in my case looking for a bench position).  

Again, I'm sorry if I upset you.

Posted by Married in MA on April 9, 2012 at 7:00 PM · Report this
mydriasis 205

Not at all, I just don't want to seem like I think that people with legitimate needs shouldn't be allowed to use medication.

And though math/science fields do usually need understanding/application, but a lot can be masked by memorization.

By metaphor, I could understand how to do math, or I could buy a book that has all the equations most likely to show up on an exam and memorize all of them including the answers. There are students that operate that way. They aren't intellectually gifted, just very well trained students that have been forced to preform academically their whole lives.

Anyway, I'm not generally threatened by those types, I guess this letter coming around exam season set me off a little.

Thanks for the kind words!
Posted by mydriasis on April 9, 2012 at 7:28 PM · Report this
I see the debate over the pros and cons of drugging students to enhance performance or students drugging themselves as part of larger problem of figuring out what the schools are for. Too often, they're for testing. Future employers rely on the schools to winnow away the unqualified at every step. Students sense this and go for any advantage. One sees Ritalin as a way to gain the upper edge. Another sees coffee. Even the student who goes for studying solidly throughout the semester is doing everything to gain that edge. Who says s/he will be that studious in the workplace? If the schools saw their role as teaching as opposed to motivating, it would be another story.
Posted by Crinoline on April 10, 2012 at 11:13 AM · Report this
Being the sensual creatures they are, sometimes, cats just know how to rub you the right way. On one particular occasion, out of the many that she has done this, I was laying down on my couch when MY cat jumped up onto my stomach, positioned herself and started massaging my belly in such a way that unexpectedly sent a tingle of pleasure throughout my entire body. It wasn't a sexual feeling, more of a calming sensation. The purring, the massage. It put me in the perfect mood to masturbate. If I had a penis then (I still don't), I would've wanked it, too. But I did touch myself, and I did enjoy it. If I had known anyone was watching, it definitely would've killed the moment for me, not because I personally thought it offensive and knew I should be ashamed, rather I know how weird that must seem from an outside perspective.
Posted by copafeelia on April 10, 2012 at 12:19 PM · Report this
My damned cat tries to jump on me all the time when I'm jerking off. I swear she can feel it from the other side of the house. Leave the poor guy alone.
Posted by catafraidophobia on April 10, 2012 at 4:21 PM · Report this
I just have to comment after reading the letter of CAT.

I believe it's option D. I also occasionally engage in nocturnal masturbation when I can't sleep. It's a wonderful way to relax after a stressful day, and a guaranteed sleep inducer--Jason Schwartzman as Jonathan Ames in "Bored to Death" has a wonderful line regarding this issue--at one point in talking to a friend he says something like "I had trouble sleeping last night, jerked off three times, and it still didn't help".
I also have had issues with the cat jumping up on me--and I am not nearly as kind or patient as CAT's--I just push the damn thing off. Perhaps to view this in a different light she should feel blessed she is with such a patient guy!
Posted by robisabi on April 10, 2012 at 4:44 PM · Report this
@202 because you've been so inconspicuous so far. Please, get personal
Posted by 无法忍受 on April 11, 2012 at 3:28 PM · Report this
Prescription Ritalin may or may not be more dangerous than Meth (and YES they ARE different in chemical structure) but the prescription drug is made with what we call pharmaceutical grade stuff fit for human consumption. Meth is made with some very nasty solvents you would not ever think of ingesting into your body. Sure it is almost like the old paraquat (where they would spray the marijuana fields and poison everybody) but those are the facts.

The comparison between meth and pot is ridiculous as Dan summarized.

On the war on drugs it would still be better to end it even if there was a dramatic increase in addiction problems! I will take you 5 addiction problems for every 1 person killed by the war on drugs.
Posted by Professor on April 11, 2012 at 11:24 PM · Report this
Actually a more realistic and telling example at the end there would have been-

'I will give you 1,000 drug war prisoners for every 1 additional case of addiction caused by a repeal of the drug laws.
Posted by Professor on April 11, 2012 at 11:27 PM · Report this
"I've got one that comes running with his favorite sex toy (any article of clothing lying about) when masturbation is afoot. I lock him out of the room but it's clear what he's doing out there. He's a talker."

I thought I was the only one with a cat who did this! He's constantly waking us up in the middle of the night with LOUD meowing, and we look and he's fucking someone's shirt that he yanked from the dirty laundry pile.
Posted by Whoop Di Doo on April 12, 2012 at 11:48 AM · Report this
I work in a pharmacy in MO. MO has the most meth busts in the country, with CA following closely behind. I sowed my wild oats in my youth and played around with several different drugs without incident. I always told myself that I would never try heroin or meth. I have seen the effects of meth use first hand; the skin with open sores, teeth that are rotted away because of the battery acid that is used to make the meth, eyes rolling into the back of the head. Because the problem is so bad, several states are now requiring that pseudophedrine (an over the counter nasal decongestant) become a prescription drug again.
I understand that addiction is addiction no matter the drug, but from what I have witnessed with meth it is very difficult for addicts to stay clean and sober. The hunger for the drug must be strong when one thinks of what it takes to procur it. Meth is made from among other things; batteries and anhydrous ammonia (a fertilizer used by farmers in rural areas). When making meth, people do it in their homes or garages, their cars and the most dangerous method is making it in a plastic 2 liter Coke bottle (Shake and Bake) that requires constant attention because the ingredients will eat through the plastic or in the worst case scenerio explode the entire bottle.
It is such a dangerous and sad existence for the addicts, but it also begins to affect the general population because wherever there is a high rate of meth use there is usually a high rate of crime. Many meth addicts aren't purchasing their ingredients they are stealing the batteries and they are driving into farmer's fields at night and stealing their fertilizer.
Sorry to be a such a downer on the post but this is my experience with the dark side of the drug.
Posted by newbiemo on May 3, 2012 at 9:27 AM · Report this
Woah OMU, you should be called FMA (future meth addict). Since you're in college, you should have had a discussion about anecdotal evidence by now. If you have not, please know that it has no place in science (and yes that includes claims about human physiology).
Posted by NaeGaJeilJalNaGa on May 10, 2012 at 1:35 PM · Report this
Yeah Trenton (Zach) used to get so fucked up he would lay in the sling at BP
while person after person fucked him. Saw it several times. I guess he decided
to get paid for it. I don't think much has changed except he gets paid now.
Posted by Blunt truth man on June 5, 2012 at 4:30 PM · Report this

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