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An After-Christmas Miracle

December 26, 2012

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I just started an intense relationship with a guy who has a boyfriend. This guy and I love each other. However, he is uncomfortable with me meeting his boyfriend. I've asked if it's okay that we're fucking, and he said they're in an open relationship so it's okay. I asked if it's okay that we're in love, and he said yes. So why the secrecy? My lover's only explanation is that his boyfriend doesn't want to know about the guys he fucks around with. The whole situation is starting to make me uneasy. I can't figure out why I want to know more about his boyfriend. Is it so I can verify that he's not cheating, or that jealousy is an issue for them and that's why I can't meet him? I do know that I wish my lover would be more open with me. Should I just relax?

The Other Person

Monogamous couples have one rule about fucking other people—"don't fuck other people"—but nonmonogamous couples have all sorts of different rules, TOP, and sometimes a particular couple's particular rules make it hard for a third to verify that the partnered person he's sleeping with is, in fact, in an honest and healthy open relationship.

That said, most couples with a "don't want to know about the other people you're fucking" rule—and that's a pretty common rule—also have a rule against getting emotionally involved with the other people they're fucking. So if it's against the rules for the guy you're seeing to introduce his boy-on-the-side to his boyfriend, TOP, odds are good that swapping "I love yous" with his boy-on-the-side is against the rules, too.

Someone is being lied to here. Either this guy is lying to you about being in an open relationship or he's lying to his boyfriend about not getting emotionally involved with the other guys he fucks. Whichever it is, TOP, I don't see a future for you with this guy—or much of a future for him and his boyfriend, frankly.

But to answer your question: No, TOP, don't relax. DTMFA.


I'm a feminine, submissive dyke. My girlfriend is absolutely amazing, and our sex life is awesome and really kinky. The problem is two of my friends. I've formed a pretty tight trio with two hot, funny tops. I've got tiny, manageable crushes on them both. My girlfriend knows, but she's secure enough in our relationship that she isn't bothered by it. The problem? My friends are fucking each other. They're also in happy open relationships with other women. Sounds great, right? Even though they're great friends most of the time, they definitely leave me feeling like the third wheel once in a while. How can I gently remind them that, even though they're not sleeping with me, I'd like a little more platonic attention friendship-wise?

Satisfied Under Butches

I suppose you could sit your friends down and say, "Hey, when you two move out of your friends-in-open-relationships-with-benefits honeymoon phase, I could use a little more friends-without-benefits attention." But there's almost no way to say that without coming across like a jealous, controlling bag of dykenuts, SUB. So I would urge you to hang back and trust that this honeymoon phase, like all honeymoon phases, will eventually pass, and these two friends will have more time for you in the future.

In the meantime, fuck your girlfriend lots and hang out with other friends. And remember: When you're feeling like the third wheel, SUB, it's because you're probably functioning as the third wheel. While first and second wheels can make an effort to prevent thirds from feeling like the thirds they are, thirds that make a decision to roll elsewhere generally wind up feeling better.


You are so fun! My hubby is 62 and I am 52. We are empty nesters now and we love it! We are experimenting sexually, but my blowjobs don't do it for him. I've watched videos, read articles, and finally bought some flavored lube. He loves having his balls licked while I jerk him off. But what can I do about my blowjobs?!? Any advice would be great!

Ho Ho Ho

My advice: Lick your hubby's balls while you jerk him off.

Your husband either can't get off from a blowjob alone—and there are men out there who can't—or your blowjobs just don't do it for him. In the interest of marital harmony, HHH, let's give your blowjobs the benefit of the doubt and assume that your husband is one of those guys who can't be gotten off by blowjob alone.

If you love sucking dick and your blowjobs are in no way traumatizing—if they don't leave your husband curled up on the floor sobbing—then go ahead and blow your husband. Telling him the blowjobs are for you, HHH, will take the pressure off him and—who knows?—he may relax and enjoy the blowjob more. He might even get off.

Bonus pro tip: You know that flavored lubes don't do anything for the person being blown, right? They're for people who don't like the taste of dick, HHH, and it doesn't sound like you're one of those people. Until they come out with Chord Overstreet–flavored or Cheyenne Jackson–flavored lube, there's no reason you should be slathering your hubby's dick with artificial flavorings and aspartame.


I'm a Canadian 25-year-old gay man in a four-year relationship with a 22-year-old. Over the course of our relationship, we've explored each other's kinks and been very understanding and GGG. The sex is amazing and varied. The problem: He has this fantasy that I'm having trouble pulling off. He wants me to piss in his ass. But peeing while erect is not my forte. I've tried, but I have to concentrate on peeing to actually go, and that just resulted in my going soft while I was inside him. By the time the urine was actually flowing, my dick was so soft that his sphincter was actually pinching my urethra closed, making it impossible for me to pee. He hasn't bottomed in a couple of years, since I realized how much I love it, so I'm assuming his tightness isn't helping. I just can't think of what more I can do to fulfill this fantasy for him. Do I need to just learn how to pee while erect, or is there an easier way? I'm stumped and worried I won't be able to make this happen for him.

Dripping Out Urine Confounds His Enema

I'm going to assume that you two are in a committed relationship, that you've both been tested and have either no STIs or the same STIs, that neither of you is having unprotected sex with anyone else, that you rarely eat asparagus or beets, that you don't plan on doing this in front of your pets, etc.

Okay, DOUCHE, I feel like Santa Claus right now because I have the perfect toy to put under your tree. (Your tree is still up, right?) Go to forttroff.com, click "Enter," search "ass tunnel," then watch the video demo. It's an after-Christmas miracle. (For the idiots in my readership, that link is NSFW. And, yes, I'm assuming DOUCHE and his BF celebrate Christmas. But only because all the piss-in-assers I've ever known were homeschooled Liberty University graduates.)

Happy holidays, everybody!


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Comments (101) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
pastanaut 1
I think it's sweet that you mentioned Chord Overstreet, since he's arguably the celebrity that looks the most like your hubby.
Posted by pastanaut on December 21, 2012 at 4:18 PM · Report this
2
Isn't the obvious lie that Mr Lying Liar Who Tells Lies is In Luuuuuuuuuuuuv with the LW?
Posted by vennominon on December 21, 2012 at 5:22 PM · Report this
nocutename 3
Oh thank you for this xmas present, Dan: letters with more "fun" problems and less hand-wringing than we've seen in a while. And nifty solution to a problem I'd never thought about.
Hope your Christmas was wonderful!
Posted by nocutename on December 26, 2012 at 9:21 AM · Report this
hamish108 4
One essential piece of advice for HHH that I think was forgotten: Ask him what he likes, what gets him off, what doesn't, with her bj's (or anything else, communication is so important for experimenting sexually!).
Posted by hamish108 on December 26, 2012 at 9:33 AM · Report this
5
On the flavored lube thing - I once had a sex worker ask me what flavor condom I preferred. I'm still trying to figure out why the hell I'd care ;-)
Posted by wizard on December 26, 2012 at 9:43 AM · Report this
6
@5 Did you kiss her afterwards?
Posted by ZacF on December 26, 2012 at 9:54 AM · Report this
7
Right, like anyone can control whether or not they get emotionally involved with someone they're having regular sex with.

Yet another example of how so-called "open relationships" rarely work.
Posted by wayne on December 26, 2012 at 10:20 AM · Report this
8
Simple solution for TOP: demand that your boyfriend produce a note/video/whatever from his boyfriend, explicitly giving him permission to fuck other people. It doesn't have to be specifically to you - it doesn't have to even be recent, but it does have to be clearly from his boyfriend and it has to lay out what their ground rules are re: other guys. Everyone wins: the boyfriend doesn't have to learn who you are (or even how long your relationship lasts), you get to be sure you're not ruining their relationship, and your boyfriend gets to fuck you both.
Posted by Slartibartfast on December 26, 2012 at 10:47 AM · Report this
nocutename 9
@8: Not to be cynical, but how does TOP know that the document was really written by the boyfriend.
It seems pretty easy to produce a letter from an unknown and never-to-be-met person that you've written yourself.

I don't know if TOP is lying, but I would bet that he is--to both his boyfriends.

Although I disagree with wayne @7 that open relationships "rarely work," I think that it is indeed hard for many of us to avoid becoming emotionally attached to someone we're having regular great sex with. So that even if TOP's erstwhile boyfriend is being truthful with both his long-standing boyfriend and TOP, TOP is starting to want something he can't have.
Posted by nocutename on December 26, 2012 at 11:01 AM · Report this
mydriasis 10
@wayne

It's not about control, it's about self-knowledge. If you've met someone and you know they're not boyfriend/girlfriend material (in your books) but they're fun to fuck, you're not going to get emotionally attached.

Some people struggle with this, but only because they automatically develop feelings for anyone they spend long enough fucking. Not all of us are wired that way.
Posted by mydriasis on December 26, 2012 at 11:22 AM · Report this
11
Lube, flavored or otherwise, can give the recipient of a blowjob a different sensation than a BJ without lube, so it can serve a purpose other than providing the giver a different flavor than cock. Flavored lube also helps if the giver happens to have a dry mouth, like first thing upon waking up in the morning.
Posted by WestSeven on December 26, 2012 at 11:25 AM · Report this
12
"Either this guy is lying to you about being in an open relationship or he's lying to his boyfriend about not getting emotionally involved with the other guys he fucks."

Can't it be both?
Posted by ScoutX on December 26, 2012 at 11:35 AM · Report this
fannerz 13
@7: Crushes can happen, yeah. But there is a long way between the first flutterings and being "in love." A responsible person in a good open relationship will *stop having sex* with a person to whom they are overly attracted, for the sake of the primary relationship. I know, it's crazy, turning down sex. But trust me, it can be done.
Posted by fannerz on December 26, 2012 at 1:05 PM · Report this
thecheesegirl 14
@7 To add to what others have said, not all open relationships stipulate that you must not fall in love with anyone else. The ones that stipulate that the main partner not know about their partner's other partners, as Dan said, typically do, but that's not the only kind of open relationship there is.
Posted by thecheesegirl on December 26, 2012 at 1:17 PM · Report this
15
@9: Notary Public to the rescue!
Posted by Howlin' Jed on December 26, 2012 at 1:20 PM · Report this
seandr 16
But what can I do about my blowjobs?!?

If we were talking about my dick, I could put together a whole training program for you, complete with videos, guest lecturers, homework, agility and endurance exercises, a prayer book, real-time biofeedback monitoring, shopping excursions, and a few carefully selected zen koans.

But alas, we're talking about your husband's dick, not mine, so I guess you'll have to ask him.
Posted by seandr on December 26, 2012 at 1:38 PM · Report this
17
@3: Ditto with nocutename! Happy holidays to you, Dan, and everybody! I hope everyone enjoyed a wonderful Christmas!

Flavored lube.....hmm...I'm gonna have to remember that one.
Oh, wait---aspartame?! That's as bad as high fructose corn syrup!
And THAT shit's in just about everything!

Posted by auntie grizelda on December 26, 2012 at 1:45 PM · Report this
nocutename 18
@seandr: Why would anyone sucking your dick need a special prayer book? Would it have prayers of thanksgiving in it, or prayers for strength and fortitude?
Posted by nocutename on December 26, 2012 at 1:52 PM · Report this
19
@16
I think you should put the training program together anyway. And sell it online. Or at least post it for us. :)
Posted by Susan on December 26, 2012 at 2:03 PM · Report this
nocutename 20
@16(seandr): Maybe you meant a "play book," not a "prayer book."
Posted by nocutename on December 26, 2012 at 2:07 PM · Report this
nocutename 21
@15: Quite literally LOL. I am pretty sure that this is the first time that sentence has appeared in the Savage Love comments.
Posted by nocutename on December 26, 2012 at 2:10 PM · Report this
lolorhone 22
To TOP: If it seems shady, walks shady, talks shady, it's probably fucking shady. That's the basic premise Dan's operating on and so should you. Also, this week's SL was posted briefly (i.e. for a matter of hours) last week, which kind of dulled the novelty factor for this week but oh well. Happy Holidays to all!
Posted by lolorhone on December 26, 2012 at 4:15 PM · Report this
23
TOP started a relationship, and he claims he loves him? I'm thinking he isn't quite all there himself...
Posted by borfnor on December 26, 2012 at 4:31 PM · Report this
24
Re Flavored Lubes--

The original Cocktail:

Tall glass.
Half fill with ice.
Generous shot of favorite liquor (this is a good use for 100+ proof alcohol).
Shake until ice is well rounded (this brings the liquor/melt water mix significantly below 32F/0C).
Plunge dick into glass and keep there a good while.
Serve dick to mouth.

Note: on the side, this numbs the dick and prolongs the game. Also enhances the ice cream cone sensation for her.
Posted by Hunter78 on December 26, 2012 at 4:55 PM · Report this
seandr 25
@nocutename: a special prayer book

I've already revealed too much, so let's just say it has to do with accepting a higher power and giving it its due worship.

I could see working a play book into my program if I was into football players.
Posted by seandr on December 26, 2012 at 5:44 PM · Report this
26
@17 A flavored lube has to use artificial sweetener, if it has a sweet taste, since sugar or high fructose corn syrup might cause yeast infections if used for other than oral action. The point of flavored lube is that it tastes better than unflavored lube (or for some, that it tastes better than what they are lubricating).
Posted by WestSeven on December 26, 2012 at 6:42 PM · Report this
27
@26:
Why would you use flavoured lube for anything but oral?
But then again: why would one need lube for oral?
So many questions...
Posted by migrationist on December 26, 2012 at 7:32 PM · Report this
mydriasis 28
@migrationist

Careful about suggesting lube isn't needed around these here parts...
Posted by mydriasis on December 26, 2012 at 7:35 PM · Report this
29
It might not be needed around YOUR parts :-) But seriously, some people might go back and forth between hand-job action (for which lube can be nice) and blow-job action.
Posted by Eirene on December 26, 2012 at 8:12 PM · Report this
30
@27 One might start with oral then plunge into another orifice, so pure cane sugar as a sweetner would not be such a good idea.

Lube is not necessary for oral. I just wanted to point out that it is an option for a slightly different sensation. Dan did not seem to consider any reason for it other than to mask the natural dick flavor.
Posted by WestSeven on December 26, 2012 at 8:14 PM · Report this
christiancultsniper 31
Hello Dam Savage,

I geuss you may feel a little upset , but we are watching you and your paper and any thing that goes against America and hurting people over the " bell ringers of Salavation Army " . The thing is I look at Seattle with a "Hannibal Lector " attitude and only the rude really pay the price ...., I here dinner is served every day at the Missions that are very much advid fans of yours and my have you for dinner .
But just remember the FBI can not help you or that SPD - such rude unprofessional fellows they bloody are and we watch them too......
So chow for now Danny boy and sleep well.

AIRA
Posted by christiancultsniper http://nanningdatescam.blogspot.com   http://spusucks.blogsot.com on December 26, 2012 at 8:24 PM · Report this
32
@31.Awkward!
Posted by fubar on December 26, 2012 at 8:56 PM · Report this
lolorhone 33
@31: What the fuck was that?
Posted by lolorhone on December 26, 2012 at 10:12 PM · Report this
EWB 34
@32 No look at the typos, it might actually be christians.
Posted by EWB http://mindaccessmarcq.blogspot.com/ on December 26, 2012 at 10:26 PM · Report this
35
@16 please tell me more
Posted by littlesister on December 26, 2012 at 10:38 PM · Report this
36
it's amazing how often men expect porn star bj's, but will never tell you more than "that isn't doing it for me" or "ouch--teeth." they won't go thru the myriad little nuances that make for the great bj, and teach you. no, that would be too sensible. i had to make a point of asking a willing teacher to give me an all-night intensive lesson on the subject, before i got to the point where it 1) wasn't extremely physically uncomfortable for me and 2) it did it for him and others. [hint: you guys do yourselves and immense disservice calling it "sucking" cock. we take it literally. it's all downhill from there, fyi].
Posted by ellarosa on December 26, 2012 at 10:50 PM · Report this
37
@16 & @25 seandr: Lol! Okay, I think you've gotten our attention...
when's the video getting posted?

@24 Hunter78: Oh, shit. I KNOW I'm stepping into something here by even responding, but depending on whose dick that's referring to, that actually doesn't sound half bad. Bottoms up!

@31: Whoaaaaaa--- somebody's three turds shy of a flush! Go back to your bat cave and stay there! You have been feasting on waaaaay too much Santorum filtered guano to make any sense at all. Do yourself two favors: 1) learn to spell and use grammar correctly in complete sentences, and 2) Wean yourself from FOX TV.
Posted by auntie grizelda on December 26, 2012 at 11:46 PM · Report this
sissoucat 38
So. There *are* open relatioships where one of the rules is "don't want to know about whom you fuck on the side". It's not only cheating cheaters who're lying who say that.

Thanks for confirming that, Dan.

@31 New troll a-trolling ? Learn some class from Hunter, Troll. You need to make sense once in a while for people to bother to read you ever again.
Posted by sissoucat on December 27, 2012 at 2:42 AM · Report this
39
My open relationship has a "contract" and a visibility clause: the person we fuck has to know that we are allowed to fuck then. I have however also heard the "I don't want to know who you fuck on the side - just be safe".

I prefer to fuck people openly and not in the shades but my husband has my blessing to pretend I don't know for fun's sake (even though he tells me all I want to know).

Saying this, I also find TOP's boyfriend a bit too shady for my liking.
Posted by The monogamish on December 27, 2012 at 3:22 AM · Report this
40
@38, there definitely are. I, personally, can't do that. I was dating (unofficially and unexclusively) an ex of mine and we talked about poly and open relationships. The abstract thought of him fucking someone else freaked me out. When I found out who it was, I was like, "Oh, ok." Confused the shit outta him. But I knew her, liked her, and trusted that she wasn't trying to keep him away from me. So it was fine.
Letting them be with other people that I don't know means not knowing if they're the type of person who wants to just sleep with them, or someone who thinks they can "steal" them away.
Posted by KateRose on December 27, 2012 at 6:35 AM · Report this
41
@38- I don't see the point in mocking someone with that word in his name.
Posted by Original Xam on December 27, 2012 at 7:41 AM · Report this
nocutename 42
Okay, I'm trying to shift the discussion to something more unusual from this week's column: DOUCHE's dilemma was twofold: how to keep his boyfriend's asshole open for him to pee in it, and how to pee while staying hard so he could fulfill his boyfriend's fantasy and fill full his boyfriend's ass.
Dan helped him with the first part by directing him to a website that features all kinds of goodies, including the ass tunnel (which I loved seeing). But that doesn't address the other problem: how does DOUCHE stay hard enough to penetrate his bf while peeing?

I'm a woman who was under the impression that it is difficult for a man to pee when he's hard, yet since DOUCHE's bf has the expectation and since Dan didn't address that part of his letter, I am wondering. So a question goes out to the men here: how hard is it to pee when you're hard?
Posted by nocutename on December 27, 2012 at 7:46 AM · Report this
John Horstman 43
@31: Interesting; you created an account on Feb. 2nd to comment on the Mars Hill Church story (and went to all the trouble of filling out your profile), then didn't return to comment (except perhaps anonymously?) until this December. In the event that this was the result of mandatory in-patient psychiatric treatment, you might want to voluntarily re-admit yourself, or at least show your doctor what you wrote. As someone who suffers from mental illness myself, I know it can be difficult to see when our perceptions don't square with reality, so I'm letting you know that your comment makes you sound delusional, paranoid, and potentially dangerous to those around you.

It's possible that your writing skills, by rendering your comment only marginally-intelligible, are making you sound less psychologically stable than you actually are; if that's the case, I'd suggest some writing courses at your local technical college (or university, if it offers the possibility of taking a few courses without enrolling in a full degree program) instead of (or possibly in addition to) psychological treatment. It's not necessarily fair, but prospective employers, clients, newspaper editorial staff, etc. are going to judge you by your writing, and learning to express your thoughts in complete, legible sentences could very much help you achieve your goals in life, whatever they are.

Stick with us, christiancultsniper! Though you might simply be a troll, I'm not about to write-off and ignore what could be a desperate cry for help. Life can be wonderful, even for those of us whose brains don't work entirely well all of the time. Under the Affordable Care Act, you may be able to get subsidized or publicly-funded health insurance even if you couldn't before, so if a lack of an ability to pay for treatment has been stopping you, it's worth looking into again (you clearly have internet access, so you can hopefully Google around to see what your options are). Good luck!
More...
Posted by John Horstman on December 27, 2012 at 8:10 AM · Report this
44
@everyone: I read Dan's column all the time, but for some reason this is the first time I've followed up on reading the comments.

You guys are awesome! Thanks for an enjoyable 20 minutes!

Now I guess I have to go into the previous columns. This may take awhile...
Posted by Tregare on December 27, 2012 at 9:07 AM · Report this
45
About the lube, here is a great suggestion. Coconut oil. Tastes good, smells good, organic, anti-bacterial, melts on contact with the body. Slippery at high speeds and luscious when you go slow. I've tried all kinds of lubes and this is truly the best for all types of sex and great for the skin. Massage it in everywhere!!!!! Have fun.
Posted by Bondsman51 on December 27, 2012 at 9:10 AM · Report this
46
coconut oil. does it damage condoms?
Posted by blackwinterbyrd on December 27, 2012 at 9:36 AM · Report this
47
@43 John, what a caring, thoughtful response. You've restored my faith in humanity, at least for today:)
@45 Burt's Bees Baby Bee Apricot Oil also works well, as does good old EVOO from the kitchen.
@46 I don't use condoms (monogamous marriage, IUD)so I can't say whether they damage condoms. It used to be that you could use oil on polyurethane condoms i.e. Trojan supras, but now they come pre-lubricated and the package states that you should not use any additional lubricant.
Posted by tachycardia on December 27, 2012 at 10:36 AM · Report this
48
I don't really think a douche is a good Christmas gift idea!
Posted by keepwithjones on December 27, 2012 at 11:15 AM · Report this
49
@39: My husband has my blessing to pretend he's just pretending I'm okay with the extramarital nookie. Works for us :-)

>> even though he tells me all I want to know

Most potential partners (for him) appreciate some privacy around their activities, so I am working on being less curious about his sex life with others.

@42: I dated a guy who was into that. We didn't get to the point of experimentation together, but I gather that he would pee right after he came, before he got soft.
Posted by EricaP on December 27, 2012 at 11:25 AM · Report this
50
I'd avoid coconut oil, agreeing with poster 46. Any oil is never a good mix with condoms. A good slippery gel is the new brand Aloe Cadabra. http://www.theadulttoyshop.com/lubricant… among many other retailers. The lavender is really strong, like an essential oil so you get the same quality only in a water based version. highly recommended but still safe with condoms.
Posted by keepwithjones on December 27, 2012 at 11:50 AM · Report this
51
@50:
I don't think I'd like to suck on Aloe Cadabra.

@Eirene @29:
I thought spit was a good lubricant for going back and forth between BJs and HJs. Or just blow uncut guys, no need for extra lubrication!
Posted by migrationist on December 27, 2012 at 12:10 PM · Report this
52
now they come pre-lubricated and the package states that you should not use any additional lubricant

Well, that's a drag, so to speak. Lube makes condoms a lot less likely to break -- didn't anyone tell them that?

migrationist@51: no, spit is okay when it's from your mouth, which keeps producing it, but on your hands it doesn't last at all. My experience is unfortunately foreskin-free, so no data there. :-(
Posted by Eirene on December 27, 2012 at 12:42 PM · Report this
53
@51 no Aloe Cadabra... wouldn't you want the side benefit of softer lips after a blow job ;)
Posted by keepwithjones on December 27, 2012 at 1:20 PM · Report this
54
@43 wins the internet.
Posted by textthatappearsbelow on December 27, 2012 at 1:21 PM · Report this
Registered European 55
@42
So a question goes out to the men here: how hard is it to pee when you're hard?

Speaking just for myself: not possible.
Posted by Registered European on December 27, 2012 at 2:04 PM · Report this
56
As my comment got in under the wire before the retraction, I didn't really get a close second look. While I abide by the idea that, in a situation with multiple possible lies, "I love you," has to start as a strong favourite, the closing reference to Mr Lying Liar Who Tells Lies as "my lover" makes a major dent in any attempt to pass this off as concern for the BF. Of course, the main motivation could certainly be strong distaste for being played, but methinks quite possibly TOP wants official status. Maybe it's time for an Anne Boleyn moment.
Posted by vennominon on December 27, 2012 at 4:16 PM · Report this
seandr 57
@19, @35, @37:
As I'm sure you can imagine, it isn't a process that lends itself well to e-learning.
Posted by seandr on December 27, 2012 at 4:31 PM · Report this
58
Top,

If you're wanting to know more about bf's main squeeze, you're getting more possessive. Bf is big on staying uncommitted. There's no happy ending here.

Posted by Hunter78 on December 27, 2012 at 4:37 PM · Report this
seandr 59
@42 nocutename:
If my dick is any more than at half mast, I can't pee.

Another fun pee fact. Sometimes if you pee in the morning after a night of sex that leaves a bit of come in the hole, the blockage can send the stream in surprising and messy directions. The lesson - make sure you get every last drop.
Posted by seandr on December 27, 2012 at 4:43 PM · Report this
60
Big (turgid)-- with difficulty. Hard-- no.

Logically that means I can always soften and go.

Posted by Hunter78 on December 27, 2012 at 4:57 PM · Report this
61
@42 it's really difficult to pee when hard, even in a situation where you don't have to aim the stream, like DOUCHE's situation or peeing in the shower.
Posted by WestSeven on December 27, 2012 at 5:24 PM · Report this
Sandiai 62
@42. I think his boyfriend just wants him to pee in his ass, hard or not. So he gets hard in order to penetrate him, then lets himself get soft so he can pee. The problem is after he gets soft the urine can't flow because of the constricting power of his boyfriend's tight ass. Common problem. The ass tunnel is meant to keep his boyfriend's ass open in such a way that he is able to pee while soft (I think).
Posted by Sandiai on December 27, 2012 at 6:09 PM · Report this
63
43 for the win
Posted by Junta thought on December 27, 2012 at 6:42 PM · Report this
mydriasis 64
@62

Lovin' the display pic.
Posted by mydriasis on December 27, 2012 at 7:31 PM · Report this
65
Eirene@52, we added some astroglide silicone lubricant, which I was not impressed with, then ended up ditching the condom anyway, but it didnt break from adding lube. What is it about condoms that makes so much extra lube necessary in the first place? I had to keep adding more until we got rid of the condom, then I was fine.
Posted by tachycardia on December 27, 2012 at 7:36 PM · Report this
nocutename 66
@62: Ah, that makes sense. I assumed that the bf wanted him to be hard.
Posted by nocutename on December 27, 2012 at 8:35 PM · Report this
67
I'm a male who's into the piss-enema thing, and can confirm that some men (not me, but a couple of my ex-boyfriends) can indeed urinate while almost fully hard, during penetrative sex.

Any kind of stimulation tends to mess it up, though, so usually it's alternating a few thrusts with total stillness and a lot of waiting. It's an interesting sensation, not totally pleasant or unpleasant.
Posted by tehyote on December 27, 2012 at 8:47 PM · Report this
Sandiai 68
Thanks, mydriasis!
Posted by Sandiai on December 27, 2012 at 8:57 PM · Report this
69
TOP, the whole key to the answer you don't want is right here: "The whole situation is starting to make me uneasy. I can't figure out why I want to know more about his boyfriend. Is it so I can verify that he's not cheating, or that jealousy is an issue for them and that's why I can't meet him? I do know that I wish my lover would be more open with me."

The whole situation makes you uneasy. Your gut-alarm has already gone off, and on some level you want it not to be your lying lover's fault, or for someone to tell you that your gut is wrong, when it isn't.

Dan's advice isn't well-reasoned, but the end point is solid: DTMFA; and not because there is or isn't a way to verify what your creepy lover is up to, or because there are 'usual rules' of some kind between the openly-relationshipped, but because *you already know he's lying*, because the situation (his lies) are already making you uneasy - and that's all the information you need, isn't it?

When he's lying to you, kiddo, he's lying to everyone else too, including himself. Do not reward that asshole with trust he doesn't deserve. D.T.M.F.A.
Posted by happyhedonist on December 27, 2012 at 9:39 PM · Report this
70
A data point for 42:

I can pee while hard reliably, just takes a few deep breaths and staying still while the "pipes switch" or whatever the hell is happening. Easier than waiting for it to go down when ya real have to go. AIMING is a real problem though, as I have not tested this while in an asshole. Usually have to bend the waist at least 60 degrees or there's gonna be some serious cleanup to do.
Posted by sddddd on December 28, 2012 at 1:50 AM · Report this
71
@ 59 and everyone in general. pee directly after you have sex. You do not want gunk sitting around in your urethra all night. Especially women, it's bladder-infection-ville. Even if it's only a little pee, it will help.
Posted by Lisa808 on December 28, 2012 at 7:25 AM · Report this
72
Warning: people, much like food, don't necessarily taste as good as they look.

While the packaging would undoubtedly be nicer, there's no guarantee that Overstreet/Jackson lube would taste any better than Maggie Gallagher lube.

Come to think of it, their lube probably tastes like protein powder, quinoa and spinach, while hers tastes like Krispy Kreme and french fries.
Posted by RealityBites on December 28, 2012 at 9:26 AM · Report this
73
Many people have used coconut oil with condoms without them breaking. There are different types of oil & you shouldn't just lump them all together. From what I've read, the biggest reasons why condoms break are: not pinching the tip of the condom when putting it on. This adds more room in the condom and the penis is not forced against the end. Next, not enough lube. Lube (CO) should be placed on the penis before putting on the condom as well as on the outside of the condom or as a vaginal lubricant. It is anti-bacterial & anti- fungal and has helped many woman who have had yeast issues. If in doubt, try it first with a good athletic hand job and a condom and you will see for your self. Condoms have come a long way in quality & so have natural lubes.
Posted by Bondsman51 on December 28, 2012 at 12:38 PM · Report this
Holmes 74
To HHH:

ProTip: Suck. 'Blow job' is just a figure of speech.

;-)
Posted by Holmes on December 28, 2012 at 6:24 PM · Report this
75
@73 A condom coupled with a vigorous handjob sounds like a good way of testing the effects (on a condom) of any lube/condom combinations, since there are so many variations in materials in both categories. If, in the future, I need to consider condoms again, I may try this. Thanks for the idea.
Posted by tachycardia on December 28, 2012 at 7:52 PM · Report this
persimmon 76
I would just like to take this opportunity to give another win to 43.
Posted by persimmon on December 28, 2012 at 10:08 PM · Report this
77
TOP- how one defines 'cheating' in a non-monogamous situation is quite tricky indeed.

DOUCHE - peeing while hard? trying morning wake up sex while you have a 'piss-hardon' instead of running for the bathroom
Posted by I'm NOT a prude! on December 29, 2012 at 12:08 AM · Report this
78
A "Valentine's heart" is, of course, not a heart at all. It is a vulva with the lips spread apart.

Posted by Hunter78 on December 29, 2012 at 12:14 AM · Report this
79
The best thing to do when you are unable to pee for whatever reason is to "count to pee".

one, two, pee
one, two, pee
one, two, pee
one, two, pee
one, two, pee
one, two, peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEE!!!
Posted by Doot on December 29, 2012 at 3:50 AM · Report this
80

I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our weeding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her facebook and she changed her facebook status from married to Single...when i went to her to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..i lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a wiseindividualspell@gmail.com when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to US the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday...My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew what she's doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my wife called and he said i haven't seen anything yet... he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Sunday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him to wiseindividualspell@gmail.com..i cant give out his number cos he told me he don't want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he' will replied to any emails asap..hope he helped u out too..good luck
More...
Posted by Davifarut on December 29, 2012 at 7:16 AM · Report this
81 Comment Pulled (Spam) Comment Policy
82
I can do spells too.
Posted by Original xam on December 30, 2012 at 8:27 PM · Report this
Ballard Pimp 83
We note that the weirdos are coming out for New Year's.
Posted by Ballard Pimp on December 30, 2012 at 10:53 PM · Report this
84
As a Lynchburg resident (urgh), I can confirm the Liberty University association.
Posted by NBB on December 30, 2012 at 10:59 PM · Report this
Sandiai 85
Hey stalkers at 80 and 81, do you really want to be with someone who is with you only because he/she had a spell put on them? That's more than a little messed up: It's actually dishonorable. What about your partner's free will? Why are your needs more important than theirs? They did everything they could to get rid of you, and you couldn't accept that. Super super super nice.

Also, does the spell last forever, so that their "love" and feelings of "committment" are forever something artificial? Or does the spell wear off some day, and they wake up and realize they wasted valuable time being with you? Awkward! (And then you have to cast the spell again, such a bother).

Finally, since prophetharry and wiseindividual care so much about love and restoring relationships, I'm sure their services are free, right? If they are not free, what kind of contract does the buyer have with them? Do the sellers guarantee results in writing, so that the buyer has protection and recourse in a court of law? To what extent does the "victim" get to participate in the contractual agreement?

Curious minds need to know.
Posted by Sandiai on December 31, 2012 at 12:08 AM · Report this
Sandiai 86
(Yes, I know the spammers don't come back after dumping off their inarticulate ramblings, I just wanted to have a little fun.)
Posted by Sandiai on December 31, 2012 at 12:11 AM · Report this
Miz Val 87
TOP- You mean of all the people where you live you could not find someone who was unattached and ready to commit the kind of affection you seem to want to give and get? You must not value yourself much.BTW your lover is not about to leave his comfortable situation and maybe his lover doesn't know about you for a very good reason.Find someone else to play with
Posted by Miz Val on December 31, 2012 at 10:15 AM · Report this
88
I liked the fortroff video link and store.
That thing is rad!
Posted by aeros66 on December 31, 2012 at 2:34 PM · Report this
89
Hunter78 re:@24:......or were you being totally sarcastic?
Posted by auntie grizelda on December 31, 2012 at 11:27 PM · Report this
90
It was intended as entertaining and informative. No sarcasm.

Posted by Hunter78 on January 1, 2013 at 7:06 AM · Report this
91
@90 Hunter78: It was indeed that. Thanks for the recipe,
and happy 2013.

Happy 2013 to everybody!!
Posted by auntie grizelda on January 1, 2013 at 2:02 PM · Report this
92
Happy New Year, auntie grizelda and all SL readers!
Posted by EricaP on January 1, 2013 at 2:47 PM · Report this
93
@92 EricaP and everybody: Happy healthy, safe, sane and prosperous 2013 and beyond!!!
Posted by auntie grizelda on January 2, 2013 at 1:29 PM · Report this
94
i am using this opportunity to tell everybody or any one that read my post to please contact this man because he is different among them and the way he emailed and talk to me i really like it because he always tell what next to make your lover come back to you and it happen to me that i listen to everything he told me to do and i thank God that my lover emailed me 3 night ago and now we are in contact and he is planning to come and meet me in USA this weekend!!! am so so so happy and thank you so much Dr.Ogungbe
here is the Man details to reach him
(ifaogungbetempleofsolution@gmail.com)
his personal email : (dr.ifaogungbe@live.com)
+2348131210107
my name is Anastacia from USA
Posted by Anastacia on January 25, 2013 at 6:05 AM · Report this
95
i am using this opportunity to tell everybody or any one that read my post to please contact this man because he is different among them and the way he emailed and talk to me i really like it because he always tell what next to make your lover come back to you and it happen to me that i listen to everything he told me to do and i thank God that my lover emailed me 3 night ago and now we are in contact and he is planning to come and meet me in USA this weekend!!! am so so so happy and thank you so much Dr.Ogungbe
here is the Man details to reach him
(ifaogungbetempleofsolution@gmail.com)
his personal email : (dr.ifaogungbe@live.com)
+2348131210107
my name is Anastacia from USA
Posted by Anastacia on January 25, 2013 at 6:05 AM · Report this
96 Comment Pulled (Spam) Comment Policy
97 Comment Pulled (Spam) Comment Policy
98 Comment Pulled (Spam) Comment Policy
99

I was skeptical about magic spells. For me i thought love spell was a movie thing though but I was ready to try anything to get my husband back, which this spell dr.marnish@yahoo.com did for me, I've appreciated the fact that he solved my relationship issue in a perfect way, call him +15036626930 if you need help to get your lover back
blimberg
Posted by blimberg on September 27, 2013 at 6:00 AM · Report this
100
i have good news to share with the world today, i made a vow to my self that i will tell the world about Doctor Zaza after he helped me with his spell that made my wife and i settled our difference. We where both married for years without issue, we visited different hospitals but nor could help us. i loved my wife so much and never intended to drive her out for a second woman. One day as we where both deliberating on how to solve our bareness we got a new from a radio station that Doctor Zaza can put a stop to all problem with his spell so we called his mobile number and then emailed him for a solution and after all was done i and very glade to announce to the world that my wife had a set of twine 9 month later. Do you have problem of any kind and you think all hope is lost then you have a chance to met Doctor Zaza today for help his email is: indiaspellcaster@hotmail.com
Posted by Doreen3015 on February 5, 2014 at 4:15 AM · Report this
101
Dr. Ola Matama I love to be on your testimonial page to spread my happiness. Your hard work and effort is greatly appreciated especially from me. My boy-friend is back home. We are back together. He pick me up from my station today. I haven't saw he in 6 month. I wasted so much time with other spell casters and should have stuck with you originally. You are a truly gifted spell caster and I just wanted to take the time to show how you and tell the world how grateful I am thanks to Dr. Ola Matama, contact him if need his help. olahinduntemple@hotmail.com
Thanks,
Sonia Lawrence.
Posted by sonia01 on May 12, 2014 at 3:05 AM · Report this

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