Follow Dan

Facebook    Twitter    Instagram    YouTube
Savage Lovecast
Dan Savage's Hump
It Gets Better Project

Savage Love Podcast

Got a question for Dan Savage?
Call the Savage Love Podcast at 206-201-2720
or email Dan at mail@savagelove.net.

Savage Love Archives

More in the Archives »

More from Dan Savage

More in the Archives »

Books by Dan Savage

Want a Second Opinion?

Contact Dan Savage

Savage on YouTube

Loading...

Big Gay Cock

August 5, 1999

I'm 38 years old and my wife is 39. We're both white, healthy, and happy. I've had this particular fantasy for close to 20 years, but only revealed it to my wife four years ago. I want my wife to be with me and another guy. This fantasy seems to be of interest to her: It's one of her favorite story lines in those letters to Penthouse, and she gets off on talking about it when we're having sex, but she shrugs it off whenever I mention actually doing it. I'm wondering how best to address this. Is it safety requirements she's worried about?

Wanna Make It Happen

If your wife enjoys those fabricated letters to Penthouse (Note to Brill's Content: When are you going to do something about those fake letters to Penthouse?), and she enjoys fantasizing about three-ways when the two of you are having sex, then one of two things is going on: 1. She's humoring you in the hope that indulging you in this manner will satisfy your urge for a two-boys-one-girl three-way; or 2. She's thoroughly aroused by the idea, but some fear is holding her back. Sit the wife down and say, "Look, I've wanted to have this three-way for 20 years, and neither of us is gettin' any younger. For my sanity, I really need this three-way to happen. Honey, what's the hang up here?"

My prediction: She'll tell you she's into the fantasy, but fears repercussions. Maybe she's worried you won't be able to handle actually seeing her get fucked by another guy, or it could be that she has no desire to be fucked by someone else. If you can agree on some limits as to what will go on the first time you do this -- the other guy won't actually fuck her, making this three-way that much safer -- maybe she'll be more amenable to making your fantasies a reality.

Speaking of safety requirements, Sex Panic! -- a gay group in New York City -- has been having fits about the lack of condoms in gay bars. Back in the salad days of the AIDS crisis, New York City's health department distributed hundreds of thousands of condoms to gay bars in an effort to remind gay men to be safe. As a result of budget cuts, this program has been scaled back, and this is a Very Bad Thing, according to Sex Panic! Reading about this controversy, it occurred to me that I've never walked into a straight club and seen a bowl of birth control pills set out on the bar, at public expense, to remind straight people to use protection. If a straight person is old enough to drink, the assumption is made that they're old enough to look after themselves.

While it made sense in the early days of AIDS to pelt gay men with condoms -- we'd never really needed condoms before, and our awareness had to be raised -- it makes much less sense now that gay men know better. Gay men interested in maintaining their sexual health aren't going to do something reckless just because there aren't free condoms in gay bars; gay men who aren't interested in maintaining their sexual health will behave recklessly no matter how many free condoms they have to wade through to get a drink.My wife and I read your column in the Georgia Straight in Vancouver, BC. I'm a "breeder boy" still happily in love with my "breeder chick" after 10 years of marriage. But for the past couple of months, I have been having homosexual fantasies. For a guy who's always considered himself 95 percent straight, this has caused me a bit of confusion, to say the least. My wife and I have friends who are gay, and my motto has always been "Live and Let Live." I know that I am heterosexual. I have always been turned on by women. So why am I having these fantasies? Is it because I'm 39 and having a mid-life crisis? I've kept this strictly to myself, not even telling my wife or my gay friends. I work in a manual-labor-type job, and my work mates wouldn't understand. Should I say what's on my mind? Or should I slowly try to incorporate some different positions into my sex life with the wife, hoping that she won't notice?

British Columbia Breeder BoyTaking your wife from behind is not going to satisfy your homosexual fantasies. If what you want is to fuck a guy once in your live-and-let-live life, no amount of drilling the wife's ass is going to scratch that itch. Why are you having these fantasies now? It could be mid-life crisis, or it could be that straight male sexuality is finally exiting the Dark Ages. More and more, 95-percent-straight guys are realizing that they can act on that other five percent without having to identify as gay or bi. Straight-identified women have long been able to eat a little pussy without identifying as lesbians; most gay men can have sex with women once or twice without worrying about turning straight. Well, it's possible to be a straight guy and suck a little cock once in your life without having to be either confused or gay. It's a brave new world, BCBB.

Should you tell the wife? Sure, why not? Maybe you could suggest a three-way with one of your gay male friends. She might enjoy watching you suck some big gay cock -- but you'll never know until you tell her. Actually, you may not have to tell her. Since you both read the Georgia Straight, and there's a lot of identifying information in your letter (age, location, occupation, motto), she'll figure out her husband wants some big gay cock just as soon as she picks up this week's paper.

Speaking of big gay cock, in a study done at the Kinsey Institute, researchers have found a relationship between sexual orientation and the size of male genitalia. The results were published in the July '99 issue of Sexual Orientation, a medical journal. Researchers looked at 5,172 men's cocks -- can you say "dream job?" -- and found that, on average, gay men had significantly bigger cocks than straight men. Researchers aren't sure why this is the case, but theorized that "differences in penile dimensions" could be the result of variations in prenatal hormone levels.

This study hasn't gotten much mainstream media attention -- which is very odd. When a study shows that the inner ears of gay men are a teensy bit smaller than straight men's, or that our brains are a weensy bit bigger, it's splashed all over the front page of USA Today. Why this silence about gay cock being significantly bigger than straight cock? (Note to Brill's Content: Perhaps there's another story here?) Researchers say more studies need to be done -- and I'm willing to help -- but if this study proves correct, it would account for something I've long wondered about: Straight women complain an awful lot about the underwhelming size of many of the cocks they encounter. In my own research, small cocks have been the exception. Most of my boyfriends -- and there have been lots -- were so far above average that I doubted the average was correct. Now I know better: Since the cock I was examining was almost always gay, my sample was hopelessly skewed.

Finally, if big cocks become widely known as a gay trait, will insecure straight boys start boasting about how small their cocks are?

letters@savagelove.net

Hey readers! Can you write good smut? Enter The Stranger's Bedtime Stories contest. Send us your naughty short story or fantasy. We'll print the first 30 words in the Stranger Alternatives - so make them irresistable. The story with the most callers wins a fabulous shopping spree at Fantasy Unlimited and Toys in Babeland. See page 94 for more info.

 

Commenting was not available when this article was originally published.

Comments (4) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
Ah, vintage Savage Love.
Posted by fuzzy on December 7, 2008 at 7:17 PM · Report this
2
Why mention that you're white? That was weird.
Posted by sarah on December 10, 2008 at 7:57 AM · Report this
3
I agree sarah
Posted by hodan on September 9, 2009 at 2:36 AM · Report this
4
Sarah! You can't just ask people why they're white!
Posted by nicolas on May 2, 2012 at 8:46 PM · Report this

Add a comment