Savage Love Podcast
-
Episode 161
(Nov 17) -
Episode 160
(Nov 10) -
Episode 159
(Nov 3) -
Episode 158
(Oct 27) -
Episode 157
(Oct 20)
Savage Love Archives
- Mad Men (Nov 12)
- Girl Seeking Girl (Nov 5)
- Moral Bankrupt (Oct 29)
- Plunge In (Oct 22)
- Feeding Time (Oct 15)
More from Dan Savage
-
Today in Traditional Marriage
-
Pit Bulls!
-
Teabaggers Turn On Palin
-
Do Your Balls Hang Low?
-
SL Letter of the Day: Hot & Drunk
Books by Dan Savage
The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriage, and My Family
Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me
Skipping Towards Gomorrah
The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant
Savage Love: Straight Answers from America's Most Popular Sex Columnist
Savage Links
- Babeland
- Fleshbot
- Good Vibrations
- Joe Newton/Savage Illustrations
- Planned Parenthood
- Spreading Santorum
- Planned Parenthood's Teen Wire
Contact Dan Savage
Humpday at Harvard Exit
July 9, 2009
Tools
+ Enlarge this Image
Joe Newton
Here's a hypothetical for you: You've been corresponding with a young man who lives in Paris. You know him through a friend in France, and your friend has vetted him. He has offered to pay more than half of your airfare so that you can visit him in Paris. You've spoken to him on the phone, and hearing him speak to you in French makes your knees weak.
On the one hand, you can't really afford it. You're also not working, and once you get a job you won't be able to go. You live with your parents, and you don't know how you'd explain taking a trip when you're technically broke. But if your parents disappeared into thin air, you wouldn't hesitate to go. The trip also might turn out to be a crushing disappointment. On the other hand, you might be passing up the romantic adventure of a lifetime. And he's just... so... pretty.
Do you go?
Anxious Straight Girl
P.S. I am attaching his photo so you can see why I'm considering this. I trust you will not publish it?
You can trust me not to publish the picture, ASG, but anyone who wants an idea of what this boy looks like is invited to quickly Google "Gaspard Ulliel," turn those blue eyes brown, take a moment to masturbate, and then come back and finish reading this week's column.
Okay, ASG, hypothetically... I go.
I lie to my parents. I tell them a friend—someone they know, someone who'll lie for me—lent me the money and I'm going to go spend a few days in France with my friend (the same one who vetted this boy) before I land a job.
But... I wouldn't be going at all if a friend hadn't vetted this guy. And I wouldn't go if I didn't have somewhere to stay besides this boy's place. And I would treat our first meeting like any first meeting with a stranger I'd met online: That first meeting would be in a public place; I would let someone know where I was going and who I was with; and it wouldn't be an open-ended date, i.e., I would see him for lunch and have ironclad plans to hang out with other friends later that same afternoon.
I would also go to France with my bullshit detector fully charged. It's not like there's a shortage of good-looking French girls. So why is he pining away for an American girl he might never meet with so much French pussy at his disposal? Maybe he's so smitten with me that French pussy won't do... or... maybe he's a socially maladapted leotard who can't get laid despite his looks. I would remind myself not to overestimate my awesomeness and to be on the lookout for signs of social leotardation once I met the dude.
And finally, ASG, if I went to France and didn't hit it off with this boy, I would thank my lucky stars that my internet crush lived in Paris, France, and not Paris, Texas, and enjoy the trip—and other French boys—regardless.
I'm a 28-year-old heterosexual male with two questions. I've seen you on television talking about the shitty job President Obama has done on gay rights so far. My question is this: Obama said he was against gay marriage during the campaign. How could you ardently support a candidate who sees your love as worth less than heterosexual love? If I were gay, I'd automatically dismiss any candidate who didn't support full equality for gay people. Hell, I'm straight and I'm pretty close to doing that.
Also: I recently slept with a women who squirted when she came. She demanded that I pull out when she began to come. Is there some reason women who squirt don't want a dick inside them when they do? Curious if you had any insight on this.
Love the column,
Pro Equality And Chicks Ejaculating
P.S. Here's a pic. Thought it might persuade you to answer my questions. Feel free to share it with your readers.
Thanks for allowing me to share that picture of your ass with my readers, PEACE, because if any backside deserves a worldwide audience, it's yours. To see the photo, dear readers, go to thestranger.com/savage/peacebutt.
Now...
During the Democratic primary, I was fond of saying that I was "for Clinton or Obama or both." So I wouldn't describe myself as an ardent Obama supporter. But I was in the tank by the time of the election. And like most gays and lesbians, I've been severely disappointed by President Obama's refusal to move on the promises that candidate Obama made to the gay and lesbian community. I was willing to be patient, though—until the Obama administration compared gay marriage to incest and child rape when arguing for the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act. That's when I blew my big gay stack.
But that doesn't answer your question: Why would I support a candidate who views my love for my partner as somehow inferior to his love for his wife? Because I'm not an idiot. Because I'm not a single-issue voter and Obama was better on other issues—on gay issues and every other issue—than his Republican opponent. Because politics is about the art of the possible and, I'm sorry, Dennis Kucinich just wasn't possible.
As for the squirtin' ladies: I talked to three, and all three said that the contractions they experience as they ejaculate are so intense—and so "outward directed" in the words of one—that they want everything out at once: their come and anything else that should happen to be in 'em when they blow their loads. Added one of my friends: "He had a squirter right there in front of him—why didn't he ask her?"
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY: The police in Fort Worth, Texas, marked the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall rebellion by raiding a gay bar called the Rainbow Lounge. One of the men arrested, Chad Gibson, was so brutally assaulted by the police that, as of this writing, he remains hospitalized with a life-threatening brain injury.
Police Chief Jeff Halstead claims that the men at the Rainbow Lounge made lewd advances toward his officers and specifically accused Gibson, a slight 26-year-old, of groping one of his cops. This preposterous claim is contradicted by eyewitness accounts and photographic evidence.
We can't let the police in Fort Worth use the Gay Panic Defense ("That fag touched me, so of course I beat him nearly to death!") to excuse this brutal violation of the civil rights of Fort Worth's gay community. If you're on Facebook, please show your support by joining the Rainbow Lounge Raid group (www.tinyurl.com/lavecu). And please e-mail or call the mayor of Fort Worth—Mike Moncrief, 817-392-6118, mike.moncrief@fortworthgov.org—and demand a full investigation into the raid on the Rainbow Lounge.
OPENING WEEKEND: Lynn Shelton's Humpday opens at the Harvard Exit this weekend. Go see it and let Shelton's masterpiece inspire you to make a film for HUMP!, the amateur-porn contest that inspired her. More info at thestranger.com/hump. Shelton says she'll make a film for HUMP! if we pack the Harvard Exit this weekend—so go see Humpday, HUMP! fans!
2
To PEACE: Baby got back! Thanks for sharing that gem, Dan...now excuse me while I go masturbate...
3
Would you still tell ASG to go if she said she was a minor? I know some unemployed, broke adults living with their parents but ASG does not sound like an adult to me.
4
Good point about the bullshit detector; it's improbable but not impossible that someone who was good-looking and well-adjusted would spend so much time pining over someone so far away.
Wonderful, as always.
Wonderful, as always.
5
There should be more Peace in the world; specifically, there should be more PeaceButt in the world!!!
7
Fort Worth Mayor Michael Moncrief has since asked federal prosecutors to review the raid. Several dozen people marched outside the Tarrant County Courthouse on Sunday to protest the arrests.
Per Dallas News:
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/…
Per Dallas News:
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/…
8
As a squirter, when I'm about to ejaculate, I find I'm unable to do so if the guy hasn't pulled out yet; it's like it's "blocked" until he pulls out...
love the advice to ASG
love the advice to ASG
9
Look, ASG.... who the hell wouldn't be sorely tempted to fly to France to hook up with a very hot French guy who is willing to pay for half your plane ticket and seems into you to boot?
But I am gonna advise against it.
Why? You said it yourself. Your parents.
I'm not sure how old you are. Someone suggested you sounded like a minor, but I'll give ya the benefit of the doubt that you're over 18, but living with parents because you just graduated from college and have no financial cushion. So, technically, you are an adult and thus responsible for your own decisions.
Except you're not an adult in anything but age, to me. You are, as you said yourself, without a job, and thus financially dependent on your parents. Because you are living under their roof, that also means they are responsible for your well-being... they have to leave the side door unlocked if you go out, they need to make sure the fridge is stocked, etc.
So here you are, with almost no money, I'm guessing loans (unless your parents paid for those?) and no job, and you want to thank your parents for their generosity (not all parents would let you live in their house rent free and jobless... just ask my grandparents) by lying to them, and spending the little cash you DO have and they MIGHT give you under false pretenses?
And while Dan did include a bit on the bs detector, which I applaud, propose this hypothetical to yourself: If you DID end up dead in a hotel room, and your parents got a call in the middle of the night about their daughter lying to them and then perishing halfway round the world, how do you think they would feel? Especially when the media firestorm starts up about what irresponsible and clueless parents they must be, that they actually bought their daughter's half-cocked story.
So here's my suggestion. Use this hot French guy sex as motivation to go out and be financially independent. Once you can pay for your own damn plane ticket, support a roof over your head and are their daughter but not their child, head on over and have fun! After all, if he wants to have sex with you now, chances are he'll want to have sex with you in a few months, and you won't have to lie to anyone, because it's your money, your responsibility.
Lastly, I balk a little about the friend "vetting" him. Was it the "We've known each other quite a while and are really good friends, and I've seen him interact in lots of different situations" or is it a "I met him in a club a few times and he seemed pretty cool?"
More...
But I am gonna advise against it.
Why? You said it yourself. Your parents.
I'm not sure how old you are. Someone suggested you sounded like a minor, but I'll give ya the benefit of the doubt that you're over 18, but living with parents because you just graduated from college and have no financial cushion. So, technically, you are an adult and thus responsible for your own decisions.
Except you're not an adult in anything but age, to me. You are, as you said yourself, without a job, and thus financially dependent on your parents. Because you are living under their roof, that also means they are responsible for your well-being... they have to leave the side door unlocked if you go out, they need to make sure the fridge is stocked, etc.
So here you are, with almost no money, I'm guessing loans (unless your parents paid for those?) and no job, and you want to thank your parents for their generosity (not all parents would let you live in their house rent free and jobless... just ask my grandparents) by lying to them, and spending the little cash you DO have and they MIGHT give you under false pretenses?
And while Dan did include a bit on the bs detector, which I applaud, propose this hypothetical to yourself: If you DID end up dead in a hotel room, and your parents got a call in the middle of the night about their daughter lying to them and then perishing halfway round the world, how do you think they would feel? Especially when the media firestorm starts up about what irresponsible and clueless parents they must be, that they actually bought their daughter's half-cocked story.
So here's my suggestion. Use this hot French guy sex as motivation to go out and be financially independent. Once you can pay for your own damn plane ticket, support a roof over your head and are their daughter but not their child, head on over and have fun! After all, if he wants to have sex with you now, chances are he'll want to have sex with you in a few months, and you won't have to lie to anyone, because it's your money, your responsibility.
Lastly, I balk a little about the friend "vetting" him. Was it the "We've known each other quite a while and are really good friends, and I've seen him interact in lots of different situations" or is it a "I met him in a club a few times and he seemed pretty cool?"
10
#1 go watch Taken. Then have a think. Yeah it's Hollywood, but people in Paris (not necessarily Parisians) prey on naive American girls and can see you coming from a mile away. It may just be (major) street harassment, but it sucks if you don't have a security system there aka a good pack of friends and are fluent in French.
11
Advice for the first question. I went on a similar trip (across the country though, not to France) when I was really too broke to afford it, between jobs, living with my mom. I told her I was visiting a friend of mine from college and she didn't ask too many more questions than I expected (she's nosy but meh, I'm over 18 and I was going whether she approved of the money spent or not).
It was a good decision, but I also invested too much of myself into the ideal of the guy before we met. He was very pretty but it turned out, ended up deciding that I wasn't his type. It was devastating.
I advise you to lie to your parents, go on the trip (most definitely!), and don't expect a lifetime love out of it. If you get one, you'll be pleasantly surprised. And if not, you still had some great sex.
It was a good decision, but I also invested too much of myself into the ideal of the guy before we met. He was very pretty but it turned out, ended up deciding that I wasn't his type. It was devastating.
I advise you to lie to your parents, go on the trip (most definitely!), and don't expect a lifetime love out of it. If you get one, you'll be pleasantly surprised. And if not, you still had some great sex.
12
Let me begin by saying I actually lived in Europe for a year, when I was 20 years old. Europe is no more dangerous and perhaps safer than the US, depending on where exactly you are, and Paris is on the safer side.
So here is the deal: Would you fly across the US to do the same thing? If so, the only difference between flying across the US and flying to Paris is the amount of time on the plane and the cost of the plane ticket. All of Dan's advice about meeting strange boys from the internet still applies, but lots of people meet members of the opposite sex on the internet. He may be a schmuck, or he may just be shy, or your accent turns him on as much as his accent turns you on. But there is only one way to find out.
And don't listen to the people talking about responsibility. If you have a friend living in Paris, I'm guessing you're somewhere from 19-23 years old, and if you don't go to Paris now, when are you going to? You may be short on money, but you are not short on time, and you have a friend who will presumably let you stay with them for free and a boy who will pay most of your airfare. It's not going to get any better - sure, later, you might have more money, but you'll also have a job, maybe a boyfriend, or wait long enough, even kids.
So go. And don't lie to your parents. Just tell them you're taking advantage of your chance to go to Europe while you have a friend there who can make it inexpensive for you. Stay a couple weeks. You don't need to mention that you're going to meet a boy - unless your parents are absolutely stupid, they are going to expect that you're going to meet french boys. You just happen to have pre-interviewed one.
So here is the deal: Would you fly across the US to do the same thing? If so, the only difference between flying across the US and flying to Paris is the amount of time on the plane and the cost of the plane ticket. All of Dan's advice about meeting strange boys from the internet still applies, but lots of people meet members of the opposite sex on the internet. He may be a schmuck, or he may just be shy, or your accent turns him on as much as his accent turns you on. But there is only one way to find out.
And don't listen to the people talking about responsibility. If you have a friend living in Paris, I'm guessing you're somewhere from 19-23 years old, and if you don't go to Paris now, when are you going to? You may be short on money, but you are not short on time, and you have a friend who will presumably let you stay with them for free and a boy who will pay most of your airfare. It's not going to get any better - sure, later, you might have more money, but you'll also have a job, maybe a boyfriend, or wait long enough, even kids.
So go. And don't lie to your parents. Just tell them you're taking advantage of your chance to go to Europe while you have a friend there who can make it inexpensive for you. Stay a couple weeks. You don't need to mention that you're going to meet a boy - unless your parents are absolutely stupid, they are going to expect that you're going to meet french boys. You just happen to have pre-interviewed one.
13
Most women I know have trouble letting a guy pay for dinner – wouldn't knowing a stranger's paid a thousand bucks on you start your relationship off on ground that's a tad uneven?
14
In response to peacebutt-
I prefer to have a cock/fist/strap-on in my pussy when I ejaculate. It makes my orgasms better and stronger.
To each her own though!
I prefer to have a cock/fist/strap-on in my pussy when I ejaculate. It makes my orgasms better and stronger.
To each her own though!
15
If he actually sent you pictures of Gaspard Ulliel instead of pictures of himself, then you might want to reconsider going. It's actually quite common for people to use pics of celebs from their own country if they think the person they're chatting to won't have heard of them.
16
Humpday screened at the Sydney film festival a few weeks ago and it was excellent! I highly recommend it to all :)
17
Gosh, maybe I'm ridiculously paranoid, but couldn't he fly to the states for the first meeting? Not as romantic as Paris, but a lot of the problems you have could be solved this way it seems.
18
Good Lord that was a nice pic. Thanks Dan and Thank you Peacebutt. Wouldn't mind spanking that one.
20
@17: Good point. Did he have any explanation as to why he can't come over himself (especially since he apparently can afford the most of a plane ticket)?
PS Boys speak French in Quebec too, and they're on the same continent. I don't know if your weakness for French only applies to certain regional dialects, but they could do in a pinch.
PS Boys speak French in Quebec too, and they're on the same continent. I don't know if your weakness for French only applies to certain regional dialects, but they could do in a pinch.
21
No job and live with parents.... Great... This same idiot will later complain about the rate she pays on her credit card, complain about how she has no health insurance, and in 10 years she'll bitch and moan that she can't afford to buy a house.
You want to travel? Find a shitty job washing dishes or cleaning houses. Then save your money. See, that's what we responsible people did (and still do).
What do we have in the US? 300 Million people? If you can't get fucked here, it's not us. It's you.
You want to travel? Find a shitty job washing dishes or cleaning houses. Then save your money. See, that's what we responsible people did (and still do).
What do we have in the US? 300 Million people? If you can't get fucked here, it's not us. It's you.
23
Ethically I have an issue with advising someone online to lie to their parents - except I did it, when I was 13 years old, for much the same reasons. Anyone who'd advised me to be ethical would've gotten a very deaf ear.
It worked out OK, not the love of my life certainly, but no physical danger and it was certainly an adventure.
As a parent I'd want to know the truth, but since I've never raised a child who knows. Might depend on the kid, ya know? They'll have to learn the consequences of their own actions sooner or later.
It worked out OK, not the love of my life certainly, but no physical danger and it was certainly an adventure.
As a parent I'd want to know the truth, but since I've never raised a child who knows. Might depend on the kid, ya know? They'll have to learn the consequences of their own actions sooner or later.
24
ASG: If it seems too good to be true, it is. Cute, rich, French boys don't just descend from the heavens and whisk us away to the most romantic city in the world. There's got to be fine print somewhere, a reason why he didn't jump at the chance for a vacation in the States. Plan a trip to the nearest tourist destination city for you and invite him there and you'll see whether his interest is in you or in a young naive American girl.
And don't take advantage of your parents like that. It's not so much the lying as it is the intent to put yourself that much deeper into the hole and having them bail you out for that much longer after your trip. They are essentially lending you money you'll never have to pay back, and you're going to gallivant around the world on their dime? Not cool.
And don't take advantage of your parents like that. It's not so much the lying as it is the intent to put yourself that much deeper into the hole and having them bail you out for that much longer after your trip. They are essentially lending you money you'll never have to pay back, and you're going to gallivant around the world on their dime? Not cool.
25
EdgarECayce - ha! you made me laugh out loud. yes, upon re-reading my post I sound like a bitter old man. Thanks for the wakeup call.
26
ASG -- If you have to lie to your parents to pull this off, you're not grownup enough yet for this adventure. Get a job and quit mooching, before you find yourself dangerously dependent on someone who can't be trusted, because you're in no shape to judge.
28
Dan and Peacebutt, thank you so much for providing that picture. What an awesome ass. My tongue got itchy just looking at it. Happy thoughts!
29
Assuming people DID make dirty comments/moves at the Cowtown Cops, which may be a lie, for the cops to have freaked out is incredibly stupid. You walk into a gay bar, filled with somewhat drunk people, and you're dressed like a cop ... what the f--- do you think is going to happen?
Reminds me of that case from c2000 when a cop here in LA shot and killed a costumed guy at a Halloween party who was "brandishing" a gun, which was part of his costume. Gee ... couldn't you have anticipated that someone would be dressed as a soldier or cowboy or whatever? Were you afraid of the witch, too?
Reminds me of that case from c2000 when a cop here in LA shot and killed a costumed guy at a Halloween party who was "brandishing" a gun, which was part of his costume. Gee ... couldn't you have anticipated that someone would be dressed as a soldier or cowboy or whatever? Were you afraid of the witch, too?
31
The amount of paranoia in the comments is really bothersome. We have become a generation of cowards where parents won't even let their children walk to school anymore, and every potentially good situation is ruined with skepticism and fear. Every time ASG leaves the house she could get mugged or hit by a bus, and any blind date or even not-blind date could lead to trouble. Hell, sometimes even people who have been married for decades go berzerk and decide to kill each other. This is the only life we have (sorry Christians) so why not live it? If ASG does not take this trip she'll regret it. Maybe French Cutie's friends are saying the same things about her. "She must be a psycho or a cow sending you fake pics or else she'd find herself and American boy." The situation seems painfully simple to me: Two people met online and they like each other. Who is to say either one of them can't get laid? There is a world of difference between "correspondence" and "committed relationship." She could have typed her email while resting her laptop on Peace's glorious ass for all we know.
ASG, go go go!
ASG, go go go!
32
The amount of paranoia in the comments is really bothersome. We have become a generation of cowards where parents won't even let their children walk to school anymore, and every potentially good situation is ruined with skepticism and fear. Every time ASG leaves the house she could get mugged or hit by a bus, and any blind date or even not-blind date could lead to trouble. Hell, sometimes even people who have been married for decades go berzerk and decide to kill each other. This is the only life we have (sorry Christians) so why not live it? If ASG does not take this trip she'll regret it. Maybe French Cutie's friends are saying the same things about her. "She must be a psycho or a cow sending you fake pics or else she'd find herself an American boy." The situation seems painfully simple to me: Two people met online and they like each other. Who is to say either one of them can't get laid? There is a world of difference between "correspondence" and "committed relationship." She could have typed her email while resting her laptop on Peace's glorious ass for all we know.
ASG, go go go!
ASG, go go go!
34
@32: Check the Slog. Turns out she still might be a psycho or a cow but she's *definitely* a time-wasting flake! And a bit of a liar-by-omission.
35
It is lame how afraid of Europe most Americans seem to be.
Advising someone to watch a movie about the worst case scenario - paranoid much? It's the 1st world people in many ways more advanced than the US and only a few hours on a plane. She could have a blast.
Advising someone to watch a movie about the worst case scenario - paranoid much? It's the 1st world people in many ways more advanced than the US and only a few hours on a plane. She could have a blast.
36
About squirting: My ex-girlfriend would squirt multiple times during a long series of countless orgasms. She never asked me to pull out and it was incredibly erotic to look down and see her squirting. However, every now and then I would pull out part way when I knew she was about to come because her contractions were so intense it would be very painful (to me). Most of the time it was really nice to feel the strong grip of her contractions but occasionally they were just too painful.
37
@27 - Peace speaks!
Peace, send Dan more pics! He can post them on SLOG!
You know you want to, you sexy exhibitionist. Don't let your fans down.
Peace, send Dan more pics! He can post them on SLOG!
You know you want to, you sexy exhibitionist. Don't let your fans down.
38
I can't wait until Dan's son is a little older and his friends start counseling him to lie about where he's going, what he's doing, and who he's fucking - and DJ agrees that, yup, lying to the dads is definitely the way to go.
39
Re: France--You don't have the independence to live on your own, you don't have the money to pay for the trip, and you don't have the girl-balls to be up-front with you parents, you're not grown up enough to go. If you're not mature enough to go on a trip without lying, you're not mature enough to go. If you can't justify it with the truth, it's not a trip to make.
40
really? we are only going to give obama 6 months before judging him? really? crap, that sucks. He's already done more in 6 months than that last guy did in 8 years (at least as far as positive stuff goes), but oh, he hasn't yet gotten to gay rights? Hell, there are LOTS of things that are terribly important to me that he hasn't gotten to; I though, am willing to give him oh say, 4 years to get there. sheesh
41
Its not that he hasn't gotten to gay rights. The Obama administration wrote a reprehensible brief supporting the defense of marriage act, they've failed to address repealing don't ask don't tell which could be done with an executive order, and they've refused to extend the health benefits to same-sex partners of federal employees. I didn't expect DOMA to be repealed in six months, but I didn't expect the administration to support it by likening same-sex marriage to incest.
I actually think obama showed his true feelings towards the gay community by not being an advocate for legalizing gay marriage, but I also didn't think he'd do this crappy of a job advocating for gay rights.
I actually think obama showed his true feelings towards the gay community by not being an advocate for legalizing gay marriage, but I also didn't think he'd do this crappy of a job advocating for gay rights.
42
@41 There was no comparison to incest. Obama's preference of civil unions to marriage is a matter of expediency.
Dan, like a zillion other people, got his initial info about the DOMA brief from John Aravosis, who can't be trusted. http://lawdork.wordpress.com/2009/06/17/…
Dan's usually smarter than this, but has blindly followed Aravosis lead into crazytown in the past. It's unfortunate.
Dan, like a zillion other people, got his initial info about the DOMA brief from John Aravosis, who can't be trusted. http://lawdork.wordpress.com/2009/06/17/…
Dan's usually smarter than this, but has blindly followed Aravosis lead into crazytown in the past. It's unfortunate.
43
Oh, and Obama hasn't refused to extend health benefits to partners--he just can't without a DOMA repeal--it's not within his power.
44
Here's a unique solution for ASG. Why not off your French admirer your share of the plane fare to fly to the USA and visit you here? The greatest advantage of long distance relationship belongs to the person who is on their home turf. Bringing the young man here would allow you a level of control over the situation that you would never have in Paris. Regardless of where you meet, assuming that you do, what are your expectations for a long term relationship? Will flying back and forth to Paris (or the USA) be in the cards for either of you? Would relocating to a foreign country be a possibility? Are either, or both, of you simply fascinated by the prospect of getting some strange from a foreigner? Basically are you looking for something or looking to get away from from something - either way you should be doing it on your terms and not those of a near stranger.
45
Peace is AMAZING. Nice back/shoulders, too... amazing amazing amazing.
And, even better, he KNOWS how great his ass is!
And, even better, he KNOWS how great his ass is!
46
If Obama supported gay rights more outwardly, it would be just enough to get the crazed Republicans energized just enough to win Ohio or Indiana by just enough to put Sarah Palin in office in 2012. He's very wise in this respect; once he is re-elected I believe his position will change.
47
So where's ASG getting the money for this trip? I hate to be a buzzkill since I'd love to head off to some foreign country for some hot tail with a sexy accent. Sounds like a great trip but is she borrowing money for it? Foreign sex and adventure is great but paying off a thousand dollars in airfare and other trip expenses, possibly on a high rate CC, for a visit to a possibly sexy, possibly skeevy Frenchman in the end is probably not worth it. Don't know where ASG is but you can get hot tail with a sexy accent all over the US and it won't break the bank.
Besides, Who wants to live with their parents? If she gets into more debt for a fun weekend she's stuck living in her parents basement even longer and that will definitely restrict the local tail she's able to have.
Besides, Who wants to live with their parents? If she gets into more debt for a fun weekend she's stuck living in her parents basement even longer and that will definitely restrict the local tail she's able to have.
48
42, I know the comparison to incest was made simply to set the legal precedent of one state ignoring a marriage another state or country recognized, but it was still a comparison and it was inflammatory and they should have known better.
46, so if Obama tackles this subject in his second term won't that just insure some other ultra-conservative leotard gets elected in 2016? I'd rather Obama did good for the country in one term than did what was popular for two. There's doing what's right and there's doing what the polls tell you to do and I'm sick of politicians only doing what the polls support.
46, so if Obama tackles this subject in his second term won't that just insure some other ultra-conservative leotard gets elected in 2016? I'd rather Obama did good for the country in one term than did what was popular for two. There's doing what's right and there's doing what the polls tell you to do and I'm sick of politicians only doing what the polls support.
49
I find it a bit odd that Peace, a str8 dude, sent a photo of his naked butt & muscular back to Dan w/an enthusiastic green light to post it. But I give up on trying to figure people out anymore!
50
VVGUUP - #39, my feelings exactly.
I traveled a bit when I was in my late teens and early 20's. On my own damn dime, earned through slogging at the local pizza place, cashiering in a liquor store and doing phone surveys. Cheap, nothing lux about it, but I went, I had a blast, and I didn't have to lie to Mommy, cuz my mommy wasn't being duped into subsidizing my fun. Lying so your parents don't worry unduly is one thing, a mercy lie. Lying because if they knew you were flying off to Paris for a hookup while supposedly too broke to support yourself is quite another. It's pathetic. Stop leaching off your parents.
I traveled a bit when I was in my late teens and early 20's. On my own damn dime, earned through slogging at the local pizza place, cashiering in a liquor store and doing phone surveys. Cheap, nothing lux about it, but I went, I had a blast, and I didn't have to lie to Mommy, cuz my mommy wasn't being duped into subsidizing my fun. Lying so your parents don't worry unduly is one thing, a mercy lie. Lying because if they knew you were flying off to Paris for a hookup while supposedly too broke to support yourself is quite another. It's pathetic. Stop leaching off your parents.
51
I really find it hard to believe that our first black president who most likely disagrees with segregation and most definately should support equal rights isn't a full fledge supporter of gay rights. I mean people are people! We aren't talking about just one or even a dozen people. Gay/Lesbian/Straight... who the F cares!!!! There are millions of gay people that are being treated wrongly and they should be able to marry and be happy if they so desire. I would think Mr. Obama would like to not only be the first black president, but also the first to create true equality for all.
52
And also, uh, Peacebutt? You're a pegger's dream, but I bet that's not really your ass. Prove it by sending more photos for Dan to post.
(please)
(please)
53
I totally agree with what adarascarlet says.
"So why is he pining away for an American girl he might never meet with so much French pussy at his disposal? Maybe he's so smitten with me that French pussy won't do... or... maybe he's a socially maladapted leotard who can't get laid despite his looks."
Or maybe he's as fascinated with Americans, Dan, as this girl seems to be fascinated with the French. It's not like you are a boring and unexciting nation, or at least you don't seem that way to Europeans. She is as much an intriguing foreigner to him as he is to her.
I have missed out on a lot of similar opportunities for an adventure because I was a responsible teenager who didn't want to abuse her parents' trust, and I'm really sorry about that now.
"So why is he pining away for an American girl he might never meet with so much French pussy at his disposal? Maybe he's so smitten with me that French pussy won't do... or... maybe he's a socially maladapted leotard who can't get laid despite his looks."
Or maybe he's as fascinated with Americans, Dan, as this girl seems to be fascinated with the French. It's not like you are a boring and unexciting nation, or at least you don't seem that way to Europeans. She is as much an intriguing foreigner to him as he is to her.
I have missed out on a lot of similar opportunities for an adventure because I was a responsible teenager who didn't want to abuse her parents' trust, and I'm really sorry about that now.
54
ASG- Take a whole year! Become an AuPair or teach English or some other job over in Paris. This allows you to live in an amazing city where you already know two people (one of whom might even be worthy of seeing you naked), it puts you in the bosom of French speaking cuties, it provides you with some great job experience, and it gets you far, far away from your parents' house! Win, Win, Win, Win!
55
Hey Dan, one more suggestion for ASG. If he is sooo into you and can afford to pay for "more than half" of your ticket, why can't he pay for a ticket to come see YOU?
56
ASG, you're a fool if you go. How naive can you be? I wouldn't travel anywhere where I was dependent on everyone else to pay my way & by the way, the American dollar vs. Euro is quite a financial dealbreaker right now, too.
Here's what you should do: stay home, go online and FIND A JOB!
Here's what you should do: stay home, go online and FIND A JOB!
57
ASG, you're a fool if you go. How naive can you be? I wouldn't travel anywhere where I was dependent on everyone else to pay my way & by the way, the American dollar vs. Euro is quite a financial dealbreaker right now, too.
Here's what you should do: stay home, go online and FIND A JOB!
Here's what you should do: stay home, go online and FIND A JOB!
58
ASG, go go go! I agree with adarascarlet!
I've practically done the same thing. I met an American boy online (he was working for a year overseas) and he flew me to Paris so we could meet and travel for a week. It was fantastic, he's back here in the States now and we are happy together.
Follow Dan's advice - have a trusted friend you can stay with, at least have *some* money (or credit card) for an emergency backup plan. Always tell someone you trust where you are, etc. If you have a cell phone - check to make sure it will work there (it should) just in case of an emergency.
HAVE FUN!!!
I've practically done the same thing. I met an American boy online (he was working for a year overseas) and he flew me to Paris so we could meet and travel for a week. It was fantastic, he's back here in the States now and we are happy together.
Follow Dan's advice - have a trusted friend you can stay with, at least have *some* money (or credit card) for an emergency backup plan. Always tell someone you trust where you are, etc. If you have a cell phone - check to make sure it will work there (it should) just in case of an emergency.
HAVE FUN!!!
60
Why not have the boy come to the US?
Because then she doesn't get to see Paris, duh!
Why lie to the parents?
Because some people's parents are ****ing crazy. Doesn't anyone here know someone whose parents simply refused to let their children experience anything? I know I lied to my parents ALL THE TIME - it was the only way to get any independence.
It's nice that her parents are helping her out with a place to live - but that doesn't entitle them to every detail of her personal life. She should tell her parents she'd like to go to Paris. There is no reason she has to tell them she's been talking to a boy there.
Because then she doesn't get to see Paris, duh!
Why lie to the parents?
Because some people's parents are ****ing crazy. Doesn't anyone here know someone whose parents simply refused to let their children experience anything? I know I lied to my parents ALL THE TIME - it was the only way to get any independence.
It's nice that her parents are helping her out with a place to live - but that doesn't entitle them to every detail of her personal life. She should tell her parents she'd like to go to Paris. There is no reason she has to tell them she's been talking to a boy there.
61
I say go to Europe any chance you get. Dan's advice was spot-on. As a young woman who's traveled to many places in Europe on my own, I have to agree with every other poster who pointed out that crime rates in Europe are much lower than in the U.S. Also, where is the $1000 on a ticket coming from? I've never spent more than $700 on a round trip ticket to Europe and back to the U.S. Half of that is $350 - that's as much as a high school or college senior class ring costs. Or an iphone. Or any of the other things many Americans think nothing of spending that amount of money on. As far as I'm considered, the trip of a lifetime is a better choice.
62
One counterpoint I just thought of though thanks to #58...
I've been the boy in #58's comment (although I had met the girl not online but at a party when I was home for holiday break so at least had one face-to-face meeting under the belt) and invited the girl to come to Europe and travel for two weeks. I was 21, she was 19, and it was a disaster, as I totally overestimated the girl's maturity. She could not handle being thrust into an entirely unfamiliar environment.
So, do at least make sure you can embrace being in a different culture. But since you at least have a good friend there (she did not) you should be OK.
I've been the boy in #58's comment (although I had met the girl not online but at a party when I was home for holiday break so at least had one face-to-face meeting under the belt) and invited the girl to come to Europe and travel for two weeks. I was 21, she was 19, and it was a disaster, as I totally overestimated the girl's maturity. She could not handle being thrust into an entirely unfamiliar environment.
So, do at least make sure you can embrace being in a different culture. But since you at least have a good friend there (she did not) you should be OK.
63
i have wondered abou sex and love latley even though i broke up with the guy of my naghtmares. i still think love is outthere some where. but we all know that love won't come to say hi i am the one you want whar are we having for breakfast. and it won't wait for you to wait for it upstairs on the bed wering a pretty PJs with strawberries. if you want all of that just go out there find the one who would ask not jusr for love bu for the relationship too.
64
To anyone who's doubting the presmise the plot of Taken. It wasn't directly based on any specific true story but sex slave rings are very real and American women, particularly the ones who are young and travelling alone, are the easiest targets.
65
Assuming ASG is at least 18, her parents would probably welcome a few days without her freeloading ass hanging around the house.
Why lie? Just tell them you're heading out of town for a few days. Oh, maybe you need a ride to the airport and someone to pack your suitcase?
Why lie? Just tell them you're heading out of town for a few days. Oh, maybe you need a ride to the airport and someone to pack your suitcase?
66
Can we find a better word than "squirt"? And "female ejaculation"? One is childish, the other clinical. I'd like to have a sexier word to explain it to the men I have sex with. It's amazing to me how many men don't know anything about it.
67
Dear ASG, and Dan for that matter,
You're too smitten by a pretty face to see that this is likely a scam artist. Exactly as other commenters noticed, why is this so urgent?, why can't he come to the states?, why is this so secret from your parents?
Consider to what extent you consider this guy "vetted"? Have you vetted the vetter??
My guess is he'll claim something like he needs you to quickly wire cash for your share of the ticket. ASG - walk away now, go to France on your own later.
You're too smitten by a pretty face to see that this is likely a scam artist. Exactly as other commenters noticed, why is this so urgent?, why can't he come to the states?, why is this so secret from your parents?
Consider to what extent you consider this guy "vetted"? Have you vetted the vetter??
My guess is he'll claim something like he needs you to quickly wire cash for your share of the ticket. ASG - walk away now, go to France on your own later.
68
ASG, sounds like you're hoping a French Prince Charming will take care of you for life so you don't have to mooch off your parents or get a job. Gee, even Cinderella had to do some housework before heading to the ball.
If you had the bucks, I'd say go for it and at least have a nice vacation in Paris. Never, never trust the photo from someone you've never met. It could be 30 years old or a photo of somebody else.I've learned the hard way.
How well do you know the friend who vetted this guy and how well did he/she get to know him? Did the vetting consist of more than "Yes, he's a hottie!" I can understand a young woman falling for this romantic Meg Ryan-type fantasy, but Dan, you're older, more jaded and, I thought, more intelligent.
If you had the bucks, I'd say go for it and at least have a nice vacation in Paris. Never, never trust the photo from someone you've never met. It could be 30 years old or a photo of somebody else.I've learned the hard way.
How well do you know the friend who vetted this guy and how well did he/she get to know him? Did the vetting consist of more than "Yes, he's a hottie!" I can understand a young woman falling for this romantic Meg Ryan-type fantasy, but Dan, you're older, more jaded and, I thought, more intelligent.
69
Nice butt, Peace to U darling!
As for our Francophile Filly> I think she should go, but do as the wise have mentioned: save up some dough, tell her folks she's visiting friends, and make sure she knows where the hostels are; they're clean, safe and affordable. There's always couch-surfing (http://www.couchsurfing.org/). I've wound my way often through Europe and always I had a blast. Just remember to keep your BS detector on stun and don't be too flashy. It wouldn't hurt to brush up on some French either. Good luck!
As for our Francophile Filly> I think she should go, but do as the wise have mentioned: save up some dough, tell her folks she's visiting friends, and make sure she knows where the hostels are; they're clean, safe and affordable. There's always couch-surfing (http://www.couchsurfing.org/). I've wound my way often through Europe and always I had a blast. Just remember to keep your BS detector on stun and don't be too flashy. It wouldn't hurt to brush up on some French either. Good luck!
70
Last week I viewed the DVD titled "Human Trafficing", because it features one of my favorite actors, Robert Carlyle. The movie starts out showing how attractive women are lured by ardent males and then sold into servitude. ASG needs to consider this before traveling alone to Europe to meet a stranger!
73
*sighs* Where do I have to go to find a guy with a back/shoulder combo like that? Sure as hell didn't find them here at college.
Thanks for making a gal's weekend happier.
Thanks for making a gal's weekend happier.
74
speaking as a UK citizen in that oh so dangerous continent europe.. I think there's a bit too much hollywood induced panic going on here.. In any unknown city or country there will be good and bad areas and good and bad people.. A little planning and common sense should mean you can do the trip as safely as you would visiting a different city in the US. I would thoroughly recommend learning at least some basic french before you go though. Whilst many people in europe have english as a second language (I've just been to Norway and found no difficulty getting around etc as virtually everyone has near perfect english and enjoys the opportunity to use this skill) you can't bank on it, and particularly in france, with it's long history of disagreement with the english, there can be some resentment if people just blithely assume that they can speak english (something english tourists are famous for with our deplorable ability with foreign languages). Even attempting a few basic phrases will help ease your way somewhat as you've made the effort even if you're not up to much more than asking the way to the station or for a glass of wine :O) I say go, we're not all white slavers and you'll probably have a great time but take precautions, don't be too trusting and definitely don't lie.
75
I'm sorry Dan, but I just can't get behind your endorsement of Humpday. I saw it at the Cinevegas film festival and it was a bunch of stereotypical characters advancing a predictable plot but then at the end didn't have the balls to have a finale. It just ended. It's just not that great a film I'm afraid.
78
PEACE was sexy as all hell without the picture. The picture was cream on top. Would love to see the rest, and I think the woman was insane for wanting him out for any reason. Minnesota loves you, PEACE.
79
Thanks for putting the Rainbow Lounge raid in your column, we need national attention on this. A young man goes to a bar, hangs out peacefully, and ends up with a BRAIN INJURY?
Thats the least amount of force it took for this officer to subdue his fanta.....get away from this slight young man? I like to tell people, Texas, esp D/FW is not as backwards as you'd think...then I remember, oh yea, we are....
Thats the least amount of force it took for this officer to subdue his fanta.....get away from this slight young man? I like to tell people, Texas, esp D/FW is not as backwards as you'd think...then I remember, oh yea, we are....
80
As a fellow squirter, I must inform PEACE that if anyone is in there when I do so, they will find themselves forced out whether they like it or not, if it's a good one. My ex had to pull himself out or he'd get crushed. My current rather likes being fired out. We have powerful pelvic floor muscles.
82
I think the boy is making ASG do all the hard work: she has to inconvenience herself to travel to Europe.
If the boy cared about her, he wouldn't make her do that. He would offer to travel to her for the first meeting, so she would feel more comfortable and safe.
It doesn't seem right that she has to fly so far from home to meet a stranger. And if he pays for the ticket, he might expect sex, and if she does not give sex he might get dangerous.
It sounds like ASG just wants to get away from her parents for an adventure to meet a guy. She does not seem concerned whether the boy is treating her right (by coming to visit her instead of making her go when she is broke).
Eurotrash 67: I agree with you!
If the boy cared about her, he wouldn't make her do that. He would offer to travel to her for the first meeting, so she would feel more comfortable and safe.
It doesn't seem right that she has to fly so far from home to meet a stranger. And if he pays for the ticket, he might expect sex, and if she does not give sex he might get dangerous.
It sounds like ASG just wants to get away from her parents for an adventure to meet a guy. She does not seem concerned whether the boy is treating her right (by coming to visit her instead of making her go when she is broke).
Eurotrash 67: I agree with you!
83
I think the boy is making ASG do all the hard work: she has to inconvenience herself to travel to Europe.
If the boy cared about her, he wouldn't make her do that. He would offer to travel to her for the first meeting, so she would feel more comfortable and safe.
It doesn't seem right that she has to fly so far from home to meet a stranger. And if he pays for the ticket, he might expect sex, and if she does not give sex he might get dangerous.
It sounds like ASG just wants to get away from her parents for an adventure to meet a guy. She does not seem concerned whether the boy is treating her right (by coming to visit her instead of making her go when she is broke).
Eurotrash 67: I agree with you!
If the boy cared about her, he wouldn't make her do that. He would offer to travel to her for the first meeting, so she would feel more comfortable and safe.
It doesn't seem right that she has to fly so far from home to meet a stranger. And if he pays for the ticket, he might expect sex, and if she does not give sex he might get dangerous.
It sounds like ASG just wants to get away from her parents for an adventure to meet a guy. She does not seem concerned whether the boy is treating her right (by coming to visit her instead of making her go when she is broke).
Eurotrash 67: I agree with you!
84
@ 10. Taken is an utterly ridiculous movie, that, like so much of hollywood, portrays europe as a corrupt, film noir place overun by classical music loving guys in black turtlenecks with machine guns, and it simply is not true. The movie is also trying to show how the Lone White Male is the only person capable of making this dark and dangerous world where women can't defend themselves safe again, but that's another discussion.
Having lived in europe for 2 years, I can say that while I've been harrassed a couple of times, it's nothing worse than what I've gotten from frat boys in the States.
Paris is a city, so take the same precautions you would in any American city. Don't get inebriated unless you're somewhere safe, don't go out alone, don't carry lots of cash/valuables (including i-pods) in your purse, buy a cheap-ass go-phone and make sure it is always charged and has money on it, shell out the extra euros to take a cab if you end up alone after dark (and only one you call!) and basically do the things that Dan suggested regarding the French guy.
Additional advice for being in Europe: Find out what the local emergency numbers are and wite them down AND put them in your aforementiioned cheap phone. If you're lost, always go into a cafe etc to open a map, don't do it on the street. Wear a bag that crosses your body, and consider a money belt you can wear under clothes. Get a metro map and plan your route before you go in so you don't have to stand around staring at signs. Never put a shopping bag or purse under your chair or behind you in a cafe/restaurant. Try not to speak loudly in English in touristy places. And in France, be polite to everybody, say hello and please and thank you to people you ask for directions, and generally try to show everyone not all americans are douchebags.
More...
Having lived in europe for 2 years, I can say that while I've been harrassed a couple of times, it's nothing worse than what I've gotten from frat boys in the States.
Paris is a city, so take the same precautions you would in any American city. Don't get inebriated unless you're somewhere safe, don't go out alone, don't carry lots of cash/valuables (including i-pods) in your purse, buy a cheap-ass go-phone and make sure it is always charged and has money on it, shell out the extra euros to take a cab if you end up alone after dark (and only one you call!) and basically do the things that Dan suggested regarding the French guy.
Additional advice for being in Europe: Find out what the local emergency numbers are and wite them down AND put them in your aforementiioned cheap phone. If you're lost, always go into a cafe etc to open a map, don't do it on the street. Wear a bag that crosses your body, and consider a money belt you can wear under clothes. Get a metro map and plan your route before you go in so you don't have to stand around staring at signs. Never put a shopping bag or purse under your chair or behind you in a cafe/restaurant. Try not to speak loudly in English in touristy places. And in France, be polite to everybody, say hello and please and thank you to people you ask for directions, and generally try to show everyone not all americans are douchebags.
86
ASG's dilemma is indeed a tough one...in response to the comments about ASG just finding some job and saving up to go on her own dime, um, it's damn hard to get a job these days, especially for those young-ins (is that how you spell that?) even college-bound/college-educated ones. this isn't breaking news. so part of me thinks that why the hell should she let a craptastic recession and potentially unhappy parents stop her from taking a fantastic trip full of possibility?
my main objection is that if it were me, i would feel obligated to spend as much time with the french dude as he would like since he helped pay my way there--and that is not only an uncomfortable feeling but perhaps a dangerous one as well. nothing should stop her from feeling excited, curious, and happy on this trip. i like the suggestions regarding meeting up in a touristy-destination in the states; seems like that would quell lots of the anxieties yet still be an awesome trip full of hot sexy french love.
my main objection is that if it were me, i would feel obligated to spend as much time with the french dude as he would like since he helped pay my way there--and that is not only an uncomfortable feeling but perhaps a dangerous one as well. nothing should stop her from feeling excited, curious, and happy on this trip. i like the suggestions regarding meeting up in a touristy-destination in the states; seems like that would quell lots of the anxieties yet still be an awesome trip full of hot sexy french love.
87
it's risky to go all the way to france but also pretty exciting. i'd talk to him ALOT more on the phone before making that decision. talking online or writing someone is not the same thing.
88
I am another chick with a built-in super soaker! For the water gun to trigger, there has to be a few things done...first, a strong vaginal orgasm (dick in place - it will tend to attempt to PUSH anything out of the cavern), followed by a clitoral orgasm (dick NOT in place). That is contrary to all the lit, but dammit, I am normal!! ;) The more intense the first, the more fluid seemingly expels...up to a liter sometimes. It is the strangest thing! My hubby digs it.
90
I took a trip to Italy while broke and living with my parents to spend time with a man I had met and had a short fling with while attending film school. Granted I already knew him but flying off to Italy to spend time with an older man could have been a big risk anyway. We're married now :)
91
i know where this is going. to get one's question published one now has to include a pic of one's butt along with the question. very sly, dan. i always thought you clever but this one outdoes the rest.
I don't have a question but i'd be happy to send in my butt pic anyway.
I don't have a question but i'd be happy to send in my butt pic anyway.
92
I'm an American expat currently living in the UK -- I spent 5 years in grad school here. One of the few things I regret is not travelling more while I was in grad school and relatively free; now I'm working, I not only have less free time, that free time is *way* more structured. If you have the time and resources to go free, I say, on balance, go.
To those of you who say "Get a job!", the economy is such that that's not really an option right now. However, even a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Europe isn't worth getting seriously into debt -- if you can squirrel some cash, or (I assume you are a recent college grad) use graduation present money or sell crap on eBay or something, do.
If you have the common sense the Almighty gave a cabbage, you'll be fine in Paris -- the threat is getting mugged, not kidnapped into white slavery! However, if you haven't travelled by yourself, you may want to rethink: France is different from the US, and you're not going to be at your best with Hot French Lad when dealing with homesickness/culture shock.
DO NOT LIE TO YOUR PARENTS. You don't need to tell them the whole truth, but you need to let them know that you're going to be out of the country; if something happens to you, it'll be a million times worse if they didn't know you were gone. BUY TRAVEL INSURANCE, and make DAMN SURE it covers both medical and body repatriation -- you probably won't need it, but you will be eternally grateful if you do. I recommend STA Travel for this, BTW -- they're friendly, incredibly helpful, and their insurance pays out without hassle.
Make sure you trust the vetter, and find out just how well s/he knows Hot French Lad. Try to determine whether Hot French Lad is Unstable/Assholic/Etc French Lad before committing, and MAKE PLANS THAT DON'T INCLUDE HIM. Particularly, DON'T STAY WITH HIM. If you have to, make IRON-CLAD backup plans in case he's a pyscho and you need to bail. Ideally, could the vetter spot you the money for the ticket, instead of Hot French Boy? I ask this from experience with internet-met boys who took some time to turn into creepy unstable weirdos. Other posters are right: there's a real danger that you'll get sucked into feeling obliged to spend time with him, especially if he pays your ticket. Try to avoid getting into that situation.
Finally, LEAVE ALL YOUR FANTASIES AND EXPECTATIONS AT HOME. The logistics of a trans-Atlantic LD relationship are insane, and impossible if you have no money. Getting a job in France is not necessarily an easy affair. Finally, the quickest way to torpedo a potential relationship is for you to turn up with expectations of Finding The One -- and it makes for a really, REALLY uncomfortable weekend! Oh, and BOOK A FLIGHT BACK: not only will you be keeping yourself grounded in reality and providing a safety net if he's creepy, but it is simply rude to mooch on the goodwill of friends abroad for extended/open-ended periods. :)
Best of luck!
More...
To those of you who say "Get a job!", the economy is such that that's not really an option right now. However, even a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Europe isn't worth getting seriously into debt -- if you can squirrel some cash, or (I assume you are a recent college grad) use graduation present money or sell crap on eBay or something, do.
If you have the common sense the Almighty gave a cabbage, you'll be fine in Paris -- the threat is getting mugged, not kidnapped into white slavery! However, if you haven't travelled by yourself, you may want to rethink: France is different from the US, and you're not going to be at your best with Hot French Lad when dealing with homesickness/culture shock.
DO NOT LIE TO YOUR PARENTS. You don't need to tell them the whole truth, but you need to let them know that you're going to be out of the country; if something happens to you, it'll be a million times worse if they didn't know you were gone. BUY TRAVEL INSURANCE, and make DAMN SURE it covers both medical and body repatriation -- you probably won't need it, but you will be eternally grateful if you do. I recommend STA Travel for this, BTW -- they're friendly, incredibly helpful, and their insurance pays out without hassle.
Make sure you trust the vetter, and find out just how well s/he knows Hot French Lad. Try to determine whether Hot French Lad is Unstable/Assholic/Etc French Lad before committing, and MAKE PLANS THAT DON'T INCLUDE HIM. Particularly, DON'T STAY WITH HIM. If you have to, make IRON-CLAD backup plans in case he's a pyscho and you need to bail. Ideally, could the vetter spot you the money for the ticket, instead of Hot French Boy? I ask this from experience with internet-met boys who took some time to turn into creepy unstable weirdos. Other posters are right: there's a real danger that you'll get sucked into feeling obliged to spend time with him, especially if he pays your ticket. Try to avoid getting into that situation.
Finally, LEAVE ALL YOUR FANTASIES AND EXPECTATIONS AT HOME. The logistics of a trans-Atlantic LD relationship are insane, and impossible if you have no money. Getting a job in France is not necessarily an easy affair. Finally, the quickest way to torpedo a potential relationship is for you to turn up with expectations of Finding The One -- and it makes for a really, REALLY uncomfortable weekend! Oh, and BOOK A FLIGHT BACK: not only will you be keeping yourself grounded in reality and providing a safety net if he's creepy, but it is simply rude to mooch on the goodwill of friends abroad for extended/open-ended periods. :)
Best of luck!
93
Sorry, this is my second post on this topic, but I had to weigh in after a couple people mentioned the economy. For instance: "in response to the comments about ASG just finding some job and saving up to go on her own dime, um, it's damn hard to get a job these days..."
If you don't have the money, don't spend it. What the hell has the recession taught anyone?
Taking money from your parents is a bad way to start your life. They're people, not ATMs. When you moved (back?) in with them, wasn't it because you couldn't afford to live on your own, so they're HELPING you? Now you want to fuck them over ... and fuck them over for some dude you don't even know?
Besides -- hello!? -- if money's tight for you, maybe it's tight for your parents, too, who've seen their retirement savings get cut in half in the last couple years?
It's not like some irresistable force is going to keep you from traveling in a couple years or ten years. How you build your life is up to you. The big secret is to not build up debt that forces you to keep working, and that requires -- ta da! -- not spending money you don't have and not continuing bad financial habits ... and not using people you supposedly love.
And sorry, the mere fact that you wrote for advice means you know it's stupid. Go buy a Renault vibrator and a DVD of Le Samourai.
If you don't have the money, don't spend it. What the hell has the recession taught anyone?
Taking money from your parents is a bad way to start your life. They're people, not ATMs. When you moved (back?) in with them, wasn't it because you couldn't afford to live on your own, so they're HELPING you? Now you want to fuck them over ... and fuck them over for some dude you don't even know?
Besides -- hello!? -- if money's tight for you, maybe it's tight for your parents, too, who've seen their retirement savings get cut in half in the last couple years?
It's not like some irresistable force is going to keep you from traveling in a couple years or ten years. How you build your life is up to you. The big secret is to not build up debt that forces you to keep working, and that requires -- ta da! -- not spending money you don't have and not continuing bad financial habits ... and not using people you supposedly love.
And sorry, the mere fact that you wrote for advice means you know it's stupid. Go buy a Renault vibrator and a DVD of Le Samourai.
94
On the one hand, you can't really afford it. Taking money from your parents is a bad way to start your life.
___________________
Julie
"Get BEST Package at the Lowest Price of…
___________________
Julie
"Get BEST Package at the Lowest Price of…
95
On the one hand, you can't really afford it. Taking money from your parents is a bad way to start your life.
___________________
Julie
"Get BEST Package at the Lowest Price of…
___________________
Julie
"Get BEST Package at the Lowest Price of…
97
Just want to put in another compliment for Peace's butt. Peace, your but is beautiful, and your arms are beautiful too.
#32, are you the the DJDeeJay of AVEN fame? Because if so, I totally have a crush on you too.
#32, are you the the DJDeeJay of AVEN fame? Because if so, I totally have a crush on you too.
98
I emailed Mike Moncrief. I grew up thinking police officers were to be admired, that they could be expected to show greater restraint and control, even under great emotional stress, than the average citizen -- that they could do that because of the authority and force at their disposal. In other words, the access to power meant they could be judicious about actually wielding it. Instead, we have a bunch of common thugs, beating up gay men to prove their heterosexual masculinity to one another.
So I guess if police do it, it's ok for the rest of us to just haul off and inflict brain injury on someone who gropes us?
So I guess if police do it, it's ok for the rest of us to just haul off and inflict brain injury on someone who gropes us?
99
I haven't finished reading the column yet, but my god, I want to touch this Gaspard Ulliel all over. And then all over again.
100
I squirt all the time, if a man can stay inside and keep thrusting while I come, it just makes me thrust harder. It in no way screws up the orgasm!
101
Go to France! Go, go, go!
The letter-writer seems to have her head on her shoulders as far as expectations. The guy could be great - might not be. But either way, the trip will be great!
I spent the month after I graduated from high school traveling around Europe by myself. Airfare - four-something, unlimited bus pass maybe $300, total cash I brought with me: less than $1000. If you're willing to be on a budget, travel is cheap. I had fun - I met boys - and most importantly, I felt the world was opened to me. It's an experience you'll never regret.
The letter-writer seems to have her head on her shoulders as far as expectations. The guy could be great - might not be. But either way, the trip will be great!
I spent the month after I graduated from high school traveling around Europe by myself. Airfare - four-something, unlimited bus pass maybe $300, total cash I brought with me: less than $1000. If you're willing to be on a budget, travel is cheap. I had fun - I met boys - and most importantly, I felt the world was opened to me. It's an experience you'll never regret.
102
To compare the Rainbow Lounge Raid with "Gatesgate," it is discouraging that the temporary arrest of a black man who annoyed the police has stirred up greater media frenzy than the near -murder- of a gay man on the same grounds.
105
That is the most artful, unbelievably relaxed and naturally sexy pose I think I've Ever Seen of any hottie like peacebutt.. I should Thank You about 50 times for the 50 times I've enjoyed;) myself to your picture peacebutt.. You did the world a world of good sharing the spoils of Your Godliness.. I Bow; In Lust And In Love.
LoveSex;), yummm :-D
LoveSex;), yummm :-D
RSS
Facebook
Twitter
Comments (105) RSS