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Vibrators for Teens
August 5, 2010
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Joe Newton
My boyfriend and I have "history." We dated casually and weren't ready to stop seeing other people, so we had an open relationship. This phase was awful: lots of fights, a couple minor breakups, and eventually I called it quits for good, cutting off all contact. A month later, we started talking again and decided to commit for reals. No fucking around this time. This is his first monogamous relationship, and while he claims to miss the variety, he says he wouldn't trade having me for having it.
Here's my question: I'd like to have a three-way. While I trust him, I don't want to make it seem like it's okay for him to fuck around again. Is this too dangerous a proposition?
One More Time
Full disclosure: I'm on an airplane, under the influence, and in coach (which means I'm typing with my computer resting on my chest). So this week's advice is sure to be extra sucky.
Okay, OMT, if you make the mistake of having a three-way, you could wind up fighting, breaking up, and calling it quits all over again. But all of that could happen if you make the mistake of not having that three-way. And then, my God, just think of it: You would have gone through all of that again without having a three-way.
Err on the side of the three-way.
People in monogamous relationships get cheated on, OMT, even though their partners understand that it's not okay to fuck around. So keeping the relationship officially monogamous doesn't necessarily protect you from infidelity. Keeping it honest, keeping it communicative, and being in a relationship with someone trustworthy does.
After you discuss this with your boyfriend, OMT, if you believe him when he swears that he can be trusted—when he swears to fully understanding that he'd still be in a quasi-monogamous relationship (you only have sex with other people together)—then why not satisfy his desire for a little variety and your desire for a three-way, aka "a little variety"?
For the past six months, a very attractive, put-together auburn-haired man has come to my attention, but I have not done anything about this because he is a total stranger. He waits at the same bus stop as me in the morning. We also transfer to the same streetcar. I've been dating other people since I've noticed Hot Bus Stop Man, but no one incredible, and I can't seem to get Hot Bus Stop Man out of my mind.
I've only made eye contact with this cutie a few times because I'm not in the habit of asking complete strangers out. This morning, though, I attempted a smile in his direction, although I can't be sure he saw because, of course, I was trying my best not to look at him and give myself away. What else can I do?
Girl Crushing On Hot Bus Stop Man
I'm only running your insanely boring letter on the off chance—two very off chances—that HBSM is (1) a reader and (2) not a fag. Hopefully, he is and isn't, respectively, will recognize himself, and will ask your demure little ass out. (If you're reading and you're gay, HBSM, compliment GCOHBSM's new shoes the next time you see her and put her out of her misery, okay?)
If he's not a reader, GCOHBSM, you'll just have to risk saying something to him. Try "Hello." Then smile at him—at him, not "in his direction"—and give yourself the fuck away, already.
Rick Santorum is definitely running for president. A member of a forum I frequent referred to him as "Senator Frothymix." You should refer to him as such if you mention his presidential hopes in your column.
That Is All
Oh, right. Rick Santorum.
About a year ago, when Santorum first leaked... er, signaled... his intention to run, I asked if any of my readers had a desire to blog at www.spreadingsantorum.com, my long-dormant Santorum-bashing/redefining blog. It's still the number-one internet search result for "Santorum" and "Rick Santorum." (This has been described as Santorum's "serious Google problem" by political reporters and bloggers.)
Anyway, people wrote in and volunteered for the gig, and I somehow lost all of the e-mails. Sorry about that. If there are still folks out there who want to blog about Santorum at the number-one site for his name—people who want to be a part of Santorum's Google problem—and want to do it for free, please write me at santorumblog@savagelove.net.
Men enjoy porn, but women don't. Here's something women enjoy that men don't: vibrators. Just as men feel threatened by vibrators ("My cock isn't good enough for you?"), women feel threatened by porn ("My tits aren't good enough for you?").
And when women cry, "What if the children found those stashed in the garage?!" men can respond, "What if the children found your vibrator?!"
Desires Erotic Balance should use a vibrator while her boyfriend uses porn. They should also film it and put it up on the internet.
Vice Is Barely Erotic
Yeah, vibrators are probably a better example of something dirty that women enjoy and (most) men do not—certainly better than cupcakes with pink sprinkles. I stand corrected. (But most people don't have incriminating porn stashes in the garage these days, VIBE, they have incriminating browser histories.)
And speaking of vibrators: Taylor Momsen—one of the stars of Gossip Girl—recently "divulged" to Disorder Magazine that her "best friend is her vibrator." Fox News wrote up the "scandal," of course, but got quotes only from antisex nutters: batshit Catholic reactionary Bill Donohue, conservative radio yakker Michael Medved, an elderly grandmother who runs a parenting organization, and some douchebag from the National Center for Biblical Parenting who predicted that Momsen's actions "will result in failure in her life."
There are no quotes—in the interest of fairness and balance—from anyone who doesn't see vibrators as battery-operated tools of the devil. No one is allowed to point out that sex toys are common, completely mainstream, and safe for use by young women. A vibrator is a low-risk alternative to intercourse with, say, Chace Crawford. (No risk of pregnancy, disease, or Axe body spray.)
It's true, Bill Donohue, that the young lady isn't old enough to walk into a sex shop—or as Fox News so delicately put it: "[Momsen] is not legally of age to enter venues that sell sexual paraphernalia." She is, however, over 17—that is, of legal age to consent to sex in New York.Anyone old enough to have a dick in her twat is old enough to have a vibrator in her nightstand. And social and cultural conservatives are apparently unaware of e-commerce—Amazon has a nice selection of vibrators.
Young ladies who want a vibrator don't need to be of legal age to enter venues that sell sexual paraphernalia. All they need is internet access and a credit card.
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2
Yeah, I wish Amazon had "sexual wellness devices" in stock..or that there was the 'net at all..when I was a desperate teen. I dreaded the sleazy sex toy store. Thankfully, they have gotten better. Plus I'm older & give less of a damn. ;)
Coach makes ya cranky, doesn't it, Dan? I hear ya. Those seats are some definite masochism.
Coach makes ya cranky, doesn't it, Dan? I hear ya. Those seats are some definite masochism.
3
Wow, I think that's one the best Dan Savage quotes I've heard -- "No risk of pregnancy, disease, or Axe body spray"
4
Re; GCOHBSM
It's SO TRUE! Amazing what eye contact, shy smile, and quick look away will do.
if you let yourself be caught trying to make eye contact.
In my case, lots of flirting and one (unfortunately bad) date. Really should leave the house more often...
It's SO TRUE! Amazing what eye contact, shy smile, and quick look away will do.
if you let yourself be caught trying to make eye contact.
In my case, lots of flirting and one (unfortunately bad) date. Really should leave the house more often...
5
Is it typical when referring to a 3-way not to mention what gender the 3rd is going to be, like it doesn't matter at all? It leaves the reader in a restless state of ambiguity.
6
Girls don't even need the internet. Almost every mall has a Spencer Gifts, which is selling more and more sex toys by the minute, including more variety of vibrators.
When I bought my first one, at the ripe old age of 15, they sold one type for $8. Now they have a whole wall of them. It sure is easy for young girls to buy any kind of toy they so desire.
When I bought my first one, at the ripe old age of 15, they sold one type for $8. Now they have a whole wall of them. It sure is easy for young girls to buy any kind of toy they so desire.
7
although girls do have access to credit cards and the internet, that misses some of the access problems for girls who live at home with their parents - what to say when a parcel turns up and their family asks about it/stay to watch them unwrap it. @6 is right about a shop actually being far more accessible to teenage girls
8
OK SERIOUSLY could somebody please acknowledge that girls like porn? That some girls like it a lot? That some girls can't masturbate without it? That some girls really don't give a damn if they're reading a book while their partner is masturbating to porn in the other room? That some girls like to have porn on while having sex? That some girls . . . yeah, you get the picture.
Please?
Please?
10
it is true that vibrators are more available through the internet; however, it is also true that access is still very difficult - yes, girls can buy a vibrator on amazon, but what are they going to say to their families when it arrives in the post and their parents ask to see what book they've bought. It is far easier for many young women to buy a vibrator like @6 says
12
I think OMT is in serious trouble if she pursues indulging her desire. She's made it perfectly clear that it's "my way or the highway" (monogamy), but now wants to declare that her way also includes a three-way because she wants it. That leaves the door open for him to declare his demands which, no doubt, will include a three-way or more!
14
I know girls who like porn (a lot). Sometimes vibrators work (very) well with engorged penises. There's no exclusivity on either one, although there is definitely a normal curve. Women who like porn are growing in number, as are the hours of 8tubbing for them. However, I believe the porn phenomena will eventually come to pass, like most everything in life. There will always be a huge venue and some constant users, but, like ice-cream, the majority will only use it sparingly. Eventually, not now.
15
One More Time is speaking out of both sides of her mouth, when it could be put to much better uses. She needs to admit to herself the SHE is not ready for a monogamous relationship. Nuttin' wrong wi' dat. But she's not, and thus shouldn't be trying to control the bf's natural desires.
As to vibrators, VIBE... Perhaps the reason STRAIGHT guys don't like 'em is because they don't know where to put 'em!
As to vibrators, VIBE... Perhaps the reason STRAIGHT guys don't like 'em is because they don't know where to put 'em!
17
@2
When I was in high school there was the internet, but my parents obsessively went through the mail. If I got a package they would have opened it.
My parents weren't religious, but they had this weird idea that they could make their children not think of sex if they were diligent enough. I think they were afraid a vibrator would give me "dangerous ideas."
It didn't work. One sister got an STD, and the other had a baby out of wedlock.
Where do people get these stupid notions from?
When I was in high school there was the internet, but my parents obsessively went through the mail. If I got a package they would have opened it.
My parents weren't religious, but they had this weird idea that they could make their children not think of sex if they were diligent enough. I think they were afraid a vibrator would give me "dangerous ideas."
It didn't work. One sister got an STD, and the other had a baby out of wedlock.
Where do people get these stupid notions from?
18
to everyone saying "go buy a vibe at Spencer's", I say "HELL NO!"
not only is Spencer's skeevy, but I'm sure there are plenty of shy girls out there who don't want people in a MALL knowing what they're buying. personally, much more comfortable to buy it online or in a sex shop (at least they know what they're talking about... plus you get what you pay for). anyway, who wants a $8 vibe that's going to break in a week? gimme a reason to splurge and I'll work that sucker out for as long as it can take.
not only is Spencer's skeevy, but I'm sure there are plenty of shy girls out there who don't want people in a MALL knowing what they're buying. personally, much more comfortable to buy it online or in a sex shop (at least they know what they're talking about... plus you get what you pay for). anyway, who wants a $8 vibe that's going to break in a week? gimme a reason to splurge and I'll work that sucker out for as long as it can take.
19
What's the big problem with "access" to vibrators? I got my first one at Walgreens, in a box labeled "personal massager" (you know, with the picture of the lady holding it against her face).
22
boring column, thanks for all the great letters. Vibrators and porn seem like they'd go together except for it's over so damn quick.
And after about 5 minutes, porn isn't so thrilling, especially when a certain lack of enthusiasm is present. Good porn is hard to find.
And after about 5 minutes, porn isn't so thrilling, especially when a certain lack of enthusiasm is present. Good porn is hard to find.
24
There are probably more men who hate vibrators and women who hate porn that the opposite, but I suspect the numbers of both are shrinking.
Speaking as an XX, I didn't used to like porn until I discovered gay porn. Its the women with fake boobs screaming like banshees and acting as if getting a facial is the most pleasurable thing ever that put me off. At least in gay porn it is assumed that both participants are relevant and the howling is less embarrasingly fake.
Speaking as an XX, I didn't used to like porn until I discovered gay porn. Its the women with fake boobs screaming like banshees and acting as if getting a facial is the most pleasurable thing ever that put me off. At least in gay porn it is assumed that both participants are relevant and the howling is less embarrasingly fake.
25
What kind of world have we gotten ourselves into when we will rush into chatting with total strangers online, sometimes without pix, and quickly strike something up (not sure if I should call it a "relationship" and chat forever before meeting in person - and that is less terrifying than someone you've seen most every day at a bus stop?
At least we know what the Bus Stop Guy looks like, so why is it so unusual to catch his eye and strike up a conversation? Most people aren't too creeped out when they're hit on on the 'net or on internet dating sites, but someone you've seen repeatedly would seem a safer bet than a total stranger who may or may not be the pic that they sent.
At least we know what the Bus Stop Guy looks like, so why is it so unusual to catch his eye and strike up a conversation? Most people aren't too creeped out when they're hit on on the 'net or on internet dating sites, but someone you've seen repeatedly would seem a safer bet than a total stranger who may or may not be the pic that they sent.
26
Spencer's is still around?? I associate it with the '70s: incense, black light posters, and Gary Wright's "Dreamweaver"!
27
When I was a teen in the 80's I didn't know girls had orgasms or what a clitoris was. These days anyone can buy a vibrator, from cheap battery-operated ones to Hitachi Magic Wands, in any drugstore or grocery store in my Texas town. No credit card required, which would be harder for a kid to get access to.
28
Yeah, coach is a bummer. I'm sitting on a Greyhound bus practically typing with my elbows right now.
I can't stand states that make it legal for under-eighteens to get freakin' MARRIED (and probably to creepy older dudes) or get killed in the military, but don't want them to have a beer or buy a vibrator. Talk about a double standard.
I can't stand states that make it legal for under-eighteens to get freakin' MARRIED (and probably to creepy older dudes) or get killed in the military, but don't want them to have a beer or buy a vibrator. Talk about a double standard.
29
I agree with @19. The Wahl personal massager is the best vibrator you can buy, it's not only powerful, but virtually silent, no to mention that is very low priced, doesn't take batteries, and is available at most any pharmacy. I had my first one for over ten years before the cord went bad.
30
@25: Why? People can still lie to you in person. How does knowing how a person look mean you know anything about him?
I mean, I agree with the basic gist there -- why be terrified just because it's in person -- but internet interactions are pretty benign. Sometimes it's easier for people to interact when they *aren't* seen -- maybe they're self-conscious about how they dress or look. And beating a quick exit in case of humiliation is a lot easier online.
I mean, I agree with the basic gist there -- why be terrified just because it's in person -- but internet interactions are pretty benign. Sometimes it's easier for people to interact when they *aren't* seen -- maybe they're self-conscious about how they dress or look. And beating a quick exit in case of humiliation is a lot easier online.
33
@14: Umm... erotic/explicitly-sexual depictions have been around at least as long as human civilization; at this point I think we can safely say that porn is not a fad.
@19: A think the vibrating squiggly-writing pen is the classic easy-access vibrator: it's cheap, phallic, and marketed to a young demographic, so even tweens don't have to feel awkward about buying one.
That said, I've never known one of those nice non-skeezy female-owned sex-positive sex toy stores to card anyone/turn anyone away. Maybe some of them do, but plenty of my female friends in high school got toys at our local shop (not having credit cards to order online, or having joint bank accounts with parents who check the expenditures). Of course, I can see how walking into a sex toy store might be terrifying for a teenage girl (or boy, genderqueer person, intersexed person, etc.), making the internet quite appealing if one has the credit/debit card or Paypal account or checking account (for those places that take WebChecks) to use it for purchases. Non-sex-phobic parents/older siblings/cool anuts/uncles/older friends/etc. are also good for buying sex toys. Are the fundies REALLY that shocked?
I've never seen anything to suggest that the Christian Bible forbids female masturbation (and the Onan story forbidding male masturbation is a stretch too, as it's not actually about masturbation, it's about coitus interruptus); why do these people hate orgasms so much? Intense pleasure (without any of the nasty side effects of drugs) seems like an odd thing to oppose. Solo-sex doesn't even have risks that can't be minimized or outright eliminated (wash hands/toys to prevent infection, and ideally use condoms on toys; use lube and don't go at it continuously for hours to prevent chafing; don't insert dangerous/breakable objects into your body).
More...
@19: A think the vibrating squiggly-writing pen is the classic easy-access vibrator: it's cheap, phallic, and marketed to a young demographic, so even tweens don't have to feel awkward about buying one.
That said, I've never known one of those nice non-skeezy female-owned sex-positive sex toy stores to card anyone/turn anyone away. Maybe some of them do, but plenty of my female friends in high school got toys at our local shop (not having credit cards to order online, or having joint bank accounts with parents who check the expenditures). Of course, I can see how walking into a sex toy store might be terrifying for a teenage girl (or boy, genderqueer person, intersexed person, etc.), making the internet quite appealing if one has the credit/debit card or Paypal account or checking account (for those places that take WebChecks) to use it for purchases. Non-sex-phobic parents/older siblings/cool anuts/uncles/older friends/etc. are also good for buying sex toys. Are the fundies REALLY that shocked?
I've never seen anything to suggest that the Christian Bible forbids female masturbation (and the Onan story forbidding male masturbation is a stretch too, as it's not actually about masturbation, it's about coitus interruptus); why do these people hate orgasms so much? Intense pleasure (without any of the nasty side effects of drugs) seems like an odd thing to oppose. Solo-sex doesn't even have risks that can't be minimized or outright eliminated (wash hands/toys to prevent infection, and ideally use condoms on toys; use lube and don't go at it continuously for hours to prevent chafing; don't insert dangerous/breakable objects into your body).
34
@#8 - and many guys are not threatened by vibrators. No matter how good my cock is, it will never be that long, it will never stay hard indefinitely, and it will never vibrate. I'm OK with all of that.
35
I would have thought that the part of a man that that was threatened by a vibrator would be his tongue, not his cock.
If we're going to talk about pure penetrative enjoyment, really, it's no content -- cock wins every time. It may not stay as hard as long, but a live, excited man is *light-years* fun than any piece of stiff silicone.
If we're going to talk about pure penetrative enjoyment, really, it's no content -- cock wins every time. It may not stay as hard as long, but a live, excited man is *light-years* fun than any piece of stiff silicone.
36
There are a couple of pages in the Lilian Vernon catalog that has more than one or two sex aids - totally shocked me when I found it, since I thought it was generally directed toward the "senior plus" crowd.
38
My boyfriends is definately not threatened by vibrators. Hell he likes to use it on me more than I like to use it on myself. I've used it more often with him than without, and don't usually think about it until he's already down there and says "hey baby, where's the toy I got ya?" I even lost my "good one".
39
Damned if you do, damned if you don't, so you might as well just be a coke-snorting porn star as far as the conservatives are concerned. Because owning a vibrator is no different to these people than having a gang bang on film. If you aren't allowed to have sex before marriage, then what the hell are you supposed to do to get off instead? What if a guy said his right hand was his best friend? Would one stupid comment also ruin his life? No. Of course not. Because it's only female sexuality that gets villified. It's completely sexist and backwards to think that talking about your vibrator will ruin your life. Guess what? My vibrator and me are good friends, too. There. I said it. I just came out and said it. I like my vibrator. Lots and lots and lots of women like their vibrators. And? What's the big fucking deal?
40
@35: Typo-land! Content = contest. Fun = more fun. Sigh.
My BF isn't threatened by vibrators either. He does prefer it when I involve him though.
My BF isn't threatened by vibrators either. He does prefer it when I involve him though.
41
"There are no quotes—in the interest of fairness and balance—from anyone who doesn't see vibrators as battery-operated tools of the devil."
Okay, so I have an idea, how about Jesus shaped vibrators and/or dildos? Yeah, some may think it sacrilegious but others may see it in a more transubtantive way allowing God to enter them, literally. Anyone know if there's already a line out there? If not, feel free to use the idea and capitalize.
Okay, so I have an idea, how about Jesus shaped vibrators and/or dildos? Yeah, some may think it sacrilegious but others may see it in a more transubtantive way allowing God to enter them, literally. Anyone know if there's already a line out there? If not, feel free to use the idea and capitalize.
42
A guy who's seriously threatened by a vibrator in this day and age is either retarded, a Republican candidate, or both.
@41: I assure you, they already make them.
@34: They make ones that attach to your cock. And they're awesome, trust me and go order one.
@18: Damn straight.
@15: Some of us do!
@5: Why does it matter again? Presumably both partners are cool with whatever gender is referred to or the writer of the letter would've mentioned it.
@41: I assure you, they already make them.
@34: They make ones that attach to your cock. And they're awesome, trust me and go order one.
@18: Damn straight.
@15: Some of us do!
@5: Why does it matter again? Presumably both partners are cool with whatever gender is referred to or the writer of the letter would've mentioned it.
44
@8 I hear that, sister. Across the boarder high five.
I hate guys like the last letter writer. What's with always trying to even the score using tired generalizations? He hasn't got a clue what's in my bedstand or browser history, and I know my ass isn't alone. It's as cliche as, "We like fishing and you like shoe shopping." Puh-leeeeease.
Thanks, Dan, for taking his bullshit letter as a cue to discuss something more relevant. Unless you want to be suspicious of every cucumber, elongate bottle, and *shudder* electric toothbrush in your home... get your kid a damned gift card and try not to think too hard about it.
I hate guys like the last letter writer. What's with always trying to even the score using tired generalizations? He hasn't got a clue what's in my bedstand or browser history, and I know my ass isn't alone. It's as cliche as, "We like fishing and you like shoe shopping." Puh-leeeeease.
Thanks, Dan, for taking his bullshit letter as a cue to discuss something more relevant. Unless you want to be suspicious of every cucumber, elongate bottle, and *shudder* electric toothbrush in your home... get your kid a damned gift card and try not to think too hard about it.
45
TO ALL WOMEN USING TOYS and Lynx @ 24
Being a man, I am envious that women have all those orgasm-enhancing devices. And not only that, they’re not afraid to talk about it, have toys parties with their girlfriends, etc. I can only wish that men would also feel free to talk with their male friends about masturbation techniques, etc.
And you know what? I enjoy watching my girl doing herself, sometimes also joining from the sidelines and wishing I had my own toy.
(for the entrepreneurs among us: how about inventing a male toy that is somewhat similar to that pumping sleeve they put on your arm to measure the blood pressure, equipped with a built-in rolling ring going up and down?).
Your observation about pornography is also shared by many men, and it is somewhat liberating to know you find gay porn exciting. It is no secret that many straight men find lesbian sex stimulating, and we are often put to shame about it. And I’m not talking about those featuring exploited drug addicts equipped with a Tijuana boob-jobs who scream for no apparent reason. There are actually some decent ones.
So before anyone jumps on me in defense of lesbians, though I never attacked them in the first place, I’d like to point that watching lesbian porn made me have a much stronger appetite for cunnilingus, as well as an inspiration to improve my technique.
“Opening our hearts and other relevant body parts to ours and our lovers’ kinks can make the world a much happier place to live in.”
Mahatma Gandhi
Being a man, I am envious that women have all those orgasm-enhancing devices. And not only that, they’re not afraid to talk about it, have toys parties with their girlfriends, etc. I can only wish that men would also feel free to talk with their male friends about masturbation techniques, etc.
And you know what? I enjoy watching my girl doing herself, sometimes also joining from the sidelines and wishing I had my own toy.
(for the entrepreneurs among us: how about inventing a male toy that is somewhat similar to that pumping sleeve they put on your arm to measure the blood pressure, equipped with a built-in rolling ring going up and down?).
Your observation about pornography is also shared by many men, and it is somewhat liberating to know you find gay porn exciting. It is no secret that many straight men find lesbian sex stimulating, and we are often put to shame about it. And I’m not talking about those featuring exploited drug addicts equipped with a Tijuana boob-jobs who scream for no apparent reason. There are actually some decent ones.
So before anyone jumps on me in defense of lesbians, though I never attacked them in the first place, I’d like to point that watching lesbian porn made me have a much stronger appetite for cunnilingus, as well as an inspiration to improve my technique.
“Opening our hearts and other relevant body parts to ours and our lovers’ kinks can make the world a much happier place to live in.”
Mahatma Gandhi
46
Regarding Jesus-shaped sex toys, check out Divine Interventions at http://www.divine-interventions.com/inde…
48
@45: "And not only that, they’re not afraid to talk about it, have toys parties with their girlfriends, etc."
No, that's not necessarily true. While I wouldn't kill the conversation if it happened, I have zero interest in what my friends do masturbation-wise. Just not interested in that part of their lives. Frankly, I think *most* -- not all -- of the toy parties are populated by women who can't treat their sexuality like an everyday thing. It grew out of Tupperware parties, for crying out loud.
How about strap-on parties? No?
"Being a man, I am envious that women have all those orgasm-enhancing devices."
See: cock rings, anal beads, or a Fleshlight.
No, that's not necessarily true. While I wouldn't kill the conversation if it happened, I have zero interest in what my friends do masturbation-wise. Just not interested in that part of their lives. Frankly, I think *most* -- not all -- of the toy parties are populated by women who can't treat their sexuality like an everyday thing. It grew out of Tupperware parties, for crying out loud.
How about strap-on parties? No?
"Being a man, I am envious that women have all those orgasm-enhancing devices."
See: cock rings, anal beads, or a Fleshlight.
49
If I had not had a household object that vibrates about as well as a cheap vibrator keeping me sexually satisfied when I was a teen, I would have been out being promiscuous and getting STIs and maybe even having abortions. But thankfully, I had a household object that vibrated until I turned 18 and could upgrade, and I remained free of STIs, unplanned pregnancies, and regrettable sex partners.
You can't have it both ways. They've got to get off somehow. Do you want them having premarital sex or using a vibrator? It's not a difficult choice.
You can't have it both ways. They've got to get off somehow. Do you want them having premarital sex or using a vibrator? It's not a difficult choice.
50
@48
Though, I've seen studies that say that women are more in-depth when they discuss their sexual experiences. Guys are more likely to say "yeah, I banged her" or even be proud of his supposed conquests, women are more likely to discuss specifics.
Not being judgmental, just saying.
Cock rings, in my experience, don't actually aid in pleasure-seeking solo. 90% of the time I've used them, it's been for the benefit of my partner, and the other 10% it's being done as a method of tease/denial play. I don't know how it would help me to get off by myself.
Anal beads only appeal if you're into pegging/anal play. For a guy who isn't, they wouldn't help him cum.
Fleshlights are the closest to an equitable sex toy, but even those are really only replicating one type of sensation. Though, wanking still works perfectly well.
Though, I've seen studies that say that women are more in-depth when they discuss their sexual experiences. Guys are more likely to say "yeah, I banged her" or even be proud of his supposed conquests, women are more likely to discuss specifics.
Not being judgmental, just saying.
Cock rings, in my experience, don't actually aid in pleasure-seeking solo. 90% of the time I've used them, it's been for the benefit of my partner, and the other 10% it's being done as a method of tease/denial play. I don't know how it would help me to get off by myself.
Anal beads only appeal if you're into pegging/anal play. For a guy who isn't, they wouldn't help him cum.
Fleshlights are the closest to an equitable sex toy, but even those are really only replicating one type of sensation. Though, wanking still works perfectly well.
51
The Vermont Country Store (catelog and online) caters to farm type women with big white underpants and flannel pajamas. They also carry a nice slection of vibrators.
52
Gloria @ 48
I guess I only had an illusion and after all women are just uptight about masturbation as men are.
Strap-on parties- not sure what you meant by that. If it’s for women only and my partner wants to go then she’s welcome to do so. And if she’s looking for a man in order to show her girlfriends how to do it right then I will gladly be on the receiving end while they all watch and ask questions (and I don’t mind their male lovers attending as well)
Thanks for mentioning male toys. I’m still looking for the one that does it all, not just enhancements here and there. Never heard of the Fleshlight, but it looks like the user still has to move it up and down by hand. I can’t look too deeply into it now since I’m at work, but promise to check it again this evening. Thanks for the info, though unfortunately it seems like women still have way more choices.
“Opening our hearts and other relevant body parts to ours and our lovers’ kinks can make the world a much happier place to live in.”
Mahatma Gandhi
I guess I only had an illusion and after all women are just uptight about masturbation as men are.
Strap-on parties- not sure what you meant by that. If it’s for women only and my partner wants to go then she’s welcome to do so. And if she’s looking for a man in order to show her girlfriends how to do it right then I will gladly be on the receiving end while they all watch and ask questions (and I don’t mind their male lovers attending as well)
Thanks for mentioning male toys. I’m still looking for the one that does it all, not just enhancements here and there. Never heard of the Fleshlight, but it looks like the user still has to move it up and down by hand. I can’t look too deeply into it now since I’m at work, but promise to check it again this evening. Thanks for the info, though unfortunately it seems like women still have way more choices.
“Opening our hearts and other relevant body parts to ours and our lovers’ kinks can make the world a much happier place to live in.”
Mahatma Gandhi
54
@50: "Guys are more likely to say "yeah, I banged her" or even be proud of his supposed conquests, women are more likely to discuss specifics."
That's nice? That said, my boyfriend says he's not really into that kind of sharing/bragging. He'll share in random "she's hot" comments, but he's fairly private overall.
But yeah, "studies"? Citation needed.
What I'm saying is based on my experience as an individual. @48 was feeling inadequate based on a specific assumption about a supposed habit among women, and my comment, based on my own experience, was just meant to say, "Well, here's one woman who doesn't go to toy parties/doesn't casually share her sex stories, and I'm probably not the only one."
Re: sex toys for dudes, He's the one who implied that women are the only one with sex toys at all. "Orgasm-enhancing devices", I believe, was his wording. Both cock rings and anal beads easily qualify.
"Anal beads only appeal if you're into pegging/anal play. For a guy who isn't, they wouldn't help him cum."
Well, yeah. But I didn't assume @48 *wasn't* into buttplay either. Let's try to be inclusive!
That's nice? That said, my boyfriend says he's not really into that kind of sharing/bragging. He'll share in random "she's hot" comments, but he's fairly private overall.
But yeah, "studies"? Citation needed.
What I'm saying is based on my experience as an individual. @48 was feeling inadequate based on a specific assumption about a supposed habit among women, and my comment, based on my own experience, was just meant to say, "Well, here's one woman who doesn't go to toy parties/doesn't casually share her sex stories, and I'm probably not the only one."
Re: sex toys for dudes, He's the one who implied that women are the only one with sex toys at all. "Orgasm-enhancing devices", I believe, was his wording. Both cock rings and anal beads easily qualify.
"Anal beads only appeal if you're into pegging/anal play. For a guy who isn't, they wouldn't help him cum."
Well, yeah. But I didn't assume @48 *wasn't* into buttplay either. Let's try to be inclusive!
55
@52: "Strap-on parties -- - not sure what you meant by that."
Yeah, I guess that was kind of cryptic? What I meant was that some toy parties are often not a real exploration of the participants' sexuality -- they're kind of "safe" and sanitized. (Hence the Tupperware reference as well.) Yes, enjoy toys, but you know, not up your butt! And definitely not something you put up your boyfriend's butt.
So using the phenomenon of toy parties to imply that women are somehow more open and sharing about their sexuality is a simplistic way of looking at it.
And yes, you and @50 are right that what I mentioned aren't quite the do-it-all toys. I'd say, go to your local or online sex shop and ask about it. If they know there's a demand, they'll make it, eventually.
Yeah, I guess that was kind of cryptic? What I meant was that some toy parties are often not a real exploration of the participants' sexuality -- they're kind of "safe" and sanitized. (Hence the Tupperware reference as well.) Yes, enjoy toys, but you know, not up your butt! And definitely not something you put up your boyfriend's butt.
So using the phenomenon of toy parties to imply that women are somehow more open and sharing about their sexuality is a simplistic way of looking at it.
And yes, you and @50 are right that what I mentioned aren't quite the do-it-all toys. I'd say, go to your local or online sex shop and ask about it. If they know there's a demand, they'll make it, eventually.
56
@44, 47: I also assumed VIBE was female. Funny how much the implications change depending on what the assumed gender of the writer is.
57
I don't know if VIBE is sacrificing intelligence to make their lame joke, but seriously. Women do like porn. A lot of women like porn (it just might not be the kind of porn VIBE thinks it is). And a lot of men like sex toys. I'm a woman who has really rocking orgasms when it's just me and my erotic literature. I have a vibrator that I'm indifferent to, but my boyfriend likes that it helps him fulfill certain fantasies. And I let him divulge in all the porn he wants. Neither of us are threatened. And I highly doubt my situation is unique.
This compartmentalizing BS "all men/women like/hate the same thing" is sooooo boring already! It takes all kinds. Get that into your head, VIBE, and stop validating him/her, Dan, when you know they're wrong. Being under the influence is a lame excuse.
This compartmentalizing BS "all men/women like/hate the same thing" is sooooo boring already! It takes all kinds. Get that into your head, VIBE, and stop validating him/her, Dan, when you know they're wrong. Being under the influence is a lame excuse.
58
In my experience, my friends and I very openly talk about sex. I've never been uncomfortable about it and enjoy hearing their stories (which is why I love Savage Love as well). You can learn and give advice. My mother was maybe a little too open about her sexual nature, so I guess after that, nothing makes me uncomfortable. Just saying, most of my girlfriends are pretty open about sex, as they should be. There's nothing to be ashamed of (not saying anybody's ashamed here), and I think it helps me.
60
To the girl crushing on hot bus stop guy: Mine was "hot bus guy," because he used to get on every morning a few stops down the line from me, not at the same stop. But always sat in the back near me. We did eye contact and the quick smiles, and then finally once he just sat next to me and I struck up a conversation about the magazine he was reading. We dated for two years, then broke up for no particularly interesting reason.
So it is possible. Just talk to the guy.
So it is possible. Just talk to the guy.
61
@41 Check out online store "divine interventions," home of the baby jesus butt plug.
Been around for years.
Been around for years.
63
Apparently I am a parent straight from the devil, I got my daughters their own best friends on their sixteenth birthdays. Better than what I did as a teen :) Borrow moms!
64
God damn it, Savage. I might comment on her new shoes and I'M NOT GAY! And what the hell is wrong with a woman taking a little initiative, fer Christ's sake?
66
Great as always Dan. And I saw in the news this morning they've over-turned the same sex marriage ban in California!!
CONGRATULATIONS California! One more step towards equal rights for ALL humans.
CONGRATULATIONS California! One more step towards equal rights for ALL humans.
67
Where is the party? Prop 8 got thrown out like we knew it would.
Bring it on to the Supreme Court. Look at page 114 in the PDF court ruling today...PDF (page 112).
quote:"archaic, shameful or even bizarre"
It falls short of calling it bigotry, but that's what it is.
Bring it on to the Supreme Court. Look at page 114 in the PDF court ruling today...PDF (page 112).
quote:"archaic, shameful or even bizarre"
It falls short of calling it bigotry, but that's what it is.
68
Full credit on the last 2 answers. No 1 was too parodied so Dan could get off on his new Hugh Hefner imitation. 1st the couple breaks up for various reasons. Then they decide to together again, but this time it's going to be really monogamous. Now she wants a 3-way. It's already broken. Recognize it, and move on.
69
Oh hi, I'm a woman whose boyfriend likes to have a vibrator used on him, and who isn't jealous of my vibrator. I'm also not jealous of the tits in his porn collection; we enjoy watching it both separately and together.
Way to stereotype, bro.
Way to stereotype, bro.
71
Another suggestion for girls who aren't old enough to go a sex shop, and don't want to get a package in the mail that their parents may open: visit your local drug store. "Back massagers" are inexpensive and provide clitoral stimulation as well as, if not better than, any sex toy openly marketed as such.
I spent most of my early teenage years extremely, extremely frustrated, because manual stimulation was never (and I do mean never) enough to get me off. I didn't have my first orgasm until I bought a Conair massager at the ripe old age of seventeen. Ten years later, I'm still using the same one. I guess sometimes high school sweethearts do stay together.
I spent most of my early teenage years extremely, extremely frustrated, because manual stimulation was never (and I do mean never) enough to get me off. I didn't have my first orgasm until I bought a Conair massager at the ripe old age of seventeen. Ten years later, I'm still using the same one. I guess sometimes high school sweethearts do stay together.
72
Why do women hate porn? I mean, I'm a woman and my collection certainly rivals my husbands. When did they send out the memo that I'm supposed to be shocked and offended by it, because I never got that particular email. There certainly is porn out there that is degrading to women and is offensive and icky and all that, but that's based on content, not genre. Either way, porn is the best cheat sheet for sex my marriage has. If I want sex, but don't have lots of time for foreplay (early morning or whatnot) I just play the porn on the computer, let it get both of us riled up, and then head to bed. Not that it isn't great for lonely time (it is), but it's also great for together time. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go check my spam folder for that missed email.
73
I liked it when the guy in the seat next to you helped with answers. Were you sitting next to someone listening to an IPod this time? Or someone who minded his/her own business? Boring people.
74
Girls like porn. Maybe not entirely as much as guys do. But they do like it.
Personally I have no problems at all with my wife havin a vibrator/dildo. Shit I have no problem fuckin her with it or watching her do herself.
Honestly if ur a dude n r threaten by a viberator. Then u doin sumthing very very wrong. Embrace the dildo. A happy wife makes a happy husband!!
Personally I have no problems at all with my wife havin a vibrator/dildo. Shit I have no problem fuckin her with it or watching her do herself.
Honestly if ur a dude n r threaten by a viberator. Then u doin sumthing very very wrong. Embrace the dildo. A happy wife makes a happy husband!!
75
My now-boyfriend bought me a vibrator -- very early on -- to keep at his house after I mentioned that I had a particular favorite. We watch porn together and I don't care if he watches porn in front of me when I'm doing something else. Neither of us feels threatened by any of this, obs. Feeling threatened by this really basic stuff seems to be the province of the very young and/or inexperienced.
76
Girls watch porn. LOTS AND LOTS of girls watch porn. Something to the tune of 80%, last I checked. Girls just don't TALK about it.
77
@54
I never said it was particularly "nice", just that it's less in-depth than what I've seen from women. I'll find the surveys when I'm *not* at work (searching for "women talk about sex more" in google from the office seems like a bad idea), but I can even speak from personal experience. My girlfriends have often told me about discussing our sex with their female friends (usually by way of saying "I tell them how much I enjoy it", but it could just as easily be used in the opposite direction) in rather more detail than I use discussing with my male friends any sexual forays. We really do limit it (if it comes up at all, and it rarely if ever does) to "you having sex with her?" "Yeah" "Cool". I don't know if I speak for some grand section of the population (and I do know that the plural of "anecdote" is not "data"), it's just my experience.
I understand your point though, and I can only say it's a bit like if I came back and said (of the stereotype of the douchebag guy high-fiving about sexual conquests) that I don't do it (I don't), nor do my friends. Yes, it's probably true, it may even be true for some significant minority (or even a majority) of men, but the stereotype is still there, sadly.
Re: sex toys.
Maybe I'm just less experimental than I think myself to be, but I still can't see how a cock ring would make *my* orgasm enhanced, especially if I'm just wanking by myself. Anal beads I'll accept, since some guys really do like to have their prostates stimulated, but I simply don't comprehend cock-rings as a way to enhance my orgasm.
Wow, I never thought I'd be feeling a bit too vanilla for this place.
@72
I've never really understood that particular assumption, though my girlfriend pointed out something pretty interesting. She noticed that when I'm performing oral sex on her (as always, I'm at a loss for non-clinical terms for that which don't sound either silly or gross), she's not actually turned on by seeing me do it. When she's performing oral sex on me (same thing), I really like watching her do it, it adds something to the action.
Maybe that's where it comes from. Pornography itself is a fundamentally visual medium, which seems to appeal less to many women. And, of course, there is that most of it centers on topics and kinks of more male interest. But, maybe that's just how I see the lay of the land.
More...
I never said it was particularly "nice", just that it's less in-depth than what I've seen from women. I'll find the surveys when I'm *not* at work (searching for "women talk about sex more" in google from the office seems like a bad idea), but I can even speak from personal experience. My girlfriends have often told me about discussing our sex with their female friends (usually by way of saying "I tell them how much I enjoy it", but it could just as easily be used in the opposite direction) in rather more detail than I use discussing with my male friends any sexual forays. We really do limit it (if it comes up at all, and it rarely if ever does) to "you having sex with her?" "Yeah" "Cool". I don't know if I speak for some grand section of the population (and I do know that the plural of "anecdote" is not "data"), it's just my experience.
I understand your point though, and I can only say it's a bit like if I came back and said (of the stereotype of the douchebag guy high-fiving about sexual conquests) that I don't do it (I don't), nor do my friends. Yes, it's probably true, it may even be true for some significant minority (or even a majority) of men, but the stereotype is still there, sadly.
Re: sex toys.
Maybe I'm just less experimental than I think myself to be, but I still can't see how a cock ring would make *my* orgasm enhanced, especially if I'm just wanking by myself. Anal beads I'll accept, since some guys really do like to have their prostates stimulated, but I simply don't comprehend cock-rings as a way to enhance my orgasm.
Wow, I never thought I'd be feeling a bit too vanilla for this place.
@72
I've never really understood that particular assumption, though my girlfriend pointed out something pretty interesting. She noticed that when I'm performing oral sex on her (as always, I'm at a loss for non-clinical terms for that which don't sound either silly or gross), she's not actually turned on by seeing me do it. When she's performing oral sex on me (same thing), I really like watching her do it, it adds something to the action.
Maybe that's where it comes from. Pornography itself is a fundamentally visual medium, which seems to appeal less to many women. And, of course, there is that most of it centers on topics and kinks of more male interest. But, maybe that's just how I see the lay of the land.
78
@77 I'm a woman and I get very turned on my watching my boyfriend do almost anything in bed. I always keep my eyes open. Considering the number of women who now watch porn, it's probably safe to say that men and women have been socialized (to a large degree) into believing that they're more or less visual, and now that's it's more acceptable for women to openly watch porn, they're catching up with teh menz in connected what they see to arousal. After all, women in studies have gotten turned on by watching apes do it; they just don't always report feeling turned on even if their ladybits say otherwise.
79
I met my second wife on the bus. Not perfect, but it did last 13 years. Like #60 said, just start a conversation on some silly pretext.
80
as a teenager that had a vibrator for many years and managed to get good grades, stay out of too much trouble, and hold out for ggg sex until i was emotionally ready, i say all teens should have a vibrator!
81
I bet someone alrady pointed this out, but you can get vibrators at Walgreens. They are right there with KY and condoms. Pretty cool. But also shows they are not an equivalent to porn. Vibrators hurt no one therefore they are in Walgreens. Porn hurts the psyche of many women every day and many more relationships, hence porn is not found on the shelves of WAlgreens. Stop trying to downplay the dangerous side of porn. It is there. So what if it has its place in the world. Yes great it does. But its place is not in the benign culturally accepted realm many men are shooting for. Look at it sparingly, look at it in private and be a little embarrased about it. That is healthy and even keeps the masterbation effective. Happy stroking.
83
@question 1. what the hell? you have decided to be in a monogamous relationship and the very first thing you need advice on is how to have a 3 way ? without giving your partner the idea that its ok to screw other people? you cant! maybe consider being friends with benefits instead and when everyone else in your life has bailed and the two of you are still together, still friends and still into each other; maybe then taking it to the "next level" . wow! lots of comments about vibrators this week. I've got nothing to add . personally I'm continuously amazed that women are attracted to men . the rational side of my brain tells me it must be something else, like our wallets they're secretly after. while this is sometimes true and there's a lot to be said for the whole "security & stability" thing it seams that in many cases women like us period . without any rhyme or reason or secret agenda .
84
I don't get open relationships-that's jsut roommates with benefits. I don't believe that setting rules will stop the other person from breaking them any more than asking for monogamy is inviting being cheated on. If blowing your wad is the most important thing, rock out with your cock out-but don't sneer at me for wanting to be a one & only. Monogamous people CAN & DO love hot sex too-they just don't have to wear a piece of plastic to have it.
85
I used to be totally cool with my boyfriend watching porn.
I look at porn.
Till he stopped having sex with me because, as I found out, he was watching gay porn.
We broke up yesterday.
I look at porn.
Till he stopped having sex with me because, as I found out, he was watching gay porn.
We broke up yesterday.
86
Does this mean I have to start worrying if my vibrator is underage, diseased, exploited or simply having an awful time?
87
Listen folks, the only way that spreadingsantorum.com is going to remain the #1 hit on a Google search for the term "Rick Santorum" (its currently at #2 after the Wiki listing) is if we each search for 'Rick Santorum' and then click on the spreadingsantorum.com link. Enough said. Do your part!
89
Err on the side of the 3-way? Personally, I have way more regrets over sex I actually had, than the sex I thought I wanted at the time. The sex I regret NOT having, I shrug & say oh well, the world still turns. The sex I regret still make me cringe, & more than once, in more than one way I suffered for it.
90
Straight set my browser to hit spreadingsantorum.com repeatedly for the next 80 hours. You're welcome, World.
91
To #85, "Emotional cheating"
You must be very proud of yourself, but here is what you missed:
You two should have connected with another guy and take him to your place. Then both of them are fucking you, and later you get to watch them fucking each other... and give them instructions as how you want them to do it....
Or you could call him on that, put him to shame and dominate him to do whatever it is you always wished he did for you.
But you missed it since you dumped him the other day. You may be very proud of yourself, but you lost the chance to have the time of your life!!!
“Opening our hearts and other relevant body parts to ours and our lovers’ kinks can make the world a much happier place to live in.”
Mahatma Gandhi
You must be very proud of yourself, but here is what you missed:
You two should have connected with another guy and take him to your place. Then both of them are fucking you, and later you get to watch them fucking each other... and give them instructions as how you want them to do it....
Or you could call him on that, put him to shame and dominate him to do whatever it is you always wished he did for you.
But you missed it since you dumped him the other day. You may be very proud of yourself, but you lost the chance to have the time of your life!!!
“Opening our hearts and other relevant body parts to ours and our lovers’ kinks can make the world a much happier place to live in.”
Mahatma Gandhi
92
Oprah did a show on teen sex and her guest sex therapist (who looks strikingly like Goldie Hawn) was confirming the advantages of a vibrator for a teen girl. Super prude Gail (Oprah "BFF") almost had a stroke yammering about how awful it was to even discuss such a thing let alone suggest it. The audience (primarily female) seemed split in favor of the vibrator but Gail continued her rant.
93
"Just talk to the guy"... bwhahaha, get real. Women , by and large, don't do such things. Doesn't happen. PUA guys are douchebags in a lot of ways, but one thing they have 100% right is this: The *absolute* most a woman will do if she wants to talk to you is put herself in physical proximity to you. That's it.
Yes yes, we're all liberated blah blah but this is how life works. No point in fighting it.
Yes yes, we're all liberated blah blah but this is how life works. No point in fighting it.
94
Um, 93, I'm a woman and it happened just like I said (at 60). It's not that hard to do. Sure, lots of women, and men, have trouble striking up a conversation, but it does happen.
What's a PUA guy?
What's a PUA guy?
96
"Men enjoy porn, but women don't."
False.
I'm a woman, and I masturbate with the frequency and enthusiasm of your average 15 year-old dude, and I do it to porn.
False.
I'm a woman, and I masturbate with the frequency and enthusiasm of your average 15 year-old dude, and I do it to porn.
97
Rick Santorum, in addition to Caribou Barbie ('Oh, look honey---RUSSIA!'), is running his sorry, runny-brown, frothy ass for President? Let the GOP bashing begin! Hopefully we'll stamp 'em out this time!
Geez, the sewers must be crawling with them!
Geez, the sewers must be crawling with them!
98
I noticed even the Tea-Baggers are voting against Dino Rossi, the Mafia King of Slime.
And the world just keeps getting crazier and crazier......
And the world just keeps getting crazier and crazier......
99
I thought I'd never say this to anyone else, being the epitamy of shyness that I am, myself, but GCOHBSM, go fer it!!
100
Re: an earlier column: Don't call people maladjusted sh*ts. It's stressful enough with one word; two is redundant and rubbing it in.
101
Re: girls like porn (#8)
Really?! Some members of the same sex actually have different desires? No shit?
(OP: Don't take this personally--this isn't aimed at you, but really a sarcastic jab at those who believe that everyone has the same desires as themselves.)
Really?! Some members of the same sex actually have different desires? No shit?
(OP: Don't take this personally--this isn't aimed at you, but really a sarcastic jab at those who believe that everyone has the same desires as themselves.)
102
Just purchased the titty fuck blow job kit for a friend in a disappointingly ggg-less marriage and there are many man masterbators on the market included those with vibrating and stroking action.
103
Once I had a mad hetero girl crush on a gorgeous guy who got on at the same Chicago El stop that I did. We shyly eyeballed each other every day for months. Then he disappeared. I next saw him on the same El platform months later. Without a word we immediately ran into each others arms and started making out. That moment was unbelievably hot.
Sadly, the sex that followed was the worst that I've ever had. However, I still recommend that GCOHBSM attempt to make verbal contact with HBSM. She may have better luck than I did and even my one hot make out moment is still a treasured memory that I do not regret.
Also, her letter was not "insanely boring". What actually is insanely boring is Dan's inevitable, insufferable whining whenever he is subjected to even the slightest, most ordinary, bit of physical discomfort.
Sadly, the sex that followed was the worst that I've ever had. However, I still recommend that GCOHBSM attempt to make verbal contact with HBSM. She may have better luck than I did and even my one hot make out moment is still a treasured memory that I do not regret.
Also, her letter was not "insanely boring". What actually is insanely boring is Dan's inevitable, insufferable whining whenever he is subjected to even the slightest, most ordinary, bit of physical discomfort.
104
This is for you, GCOHBSM. I had a similar situation not very long ago, where I had a major crush on one of the cashier at Trader Joe's. I would come in the door and immediately turn to see if he was working today, if he was I would always wait at his register, no matter how long the line was, and would get buzzed with excitement for the rest of the day after chatting with him for 30 seconds or even after just seeing his scruffy, blue eyed face. At some point I decided to act on my crush, because it was getting a little bit silly. I am the type of person to go after what I want even when it means slight discomfort and embarrassment of putting myself out there. In other words, not a Seattlite. One Saturday morning I wrote my phone number on a post-it note and handed to him after checking out. He said he would "definitely" use it. He never called. But I got something really good out of this whole thing - I got him out of my system. And, for a week or so after my brave move, I was completely psyched with self efficacy and with hopes that he might actually call me.
Here's something you need to know, GCOHBSM, about (MOST not ALL) guys in Seattle (and I'm speaking from my experience and what I've heard from other people): They are one of the following or some combination of it:
1)In a monogamous relationship.
2)Gay.
3)Passive: intimidated by a woman who makes the first move and afraid of communication that doesn't involve a screen and a keyboard.
So, chances are Hot Bus Stop Man is one of the above or some sort of combination. In that case, chances are that if you make some sort of attempt to reach out to him, he will not cooperate. But I still think you should. It's a win win situation for you - option 1: you get this guy out of your system and stop asking "what if" in your head (or on the pages of The Stranger).
Option 2: you start going out with this lovely boy and have a short term/long term/successful/unsuccessful relationship.
GO FOR IT
More...
Here's something you need to know, GCOHBSM, about (MOST not ALL) guys in Seattle (and I'm speaking from my experience and what I've heard from other people): They are one of the following or some combination of it:
1)In a monogamous relationship.
2)Gay.
3)Passive: intimidated by a woman who makes the first move and afraid of communication that doesn't involve a screen and a keyboard.
So, chances are Hot Bus Stop Man is one of the above or some sort of combination. In that case, chances are that if you make some sort of attempt to reach out to him, he will not cooperate. But I still think you should. It's a win win situation for you - option 1: you get this guy out of your system and stop asking "what if" in your head (or on the pages of The Stranger).
Option 2: you start going out with this lovely boy and have a short term/long term/successful/unsuccessful relationship.
GO FOR IT
105
@45 someonelse, if you're still reading...there is definitely a toy for guys that "does the job for you," it's like the Fleshlight, but it has a pump of some sort in it (using my daughter's computer, so don't want to go searching for the link!). Can't remember what blog I was reading that linked to it, sorry.
Also, in my experience, women talk about everything. My husband is completely shocked by what we discuss (sex, vibrators, etc.) while he and his friends literally never talk about stuff like that (which is sad, because then they could be sharing tips and techniques!)
Also, in my experience, women talk about everything. My husband is completely shocked by what we discuss (sex, vibrators, etc.) while he and his friends literally never talk about stuff like that (which is sad, because then they could be sharing tips and techniques!)
106
@45, 50
Check out the Autoblow (www.roboticblowjob.com). It's a male sex toy that doesn't require you to move it up and down your dick.
Check out the Autoblow (www.roboticblowjob.com). It's a male sex toy that doesn't require you to move it up and down your dick.
107
@106 - I just went and checked out that site. It may be an awesome device, but the people who are selling it sound like douchenozzles.
Quote - "Compared with the alternatives, the Autoblow provides an inexpensive blowjob. The Autoblow is a one time purchase, and won’t wear out until it has provided you with hundreds, if not thousands of blowjobs. If you go to a prostitute, a blowjob can run you between $50-$150, just for a single shot! If you have a girlfriend, the customary pre-blowjob activities (dinner, drinks, movie) can easily run you $100, just for the single shot! And if you have a wife…you have to be married and the costs involved in that are enormous. So… amortized over time, the Autoblow is CHEAP!"
These guys need a toy because no woman is willing to put her mouth anywhere near them!
Quote - "Compared with the alternatives, the Autoblow provides an inexpensive blowjob. The Autoblow is a one time purchase, and won’t wear out until it has provided you with hundreds, if not thousands of blowjobs. If you go to a prostitute, a blowjob can run you between $50-$150, just for a single shot! If you have a girlfriend, the customary pre-blowjob activities (dinner, drinks, movie) can easily run you $100, just for the single shot! And if you have a wife…you have to be married and the costs involved in that are enormous. So… amortized over time, the Autoblow is CHEAP!"
These guys need a toy because no woman is willing to put her mouth anywhere near them!
108
Consider your point acknowledged and verified, #8.
I'm female, and love written porn, have since I was a teen. (The lame "erotica" tag is, IMHO, for women who still can't admit to themselves that they are porn consumers.) I read it, masturbate to it (love the slow scroll function on my mouse, thank you!), and am glad it's out there online. I have actually turned a couple of guys on to using written porn as fuel, for couples reading. ("Uh, wait, wait, slide your legs higher then scroll back a paragraph... ooh maaaannn!!")
Sorry about your life, #93. Is it possible that women aren't talking to YOU? Because I've had a couple of dating relationships and one ltr come out of me initiating contact with a guy I found appealing.
Unless there's something I find particularly disturbing about his porn choices, I have always had a hot and sweet spot for watching a man masturbate. Only recently have I found a guy who was as happy to put on a show for me as I am to observe. Go figure...
Last, I do talk in depth and detail about my sex life with my gf's, with the exception of discussing anything regarding the guy I'm seeing concurrent to the conversation. (TMI, and not my right to disclose.)
I'm female, and love written porn, have since I was a teen. (The lame "erotica" tag is, IMHO, for women who still can't admit to themselves that they are porn consumers.) I read it, masturbate to it (love the slow scroll function on my mouse, thank you!), and am glad it's out there online. I have actually turned a couple of guys on to using written porn as fuel, for couples reading. ("Uh, wait, wait, slide your legs higher then scroll back a paragraph... ooh maaaannn!!")
Sorry about your life, #93. Is it possible that women aren't talking to YOU? Because I've had a couple of dating relationships and one ltr come out of me initiating contact with a guy I found appealing.
Unless there's something I find particularly disturbing about his porn choices, I have always had a hot and sweet spot for watching a man masturbate. Only recently have I found a guy who was as happy to put on a show for me as I am to observe. Go figure...
Last, I do talk in depth and detail about my sex life with my gf's, with the exception of discussing anything regarding the guy I'm seeing concurrent to the conversation. (TMI, and not my right to disclose.)
109
Also, RE: the autoblow site - They have the gay and the straight version of the site, but all that changes is the gender of the cocksuckers, none of the text (so, it still has the line about a girlfriend/wife, etc)...
110
PUA=Pick-up artist. Google "Mystery Method." I've met a couple of these guys and they're cockier than they have any right to be, but they do get laid.
111
#93: I've met plenty of guys by making the first move. If women aren't approaching you, the problem isn't them - it's YOU.
113
@Canadian,eh?
I'm a woman, and I acknowledge everything you say. I usually use porn AND a vibrator, for that matter. And really, it's the easiest/fastest way for me to get there. Including intercourse, cuz, lets face it, the Rabbit ears do things that even the best of well-meaning men cannot.
I'm a woman, and I acknowledge everything you say. I usually use porn AND a vibrator, for that matter. And really, it's the easiest/fastest way for me to get there. Including intercourse, cuz, lets face it, the Rabbit ears do things that even the best of well-meaning men cannot.
114
To 105, 106, 107 (Canuck, Black Rose, and sanguisuga):
First I'd like to thank the thoughtful women who were doing the research and were so kind as to inform me of the results.
I checked the site and unfortunately got the same creepy feeling that sanguisuga @107 got. It looks like just another porn site and I'm reluctant to give those guys my credit card number and email and home addresses.
Did anyone try it? Did it work for you or your man?
First I'd like to thank the thoughtful women who were doing the research and were so kind as to inform me of the results.
I checked the site and unfortunately got the same creepy feeling that sanguisuga @107 got. It looks like just another porn site and I'm reluctant to give those guys my credit card number and email and home addresses.
Did anyone try it? Did it work for you or your man?
115
I have bought my wife vibrators. Not sure how anyone could be jealous with a vibrator. I know my wife isn't jealous of my Fleshlight, so how could I be jealous of her vibrators.
116
@77: Don't worry, I wasn't trying to judge "good/bad" on guys sharing explicit details -- I just wasn't sure what your point was when you mentioned it. Sort of "oh ... that's good to know? Anyway!"
My last boyfriend really enjoyed cock rings. It was partly for the idea -- wearing something sexy -- and also because it had extra straps that gave him some "lift and separation" in his balls. Apparently, it really enhanced the sensation for him. It also helped him delay orgasm ... which made it better.
That latter point has always seemed like the obvious purpose of a cock ring to me -- which leads me to think perhaps you have a different definition of what "enhances" the orgasm?
My last boyfriend really enjoyed cock rings. It was partly for the idea -- wearing something sexy -- and also because it had extra straps that gave him some "lift and separation" in his balls. Apparently, it really enhanced the sensation for him. It also helped him delay orgasm ... which made it better.
That latter point has always seemed like the obvious purpose of a cock ring to me -- which leads me to think perhaps you have a different definition of what "enhances" the orgasm?
117
@77: Don't worry, I wasn't trying to judge "good/bad" on guys sharing explicit details -- I just wasn't sure what your point was when you mentioned it. Sort of "oh ... that's good to know? Anyway!"
My last boyfriend really enjoyed cock rings. It was partly for the idea -- wearing something sexy -- and also because it had extra straps that gave him some "lift and separation" in his balls. Apparently, it really enhanced the sensation for him. It also helped him delay orgasm ... which made it better.
That latter point has always seemed like the obvious purpose of a cock ring to me -- which leads me to think perhaps you have a different definition of what constitutes as affecting/enhancing the orgasm? I think pretty much anything you do while masturbating counts.
My last boyfriend really enjoyed cock rings. It was partly for the idea -- wearing something sexy -- and also because it had extra straps that gave him some "lift and separation" in his balls. Apparently, it really enhanced the sensation for him. It also helped him delay orgasm ... which made it better.
That latter point has always seemed like the obvious purpose of a cock ring to me -- which leads me to think perhaps you have a different definition of what constitutes as affecting/enhancing the orgasm? I think pretty much anything you do while masturbating counts.
119
@114 someonelse, I think that site's legit, only because I saw it through a link on another blog I read, but yeah, I didn't think the guys looked all that turned on, they kind of looked like cows at a milking machine... I'd stick with a Fleshlight if I were you, then the control is up to you. Look at sites that have reviews, so you can see which one you think would work (can't remember if you said you'd heard of them or not?)
120
I'm a straight woman, love porn, love my vibrators. He loves porn and my vibrators - he can feel the vibrations when he's in me. I use them on myself, he uses them on me, we both use them on me simultaneously. So we watch porn together, play with my vibrators together, and have fantastic sex.
121
I'm a straight woman, love porn, love my vibrators. He loves porn and my vibrators - he can feel the vibrations when he's in me. I use them on myself, he uses them on me, we both use them on me simultaneously. So we watch porn together, play with my vibrators together, and have fantastic sex.
122
Why is it douchey for guys to high five after scoring? I used to do that with my girlfriends all the time. Also, we mostly discussed details of our sex life in the extremes. So and so was really, really good and unique in some way or (more likely) a total failure or had some unique kink. It's not always nice, and it's definitely not something you want to your partner to overhear, but that's reality, I think. I love Art Brut's song about impotence (which one you say, for there are several) where he screams, "please, don't tell your friends!" Because you know you will!
123
I actually know a brick-and-mortar store where it is completely legal for a 17-year old to enter. It's called the Safe Sex Store, and it's been in Ann Arbor as long as I can remember. Their specific policy is to not carry any legally age-restricted merchandise; their rationale for this is that those awkward 12-year olds who walk in on dares shouldn't think that condoms are inaccessible or out of the ordinary. Apparently this applies to vibrators too.
124
Dear Odour Regretfully Generates A Sexual Malady
There is a Maple Syrup flavored massage oil available at the Love Nest maybe this can help.
Love Nest Sue
There is a Maple Syrup flavored massage oil available at the Love Nest maybe this can help.
Love Nest Sue
126
Who said women don't like porn? I like porn, and I know other women who do as well. I also know some men who like vibrators.
127
I got a sale flyer from Babeland a month or two ago that featured an umbrella with a vibrator handle. That is pure genius. I couldn't find it just now, but did find a vibrating rubber duckie. http://store.babeland.com/vibrators-disc…
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