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Rise and Shine!
November 9, 2000
I'm a girl who wants to wake up my guy with a blowjob. But I am hesitant because I was molested in my sleep a few years ago by someone I was not involved with or interested in, and it really disturbed me. I don't want to deny my guy a wake-up blowjob he might enjoy. And I know I would enjoy doing it! Please tell me that this is a different situation and to go ahead and do it!
Since you would be molesting a man you've presumably molested on previous occasions--someone you're involved with, and not some stranger asleep on an airplane--this proposed molestation differs fundamentally from the one you suffered. The person who molested you in your sleep didn't have your explicit or implied consent; unless you're the kind of person who startles easily, it was this lack of consent, and not any specific sex act he performed, that made the experience a traumatic one. For example, I enjoy giving blowjobs as much as the next fag. Even so, while I would happily blow my boyfriend, Heath Ledger, or George Stephanopolous--or all three at once, being forced to give blowjobs against my will to an ex-boyfriend, Bruce Willis, or Sam Donaldson would disturb me to the point of contemplating suicide.
Some will argue that a sleeping boyfriend can't give his consent, but don't pay any attention to them (just as I intend to disregard their angry e-mails). When you're involved with someone and familiar with their likes and dislikes, it's not necessary to obtain their explicit consent before initiating a sex act. In a long-term relationship, a certain amount of implied consent exists. Sometimes I crawl up on top of my boyfriend when he's asleep because I know he likes it, and we've done it before, and he does it to me, too, sometimes. If he's not in the mood, I roll off and we go back to sleep. No big deal, no charges pressed, no criminal record. However, if I were to attempt something we haven't done before while he slept--like, oh, fist-fucking or scat--that might upset him. If he woke up to find my arm in his ass or me squatting over his face, well, I would probably find myself in more legal trouble than I'm in already.
However, there are risks associated with what you're planning to do, risks that you should be aware of before you put his morning erection in your mouth. While many men wake up in the morning with hard-ons, most of us also wake up bursting to piss. Putting his penis in your mouth while he's asleep might have much the same effect as putting his hand in a warm pan of water while he's asleep. To avoid the unpleasantness of a mouthful of piss first thing in the morning--which would traumatize almost anybody--you might want to gently wake your boyfriend before you blow him. Just a thought.
I need some advice on my situation. I am living with a gay man who I used to have a crush on. Our relationship has been totally Will & Grace until now. Recently, he's been telling me that I am the only woman he's been attracted to in a long time, and that I'm his soul mate, but he's quick to add that I don't have the right equipment. The other night he told me that he was having sexual dreams about me! I am very confused by all of this. I was over my feelings for him, and I don't want to start my crush up again. But I don't want to ruin our friendship. How do I handle this?
Let me guess: Once you were over your crush on "Will," you stopped letting him walk all over you, right? You stopped following him around like a puppy, and stopped letting him take you for granted, right? And that's why Will has started telling you he's attracted to you; he wants to start up your crush again because he could get away with murder when you were this lovestruck, easily manipulated fag hag. How do you handle this? You tell Will to get his manipulative ass out of your apartment.
A year ago, you ran a letter from a man who had some odd kink. You referred him to half a dozen websites and told your readers that if they're kinky in this day and age, they MUST get online. No matter how odd your kink is, you said, there are people online who share it. Reading your column, I wondered if there could be a website out there for me. I have a very strange but harmless kink, and despite living in New York City and hanging out with sex radicals, I had never heard of anyone else who was turned on by colds. Sneezing, sniffling, the whole bit. I've been like this since I was little; I remember being six years old and desperately wanting a Bless You Baby Tenderlove doll, a doll that actually sneezed! I never got one, though. I asked my younger brother to show me how to use his computer--I was something of a technophobe at the time--and then told him to leave me alone. My first search turned up nothing. My second hit pay dirt! I couldn't believe it. I was not alone! So I got a computer and learned how to use it. I have since spent many happy hours reading the fantasies of my fellow fetishists, looking at sneezing pictures, listening to sound files, and chatting with people who understand. I even met someone! He has the exact same fantasies I do. I actually managed to give him a cold once, and he LOVED it. Sometimes in the middle of our kinky playfulness, we look at each other and say, "We are so twisted!" And I owe it all to you!
Dan, if you print this letter, I want to offer these words of encouragement to other technically challenged sexual minorities: Just do it! Get your hands on a computer and do a search. If Tupperware is your thing, type in "Tupperware fetish." If the first entry doesn't work, try something related, or more specific, or more broad. Try different search engines. Chances are you will find your online community. Good luck and happy masturbating!
Here at Savage Love, we like to think we're making a difference in the lives of hard-working Americans, people like KW. But we know we can do more, and we know we must do better. So it's not enough that my advice inspired KW to become computer literate, put her in touch with like-minded pervs, or found her a kinky soul mate. No, after reading KW's letter, I asked my research assistant, Mark, to get online and find KW that Bless You Baby Tenderlove doll she wanted so badly when she was six years old. Let me tell you, KW, Mark is a Researcher With Results! An hour later, he located a Bless You Baby Tenderlove for sale at dollfans.com ("the premier resource for doll collectors worldwide"). We purchased that doll for you, KW, and we're going to ship it off to you as soon as it arrives. It's Savage Love's way of saying thanks for sharing your story.