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The Crying Game

January 13, 2011

Any time I have relationship questions, I always ask my inner Dan Savage, and he never leads me astray! My boyfriend and I have had a wonderful relationship for six years. We have had "girlfriends" in the past who were involved with both of us simultaneously. He recently met a girl and they instantly clicked. They have been on a few dates—nothing physical yet—and she seems infatuated with him. She is aware that he lives with me/we are together, but I've yet to meet her. I am fine with them dating, but I have a few questions:

1. My guy and I share everything. He's shown me her texts and told me about her life. We both feel slightly uncomfortable with me knowing such personal things about her without meeting her, but we don't want to limit the intensely open communication we have earned with each other. How much am I entitled to know about her/them, and how can he tell me about her without being disrespectful?

2. Can I meet her? Under what circumstances?

3. Can this end well for her? Every girl we've dated has ended up hurt because our relationship with each other is always more important than she is. I worry this girl will be devastated when he doesn't leave me for her. Should he squelch all the romance now? She's had a rough few years, and he doesn't want to add to her problems. Should he even consider bringing her into our relationship? Things always end badly for the other girl, and I don't want to hurt her.

Curious And Respectful

Your outer Dan Savage won't lead you astray either, CAR, but he will smack you around:

1. Your guy needs to tell this girl that he shares absofuckinlutely everything with you. He needs to tell her that he's in a successful open relationship—successful for you two, anyway—and that he has no intention of limiting the "intensely open communication" that has made your relationship work. She needs to know that you're hearing about their dates and the details of her life, reading every text, etc.

2. Sure, you can meet her—you absofuckinlutely should meet her, CAR, as soon as possible. How about under coffee circumstances? Or drinks circumstances? Or dinner circumstances?

3. Um... gee. If every girl you two have ever "dated" has wound up hurt, CAR, then a reasonable person might conclude that YOU'RE DOING THIS OPEN-RELATIONSHIP SHIT ALL WRONG. Your "wonderful" open relationship may be working for you, but if it's not working for them, CAR, then it's not working.

So your outer Dan Savage is ordering you to refrain from inviting anyone else into your "wonderful" relationship until you get a handle on what's so un-fucking-wonderful about it for your thirds. If you can't come up with anything—if it's really not anything you're doing wrong—then you should have a few laminated cards made that read, "He'll never leave me for you, his relationship with me will ALWAYS be more important than his relationship with you, and this will most likely end in tears for you. Enjoy the ride."

Finally, CAR, if this woman is reeling from a rough few years and she can't handle more heartache right now and everyone you've ever messed around with has gotten hurt and you elect to "bring her into your relationship" despite my advice, then at least have the decency to stop pretending that you give a shit about the people you mess around with. Fuck her, fuck her over, move on—but don't stand there wringing your hands, pretending that you're just heartsick about the damage you two are doing to people.


My 20-year-old brother is gay. He came out to my mom—she found his Facebook profile; he hasn't come out to anyone else in the family, but we all found out anyway. (I already knew because I would be treated to some interesting porn whenever I opened the browser on the family computer after he used it.) I've voiced my acceptance of homosexuality while he is around, but he hasn't come out. Should I pull him aside and tell him that the family is okay with him?

His Straight Big Brother

If you wanted to pull your brother aside to tell him the same shit every homo on earth has heard ten million times by age 20—"I love you, bro, but Jesus said that every time two dudes get it on, an angel gets an anal fissure"—I would advise you to keep your mouth shut. But since you're supportive, and mom already knows, and it's on his freakin' Facebook page, pull the little coward aside. Tell him everybody knows, everybody loves him, but everybody is sick of having to pretend that they don't know what they damn well do.


I'm a hetero guy in my late 20s. I've been dating a woman I am crazy about for two months. We waited a little while to have sex, but once we finally did, during the ensuing pillow talk she probed my general fantasies and I dropped that I sometimes fantasize about superheroines. Despite the fact that these fantasies are otherwise very vanilla, she freaked out and said it reflects some kind of deep psychological problems and fundamental immaturity.

Dan, these women are drawn to appeal to what the inner pubescent boy in every hetero guy wants! Can you weigh in on whether there's something unhealthy about a grown man fantasizing about Supergirl and Zatanna?

Superheroines Unconsciously Permeate Erotic Romps

There's nothing unhealthy about a grown man fantasizing about superheroines, SUPER, but there is something deeply disturbing about a grown man using the present tense the way you did in your letter. You wrote "a woman I am crazy about," when what you clearly should have said was "a woman I was crazy about."

She drew you out after sex and encouraged you to open up to her about your sexual fantasies, and then she stomped on you like that? That was an asshole move on her part, borderline emotionally/sexually abusive, and I hope you arranged to have the door hit her in the ass on her way out of your apartment.


I love it when you invent words, and I want to nominate a nameless phenomenon that sometimes afflicts boring het guys like me (as well as all other guys): The blockage that is created by dried semen on the tip of your dick after sex. You wake up at 3:00 a.m. to drop a line after dozing off after sex, and either the urine gets blocked for a moment and then bursts out like a geyser (which kinda hurts) or the blockage is only partial and the piss sprays off at some crazy angle and gets all over the floor or the walls (which kinda sucks). This phenomenon should have a name!

Can't Spell Neologism Without Gism

I'm tempted to ask SUPER what his girlfriend's name is, CSNWG, because if anyone on earth deserves to be forever associated with a crusty blockage that has to be pissed away after sex, it's her. But I'm sure my readers—the folks behind "santorum"—can come up with something better. Gang?

Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.

mail@savagelove.net

 

Comments (306) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1littlelesley 1
great advice to SUPER, Dan. That woman doesn't deserve someone as open as him. When my boyfriend told me he was into lates, I thought it was wierd at first, but jumped right in and tried wearing it. And you know what? Now latex is HOT!
Posted by 1littlelesley on January 11, 2011 at 5:07 PM · Report this
2
Awesome advice to CAR -- she sounds like a jerk who's *already* violated this woman's privacy via her equally jerky husband.
Posted by Amanda on January 11, 2011 at 5:10 PM · Report this
3
Can I possibly be first, when I have nothing more to say than I love it when Dan puts us in our respective places, uh Sir...
Posted by gbrooks on January 11, 2011 at 5:13 PM · Report this
4
I guess I've discovered my own place, #3. Oh well...
Posted by gbrooks on January 11, 2011 at 5:16 PM · Report this
5
Dan is much better at advising gays than I could want to be. But when he responds to heteros, he often over-reacts, and this is the case with SUPER. SUP's gf freaks at his sup-heroine desires. The gf's reaction is too much, but that is not necessarily reason to drop her like a carrier of Sigourney Weaver's Alien. Gf may just need some education, transformation, and graduation, like the rest of us.
Posted by Hunter78 on January 11, 2011 at 5:27 PM · Report this
6
@5- disagree. If he'd instigated the fantasy sharing, and the GF went off on him for immature, then maybe she just needs initiating.

But SHE asked about his fantasies. You can't do that unless you're ready to deal with fantasies. And face it, his superheroine thing is pretty vanilla as fantasies go. It could have been a LOT "worse."

But SHE asked, then shot down his harmless vanilla fantasy as a sign of some kind on immaturity/disfunction. Sort of liked she asked him to open up, just to shoot him down.

Fuck that.

Posted by Newtosavage on January 11, 2011 at 5:41 PM · Report this
7
FYI to "SUPER":

http://www.costume-designer.info/wp-cont…

http://www.costume-designer.info/wp-cont…

http://www.wtfcostumes.com/costumes/supe…

Its called Cosplay. And if it exists in books/tv/film/comics/graphic novels, you better bet that there are really hot girls dressing in very accurate recreation costumes of it.
Posted by little_kitten on January 11, 2011 at 5:41 PM · Report this
8
#5, no she is a bitch. she asked him to open up to her and then she put him down for it-not ok. It would be different is she just said she didn't understand it or wasn't into it, but she called him immature and said he had psychological issues, when what he revealed was pretty mundane. My bf regularly tells me I have comic book butt or superhero thighs.
Posted by LfLf on January 11, 2011 at 5:55 PM · Report this
9
The Crusty blockage should be called a Phelps after the asshat running the Westboro cult.
Posted by Darth on January 11, 2011 at 5:57 PM · Report this
10
I heart Dan. SUPER needs to keep looking or get a major blowjob apology.
Posted by Johnny D. on January 11, 2011 at 6:21 PM · Report this
Puffin 11
@Darth: but there's poor Michael Phelps too, and that would mean I'd have to stop calling guys who continually set new sexual speed records "Phelpses."
Posted by Puffin on January 11, 2011 at 6:22 PM · Report this
12
The crusty blockage? That's easy: SEMENT!
Posted by IslandGuy on January 11, 2011 at 6:26 PM · Report this
13
I propose we call the ensuing rush of dried come and urine a Rushbo, after Rush Limbaugh. In light of his response to the recent shooting in Arizona, crusty come and urine sounds like a downright flattering nickname for Limbaugh.
Posted by muon1183 http://hep.itp.tuwien.ac.at/~mgary/ on January 11, 2011 at 6:36 PM · Report this
14
@ 11&9, maybe just a westboro?
Posted by ottawa on January 11, 2011 at 6:39 PM · Report this
15
How about a "Crusty O'Donnell"?
Posted by auntie grizelda on January 11, 2011 at 6:50 PM · Report this
thecheesegirl 16
As for SUPER's girlfriend... are there any guys who came of age anytime since perhaps the 60s who DON'T fantasize about that? I mean, seriously, who is talking to these girls about men?
Then again, it could partially be the way he phrased it; I once laughed out loud at a boyfriend who told me he had a lactation fetish, not because of the fetish, but because of the fact that he prefaced it with, "...well, my mom had a virus when I was little, so she couldn't really touch me or feed me herself, so now..."
Posted by thecheesegirl on January 11, 2011 at 7:04 PM · Report this
17
A build up of pressure resulting in an outburst that sprays everywhere and is rather upsetting? Sounds like the Palin-Loughner phenomenon to me...
Posted by Phil H on January 11, 2011 at 7:05 PM · Report this
18
Yes, Little Kitten! Cosplay is FTW. I approve of your links. ( ^_^) b

Oh, and CSNWG, Dan didn't mention this but I thought I should. You're supposed to go pee after sex. It stops nasty germs from travelling up your uretra and giving you bladder UTIs, and also stops penile crust disorder. I thought this was basic sex ed. GO PEE AFTER SEX.
Posted by Caralain on January 11, 2011 at 7:23 PM · Report this
19
*urethra. I'm not a hick, I swear.
Posted by Caralain on January 11, 2011 at 7:31 PM · Report this
20
Awesome column Dan (as always!) - entertaining, informative and to the point. I'll be sharing this one for sure!
p.s. YES - pee after sex!
Posted by candz on January 11, 2011 at 7:32 PM · Report this
21
@15 That is so much win. Crusty O'Donnell gets my vote! Kudos.
Posted by Nate on January 11, 2011 at 7:34 PM · Report this
22
"This phenomenon should have a name!"

How about the Dripping Boehner?
Posted by thestevebest@gmail.com on January 11, 2011 at 7:39 PM · Report this
23
#12 so far I am voting this best.
Posted by Yumietreat on January 11, 2011 at 7:41 PM · Report this
24
Seconding (thirding?) 18 & 20 - yes, go pee after sex. Greatly reduced wet spot, plus no UTIs, for the win! (That's also when I unlock the door, so the kids can come in and cuddle with us in the early morning...)
Posted by EricaP on January 11, 2011 at 7:44 PM · Report this
25
(Of course, then the problem is remembering to re-lock the door if the kids haven't come in yet and we want to make use of his morning wood...)
Posted by EricaP on January 11, 2011 at 7:46 PM · Report this
26
Where might I find SUPER? I'm doing Steampunk Batgirl for my next cosplay, and I'd love to have someone look me over beforehand...
Posted by Martychan on January 11, 2011 at 7:50 PM · Report this
27
I just assumed most guys, at one time or another, had a princess Laia gold bikini fantasy, as well fantasies about comic book super heroines like Wonder Woman. For a lot of males, those women were the first images of sexy ladies that they saw on a regular basis. It's cute and quirky that he still likes them. Why would anyone pathologize something so harmless?
Posted by batty girl on January 11, 2011 at 7:50 PM · Report this
28
the crusty blockage it should eithier be palin or else beck
Posted by insert_name_here http://unfocusedme.blogspot.com/ on January 11, 2011 at 8:10 PM · Report this
29
Crusty blockage = McCain.

Old--yes
in the way--yes
Resulting in destruction--as in the piss going everywhere=Palin being one heartbeat away--yes
Obstructionist (post 2008 campaign-think DADT)--YEA

Crusty ol' dried semen hanging on past its sell-by date needs to be McCAIN!!!!!!!!
Posted by Ms. Anthrope on January 11, 2011 at 8:58 PM · Report this
30
Contest over, @12's "sement" is perfect. I'm sure we'll see another couple dozen ~*~oh so clever~*~ plays on politician names, but come on, guys...
Posted by derelict on January 11, 2011 at 9:02 PM · Report this
cyranothe2nd 31
SUPER's (hopefully former) gf is a twat. Girls fantasize about superheroes, too. There's nothing wrong with it. Sheesh!

Also, great advice to CAR. My bet is that they aren't making it clear to the third party that they are in an open relationship/what the rules are. Probably they are pretending that it's all cheating and *titter*. Immature behaviour.
Posted by cyranothe2nd on January 11, 2011 at 9:06 PM · Report this
32
Sement, good God that is hilarious.
Posted by bsmaster112 on January 11, 2011 at 9:48 PM · Report this
33
Crusty Blockage?
McConnel (the Mitch Variety)
Doesn't get much crustier than that and man is an expert at blockage.
Posted by Marshall Collins on January 11, 2011 at 10:01 PM · Report this
34
Creepy, HSBB sounds like my brother (getting that creeping umpalumpa (btw how the hell is that spelt?) vibe) -- but I guess I might just be drawing too many parallels. And if that is not the case (because it is so eerily similar) I would point out that his conservative grandmother is not okay with it at all; his dad is also not okay with it; not that any of that is an excuse -- I just see it as my own business, nobody else's but my own. Besides, if I were to do that then it would intentionally hurt my family while making me feel better -- which is just wrong. I may be a coward (for sure), but I have deeper and worse issues that I cannot (but am thoroughly contending with -- you guessed it -- a therapist) hope to complicate by coming out. Honestly, this makes me feel like a jackass because it may not be my situation -- but it is so strikingly similar I'm wondering if it is. Or perhaps the universe is just trying to tell me something that I, frankly, don't want to hear.

Dan Savage, you are just plain awesome (please sir can I have another?)
Posted by bsmaster112 on January 11, 2011 at 10:02 PM · Report this
35
It’s a Boehner

Looks like #22 is ahead of me, but nevertheless “Boehner” would make a fine name for this “phenomenon”.

Not only it sounds somewhat related, but I assume that by now most people have realized that our beloved newly-elected speaker of the house has a tendency to uncontrollably shed salty body fluids in different directions on occasion.
Posted by fif on January 11, 2011 at 10:28 PM · Report this
36
As a bi-curious girl, I agree with SUPER- superheroines as hot! He just needs to start going to more comic books conventions. He'll find plenty of girls willing to play the part.
Posted by innogen on January 11, 2011 at 10:34 PM · Report this
37
Hmmmm...idiots like myself do frequent the internet. How shocking, just realized identifying features are changed to protect the guilty. Lord, I am such a leotard -- but then again it may be more accurate. WTF? At least nobody has my personal information....
Posted by bsmaster112 on January 11, 2011 at 10:42 PM · Report this
devinderry 38
"Sement" is highFUCKINGlarious.
Posted by devinderry on January 11, 2011 at 11:53 PM · Report this
39
I was trying to think of something along the lines of the BP oil spill the failure of "top kill" or static kill with cement. But "sement" is the hand down winner. Maybe Boehner sement? Halliburton sement?
Posted by jussmbdy on January 12, 2011 at 12:02 AM · Report this
40
Damn, my typing is bad tonight. On further reflection, Boehner sement fails because #1, it happens long after any boners, and #2, the man is a boner killer. How about flaccid boehner sement?

And I find it's not the crusty stuff that is the dangerous stuff. It's the stuff a little further up in your urethra that doesn't quite dry out, but does become the consistency of thick snot, so that it clings to the urethra here and there on it's way out. The worst is when the piss goes out in two streams in opposite directions. No amount of adjusting your aim can avoid that mess. Dick boogers? Spoog boogers?
Posted by jussmbdy on January 12, 2011 at 12:13 AM · Report this
41
On third thought, flaccid boehner is redundant. Whatever wins the contest for dried cum, I think boehner should be our new word for flaccid penis. "I saw Tom DeLay bend over to pick up the soap, and my boner turned into a boehner before I could even close my eyes shut."
Posted by jussmbdy on January 12, 2011 at 12:37 AM · Report this
42
Boehner - because, dammit, not enough people are making fun of that asshat's name and the way he insists on it being pronounced "Baaaay-ner." (Even in german it would be "Buuhner." And yeah, his leathery crust of over-tan skin and propensity for crying everywhere make it an apt choice.
Posted by M1A on January 12, 2011 at 1:13 AM · Report this
43
I think Westboro should be reserved exclusively for something gay. My personal choice for a Westboro would be a closeted gay man who engages in shame-driven sex while publicly pretending to be a "pro-family Christian", as in "Pastor John? He's SUCH a Westboro, I saw him last night trolling the gay bar in dark shades."
Posted by Lynx on January 12, 2011 at 1:29 AM · Report this
44
SEMENT, awesome!
Posted by Snarky on January 12, 2011 at 1:45 AM · Report this
45
SEMENT it is!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by URS from Germany on January 12, 2011 at 2:46 AM · Report this
46
I vote for sement.
Posted by JustAnotherSavageLover on January 12, 2011 at 3:08 AM · Report this
slomopomo 47
there's already a name for it: "bad hygiene." Dude, always pee after sex. It's a rule.
Posted by slomopomo on January 12, 2011 at 4:58 AM · Report this
slomopomo 48
That said, yeah, sement. Palin deserves something special.
Posted by slomopomo on January 12, 2011 at 4:59 AM · Report this
49
OK, sement is good. The cockeyed spray? how about a spitzer?
Posted by cheechako on January 12, 2011 at 5:14 AM · Report this
50
a name like Boehner Sement or Crusty Boehner would be very clever. Unfortunately, the pronunciation of the name is actually something like "BAY-ner." Crusty Bayner just doesn't have the same appeal :(

http://www.economist.com/blogs/johnson/2…
Posted by BabeRuthless on January 12, 2011 at 5:16 AM · Report this
51
I wonder how SUPER's girlfriend would freak out at some really awfully perverse fantasies, like, I don't know, a foot fetish! Geez.
Posted by Ola http://petite-lambda.livejournal.com on January 12, 2011 at 6:12 AM · Report this
52
"Tell me your deepest sexual fantasies... trust me... EEEWWWWWWWWW! Freak! Sicko! Loser!"

Dan's absolutely right - SUPER's biggest problem is that he's still infatuated with this vicious, uptight bitch. Unless a) another of his fantasies is being betrayed and degraded on a regular basis or b) it turns out she freaked because she was afraid he'd stumbled upon her secret identity as Wonder Woman, he needs to move on. Yesterday.
Posted by monkeywithcarkeys on January 12, 2011 at 6:25 AM · Report this
lazylisa 53
Not everything has to be political. Sement is too perfect not to use. Way to go, IslandGuy!
Posted by lazylisa on January 12, 2011 at 6:29 AM · Report this
54
SEMENT is definitely the winner.

Also am I the only one who thought CAR sounded threatened by this new woman and only wrote in to Dan to publicly affirm that she's DEFINITELY, NOT AT ALL threatened by her boyfriend's attraction to this woman and it's that OTHER woman who should be worried?
Posted by Dave M on January 12, 2011 at 6:33 AM · Report this
55
wait, it's actually a "rule" to pee after sex? it's not exactly a choice I make, regardless of when i pissed last my body always makes me pee after i come.

as for SUPER, if the girl's still willing to fuck him, he just needs to start hate-fucking her until she leaves. then he needs to go pee, just to be safe.
Posted by Catface Meowmers on January 12, 2011 at 6:39 AM · Report this
John Horstman 56
Is SUPER's (ex-)gf, like, SUPER-conservative? This is so common, and enacting it is such a low bar to clear, that I have to wonder why one would even bring up fantasies if this wasn't cool. Was she expecting something like: "I want you to suck my dick while I eat you out AT THE SAME TIME!!! How kinky is THAT!"? Yikes.

@26: I strongly approve of the steampunk Batgirl costume plan.
Posted by John Horstman on January 12, 2011 at 6:42 AM · Report this
57
Well, not a rule. More like a guideline...

Sorry, couldn't stop myself.
Posted by monkeywithcarkeys on January 12, 2011 at 6:42 AM · Report this
58
Man, there are strong candidates this time around. Sement is way too obviously good, but Spitzer? Rush Limbaugh? Crusty O'Donnell? I applaud you all.

@56: "Was she expecting something like: 'I want you to suck my dick while I eat you out AT THE SAME TIME!!! How kinky is THAT!'? Yikes."

Thank you for my first morning chuckle.
Posted by Gloria on January 12, 2011 at 7:02 AM · Report this
59
I vote we name the blockage a pissquirt
Posted by andy1324 on January 12, 2011 at 7:33 AM · Report this
60
SEMENT!!!!!
Posted by Peri on January 12, 2011 at 7:45 AM · Report this
Canuck 61
I'll chime in with "sement" FTW.

@34 While it's nice that you don't want to "intentionally hurt your family," I think that we, as parents, need to accept our children just as they are, not as we wish them to be (doctor, lawyer, baker, straight guy, whatever), so if they are hurt when you come out to them, that's their problem, not yours. It's up to them to rearrange their thoughts and attitudes, not up to you to have to hide who you are. You have as much right not to be hurt as they do, and staying in the closet so as not to offend granny probably hurts you as much as coming out will "hurt" her. Just my opinion, of course, but I thought I'd give you my 2 cents as a parent.
Posted by Canuck on January 12, 2011 at 8:37 AM · Report this
62
A Congressional House/Senate Republican minority is the crusty blockage that refuses to be pissed away after sex. A GOP minority blocks everything up so that important things (like pissing, health-care reform, gun control laws) can't get done or get done so badly that there's a huge mess to clean up afterward.

But I'd be willing to settle for calling it the Mitch McConnell as he's certainly the crustiest 'member'.
Posted by MD man on January 12, 2011 at 8:44 AM · Report this
63
I can't think of a better answer to "what's your fetish?" Dressing up and acting as a horny superheroine / supervillainess for my fellow sounds like *so* much fun. I'd much rather hear that than... a lot of other options.
Posted by Makenna on January 12, 2011 at 8:44 AM · Report this
64
My take is Puddin Skin
Posted by Big Ted on January 12, 2011 at 8:49 AM · Report this
65
Sement is a perfect name for the cause, Spitzer is great for the result.
Posted by Oof on January 12, 2011 at 9:22 AM · Report this
66
SUPER's gf sounds like the most ultra-vanilla person ever. Being interested in superheros is pretty vanilla as it is. It is basically dressing up and roleplaying. That is pretty basic fantasy material. Would she have complained if he said he wanted to role play as a cop? Not that different.

Honestly, if she wanted to hear about his fantasies and was weirded out by superheros then I cannot imagine what should would be okay with.

Actually, I want 10 minutes with her. I would break her brain telling her what I think about.
Posted by MrProsser http://pretendbiologist.blogspot.com on January 12, 2011 at 9:25 AM · Report this
67
Sement. It's perfect.
And yes, men, women, pee after sex!
Posted by abbakabba on January 12, 2011 at 9:25 AM · Report this
68
This is one of the best columns in a while, imho. Thanks Dan!
Posted by shandypants on January 12, 2011 at 9:44 AM · Report this
benjamincerf 69
one more in favor of SEMENT.
Posted by benjamincerf on January 12, 2011 at 9:48 AM · Report this
BmuthafuckinRad 70
@ SUPER: excellent advice. Drawing someone out and then stomping on them? Beyond uncool.

@ 12 Sement is brilliant. (But I agree, go pee).
Posted by BmuthafuckinRad on January 12, 2011 at 9:50 AM · Report this
71
Sement FTW

@ 34 I agree with Canuck @ 61 (the voice of parental reason). It's your life, you have every right to live it freely and openly, and not to have to constantly rack your brains trying to find non gender specific ways to talk about it. If dad and grandma aren't so accepting of you, well, that's too bad, but it's their "parental values" that should be questioned, not your sexual orientation, since the former can be changed, but not the latter.
Posted by Ricardo on January 12, 2011 at 9:52 AM · Report this
72
Sement only works in writing, though: we need something that works when spoken out loud.
Posted by BlackRose on January 12, 2011 at 9:55 AM · Report this
73
@ 72 Blackrose, sure it does! You just gotta say SEE-ment, not suh-MENT.
Posted by Caralain on January 12, 2011 at 10:03 AM · Report this
echizen_kurage 74
While it does sound like SUPER's girlfriend handled the situation badly and was generally a jerk, it's possible that her reaction was driven by jealousy and insecurity rather than extreme sexual conservatism.

Think about it: SUPER didn't say that he fantasized about having sex with someone roleplaying as a superheroine; he just said he fantasized about superheroines -- i.e., other women. And not just any other women, but the kind of women that SUPER's girlfriend could never hope to become herself (unless she's bitten by a radioactive spider or something, and we all know how often that happens).

When SUPER's girlfriend initiated the conversation about fantasies, she was probably hoping that SUPER would name an activity that she could participate in. Instead, he disclosed a preference for something that she isn't and cannot be. I'm guessing that, rightly or wrongly, SUPER's girlfriend thought SUPER was saying something along the lines of "comic-book superheroines are SOOOO much sexier and SOOOO much cooler than real women (and I'm only with you because they don't exist)." Hence her fit of pique and accusations of immaturity.
Posted by echizen_kurage on January 12, 2011 at 10:10 AM · Report this
75
you people are really fucked in the head...

... which is why I like you

sement is the best word so far, maybe with the idea of the crust that goes flying is called a sement block
Posted by subbie_333 on January 12, 2011 at 10:15 AM · Report this
76
Crusty old blockage that eventually gets pissed off and goes away...The John McCain?
Posted by Annamal on January 12, 2011 at 10:22 AM · Report this
77
Crusty old blockage that will finally get pissed off and go away?

The John McCain of course.
Posted by Annamal on January 12, 2011 at 10:25 AM · Report this
wondergus 78
+1 for sement
Posted by wondergus on January 12, 2011 at 10:32 AM · Report this
OutInBumF 79
Good to know there's a "RULE" about peeing after coming...geez! How about the "rule" that I'm sleepy and soporific after coming and I'm rolling over and going to sleep? I'll deal with the sement and messy walls in the morning, thank you all so very much. Oddly enough, no sement has ever given me a UTI.
Posted by OutInBumF on January 12, 2011 at 10:34 AM · Report this
80
I like the Rush idea, but maybe used this way...

"My pee-hole's all stopped up with Limbaugher!"
Posted by ggg on January 12, 2011 at 10:40 AM · Report this
81
"some kind of deep psychological problems and fundamental immaturity."

A dickish attack, be it the product of conservatism or an inability to handle jealousy/insecurity. Just because she might be sad or upset herself doesn't make her what she said excusable. Unless she's prepared to come around and apologize profusely, I'd cut this one loose.
Posted by Gloria on January 12, 2011 at 10:42 AM · Report this
82
@79: "Oddly enough, no sement has ever given me a UTI."

Well, going on the assumption that this means you've never had a UTI full-stop, that's probably why it isn't a rule for you. UTIs SUCK. Big time.

I'm also crazy sleepy after sex, but following a few incidents, I now pee after sex *religiously.* I'm not surprised that others have also made it a "rule" in their lives, if they've had the same experiences as I have.

But unlike you, I'm not really offended that your practises differ from mine.
Posted by Gloria on January 12, 2011 at 10:49 AM · Report this
83
+1 for sement
Posted by Conflicted on January 12, 2011 at 11:05 AM · Report this
84
Another voter for sement. Maybe BP could use it deep kill their future wells that go blooey.
Posted by snockered on January 12, 2011 at 11:08 AM · Report this
85
All of the people saying you need to pee after sex seem to be females. True for females.

The dribble of semen after masturbation can have the same effect.
Posted by And that's not all, there's more ... on January 12, 2011 at 11:09 AM · Report this
86
Sement rocks! though presumably not when you've got it... I practice good preventive hygiene by giving my guy a good post-coital squeeze, root to tip. Also works as a DIY.
Posted by ex-seattleite on January 12, 2011 at 11:13 AM · Report this
87
As 17 said, it's definitely Palin-Loughner blowback we're taking about.
Posted by goodog on January 12, 2011 at 11:26 AM · Report this
88
Sement also can occur when you were wearing a condom.

Or after a blow job.

And doesn't the act of squirting semen out a man's urethra basically accomplish the same thing as a woman peeing?

(anyone remember the sement scene from "Me, Myself, and Irene"?)
Posted by And that's not all, there's more ... on January 12, 2011 at 11:31 AM · Report this
89
I love that in Savage Love world, not being ridiculously kinky makes you a terrible person but you can hatefuck your girlfriend until she leaves you and that's cool. Basically, if you're female and you prefer vanilla sex, go kill yourself.
Posted by halide on January 12, 2011 at 11:41 AM · Report this
90
Dave M. - #54 - I'm with you. Her letter had "I don't want this woman in my relationship" all over it. She was building a case against her. And asking, "can I meet her" was weird, if they're open and share everything etc.
Posted by ChameLion on January 12, 2011 at 11:42 AM · Report this
91
@79 It's as much of a rule as washing your hands after you pee. calm the fuck down.
Posted by kersy on January 12, 2011 at 11:45 AM · Report this
markvz 92
The closest existing definition I found on urbandictionary.com for the post coital penile blockage phenomenon is a "crusty pickle."
Posted by markvz on January 12, 2011 at 11:58 AM · Report this
93
Completely agree with the advice to SUPER. As I read the letter, all I thought was what an ass! I have way too many geek pals (and too many sci fi crushes myself) to accept that sort of nonsense.
Posted by Jamie in Pittsburgh http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/strawberry.limonade?ref=name on January 12, 2011 at 12:04 PM · Report this
Cecil Serpent 94
Sement. It makes me think of Granny's sement pond, but that makes me like it even more.
Posted by Cecil Serpent on January 12, 2011 at 12:06 PM · Report this
95
@89
Who said not being kinky is a terrible thing? But if you ask for fantasies you have to expect to hear some sort of fantasy, and I imagine it will normally be something a little kinky. More than just sex at least. What did she expect? That his fantasy would be a romantic dinner followed by straightforward sex?
Posted by MrProsser http://pretendbiologist.blogspot.com on January 12, 2011 at 12:11 PM · Report this
96
I'm squarly in the sement camp
Posted by flounder on January 12, 2011 at 12:17 PM · Report this
97
@ 71 and 61,

Wish the story was better told...those are two out of the three people who are paying for college (dad finally relented into helping). And, if it was a perfect world -- I would have nothing to hide. As well, I have either hidden myself that I believe what is on the outside is the same as what I have inside (there is no way that anyone could suspect). So, I have an issue with social identity -- I have no friggin' clue what is me and what is not me. I have more problems than that, but won't get into them here. Also, I believe (personally) that I have forfeited what I wanted a long time ago because I am the one lying to them. Honestly, I think it is only my business (granny and dad are not participants) so let them live blissfully.
Posted by bsmaster112 on January 12, 2011 at 12:23 PM · Report this
BEG 98
"Um... gee. If every girl you two have ever "dated" has wound up hurt, CAR, then a reasonable person might conclude that YOU'RE DOING THIS OPEN-RELATIONSHIP SHIT ALL WRONG."

Yep, that flashed thru my mind when reading it as well. Several times is a pattern, and it's not the third...
Posted by BEG http://twitter.com/#!/browneyedgirl65 on January 12, 2011 at 12:24 PM · Report this
99
@95 maybe a shoulder rub in the bathtub with some pinot and strawberries...kinky
Posted by flounder on January 12, 2011 at 12:25 PM · Report this
BEG 100
"Dan, these women are drawn to appeal to what the inner pubescent boy in every hetero guy wants! "

Hm. I think boys are presently socially and culturally trained to consider this to be what they want. Otherwise we'd fucking find superheroine drawings on cave walls.
Posted by BEG http://twitter.com/#!/browneyedgirl65 on January 12, 2011 at 12:26 PM · Report this
BEG 101
"The blockage that is created by dried semen on the tip of your dick after sex."

I could have happily lived the rest of my life not knowing about this o.O. However, I'm throwing my vote in with "phelps"...
Posted by BEG http://twitter.com/#!/browneyedgirl65 on January 12, 2011 at 12:29 PM · Report this
102
Also, I am only bothered when it is an innane/insensitive comment or pejorative about such a subject (when they say it, and why is it that people who are bigoted tend to be religious -- when religion is supposed to instill the opposite in people). And even then, I take it (to myself) as "They don't know any better, and I have no way of changing their minds."
I'm seriously getting onto a soapbox no, but I'm bisexual and I could honestly live either way. I hate being stuck having to choose between one or the other, it honestly would be much simpler if I was totally gay - and wouldn't have to worry.
Part of it is that I don't want to know their answers (already feel that my dad's love is conditional, don't want to have to see if that is true for granny), especially if I am not bothered immensely by it.
Posted by bsmaster112 on January 12, 2011 at 12:32 PM · Report this
103
Furthermore, I haven't really had any positive experiences with my mom knowing -- again it is an excuse. But why the hell change if NOTHING will be different and might potentially get worse?
No amount of touting "self-honesty" will change my mind; it doesn't help any that I have worse problems than this one (minor and trivial issue in comparison). I don't want sympathy, and my original intention was just to comment on the eeriness of the parallels between this one person's life and mine. Preview of my problems: imagine the worst (horrifying) thought you could think of (play it over in vivid detail over and over again until something reminds you of it -- like a mind fuck except your subconscious is doing it to you) and try being helpless in the process -- repeat until the misery overwhelms you until you reach out to a shrink; that is one of my problems. I am not saying that my life is the worst (certainly not true, but it can be); I was just (outloud, admittedly) drawing conclusions not looking for platitudes (no offense). I am at fault; but couldn't help but post something.
Posted by bsmaster112 on January 12, 2011 at 12:45 PM · Report this
104
For CSNWG's issue, I'm voting for Palinite: a crusty remnant that needs to be pissed away.
Posted by chicodemon on January 12, 2011 at 1:03 PM · Report this
105
@54 & 90 - yes, yes. Other holes in her story: If they were truly open and healthy, she wouldn't be asking Dan questions 1 or 2, she'd be working that out with her partner. She should know there aren't strict "poly rules", the rules depend on the individuals involved, like any relationship. Also, why is "girlfriends" in quotes? She's the only "real" girlfriend? And - it's not up to her whether or not her guy "squelches the romance", that is up to him (if they were truly open, that is).

That said, I've been in a healthy open relationship with a guy for 14+ years, and he's had a few good 1-3 year relationships end in heartache because the women would eventually realize they were really monogamous. No bad drama, just, "I thought I could do this but it's not for me." Still very sad for both of them, but he's honest from the start and they chose to date him anyway, so what can you do? Just saying, just because many of CaR's b/f's previous relationships ended badly it doesn't mean he/they did anything wrong. Other women's expectations aren't the couple's problem (assuming they are totally honest from the start). My guy's exes understood that even if I wasn't around, he still wouldn't be monogamous with them, so the problem wasn't about me or us, it was simply incompatibility. Sadly though, I don't think this is the case with CaR. She seems to want monogamy light/swinging, not a fully open relationship with all the trust and communication required to make it healthy and sustainable.

[sorry about the long rant]
Posted by shameless on January 12, 2011 at 1:04 PM · Report this
MythicFox 106
SUPER's girlfriend should feel lucky that he simply fantasizes about superheroines and that's it. Chris Claremont, who actually writes for superhero comics every now and again, likes to get fisted by women dressed as Storm from the X-Men. No, really. There are some prostitutes who could tell you some stories.

But either way if her knee-jerk reaction to "I sometimes have sexual fantasies about superheroes" is "There's something wrong with you," that'd be a deal-breaker for me. It's not really my thing, despite being a comics nerd myself, but I'd be more than a little pissed at the idea of having wasted two months with someone like that and didn't see it coming.
Posted by MythicFox on January 12, 2011 at 1:05 PM · Report this
mariaw 107
The GF who was upset by the superhero fantasy probably has a problem with all the photoshopped images that dudes drool over in the media too. Give her a break b/c it's not easy to make sense of how what men fantasize about looks nothing like what most real women look like. I used to be jealous of Jessica Rabbit. Might still be if my boyfriend told me he fantasized about her.
Posted by mariaw on January 12, 2011 at 1:07 PM · Report this
108
Great Caesar's Ghost! Dude wasn't even asking her to dress up or role play. She asked him for some of his fantasies and he told her one that's only slightly less vanilla than "spooning" and considerably more vanilla than "threesome with two girls."

What possible fantasy could any human being have that wouldn't freak her out if this one managed to do it? And don't go around asking what your boyfriend's fantasies are if you clearly can't handle the fact that he has any at all. If he didn't have fantasies he wouldn't be sleeping with you - and you'd both be better off.
Posted by RealityBites on January 12, 2011 at 1:10 PM · Report this
109
Voting against sement. It's great, but I'm with 72: too hard to differentiate between that and cement. Having to stress SEEment instead of suhMENT is a pain; makes the jokes instantly annoying. Also, possible confusion between "I got sement in my dick" and "I got cement in my dick" could result in unpleasantness. Santorum's great because there's no ambiguity.

I liked "crusty pickle" -- I'm wondering if there's a way to bring the political thing into that....
Posted by Blech on January 12, 2011 at 1:37 PM · Report this
110
marjaw, you know that Jessica Rabbit is a cartoon and that there is no way for some to cheat on you with "her" right? How can you be jealous of an attraction to a fictional character, even if they are drawn with ridiculous proportions?

And for the record... we might like our super-heroines big-boobed and scantily clad, but its not straight men buying all those photoshopped images of 'real' women in Cosmo and... whatever other magazines photoshop women's waists and thighs into oblivion. (Star? Us Weekly?)
Posted by Aaron CM on January 12, 2011 at 1:52 PM · Report this
111
"Your "wonderful" open relationship may be working for you, but if it's not working for them, CAR, then it's not working."

I wouldn't immediately assume the open relationship isn't working. One of the things that I have learned from my experience of open relating is that just because my heart has started doing backflips over someone doesn't mean they will fit into my life/lovestyle. Historically I have tried to make this new love fit into my existing model and consistently it hasn't worked. So thus I've decided that I can keep my love for these people but it is the better part of wisdom to not bring them into the fold of my inner world lest I risk having all of their issues with open relating blowing my currently good relationships apart.
Posted by b20di3 on January 12, 2011 at 2:18 PM · Report this
112
Just read this about the twosome who hurt their thirds. It sounded fake to me too, but in the column it's treated as hypocrisy rather than fraud. What a funny world we live in.
Posted by James Early on January 12, 2011 at 2:28 PM · Report this
113
I suggest sement be changed to semenent to clarify the difference between cement.
Posted by Geer_girl on January 12, 2011 at 2:29 PM · Report this
114
@133, I can get behind that.

I also thought of "Bristol plug."
Posted by Blech on January 12, 2011 at 2:43 PM · Report this
115
Erg, I meant 113. Semenent.
Posted by Blech on January 12, 2011 at 2:52 PM · Report this
116
How about the "Falwell"?
Posted by LC49 on January 12, 2011 at 3:03 PM · Report this
117
I was told that there already is a word for that: "Furmunda". It's not very funny, but I think it's a real word.
Posted by DavidSS on January 12, 2011 at 3:06 PM · Report this
118
So we add another freaking homonym to the English language -- get the hell over it!: Accept, except; they're, their, there; its and it's -- there are others that I can't think of right at this second.
Santorum on your face for whoever doesn't like sement.
Posted by bsmaster112 on January 12, 2011 at 3:06 PM · Report this
119
Since it's a pain in the ass when your dick clogged like that would something like Cum Condom work?
Posted by XPingtronX on January 12, 2011 at 3:08 PM · Report this
evilcHris 120
The crusty blockage that has to be pissed away after sex should be named after Fred Phelps of the westboro church.

Behold - I present to you, THE PHELPS PLUG
Posted by evilcHris on January 12, 2011 at 3:21 PM · Report this
121
Straight Big Brother should also clue his sibling in on how to clear his browser history. If his mother found out he's guy from Facebook, he's way too clueless to be using the family computer for porn viewing.
Posted by danfan on January 12, 2011 at 3:23 PM · Report this
evilcHris 122
The crusty blockage that has to be pissed away after sex should be named after Fred Phelps of the westboro church.

Behold - I present to you, THE PHELPS PLUG
Posted by evilcHris on January 12, 2011 at 3:24 PM · Report this
123
Sorry, I meant "found out he's GAY from Facebook"...
Posted by danfan on January 12, 2011 at 3:25 PM · Report this
124
To the people who think Dan should go easy on SUPER's girlfriend:

I'm sorry, but when you ask someone to reveal their innermost secrets, you don't laugh or otherwise go ballistic on them when they do.

That is, if you ever want to hear any of their other fantasies. Or for that matter, expect *them* to ever tell *anyone* about their fantasies again. See also: Closet Crossdressers.

What the hell was she expecting in the first place? Maybe she's bi or something and was using this as a lead-in to a threesome.
Posted by gromm on January 12, 2011 at 3:37 PM · Report this
125
The crusty blockage that has to be pissed away after sex should be the Palin Blockage. She seems to block everything else that would relieve us in this country
Posted by Rlove on January 12, 2011 at 3:47 PM · Report this
126
Sarah P?
Posted by Equity4all on January 12, 2011 at 3:47 PM · Report this
Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In 127
I'm surprised no one has addressed this yet, and that Dan totally missed it himself:
(I already knew because I would be treated to some interesting porn whenever I opened the browser on the family computer after he used it.)


After older bro' gives the 'it's okay to be gay' speech, he should end up w/ "And STOP leaving your porn on the friggin' family computer!!!"

Just because you close the browser doesn't mean it's gone forever. The next person who starts Firefox is going to be welcomed w/ the last image desired by the previous user. It don't matter if it's straight or gay or latex feathered flower-arranging inter-racial speed-dating porn. If you're going to watch it on the family 'puter, learn how to clean the history file!

And to SUPER & the rest of the SL readers, what's the new name for prodding your sex partner into revealing their sexual fantasies & then immediately dumping on them for having those fantasies? I'd just go w/ Dan's (non-gender-specific) 'asshole-move,' although I might add a 'major-' prefix.
Posted by Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on January 12, 2011 at 3:54 PM · Report this
128
Can we plllleeease name the jiz blockage 'Palin'??
Posted by Anoonan on January 12, 2011 at 4:03 PM · Report this
129
"Santorum's great because there's no ambiguity. " HAR!
Posted by danfan on January 12, 2011 at 4:05 PM · Report this
130
@54 -
No, not the only one. She is soooooo not threatened AT ALL by this soon to be heart-broken girl, it's really just pity she feels for her, cuz she is soooooo not threatened...
Posted by DF on January 12, 2011 at 4:21 PM · Report this
131
The amount of spite directed at SUPER's gf is disappointing. We know he's crazy about her, they've only been together 2 months, and she flipped when she heard about his minor sup fantasies. Hers is a sin of ignorance. She doesn't read Savage Love. She can still learn.
Posted by Hunter78 on January 12, 2011 at 4:21 PM · Report this
132
CAR's relationship seems to be one-sided open... no mention of how her other boyfriends.

With regard to sement, as others have said, the written is good, the said not so. Nobody would recognize the syllable stress for what it meant.

Thanks, Dan, for a good column.
Posted by dkimchi on January 12, 2011 at 4:34 PM · Report this
133
Random uncalled for playback of auditory memory from my childhood, of Ellie May from "The Beverly Hillbillies" talking about going for "a swim in the Sement pond."

Aaaagh! Brain bleach!
Posted by avast2006 on January 12, 2011 at 4:36 PM · Report this
134
I voted for sement before, but almost equally good is spitzer. Spitzer, hahahaha!
Posted by Snarky on January 12, 2011 at 4:56 PM · Report this
135
Never had Sement before. Maybe you just need to take a pee after.

I thought Dan was hard on the unicorn hunting couple. I am guessing if 2 is tough to make work then 3 is even harder. So maybe their problem is that poly is HARD. That doesn't mean you quit trying. Perhaps they could be conscious and more considerate, more open and honest there is little evidence they are doing anything wrong. So the reaming out was out of line.

On the coming out thing, doesn't putting your sexual orientation on Facebook as "GAY" mean you have already come out? Is there some requirement that every single family member etc gets a special speech and has to throw a coming out party?

The superhero hater is a real bitch. That is one of the worst thing you can do to somebody- draw them out and then blindside their perfectly reasonable fantasy. The cunt should hear my rape, mind control, and crucifixion fantasies if she wants to know about "deep psychological problems" and "fundamental immaturity."
Posted by Professor on January 12, 2011 at 5:00 PM · Report this
136
Crusty blockage= palinPAC
Posted by EFB on January 12, 2011 at 5:00 PM · Report this
nocutename 137
#74's probably onto something. It makes no sense to ask what someone's fantasy is and react that way, especially since the fantasy is pretty un-weird. But the girlfriend may have been expecting a specific act she could engage in with her boyfriend, and she may feel threatened that his fantasy involves an idealized female body almost no woman has. She may well have thought that his preference for a super-heroine was immature, and in fact, I'll bet this fantasy started when he was a pre-teen.

So even though she massively overreacted and behaved assholishly, I think the letter writer should talk to her about this before kicking to the curb a woman he is "crazy about."
Posted by nocutename on January 12, 2011 at 5:04 PM · Report this
138
I'm torn between seconding the nomination that any dry old crusty semen clogging a guy's dick be called a "Phelps", or calling it a Sprigg (after Peter Sprigg of the FRC): 'cause either way until ya man up and just piss it off, you don't go freely.
Posted by Alton on January 12, 2011 at 5:06 PM · Report this
139
Crusty blockage=PalinPAC

"that lovin' was bomb, but the resulting palinPAC in my member caused me to piss on the bathroom curtains."
Posted by EFB on January 12, 2011 at 5:09 PM · Report this
140
I'm leaning towards naming that any dry old crusty semen clogging a guy's dick be called a Sprigg (after Peter Sprigg of the Family Research Council). But I have to say, another part of me is so seconding the nomination of calling it a "Phelps".

Either way, until ya man up and just go piss it off you won't go freely.
Posted by Alton on January 12, 2011 at 5:13 PM · Report this
141
Why not call that blockage a Glenn Beckage? Beckage is close enough to blockage that it'll be easy to say, and both the man and the bodily function involve bodily fluid flying from an orifice. In one case, urine from the penis, in the other shit from the mouth.
Posted by Trevrabbit on January 12, 2011 at 5:34 PM · Report this
142
"Sement" is already a sex term. Look it up on Urban Dictionary.

There should definitely be a more creative idea than that. I like Phelps...
Posted by fanta@ on January 12, 2011 at 5:55 PM · Report this
143
Maybe SUPER's (hopefully ex) gf felt threatened by his perfectly harmless fantasy, because she doesn't think she would do justice to a superhero costume herself. ("Dammit! He likes HOT girls? Guess I'm out of the game...think I'll belittle him, to make myself feel superior.")

Serious asshattery going on, there.

SUPER - please find yourself a good GGG girl who will support you - bet you can find one who will rock a superhero costume as well. There are plenty of us who would be happy to indulge such a charming fetish for our man.
Posted by onegirlsopinion on January 12, 2011 at 6:35 PM · Report this
144
To SUPER - she asked you about fantasies after the first time you had sex, and when you talked about one that is not much kinkier than wearing lingerie from Victoria's Secret, she went off? Definitely something odd going on there. In your shoes, I wouldn't bail on the relationship, but make sure to re-visit the topic "when I was talking about the superheroine fantasy, I was thinking maybe you dress up and we have some fun." Again, like some other posters have mentioned, it might be more about the idea of "not me" is what is bugging her.

Man, I wish my husband had fantasies like this! We have a lot of fun, but he is basically cool with my fantasies and whatever I want. Sometimes, it would be fun to have him tell me what to do or what he wants (other than, you know, getting me naked) :-)
Posted by ariane on January 12, 2011 at 6:47 PM · Report this
145
Ha, man... That one girl "freaked out" over her boyfriend's "psychological problems and fundamental immaturity," which may very well mean she laughed and said "oh my god, so you have a cartoon fetish. That's so childish." So of course, she's a CUNT who needs be HATEFUCKED and subjected to other people's rape and crucifixion fetishes.
Posted by lilechka on January 12, 2011 at 6:48 PM · Report this
146
@135, when CAR turned up as a SLOTD, someone pointed out that the couple should be looking for people experienced with poly, and who have other support systems in their lives...

@bsmaster112 - please tell some of your real life friends how you are feeling... You sound in crisis, and I'm hoping you can find the strength to ask for help. You are not to blame for your life sucking; life just sucks sometimes and you have to just take it day by day.
Posted by EricaP on January 12, 2011 at 6:52 PM · Report this
147
Sement = Awesome!

bsmaster112: Been there, done that. I got tired of my family asking to meet my girlfriend (or why I didn't have one). If you're not going through that, fine, but I think your therapist will ask you to be honest with yourself and those around you. It's the only way to be mentally healthy. I think you should look into a group of people from Put this on the {map}
http://www.putthisonthemap.org/ They might be able to help you.

CAR: Everyone should be forewarned that they are getting into a poly relationship. For the most part, they work better that way (thanks Dan).

SUPER: You were done wrong. If she didn't want to know the answer, she should never have asked the question.
Posted by DarthTagnan on January 12, 2011 at 6:54 PM · Report this
148
...of course she's an insensitive jerk who overreacted, but jesus christ.
Posted by lilechka on January 12, 2011 at 6:54 PM · Report this
Harry Lime 149
"The gf's reaction is too much, but that is not necessarily reason to drop her like a carrier of Sigourney Weaver's Alien. Gf may just need some education, transformation, and graduation, like the rest of us."

Not. Going. To. Work.

The problem is not just that she has sexual hang-ups, but that she engages in psychological violence; i.e: inviting him to open up about his private sexual fantasies, then when he does, suddenly morphing into a living Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM III), virtually annihilating him with a tone of authoritarian and clinical certitude. Staying in the relationship and thinking that by "being patient" and trying to "educate" her will change the situation is a prescription for further and even more damaging abuse.
Posted by Harry Lime on January 12, 2011 at 7:45 PM · Report this
150
@ 147, thank you for your candor -- but they have never asked me about a girlfriend. With regards to those experiences I have been oddly blessed with being in the right place in the right time (5th grade, had my arms around two older girls -- and of course my dad saw). My reproductive success is only important to my mom (who wants grandchildren to spoil and is okay with me). I am always up for being mentally healthy, but I have obstacles I need to face way before I even think about telling the rest of my family. And I am surprised that no one has brought up the chicken-shittery of coming out via Facebook -- if my family REALLY wants to know (they are friended after all, and it is information that we share) it is clearly there. But, at this point if one more straw breaks my back I'm letting the inner bitch in me out -- and everyone is going to have to pucker up (above and below) because it will not be pretty.
Posted by bsmaster112 on January 12, 2011 at 7:59 PM · Report this
Arsfrisco 151
Dick Boogers.

Also - the first pee after sex, always sit down. Forget about whether it looks wrong for a dude. It beats explaining why you spent 5 minutes cleaning the bathroom floor. SO worth it.
Posted by Arsfrisco on January 12, 2011 at 8:16 PM · Report this
thecheesegirl 152
@145 Dude, *one* guy called her a cunt, and he said she should HEAR his fantasies, not "be tied down and forcibly subjected to them". NOBODY said she should get hatefucked. Nobody's hating on vanilla girls, they're just confused as to what this girl wouldn't consider irredeemably, beyond the pale, way-too-kinky. I mean, honestly, "superheroines" is on the order of "light spanking" and "chocolate syrup". Hell, it's slightly less kinky than "sexy schoolgirls", which is so thoroughly mainstream it hardly counts.
Posted by thecheesegirl on January 12, 2011 at 8:19 PM · Report this
Canuck 153
@150 Good luck to you, then. I can see how it would be tricky if they're paying for your education, and as you say, it's your business...but, as @147 suggested, the public face you've been presenting to everyone since forever, it sounds like, may be part of what is causing you stress? Anyhoo, lots of people here who just love to give free advice (not that you actually want it) if you are in the market... :)
Posted by Canuck on January 12, 2011 at 8:22 PM · Report this
154
Spork (spoo cork, spunk cork, semen cork)? Too bad it already has a meaning. Although it does open up a cheesy line: "baby I'd love to spoon but I've gotta go take care of this spork." Or a PSA: "Remember kids, de-spork before you spoon."
Posted by Sporkle on January 12, 2011 at 8:24 PM · Report this
155
Another vote for Phelps for CSNWG's question. Scalzi recently linked to a wonderful article exploring Phelps's methods and motivations ( http://kanewj.com/wbc/ ) and anyone voting "Phelps" might be interested to read it.
Posted by sekkitsune on January 12, 2011 at 8:51 PM · Report this
156
1. The boyfriend should find someone experienced in poly (maybe even someone with a primary partner of her own).

2. Yes, talk to him (and also tell him to clear the browser history - leaving porn up is just rude).

3. I agree that what SUPER's girlfriend did was ridiculous, but he should find out why she freaked out (maybe she's jealous, as some people said, or she's naive - or she could be an emotionally abusive/manipulative fuckwit). There could be a totally valid reason, but SUPER won't know if the relationship is worth saving until he asks. Plus, if he dumps her for this without an explanation, she'll convince herself that he was a pervert and that she did nothing wrong - even if the relationship ends up not being salvageable, maybe she'll learn something in the process of trying to make things work.

4. PEE AFTER SEX. Gross.
Posted by potayto on January 12, 2011 at 9:29 PM · Report this
157
yes, peeing after sex is good, but what happened to #15? "Crusty O'Donnell" is frickin' awesome.
Posted by harpy caryatid on January 12, 2011 at 9:33 PM · Report this
158
@ 153,
Thank you for respecting that; it was my fault (as I do not fail to point out), but my sexuality is the least of my worries now. Basically keeping myself happy and occupied is what I need; and I hate airing out dirty laundry -- but as I have done it to the nth degree already, I might as well right? My pseudofacade or whatever goes on in my fool head -- it is not that I keep myself from living my life (admittedly I don't comment on anyone's looks, but that is a problem I am rapidly getting over): I support my campus' LGBTQ community, consider myself a member, attend their functions regularly and (hate this phrase) religiously. I want a relationship, but can't help feeling unready (I realize that I don't have to be 100%, honestly I would kill for 50% -- but that is too optimistic at this point) and unable to make the leap and just choose. On campus (I am technically away at school 1000 miles from home) I act according to my true nature -- timid/shy but loveable and smart. Also, I have no way of separating me from whatever kind of mask it is that I wear -- and it is not like I take it off -- which is my problem. Where the mask ends, or I begin is honestly anyone's guess; I wish I had a better understanding of myself and I don't. People to meet, crosses to bear -- that's just life. Enough with my unorthodox social life; I don't think I could stand another comment.
Posted by bsmaster112 on January 12, 2011 at 9:42 PM · Report this
lawdog 159
Sement is (already) the substance, we have to name the circumstance.
Posted by lawdog on January 12, 2011 at 9:51 PM · Report this
lawdog 160
Call it the PUB

Partial Urethral Blockage
Posted by lawdog on January 12, 2011 at 9:54 PM · Report this
161
Dang, sement is taken, but the definition isn't really that far off. So all it needs is a little modifier, like boehner cement.

I like the Limbaugh suggestion too. How about Limp(dick)baughers, in honor of the poster boy for viagra smugglers? Boy, boy molester... close enough.
Posted by jussmbdy on January 12, 2011 at 10:01 PM · Report this
162
>The crusty blockage? That's easy: SEMENT!

Yup, @12 has a lock on it, I think!
Posted by Diagoras on January 12, 2011 at 10:03 PM · Report this
163
Hi first time commenter, long time fan. I think the u-block should quite simply be called the filibuster.
Posted by Lieutenant Smash on January 12, 2011 at 10:03 PM · Report this
sirkowski 164
#156 "There could be a totally valid reason,"

No there could not.
Posted by sirkowski http://www.missdynamite.com on January 12, 2011 at 10:06 PM · Report this
165
CSNWG - the word is kumclot.
Posted by whynot on January 12, 2011 at 10:10 PM · Report this
166
Can think of a bunch for coital cap: jebseal, bush seal, an Orrin hatch. An Eliot Splitster.... But my vote goes to: it's an Orrinhatch
Posted by Fogram on January 12, 2011 at 10:56 PM · Report this
Canuck 167
Okay, kumclot is pure genius, too. Maybe if you don't dislodge the kumclot right away, it becomes sement.
Posted by Canuck on January 12, 2011 at 10:59 PM · Report this
168
Cumclot is also a dirty word; changing it to kumclot (which is basically the same thing as sement) is kind of disappointing really.
We should popularize sement, though -- it sounds classical and infintely dirty "She's [semented] in there pretty well." Cumclot (which is how it is spelt in the urban dictionary) sounds like the fruit -- too cute. Which is why my vote is for sement. Getting on another subject: I'm tired of all the political crap -- we get it they suck (but you know what all VERY successfull politicians suck! Anywhere and everywhere that they can fuck you they will, because in part it is an innane but totally legitamized popularity contest). Good Lord, now I am all hot and sweaty -- cumclots and sements (how bout a lube named sement -- clever, but no one would by it unless there was an explanation of the name). Don't you miss the times when all we had was word of mouth to get words like snowballing, felching, and cum-slag out there? Now, we even have a dictionary for our own dirty words (are we more perverse or less perverse for having created such a thing to invent our own dirty words? I say less because it goes against intuition and if everybody knows the meaning -- let's face it, we want to tell people (almost a source of pride in some, myself included) to gross them out, tell them how raunchy and nasty our minds are, and basically feign sexually mastery -- the name loses it's power).
--These words of dishonesty brought to you by the pungent mist of a fart from downwind. Again santorum in your mouth if you don't like what I say.
Posted by bsmaster112 on January 12, 2011 at 11:40 PM · Report this
169
"sement beck"
Posted by sement beck on January 13, 2011 at 12:32 AM · Report this
Leaning Westward 170
I think I've got it. I'm still saying seament for the win, and even more so because it instantly brings to mind the Beverly Hillbilies and Dukes of Hazard, and this neighbor I used to have...

And when you're blocked with seament and don't Spitzer it out promptly, the nagging infection that shows up two days later and refuses to go away is your Palin.

Phelps is pretty well cornered now by guys who get in and out of the pool much more quickly than the average man, but perhaps it could also be expanded to include the infected track marks you get after sharing a needle with your prostitute while on a week-long meth binge...
Posted by Leaning Westward on January 13, 2011 at 1:07 AM · Report this
Leaning Westward 171
@150 bsmaster Only you can decide when and if to come out. Only your family will be able (or not) to control their actions. You (and possibly your therapist) are the one(s) in a position to judge what the possible fallout may be.

But generally speaking, if it puts you in danger of actual physical harm: don't do it in person.

If it puts you in danger of them tossing you out on your ass, leaving you underage and destitute: Perhaps it may be best to wait a couple of years.

If it means they won't pay for college: do you really need them to? To me, every single penny of the student loans I'll be paying off until I'm 97 is worth it to have been able to look at the people trying to use their money to control my decisions and make me be who they wanted me to be, and say, "it's okay, I don't need it."

And it sounds like half your family already knows, so why not just get the rest of it over with? Does it ever occur to you that you could be putting additional strain on your family dynamic just by having some family members keep you in the closet to others? And if it's no big deal, why are you making such a big deal out of it by NOT telling your father -- especially when odds are he already knows?

You never know, they might be just as pleasantly surprised at your directness and honesty, as you are by their adult, mature, reasonable reactions to it. See the responses from some of the awesome parents on this board. But then, I don't know your family...

My cousin had to slap me to my senses and tell me I was being rude by not coming out to certain people (conservative grandmother included). I thought it was no big deal too, but certain people want to have "The Conversation" with you. Either because they want to feel included, or because they want to have their say about it.

So over a few months, I made it a point to have The Conversation with everybody who didn't already "know."

And you know what, after everybody had their reactions--which ranged from "duuuuhhhh @.@" to "what about grandkids?!?!?" to "You make Jesus cry, you're not welcome in my home, or to the family functions we hold here" to "when do I meet your girlfriend?" to "I never want to meet any girlfriend," to "hey, let's go out and pick up some chicks" to "don't expect any money out of me"--it turns out they still love me anyways--even if it took them until Jesus finally stopped crying to admit it aloud. And, I'm not indebted to them for anything, I never have to worry about trying to hide who I am around them, or worry about introducing them to a new girlfriend or boyfriend, but at the same time I don't flaunt it around certain family members, and they do their best to keep their muttering about the evils of "teh gays" (and by extension "teh bis") out my earshot.

But you know, Dan's said this so much more eloquently than me so many times. Yours is not an uncommon situation, and he answers variations on this question on a regular basis. Read, watch, listen, follow links. You'll learn something.

And haven't you heard yet?

IT GETS BETTER!!

Oh, and stick with therapy. Images that cycle and you can't get rid of, depending on the nature of the image, are generally a sign of something Not Good. PTSD, obsessive disorders, major depression, severe anxiety, and so on. Though, sometimes, a change of scenery (perhaps a college Far Far Away) and putting new stuff in your head to focus on can work wonders too.
More...
Posted by Leaning Westward on January 13, 2011 at 2:12 AM · Report this
172
Need the political thng workin' eh?

Limbaughter was close....how about

Limbatter?
Posted by kalakala on January 13, 2011 at 2:38 AM · Report this
173
Gotta have the political thing goin' on, eh?

Okay.

Limbaughter was close...

Limbatter?
Posted by kalakala on January 13, 2011 at 2:42 AM · Report this
174
I'm kinda disagreeing on the SUPER question.

Which is to say, I think there's two different questions. One is about a guy who fantasizes about super heroes, and asked if that was normal -- the other is about a girl who had sex with a guy for the first time, and in the afterglow of pillowtalk, when she was trying to pick up on ideas from his fantasies about how they should have sex next time, he told her that he'd rather be having sex with cartoon characters.

In other words, she probably wanted to know about his fantasies *about her*. When she found out that she WASN'T the object of the fantasies of the guy she just slept with, she reacted poorly.

So don't write her off, necessarily. And don't take her words to heart; she was wanting to hear how wonderful she is, and how much you want to do it again, with her; telling her about how wonderful PowerGirl's cleavage would have been like a bucket of cold water on her head, but so would have been telling her you fantasize about celebrities or enjoy watching porn: it was supposed to be about her, and it wasn't. That's her problem, not superheroes.

Which isn't to say that she handled it well, either. Just saying that I think both SUPER and Dan answered the wrong question.
Posted by Trevel on January 13, 2011 at 4:50 AM · Report this
175
Some years ago I saw a comedian on Late Night with Conan do a bit about split streams while urinating. If memory serves correct, he referred to it has Magic Harry Potter Tinkle, or something to that effect.

To this day, when I have a stream shoot off in an unintended direction I say to my say, 'whoa, Harry Potter tinkle.'
Posted by JesseAlso on January 13, 2011 at 5:52 AM · Report this
maggums95 176
I thought it was called smegma? Is that totally different?
Posted by maggums95 on January 13, 2011 at 7:05 AM · Report this
177
Wow, The woman is freaked out by a little yen for a busty chick in seriously form fitting clothes, who is, by definition, "good" ("good" as opposed to "bad", in this case) who can, despite being all things honorable, kick major ass... This strikes me as a GOOD thing in a fella- if we're going to disect and analyze a completely harmless and culturally commonplace fantasy, wanting to do Wonder Woman strikes me as a marvelous tribute to an admiration of strong, independant, incorruptable (as in "will do the right thing at every crossroads" regardless of risk or inconvenience) I'd say this is as "pro-woman" as stroke fuel gets..... and it's not that damn significant. Almost fantasies are at least somewhat adolescent simply because most took hold during puberty... DUH.
The woman is a bitch to have coaxed him to share and then kicked him for it... Dan's right, the door should hit her ass on the way out.
Posted by LeBeau59741 on January 13, 2011 at 7:16 AM · Report this
178
Smegma is totally different- That's the disgusting combination of shed skin cells, bacteria, sweat and traces of urine and other secretions that collects under the foreskin of an uncircumsised man who is not careful about keeping himself clean... sort of the penile equivilant of toe jam.
Posted by LeBeau59741 on January 13, 2011 at 7:25 AM · Report this
179
Sement
Posted by AndyM on January 13, 2011 at 7:56 AM · Report this
180
I love "sement," but I want to throw my own hat into the ring with "fillibuster."
Posted by Monica B 1981 on January 13, 2011 at 8:27 AM · Report this
181
Sement rules, but @22, how about "drilling mud"
Posted by Curtis Interruptus on January 13, 2011 at 8:50 AM · Report this
182
"der WeinerBlochenSchpritzer"?

A "pudplug"?

A "270" (number of degrees my piddle radiates from my member)

and a little nod to "poopnoodle": "spoogenoodle"
Posted by Howdy Fellas on January 13, 2011 at 9:43 AM · Report this
183
I'm going to go with 'splockage' for the new word.
Posted by AmericaninLondon on January 13, 2011 at 10:00 AM · Report this
184
Crusty semen on the tip of the penis: a "gop" (named after the GOP and their attempts to block progress)
Posted by Penpoint on January 13, 2011 at 10:19 AM · Report this
lawdog 185
"A cumclot of sement made me piss on the walls and floor."

but then, what else would a cumclot consist of?
Posted by lawdog on January 13, 2011 at 10:48 AM · Report this
186
I'm with arsfrisco on the cum blockage and the risk of peeing all over the place. Sit down, for goodness sakes! And why would you even worry about it looking wrong for a dude? You sit down when you take a dump don't you? (Don't you!?)
Posted by The Lama on January 13, 2011 at 10:57 AM · Report this
187
I'm with arsfrisco (#151): sit down when you pee after sex. And don't worry about it looking weird for a dude. You sit down when you take a dump, don't you? Don't you?! In fact, if you regularly share a bathroom with a female, think of sitting down all the time. Way less toilet rim splatter.
Posted by The Lama on January 13, 2011 at 11:03 AM · Report this
188
May I suggest for the blockage word: Scalia? Like scale, it blocks the pipes.
Posted by mudflap33 on January 13, 2011 at 11:11 AM · Report this
189
May I suggest for the new word for the blockage: Scalia? Like scale, it blocks the pipes.
Posted by mudflap33 on January 13, 2011 at 11:14 AM · Report this
190
Crizz = Crusty Jizz
Posted by TComic on January 13, 2011 at 11:16 AM · Report this
191
In response to CSNWG: I like sement and if popular opinion rules it will probably be the winner, BUT when I heard of the "problem" I thought of a "semen" cap on one's penis, so I looked up the official name of the caps Seamen wear to see if it was a good fit..."Gob Cap" - it fit perfectly!
Posted by poplife on January 13, 2011 at 11:30 AM · Report this
192
@13 - can we conform it to RushBaugh? I like that a little better and just love your suggestion of him for the honor!
Posted by subwlf on January 13, 2011 at 12:21 PM · Report this
193
OMFG, worst mistake -- making a comment that had anything to do with me. I'll just comment on the dirty words and not make this horrible, horrible mistake -- thank you Lord, I have learned my lesson: do not comment if someone else is going to think that they know your life better than you do.
Anyway...@171, thank you for telling me all that? For me, I am in a college Far Far Away (can't pay out of state tuition because it is insane and I only get subsidized loans -- and that is just for tuition; that is to say that -- I don't have a job yet -- I do not have ANY money for anything else, although I have worked on changing that. I have bent over backwards with scholarship applications and generally trying to help; myself out a bit; but none of that is certain/dependable because my mother made herself into a decent person). Off that soapbox and onto another one -- thank you for telling me that I could be messed up (NOT the word I thought first) and while your differential diagnosis is delightly informed (of course it is, why would someone be so willing to dole out medical advice if they didn't absolutely know right?) it is entirely wasted. My therapist knows more about me than anyone on the planet, because I cannot (nor do I wish to) disclose certain information about myself to my family. And if they are so in want of thinking that they know this about me -- and want to "confirm" and/or rant about it -- 1) why should I let them? 2) It is out there -- if people want to know they can ASK me or look it up! 3) We don't share our sex lives with our family, so why the fuck does our family care? 4) Screw honesty! It is not always the best policy -- I am not damaged by it (never teased in high school or middle school and I was not in the closet there) and my family is blissfully ignorant. 5) (Can't help but use complete sentences even though it is a list) I have no perspective on the situation -- so even if I wanted to change it (if it isn't broke, don't fix it) -- there would be no way to satisfy my needs.
Let's just say, for argument's sake that I come out right now -- tell them everything. Basically I'd be telling them "Well, I am bisexual so you can be upset for [certain period of time] and rant and rave -- but after that you can't do it or I am jumping off the bandwagon." They might say they knew, they might be shocked, maybe even cry a little bit. Where does that leave me if I basically do not change any of my core behaviors? It leaves me with a hurt family, and me feeling like a major asshole who made a major mistake. And lastly, even if I did get some benefit from it I won't be happy until I get my (far removed, and possibly completely separate) mental problems under control.
I realize you said that I have the choice -- and I certainly do. If there is NO benefit for me, or them (I don't give a crap if they feel uncomfortable about me in the closet, if they wanted to be the better person and fix a lie then they can TALK to me -- I have given them no indication that I would not be okay with any advice from my family) then what is the point in doing it?
But honesty is somehow this magical thing that keeps people unstressed and happy? Hell to the no!
Tired of it, and will stop reading the comments -- so it will be physically pointless to give me advice (because I am clearly a wackjob and not worth your precious words). So don't strain yourselves trying to "advise" me.
--Seament is a better word, but I still like sement even though it has a non-popularized definition already. If you have a criticism about my spelling or grammar, you may go ahead and fellate me.
More...
Posted by bsmaster112 on January 13, 2011 at 12:37 PM · Report this
194
A new blockage-word suggestion: spog.

In honor of SPOG, the police officers' guild.

Posted by Blech on January 13, 2011 at 1:09 PM · Report this
195
hahahaha sement... i love it.
Posted by lionkingacid on January 13, 2011 at 1:15 PM · Report this
196
74 makes a good point. I have a friend who makes it a habit of telling older women how attracted he is to young women. Of course they get pissed off and forget about their supposed liberal open mindedness. Maybe the gf took offense in the same way she might if he admitted he had a thing for 18 year old chearleaders, or the women in playboy. Kind of dumb if you look at it that way.
Posted by rp on January 13, 2011 at 1:18 PM · Report this
mr. herriman 197
look no further - sement and spitzer are both absolutely perfect.
Posted by mr. herriman on January 13, 2011 at 1:53 PM · Report this
Canuck 198
Bsmaster...rest assured, no more advice, from me anyway. Sorry to presume.
Posted by Canuck on January 13, 2011 at 2:19 PM · Report this
199
CSNWG,
what you are describing is called "Kalanbè" in Haitian creole. It is used in Haitian curses.

Dan Savage,
I am hoping that the event of a Haitian writing in to Savage Love about Creole is rare enough that I get a mention.

It's good to hope, at least.
Posted by Befchenn on January 13, 2011 at 2:23 PM · Report this
200
@145: '...which may very well mean she laughed and said "oh my god, so you have a cartoon fetish. That's so childish." '

If we have to second-guess what she actually said, I'll take his wording over yours. Something about "fundamental immaturity" has the ring of a direct quote to me.

Letter Writer: Clearly she has just demonstrated to you that she is emotionally unsafe. She drew you out in a moment of shared intimacy, openness, and vulnerability, and then stomped on you.

The fact that the overreaction was over something so vanilla tells me that the person with the maturity problem is her, not you; but that is kind of beside the point. You can't do anything about her issues. You can only take responsibility for yourself.

Were I in your shoes, that would be the last personal question I would answer in her presence for a very long time, perhaps ever. Once it's been established that she needs to stay on the outside of your emotional armor, that tends to seriously spoil her chances of being the right relationship for you. At that point, why prolong it?

It's possible that you giving her a curt dismissal will clue her in as to how how badly she fucked up (hell, print this article and give it to her), she'll apologize, and make a serious effort to get her shit together. At that point you can reconsider your options. (Personally, I doubt that will work, because after you dump her, _both_ of you will be feeling unsafe about the other. But hey, you never know.) But don't even consider getting back together unless she gets down on her metaphorical knees and takes full responsibility for the all-but-premeditated knee-chopping she dealt you.
Posted by avast2006 on January 13, 2011 at 3:07 PM · Report this
201
A crusty blockage that has to be pissed away after sex. For some reason the term PALIN comes to mind as she (paraphrasing CNSWG) Spurts out like a geyser that kinda hurts or shoots off at some crazy angle and gets all over the place.
Posted by Packmule59 on January 13, 2011 at 3:10 PM · Report this
202
how about Dyke VanDick.
dutch translation: dam from the dick.
i.e."Gotta go pee so I don't wake up with Dyke VanDick."

sement is good but too subtle aurally.
filibuster- isn't that already what happens while you're generating Santorum?
Posted by xii on January 13, 2011 at 3:34 PM · Report this
203
how about Dyke VanDick.
dutch translation: dam from the dick.
i.e."Gotta go pee so I don't wake up with Dyke VanDick."

sement is good but too subtle aurally.
filibuster- isn't that already what happens while you're generating Santorum?
Posted by xii on January 13, 2011 at 3:38 PM · Report this
204
in response to CSNWG: I like sement and if popular opinion rules it will probably be the winner, BUT since we are talking about a "semen cap" on one's penis, I looked up the official name of the caps Seamen wear - "Gob Cap" - it fit perfectly!
Posted by poplife on January 13, 2011 at 4:31 PM · Report this
205
Harry Lime, [re SUPER's gf]

"...she engages in psychological violence; ... virtually annihilating him with a tone of authoritarian and clinical certitude."

That she annihilated him is over the top. SUP, an SL-knowledgeable guy, wants a hook in order to get a Dan-reply. He knows his comic heroine fantasy is no A-bomb. He doesn't sound devastated.

We know very few details about these 2, not even her age. Here's my reading:

She's sexually and/or relationally immature. SUP saw her, was wowed, pursued her, and finally got her. She's now won over. In the flush of heavy fucking, she asks him his fantasies, and flips out as we know too well.

There is a common disease among women, including many female correspondents here, which is manifested by the "porn is cheating" mind-set. They don't want to deal with him wanting someone else. Gf was expecting him to say things like "I want to fuck you in public." "I want to see you wearing high heels." "I want my mouth welded to your cunt." He responds, "Comic heroines make my dick hard."

"How could you? How immature! They're just dirty ink stains on cheap paper, and I'm real and standing in front of you, and you've been saying how beautiful I am!"

The problem of the DTMFA strategy is that it absolutely guarantees that the relationship was a disaster. Both SUP and Gf will grow. Let the relation play on, it could work; worse matches have.
Posted by Hunter78 on January 13, 2011 at 4:49 PM · Report this
206
My vote goes for spitzer
Posted by SilverBlue on January 13, 2011 at 5:10 PM · Report this
207
****GOPpage***crusty Boehner Blockage

Why not call it GOPpage (rhymes with blockage)?

From #62:
A Congressional House/Senate Republican minority is the crusty blockage that refuses to be pissed away after sex. A GOP minority blocks everything up so that important things (like pissing, health-care reform, gun control laws) can't get done or get done so badly that there's a huge mess to clean up afterward.
Posted by Hellevueite on January 13, 2011 at 6:05 PM · Report this
208
SUPER: If you can't say what turns you on to the girl without being attacked for it, then you should not fuck her. I think you should take offense for how she treated you.
Posted by Rhadiv on January 13, 2011 at 6:48 PM · Report this
209
If I had been in SUPER's girlfriend's shoes, I would have felt myself being supergirl! Man! She missed a great oportunity!
Posted by eternal newcomer on January 13, 2011 at 9:34 PM · Report this
210
@ 198, thank you.
Never meant any offense. Whatsoever. Please don't get butt-hurt about it; just letting the bitch out for air (he needs air too, apparently); trying to be more expressive, and not let people walk all over me. I am a fan of writing comments without getting advice as a response; and again I admit that it was my fault in the first place.

Thanks anyway.
Posted by bsmaster112 on January 13, 2011 at 9:49 PM · Report this
Canuck 211
Well, bsmaster, your inner bitch met our nosy bitches, it seems...! Cheers.
Posted by Canuck on January 13, 2011 at 10:09 PM · Report this
212
@152 I guess #55 could change their name to "NOBODY" since they did say,

"as for SUPER, if the girl's still willing to fuck him, he just needs to start hate-fucking her until she leaves."
Posted by Muddhawg on January 13, 2011 at 11:11 PM · Report this
213
@74: PUT THE ROMANCE NOVELS DOWN AND STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER. People who can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality are crazy. People who let imaginary bedmates threaten their real sex lives have big problems, and probably shouldn't be asking their partners to talk about fantasies unless they are specifically trying to sabotage the relationship. And assuming that women are too delicate and insecure to handle harmless fantasies is as misguided as it is absurd - women's magazines and romance novels are full of shirtless musclemen whose sexual prowess is matched only by the depths of their intimacy, the depths of their (almost invariably blue) eyes, and their superhuman understanding of what a woman wants, feels, needs, desires, or fantasizes about, without her having to say a word. And oh, right, we mustn't forget THE BIG COCK.

Sheesh... it's like you took a women's studies class and only learned enough to be dangerous. The justifications you dreamed up sound more fanciful and alarming than anything I've ever seen drawn on the page of a superhero comic.
Posted by Benny Pendentes on January 14, 2011 at 1:03 AM · Report this
214
The crusty blockage should be called a "SPORK" a hybrid of the words sperm and cork.....though...maybe not as isn't that also what you call one of those spoon fork things you get at the 7-11 ??
Posted by zar800 on January 14, 2011 at 5:26 AM · Report this
215
I love sement ... as in:
"go pee after you have sex or you will have a sement problem". :)
Posted by netman on January 14, 2011 at 5:27 AM · Report this
216
****GOPpage***Def. n: 1. Crusty Boehner Blockage 2. Uretherally retentive plug to temporarily prevent any sharing, even of waste product

Why not call it GOPpage (rhymes with blockage)?

Please vote for this one!!!!!

From #62:
A Congressional House/Senate Republican minority is the crusty blockage that refuses to be pissed away after sex. A GOP minority blocks everything up so that important things (like pissing, health-care reform, gun control laws) can't get done or get done so badly that there's a huge mess to clean up afterward.
Posted by Hellvueite on January 14, 2011 at 5:42 AM · Report this
217
****GOPpage***Def. n: 1. Crusty Boehner Blockage 2. Uretherally retentive plug to temporarily prevent any sharing, even of waste product

Why not call it GOPpage (rhymes with blockage)?

Please vote for this one!!!!!

From #62:
A Congressional House/Senate Republican minority is the crusty blockage that refuses to be pissed away after sex. A GOP minority blocks everything up so that important things (like pissing, health-care reform, gun control laws) can't get done or get done so badly that there's a huge mess to clean up afterward.
Posted by Hellvueite on January 14, 2011 at 5:46 AM · Report this
218
Hi Dan-
The term that CSNWG is looking for is too easy: Palin. I think it could be used as a noun or a verb.....

Noun: "After that quickie, I had a Palin."

Verb: "After that quickie, I was Palin all over the place."
Posted by JTL on January 14, 2011 at 6:00 AM · Report this
219
The term that CSNWG is looking for is too easy: Palin. I think it could be used as a noun or a verb.....

Noun: "After that quickie, I had a Palin."

Verb: "After that quickie, I was Palin all over the place."
Posted by JTL on January 14, 2011 at 6:02 AM · Report this
220
213: It's so cute the way you've generated such an elaborate strawman from a totally unrelated comment and accused *women* of being the ones who can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality in the same post.
Posted by twatter on January 14, 2011 at 6:40 AM · Report this
221
I like sement too, but we really need to find a good meaning for the term,

"Limp Rushbaugh"

I suspect it will be something like, "The inability to maintain an erection due to use/overuse of drugs/alcohol."

As in: "Dan, what should I do? I only tend to find women in bars, but by the time we're back at my place, the alcohol's given me a limp rushbaugh."
Posted by Rawkcuf on January 14, 2011 at 7:47 AM · Report this
222
Another idea would be to name the uncomfortable feeling when attempting to rush anal sex.

"Palin the ass"

Example: "Lets take this a little more slowly, or I'll get a palintheass."
Posted by Rawkcuf on January 14, 2011 at 7:51 AM · Report this
223
#111: Although I think Dan brought up some good points, I'm with you in that I do not think the failure of the third relationships necessarily means that CAR's open relationship isn't working. It seems likely that they may be finding their thirds among women who aren't really comfortable being a secondary partner, or may be comfy with it while it's casual, but find they can't handle it if/when they start to fall in love with the BF. Instead, they should look for people who are either experienced with open relationships, or are actively seeking that kind of thing. Sure, finding the ideal third woman is a unicorn hunt, but it's either that, or they'll have to both admit (not just her) that they're into using the third partner more than being concerned about whether or not it's working for them.

I agree with Dan's advice that they need to make it clear to the third party how their relationship works from the beginning - though not by outlining that it will end in heartache for the third, but by outlining that they have completely transparent communication, that the third will be expected to meet and interact nicely with the other primary partner even if she never gets sexually involved with her, that the secondary relationship will remain secondary, and any expressed desire for monogamy or further commitment will be grounds for immediate termination of the relationship. They should make this clear BEFORE the BF gets heavily involved, they should also all meet casually BEFORE heavy involvement, and this would go a long way to prevent the kind of illusions that will cause the third to imagine that one day, she'll have him all to herself. If they can't/aren't willing to do that because they're afraid it will ruin their chances to bring in a third, then they're both douchbags, and should only fulfill their need for outside sex via one night stands and similar short-lived, sex only flings, so that the third will not expect or develop any emotional ties.

I also disagree with those suggesting that CAR sounds threatened by the other girlfriend, UNLESS it's for the fact that she's not met this other girlfriend yet, and this level of "secrecy" with the third is unusual (it sounds from the tone of her letter that this may be the first time the third has been so non-interactive with her). If that is unusual, then I can't blame her if she's suspicious - why the sudden change in how a third partner is approached, why haven't they met yet, etc? If that is strange, and I was in her shoes, I would be concerned that either the third is completely uncomfortable with the arrangements already, thus unwilling to meet/be known by her (if she never meets the primary GF, she can imagine that the BF is monogamous with her), or that the BF is trying to keep them seperate because he really IS more into the new partner than the old, and doesn't want her catching onto that. I suspect the former is more likely though, given that he has disclosed what he can on his own.

As for HSBB, it sounds to me like his brother is trying to passively come out so as to not create big waves. Seriously, leaving porn in the browser is something that everyone ought to know how to avoid by the time they're a teenager, and if he's openly gay on his FB page, how much more obvious can you get? It sounds like he WANTS people to just "discover" that he's gay, so that he doesn't have to go through a difficult and potentially dramatic coming out speech. He's probably hoping that other family members will come to him, like his mom did, to tell him they've already figured it out. His behavior is just screaming for that. So yeah, he's a coward for doing it passively (I could understand for distant relatives, but not close relatives), and for not picking up on his brother's clear message, but obviously the big brother's going to have to be the "bigger" person here too, and just tell him to knock it off already and that everyone knows and doesn't care, and he wasn't fooling anyone, Mr. Obvious.

Although I like sement, it's one of those words that works better written than spoken. I rather like the Dyke VanDick suggestion, although Crusty Boehner and Rushbo also appeal to me.
More...
Posted by DrReality on January 14, 2011 at 9:27 AM · Report this
muzyqman 224
This is obviously an "I'm on the warpath and I'm taking no prisoners!" day for Dan, and three cheers for it. I love it when he doesn't pull his punches and "tells it like it t-i-is!"
Posted by muzyqman on January 14, 2011 at 10:22 AM · Report this
225
Breaking through crusted semen: cumbustion.
Posted by SAJ on January 14, 2011 at 10:49 AM · Report this
226
Ok folks. Maybe SUPER's girlfriend can "learn" or "be educated".

1. It's not SUPER's job

2.Dan's advice is suggesting that it's not worth the "maybe", or even worth the time until she's learned (if she's going to).

3. Y'know what's a pretty good eye-opener / teaching tool? Getting your ass dumped.
Posted by DragCub on January 14, 2011 at 10:55 AM · Report this
Satyrblade 227
Re: CAR

While I agree with your advice, Dan, I suspect that CAR, her boyfriend, and their perspective playtoys need to learn the language and protocols of ethical polyamory. Given the tone and questions in her letter, I'm not sure they know that such relationship models actually exist.

It seems simple, here in the alternative cultures of America's "alternative" poster child city, to take that knowledge for granted. Most folks, however, flat-out don't KNOW that such options and protocols exist. Instead, they default to a lot of the old "swinger/ open relationship" models in which both partners understand what's going on but their playmates remain more or less in the dark about it.

Given that CAR needs to ask whether or not it's "okay" to meet or even speak to her lover's girlfriend(s), I suspect that the couple doesn't actually know how to language or manage their situation, while the girlfriends have been expecting the social default "one guy/ one girl" thing.

You're totally right about this couple needing to get their shit straight with regards to their extra-relationship patterns. You're dead-on when you tell them to be upfront with their secondaries about the mode of their relationship. I agree that they sound like toxic play-partners until they figure this shit out.

That said, I get the impression that they just don't KNOW about how ethical, conscious polyamory works.

To that end, let's offer a bit more advice about good resources for that knowledge, and a bit less vitriol about their ignorance... at least for now.

-----------------
SOURCES

If you're reading this, CAR (or people in CAR's situation), check out the following sources about ethical, conscious polyamory... and then be aware that theory and practice are very different things. People are people, and every relationship mode is more complex than it ideally appears to be.

Pagan Polyamory, by Raven Kildara (not just for Pagans, this is the single most realistic book about poly relationships I have yet read)

The Ethical Slut, by Easton & Hardy (more queer/ kink-oriented, perhaps, than CAR and her boyfriend might be)

Opening Up, by Tristan Taormino (very good, very practical)

The New Love Without Limits and Polyamory in the 21st century, by Anapol (a bit too idealistic to be really practical, but with strong emphasis on the emotional bonds beyond the physical activities)

Oh, hell - here's an amazon link. Read the various entries yourselves, and decide what sounds most fitting for your experience and situation:

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?u…

Beyond that, google "ethical polyamory," join poly webgroups, talk to poly people and, like Dan said, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER before dragging other folks along for the ride.

Have fun, be safe, and play nice with your toys. If you keep breaking them, you're doing it wrong.
More...
Posted by Satyrblade on January 14, 2011 at 11:01 AM · Report this
228
how about SPUNKAGE? spunk + blockage = spunkage
Posted by spunkage on January 14, 2011 at 11:19 AM · Report this
229
That crusty blockage that has to be pissed away should be called Coulter.

Love,
Daddy
Posted by Daddy on January 14, 2011 at 11:37 AM · Report this
230
I could live with 'Scalia' as a term for dried semen, but it doesn't quite have the right sound. At the risk of dating myself, I suggest 'Swaggart,' after the televangelist Jimmy Swaggart. It combines the 'sw' sound of 'swab' and 'swill' with the double 'g' and following vowel of 'faggot'. I can't think of a better (if belated) gift for the nasty old bastard.

However, if he's too obsolete to bother with, then I suggest 'Foley,' after Mark Foley the page-molester.
Posted by not_from_here on January 14, 2011 at 2:12 PM · Report this
231
'Sement' is brilliant, it gets my vote for blockage nomenclature.

I agree that the sideways piss spray needs another, separate name. The Sement can cause it, but it happens in other instances as well.

Calling the spray a "Spitzer" hits the right notes.

Example: "Duuuude, i just drove for 4 hours and when I took a pee break I Spitzered the wall."
Posted by CornsilkSW on January 14, 2011 at 2:13 PM · Report this
232
How about a "Hannity" - because it needs to be waterboarded to get it off.
Posted by mirth on January 14, 2011 at 5:08 PM · Report this
233
My suggestion for that blockage is to call it beckle--after that crusty dickhead Glenn Beck.
Posted by jimberoni on January 14, 2011 at 5:22 PM · Report this
234
My suggestion for that blockage is beckle--after that crusty dickhead Glenn Beck.
Posted by jimberoni on January 14, 2011 at 5:29 PM · Report this
235
I KNOW I KNOW----Rush Limblock!!!!!!
Posted by auntie grizelda on January 14, 2011 at 5:37 PM · Report this
236
I haven't laughed out loud this long in years!!!
Posted by auntie grizelda on January 14, 2011 at 5:39 PM · Report this
237
@15 and @157: Yeah! Yeah!! Crusty O'Donnell for the win!!

I know! I know---Rush Limblock!!!! LOL!!
I haven't laughed out loud this long in years!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Posted by auntie grizelda on January 14, 2011 at 6:16 PM · Report this
238
@Can't spell neologism without gism- what about a pissure?
Posted by heidilady on January 14, 2011 at 6:45 PM · Report this
239
@170 FTW
Posted by Even-Steven on January 14, 2011 at 6:54 PM · Report this
240
Crusty Blockage has never happened to me. It sounds made up. Like "poopnoodle".
Posted by crusty on January 14, 2011 at 9:59 PM · Report this
Rach3l 241
+1 for sement

Can we make up a sexual definition for the phrase "Boehner DeLay" and googlebomb it!?
Posted by Rach3l on January 14, 2011 at 10:14 PM · Report this
242
SUPER, Jesus, DTMFBA, OK? What a nasty-@ss thing to do. If a guy I was into dropped such a cute little fantasy, you can bet your white leather calf boots Wonder Woman would answer the door the next time he knocked.

hmm, those bracelets...that's kind of hot actually, black wig...yup, I think the guy and I may be in for a little costume fun this weekend...or maybe Zena...

Posted by GG1000 on January 14, 2011 at 10:54 PM · Report this
243
For CSNWG, call it "Dick Cheney"
S
Posted by BillClinton on January 14, 2011 at 11:06 PM · Report this
244
For CSNWG, call it Dick Cheney
Posted by BillClinton on January 14, 2011 at 11:09 PM · Report this
xjuan 245
Hey, CAR: Don't be so sure he'll never fall for another wo/man. The longer the game, the better his chances to fall in love with someone else.

SUPER: Dan's right. She'll do it again.

SEMENT is the best, but 'boner vs. boehner' is also great. There will be time for Palin and McCain, but there has to be some liberal out there that deserves a Santorum kind of name. It's a matter of equilibrium. Yes, I like the proposed Spitzer. And Westboro, indeed, has to be for something gay, no doubt.
Posted by xjuan on January 14, 2011 at 11:28 PM · Report this
MarkyMark 246
It sounds like the gal in letter #3 would have been freaked out even if his fantasy was being with 2 women at the same time! She probably took some kind of "Pysch 101 for Womyn" in college. I'm surprised that she didn't make some statement that included the phrase "patriarchal society".
Posted by MarkyMark on January 15, 2011 at 1:34 AM · Report this
247
Hi Dan, late to the party I know, but I thought I'd mention that I've been calling that crusty blockage "McCain" for years, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. In my case it started with the resultant mess on the floor, to which I would exclaim "Oh McCain, you've done it again" (the old slogan for McCain frozen vegetables) but in recent years it fits so well with the senator from Arizona.
Posted by TheCoop on January 15, 2011 at 1:42 AM · Report this
248
Despite living intimately with a man for well over 40 years I had never heard of this phenomenon; I was astonished that my lover had never mentioned it. But then, we were the children of the "don't talk about anything generations" from which it seems it will take an entire life to unfold. After much laughter I came up with "dookey-dick" and my husband topped me with "pissinterruptus."
Posted by Leafy on January 15, 2011 at 5:54 AM · Report this
249
How about palinrush? Either as a verb or noun.

E.g.,

"Wow, after all that drunk sex last night, we just passed out after the fact. Woke up in a bed covered with Santorum, and to make matters worse, when I pissed later, I palinrushed all over the place."

"Folks, in addition to preventing palinrush from forming, peeing after sex is really a good way to help prevent STDs."

I like using boehner for something. Given it's pronunciation is, I believe BAY-nor, how about using it to mean a dick which is leaking precum? As in,

"Dude, you totally have a boehner - better put a condom on."
Posted by VerbalGerbil on January 15, 2011 at 6:14 AM · Report this
250
How about palinrush? Either as a verb or noun.

E.g.,

"Wow, after all that drunk sex last night, we just passed out after the fact. Woke up in a bed covered with Santorum, and to make matters worse, when I pissed later, I palinrushed all over the place."

"Folks, in addition to preventing palinrush from forming, peeing after sex is really a good way to help prevent STDs."

I like using boehner for something. Given it's pronunciation is, I believe BAY-nor, how about using it to mean a dick which is leaking precum? As in,

"Dude, you totally have a boehner - better put a condom on."
Posted by VerbalGerbil on January 15, 2011 at 6:17 AM · Report this
251
Oops - sorry for the repetition - moderator, please delete 250 or 249 (but not both of course). Thanks.
Posted by VerbalGerbil on January 15, 2011 at 6:42 AM · Report this
252
@ 74 - The most sensible post so far. It is astonishing how much lack of self awareness folks on this thread seem to exhibit. It's all well and good to jump on what this guy's girlfriend did or didn't say but most of you are forgetting that there is ALWAYS two sides to every story and I'd be willing to bet that this guy was exhibiting other "immature" (read, irritating) traits that this woman was probably already noticing so his fantasy about comic book women just pushed her over the edge.
Yes, it is cowardly to not just drop someone at the first sign that you see the incompability but that is what humans do every day and long after all of us on this thread are dead and gone, humans will still be hanging onto relationships which so obviously will not work. He was probably annoying her outside the bed so his fantasy was just one more thing.
Posted by Frederica Bimble on January 15, 2011 at 7:26 AM · Report this
253
How about "CRUSM"?
Posted by MisterMyke on January 15, 2011 at 7:55 AM · Report this
254
How about Palin.

Like the crusty little blockage that exists in Sarah Palin's mental process that prevents her from realizing she how foolish she sounds when she publically speaks.
Posted by wally on January 15, 2011 at 3:02 PM · Report this
255
I wonder if the proper name for this dick-damming is gonorrhea? It kinda sounds like it!
Posted by piper98118 on January 15, 2011 at 3:17 PM · Report this
256
dick damming? uretha franklin.
Posted by nolarog on January 15, 2011 at 7:02 PM · Report this
257
semen post coitus? call it the peniplug, dick dam, cumslum, pearlhurl, the white wedge, cockerstopper, jizzfizz
Posted by voodooroger on January 15, 2011 at 7:18 PM · Report this
258
"Filibuster" = crusty blockage.
Posted by Caleb on January 15, 2011 at 7:26 PM · Report this
259
"Filibuster" = Crusty Blockage of Important Business.
Posted by Caleb on January 15, 2011 at 7:29 PM · Report this
260
re: cum post coitus, i thought of another; how how the sludge report?
Posted by voodooroger on January 15, 2011 at 7:30 PM · Report this
261
I think it should be called a cum cork!
Posted by nezzy on January 15, 2011 at 11:05 PM · Report this
262
Becklimbaugh - Whatever comes out its hole is either sperm or urine, it goes off on crazy tangents and it would be funny if it didn't leave a big mess for someone to clean up.
Posted by Rodders on January 16, 2011 at 9:35 AM · Report this
263
@ 1 (or anybody, really)

Any idea where one can get latex fetishwear without spending a fortune?
Posted by queenofspades on January 16, 2011 at 12:46 PM · Report this
264
'Sorry about the mess, hon---I had a Reinced Priebus.'
Posted by Gerald Fnord on January 16, 2011 at 4:25 PM · Report this
265
it's gotta be sement. WTF is supergirl doing with an assault rifle? and your therapist is probably using the DSM-IV, the fifth iteration is on the way.
Posted by artvandelay50@yahoo.com on January 16, 2011 at 5:51 PM · Report this
266
it's gotta be sement. WTF is supergirl holding an assault rifle? and your therapist probably used the dsm-IV to diagnose you. it replaced the dsm-III-R in 1994. the dsm-V is on the way.
Posted by artvandelay50@yahoo.com on January 16, 2011 at 5:58 PM · Report this
267
oops. sorry
Posted by artvandelay50@yahoo.com on January 16, 2011 at 5:59 PM · Report this
268
SUPER - there has to be a reason why shows like Wonderwoman, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Alias....etc. are so big - and it is not the stories or the acting. There is a clearly a huge subset of men (and women) who get turned on by hot strong chicks who can kickass and physically dominate their men. Some guys act on this by focusing on women with muscle (see sites like herbiceps.com), some guys go for women can literally wrestle them down (see grapplinggirls.com or wb270.com for a huge list of women you can wrestle if you pay) and some guys...like superheroines. I like all three! Tell your girl to grow up and get willing to share her own fantasies with you - they are probably even kinkier. - CaptainCarolina
Posted by captaincarolina on January 17, 2011 at 6:10 AM · Report this
269
I can't believe she gave up the opportunity to dress up like Supergirl for him!
Posted by rds on January 17, 2011 at 9:17 AM · Report this
270
lol Rush Limblock
Posted by rds on January 17, 2011 at 9:21 AM · Report this
271
Obviously, the stuff plugging the tube after sex is "sement".
Posted by zengoddess on January 17, 2011 at 12:00 PM · Report this
272
"Can't Spell Neologism Without Gism" -- that deserves some sort of medal!
Posted by killerSF on January 17, 2011 at 2:21 PM · Report this
273
How about Peniscus?
Posted by bugdog on January 17, 2011 at 3:50 PM · Report this
274
How about much wordage for cum blockaging being dumb aging.
Posted by Hunter78 on January 17, 2011 at 5:29 PM · Report this
275
I can't believe it took 74 comments for someone to hit the nail on the head.

Dan, I'm sorry, but you really missed the boat on that one. You must not realize how painfully insecure almost ALL women are about their myriad physical flaws. When SUPER said "Sometimes I fantasize about superheroines", his GF heard "Your body will never be good enough for me." Her reaction was probably bad, but cut her some slack. We girls never can meet that fantasy standard, and most women have trouble accepting that that's okay.
Posted by Rgirl on January 17, 2011 at 9:24 PM · Report this
276
Rgirl, I simply disagree with letting her off and not criticising her. Not that I am saying he should automatically dump her but I think this would need to be addressed, she is wrong and it was unfair. She might be insecure about it but it does not excuse her actions and I do not see why anyone should cut someone slack for acting in an immature way based on their insecurities. She is an adult and has to be grown up. She might have interpreted what he said incorrectly but that is her issue, not his (unless he really did fumble when explaining this but we will never know. As with all letters here we can only go on what is written, the rest is speculation, sometimes more informed than others). Everyone is insecure but when we act on these in an unfair way we are still unfair. Understandable but still wrong.
Posted by MrProsser http://pretendbiologist.blogspot.com on January 17, 2011 at 10:24 PM · Report this
277
Maybe SUPER's girlfriend was freaked out because the way SUPER worded his fantasy makes it seem kind of creepy. I mean, his first mention of a sexy super heroine is Super Girl, and she's a teenager. Then he starts talking about his "inner pubescent boy." It makes him sound like kind of a pedophile. Or like he's still stuck being attracted to the young teen girls he was attracted to when he was a teen himself- as if he hasn't grown past that stage. Maybe that's why she called him immature and said it seemed like he was disturbed.

He might have gotten a better reaction if he'd just said he was attracted to more age-appropriate super heroes, like Wonder Woman and Cat Woman, and left out the stuff about the pubescent boy inside of him.
Posted by Deseret on January 18, 2011 at 4:32 AM · Report this
278
"Elmers" is the obvious answer to the coming out kinda white drying hard and clear stuff.
Posted by Floop on January 18, 2011 at 11:19 AM · Report this
279
deseret-

assuming that a man talking about his inner pre-pubescent boy is somehow pedophilia is just retarded. if that was the reason she freaked out on him, he should dump her for being a dumbass, if for no other reason. oh, and supergirl? she had tits and hips. maybe not as round and big as wonder woman's, but big enough not to qualify fantasies about her as pedophilia. people who get all worked up about this kind of thing don't deserve to be humored.
Posted by ellarosa on January 18, 2011 at 11:47 AM · Report this
280
ellarosa,

People who can't forgive a single mistake don't deserve to be respected.
Posted by Hunter78 on January 18, 2011 at 4:20 PM · Report this
281
CAR and her BF sound like real-life vampires and I don't mean that in a good way. I think they're much lower than SUPER's (hopefully) ex. She sounds like just an insensitive snot and there's always hope that she learned her lesson. But CAR and BF just keep using people and thinking they're awesome for doing it. Yig.

and I vote for "sement"! The infamous names of Palin, Boner, Beck, Limbo et all really deserve something a lot worse. It almost has to involve diarrhea, pus, vomit, or rotted animal carcasses, or all four.
Posted by Belleweather on January 18, 2011 at 4:51 PM · Report this
282
The Wax Dart

The explanation may not be the same, but the blockage is.

"I haven't had sex in so long, the next time I come it's going to be like a wax dart shooting out of the end of my dick!" -Bill Hicks
Posted by pig on January 18, 2011 at 6:26 PM · Report this
283
The Wax Dart

The explanation may not be the same, but the blockage is.

"I haven't had sex in so long, the next time I come it's going to be like a wax dart shooting out of the end of my dick!" -Bill Hicks
Posted by pig on January 18, 2011 at 6:28 PM · Report this
284
Actually, that name is only okay.

Sement is just hard to beat.

Also, double posts suck.
Posted by pig on January 18, 2011 at 6:31 PM · Report this
285
Go with Sement!!! Save the more political names for something more personal to the political icon.
Posted by lewy on January 18, 2011 at 6:46 PM · Report this
286
Go with Sement!! Save the political icons for something more personal to their cause.
Posted by lewy on January 18, 2011 at 6:49 PM · Report this
287
Instead of sement which has the homonym problem, let's go with:

penisement

Don't pronounce the first two syllables like "penis" but like "penicillin"
Posted by subbie_333 on January 19, 2011 at 9:34 AM · Report this
288
"Sement" is the best option posted so far.

It's good for both men and women to pee after sex. Bladder infections are no fun.
Posted by My Name Here on January 19, 2011 at 9:35 AM · Report this
289
Dan! Let's call the semen plug a "Foley Plug" for US Rep Mark Foley, the foremost opponent of child pornography in the Senate, who was scandalized for sending teenaged Congressional Pages sexual emails for years. And, Foley Plug seems like it could also be a component of the urination facilitator the "Foley Catheter."
Posted by One Louder on January 19, 2011 at 8:25 PM · Report this
290
Although I know Sement has by far the most votes, Rush Limblock gets mine for the win.
You could park a car in the shadow of his ass!
Posted by auntie grizelda on January 19, 2011 at 9:18 PM · Report this
291
Poor girl, how has she never had a fantasy about fucking Batman?

SUPER's gf is the type of girl I can thank for giving every decent man I have slept with some sort of complex about sharing sexual fantasies.
Posted by Mirabilis on January 20, 2011 at 4:48 PM · Report this
292
I've been calling this STUCK EYE for years, but I must say I do like sement.
Posted by Frankys on January 20, 2011 at 6:26 PM · Report this
293
CAR is delusional if she thinks her BF isn't saying things to the other women that make them believe he will leave her. I met a man in this situation before and he trash talked his GF constantly. Of course, one would believe he would leave someone he felt so adamantly about, but always had BS excuses why he couldn't. He "couldn't" because he had a dumb bitch at home that didn't realize how bad he made her look and the fact that he could do whatever he wanted. Yet, I met another man who was totally upfront saying he wanted to date me, but I should know he's into open relationships and always will be. Kudos to him for being honest and letting a woman decide what she will/will not accept. CAR is a fool and they deserve each other. But hey CAR, you might want to actually find out the truth before you assume it's the outside party that has issues. I'm willing to bet that the issues are YOU, you stupid bitch!
Posted by laughing at stupidity on January 21, 2011 at 7:04 PM · Report this
294
I vote calling it Republicum. You know, because it's all about obstruction.
Posted by Dirkus32 on January 22, 2011 at 6:06 PM · Report this
295
i'd say the bit of cum that keeps you from peeing at night is a palin. short, sweet, and equally obnoxious.
Posted by anon er mous on January 23, 2011 at 10:12 AM · Report this
XiaoGui17 296
A little harsh to CAR, I think. Some girls are just really, really, really immature. You can tell them from the beginning, "No, we're not breaking up." You can tell them, "No, he's not leaving me for you." You can be as honest and direct and blunt as you can possibly be, and they STILL get attached and heartbroken when WHAT YOU TOLD THEM WAS GOING TO HAPPEN ended up happening after all. Some girls are just stupid like that.
Posted by XiaoGui17 on January 23, 2011 at 9:38 PM · Report this
297
@246: um.....that's what's WRONG, MarkyMark.
Patriarchal societies.
Posted by auntie grizelda on January 25, 2011 at 6:30 PM · Report this
298
CAR, You're an ass and you are NOT respectful.

Start with this, "Because our relationship with each other is always more important than she is."

If you start with the assumption that anyone besides the two of you is less important than your relationship, you begin by defining them as disposable. No one wants to be treated that way and that's why you keep hurting people. If you just want to fool around at times with people and don't want to pursue serious relationships with them that treat them as equals, hire someone or advertise for a play partner. Join a swinger's club. Find a sex club. Don't pretend that you're dating and pursuing a relationship with them.
Posted by Screen Name Whatever on January 27, 2011 at 10:25 AM · Report this
299
@5 Why do people always suggest that Dan has a bias towards gay OR straight relationship advice?

Not putting in the time and effort to extend that obviously disaster-waiting-to-happen-relationship has everything to do with the fact that it was only the first time they'd slept together and that it wasn't a deep and meaningful relationship that needed to be nursed back to life.

Way to project your sexuality-bias on other people, douchebag.
Posted by CheshireKai on January 27, 2011 at 12:47 PM · Report this
300
I think SUPER's girlfriend's reaction was a major red flag. Unless she apologized in the next week, I think she should be toast.

It isn't just that the fantasy bothered her, it's that she psychoanalyzed her boyfriend and diagnosed him as a villainous, sexist, immature neurotic.

If something bothers her, or makes her jealous, she needs to take responsibility for her own emotions and reactions, instead of pointing the finger. If she reacted badly in the moment, she needs to apologize promptly and initiate a mature discussion. If she can't do that he needs to dump her.

I agree with Dan that this is a red flag for a manipulator or abuser.

If my boyfriend told me he was into scat or incest fantasies, I might be disturbed, even as a longtime Savage Love reader (yes I know these fetishes are common but they still gross me out). However, I hope I would at least understand that my reactions or feelings of insecurity and grossness are just feelings and don't mean that the other person is Ted Bundy. I don't have to like it, but I don't have to call the other person names either.

The girlfriend's crime isn't being vanilla or boring in bed. It's leaping to accusations and her attempt to shame her boyfriend that make the whole thing disturbing.
Posted by Annee on January 29, 2011 at 6:34 AM · Report this
301
For #3, the dried cum guy: How about "Hard Frosting"?
Posted by zlagorr on February 6, 2011 at 5:42 PM · Report this
302
I was going to suggest "Boner Booger", but then I read "Sement". Nevermind . . .
Posted by TrevorSmith on February 9, 2011 at 12:17 PM · Report this
303
I think that dried stuff on the end of your dick is called smegma. I think that this is a Yiddish term.
Posted by Harry on February 15, 2011 at 4:24 PM · Report this
304
I believe the term you are looking for is SMEGMA. Noun, the dried up semen on the end of your penis that appears after coitus.
Posted by Harry on February 15, 2011 at 4:29 PM · Report this
305
actually, smegma is incorrect, smegma is a "cheesy substance", ...a combination of exfoliated (shed) epithelial cells, transudated skin oils, and moisture...it's on the outside and it's not hard, but smeary, like cream cheese (sorry if you're eating and reading!). he's talking about a drier crust that builds up inside his urethra. and actually, smegma is greek for soap. i don't get the connection except for the thought that when smegma occurs, you need soap. btw, smegma happens to girls too..and not just humans.

as for the brother who needs to come out...it's true..he does. there is a huge amount of emotional baggage that builds up when you have to hide your true self away from people, especially the people closest to you, your family. how do i know this? i'm doing it. i knew i was bisexual by the time i was 9 and slept with a girl shortly after i slept with a guy for the first time. But, I live in a VERY small town, in a very conservative state...and my family wouldn't understand, except maybe my gram. the rest would just think i was trying to get attention or being a slut. i moved from this small town to a huge city after high school. i got to be whoever and whatever i wanted to be. i didn't have to censor myself, watch what i said...nothing..just free to be me. after about 6 years of this, i was forced to move back to my hometown due to circumstances beyond my control..and with moving back came shutting my true self down. only my husband knows. it feels like i'm lying every minute of everyday. it feels like i'm cheating myself, like i'm denying a huge part of me just to avoid conflict. someday i'll leave here and be who i am, but there'll still be part of me that knows i'm suppressing WHO I AM to the people i'm closest to...and that causes a major mindfuck. don't do it to yourself if you can help it..just like Dan says about coming out, the only time you shouldn't is if you are dependent on your family for basic needs, like i am, where it would be detrimental to you, not just a problem your family needs to get the hell over. ...by now, there's little need to tell them, since i'm married, but there's part of me that wants to anyway, part of me that's tired of being repressed, part of me that's so freaking tired of hiding myself and feeling guilty for being me...for being bi. don't do this to yourself if you can at all help it. you'll feel so much better, not matter the outcome, (better to have your family upset than to live a lie forever) and your therapy bills will be SO much cheaper.
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Posted by smiddenkidden on February 20, 2011 at 1:04 PM · Report this
306
I kinda like the super hero fantasy... I can see me know in a Superwoman costume... and like things to be 'vanillia' as I have seen it called.
Posted by Myszka :-) on July 23, 2011 at 9:32 AM · Report this

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