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May 3, 2001
I'm a 27-year-old Jamaican man. I have lived in New York half my life but still have a slight accent. For some reason this seems to drive women and men alike wild! Yesterday a guy followed me for five blocks after he heard my voice. I'm a good-looking guy, but for some reason I'm attracting all the wrong people. I get white gays and white women who want me to beat them and dominate them! To each his own, but all I'm looking for is a nice girl with just a touch of the freak. My best friend is gay, and he says it's my "aura."
I'm sure I don't have to tell you that Americans--every last one--are fucked up about race. Consequently, for a lot of white folks, good-looking dark-skinned men with accents are both exotic and a little threatening. When your gay best friend blamed your "aura," he probably meant a slightly dominant vibe that, even if completely unintentional, makes submissive men and women follow you around Manhattan.
What can you do about it? Not a hell of a lot. Unless you're willing to flounce around New York in a sun dress and ruby slippers, you might as well use the effect you have on people to your advantage. Surely some of the women you've met who want to be dominated are also nice girls; I've met a lot of very nice girls who want to be dominated. If you don't automatically reject girls who wanna be dominated, sooner or later you'll find one who's touched but not too touched for your tastes.
I work in a clothing store popular with high-school girls. These chicks throw themselves at me constantly. Should I have sex with them? A lot of them sure look older than 17, and the sex would be consensual, but I don't want my ass arrested for statutory rape. I've always said, "Enjoy the easy sex while you can," but I'm not so sure what to do about high-school girls now that I'm 18.
If you live in a state where it's illegal for 18-year-olds to fuck 17-year-olds, you'll have to enjoy easy sex with girls of your own age or older. Surely you have some elderly co-workers who find you irresistible? But if the high-school girls at the mall are just too darn hot, do a little research down at your local library. In many states, CD, 17 is legal.
My girlfriend of a year and a half used to be a stripper. When I met her, she was getting out of that line of work and struggling to make money. Now she's barely making ends meet and wants to resume dancing, where the money was good. I have dated strippers in the past and had great times, but I've never given a stripper the level of respect that I would show a serious girlfriend.
From a privacy standpoint, I'm not sure I can handle her shaking her ass in guys' faces at the drop of a dollar. Also, I think I would be embarrassed if someone we knew recognized her as a stripper. I can accept that she did this in the past, but not as a woman I currently love and respect. She's adamant, and I'd hate to give her a stark choice. Am I being unreasonable?
If you're not willing or able to financially support your girlfriend--pay her rent and bills, buy her clothes and food--you have no right to prevent her from supporting herself the best way she knows how. As for "stark choices," if she's really adamant about stripping, then it sounds like you're the one who's been handed a stark choice.
I'm a student at UW Madison and I have a serius [sic] problem. One night I was awoke to hear the noice [sic] of somebody undressing. It was my roomate [sic] getting ready for bed. So I went back to sleep but then I woke up again to hear a slapping sound. I turned around and looked. It was my roomate [sic] jacking off! It was so discusting [sic]! After the first insident [sic] it happened about 10 more times! But that's not the half of it. The last time, I saw him eat his jizz! I don't know what to do. Can you help me?
Discusted [sic] Dorm Dude
Dorm rooms are bedrooms, and boys beat off in their bedrooms. At least your roommate is courteous enough to wait until you appear to be asleep before he jacks off. As for him eating his own jizz--which you wouldn't have seen if you were courteous enough not to stare--some boys, mostly straight, eat their come after they masturbate. Some guys are simply turned on by their own come--and only their own. Others believe it possesses some magical essence of their own manhood. Instead of wasting it on a sock or a T-shirt, they gobble it up. And, of course, some boys don't want their roommates to know they've been jerking off and eat their come to destroy the evidence.
Finally, DDD, your spelling is atrocious. If I were you I'd worry less about my roommate jerking off and more about my inability to spell "roommate."
I understand you condemning bestial acts or health-endangering shit-eating, but I'm curious about your advice to My Own Private Gas Crisis, who simply wanted his wife to fart in his face. It may be off-putting, but this practice is not dangerous. At the same time, you told a man that he was being insensitive for not fulfilling his wife's rape fantasies. Am I missing something? Is there some moral or ethical problem with face-farting that doesn't come into play with rape fantasies? Or do you personally find one of these fetishes appealing and the other not?
Confused About Fetish Acceptability
Indulging someone in a rape fantasy only requires you to pretend that you're raping him or her. Indulging an eproctophiliac, on the other hand, requires you to actually fart in his or her face. That's an important distinction. Here's another: Rape fantasies are about eroticizing power, and many people find power sexy. Fart fantasies, on the other hand, are about eroticizing shit, and very few people find shit sexy.
But, hey, you got me, CAFA. Personally speaking, I would rather indulge someone in a rape fantasy than fart in someone's face. It may be a double standard, but it's not one I hold alone. When it comes to long-term relationships, I believe we all have a right to expect our lovers to "go there," as the kids say, when it comes to relatively common sexual fantasies, and power-related sexual fantasies (bondage, SM, domination, rape) are all relatively common. But when it comes to sexual fantasies that are uncommon, to put it nicely (or simply disgusting, to be more accurate)... well, I don't believe that's something a man has a right to expect from someone he isn't paying by the hour.