The Stranger

Yes, yes, He died for our sins, turned water into wine, and secured Mary J. Blige's recent Grammy win—but for many Seattleites, Jesus Christ's primary claim to fame is as the catalyst for Dina Martina's legendary Christmas shows. After another summer knocking 'em dead in Provincetown, Seattle's favorite chanteuse/raconteur/train wreck returns with another Christmas blowout. Expect butchered songs, face-numbingly-weird anecdotes, and deep, raucous laughter. (Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, ticketwindowonline.com. 8 pm, $20, 21+. Through Dec 31.) by David Schmader

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Thanksgiving weekend is usually a bleak time for shows, so be thankful (I know, I know) for tonight's generous helping of local music, courtesy of Aviation Records. The Pharmacy trusses up its punk pop with orchestral pomp, hints of ska, and gently psychedelic melody. Fleet Foxes brings vintage folk. Das Llamas dishes out dark, danceable post-punk laced with narcotic keyboards. Headliners Feral Children veers from melancholic dirges to drunk, animal rhythms. Attention orphans: This is a feast. (Neumo's, 925 E Pike St, 709-9467. 8 pm, $5, 21+.) by Eric Grandy

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Thanks to major releases from the city's best artists, 2007 has been Seattle hiphop's biggest year so far, and Cancer Rising's second album will bring the curtain down. Featuring DJ TilesOne and MCs Judas and Gatsby (also known as Larry Mizell Jr., Stranger hiphop columnist), the veteran crew spans the spectrum of NW styles but keeps it cohesive. A little angry, a little goofy, hard-rocking, deep-funking—Cancer Rising has one foot in the scene's roots and the other somewhere totally original. (Chop Suey, 1325 E Madison St, 324-8000. 8 pm, $8, 21+.) by Jonathan Zwickel

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The 500 block of East Pine Street—the historic home of Tugs, Squid Row, the Cha Cha, Double Trouble, Lipstick Traces, and others—will soon fall to make way for more condos. But Pony, Bus Stop, and Kincora are open until the end of the month, and each is worth at least one more visit—Bus Stop for the unpretentious hole-in-the-wall charm, Kincora for the boozy rock 'n' roll, and Pony for the no-wave gay sleaze. It's almost last call for these joints—time for a toast. (506, 508, and 518 E Pine St. Opening times vary, 21+.) by Eric Grandy

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The Cook begins in the kitchen of a Cuban mansion on New Year's Eve in 1958, the night before Castro's army seizes Havana. The owners of the house flee and their cook Gladys (the excellent Zabryna Guevara) vows to protect the mansion until they return. That turns out to be a long damn time, during which the cook, her pigheaded Communist husband, and her terrified gay cousin flail around in the dangerous politics of Castro's worker's paradise. The denouement comes in 1997, when the owners' daughter—an angry Miami Cuban—shows up for lunch. (Seattle Rep, 155 Mercer St, 443-2222. 7:30 pm, $15–$53.) by Brendan Kiley

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What is the opposite of funny? Dane Cook, the peerlessly unfunny and monolithically successful "comedian" who performs tonight at KeyArena. Cook's awesome ability to steal material from other, better comedians (Louis C.K., Emo Philips, and others) is matched only by his ability to de-funny even these pinched bits. What Applebee's is to food, Dane Cook is to comedy: adamantly unimaginative, thoroughly second-rate, and mysteriously popular. Justice buffs should pillage their rotten-vegetable arsenals and prepare for battle. (KeyArena, 305 Harrison St, www.ticketmaster.com. 7 pm, $30–$100.) by David Schmader

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