eel clit noun

See also: "Brigadoon poon"

1. clitoris so small or difficult to locate that it seems to move around during foreplay

Origin:

It was right there. You were doing the exploratory, feather-light caress thing and then right as you were about to commit to a rhythm: gone. It just disappeared. You regroup, revert back to the light touch, you find the clit again, but it's practically on the other side of her vagina. You're dealing with an eel clit, my friend. Good luck.

Example of "eel clit" usage:

"Are you even listening to me, Sebastian? I said she has an eel clit. It's nowhere and in that way it's everywhere." —Pope

net-get noun phrase

1. partner or viable romantic interest discovered using an online dating service

2. nude photo or video of a person met on the internet

Origin:

You've spent no less than a full month of your adult life staring and swiping people who take selfies in the gross yellow light of their bathrooms. You've taken selfies in the gross yellow light of your own bathroom. You've received and deleted (some) dick pics from the likes of Kitten_Cock and Mud_Buddy91 (91?! Like 1991? Jesus). Three of your evenings have ended on a grown man's futon, watching him paralyzed before a selection of Romantic Comedies That Pass the Bechdel Test. But today you've met a nice person. An employed person. A person who riffs well and sits well. One who cooks a special dish, dances a special chair dance, and looks good in the gross yellow light of a bathroom. Congratulations, you've met your net-get.

Examples of "net-get" usage:

"Deborah's coming along and she's bringing her net-get." —Gascoigne

"Hey, Peter, I got a new net-get! Tell me if you think this one is a guy or a girl or a combo. I'm sort of into it." —Shakespeare

Ho Keds plural noun

See also: "Uuuughs"

1. comfortable shoes one wishes for during the "walk of shame"

Origin:

Some walks are joyous embraces of the well-begun day. You stroll by brunchers and feel ashamed of them for abandoning the arms and comforters of their lovers for the sake of lumpy Dutch babies and Bloody Marys filled with garbage. But some walks are darker walks. Sadder walks. On those walks, you construct a mental list of the things you need to work on to become a better person. Maybe three or four items down that list, right after "just one ounce of impulse control, please" and "the strength to turn down a direct proposition" is a goddamn pair of comfortable shoes. In that moment, you're dying for some Ho Keds. Even if—and especially when you're feeling self-deprecating—they're called Ho Keds.

Example of "Ho Keds" usage:

"I saw him walking down the street at eleven o'clock in the morning in a pair of purple glitter pumps, so I threw him some Ho Keds. That's my good deed for the week." —Augustine

vagbros plural noun

See also: "hermanos de la leche," "cooch klatch"

1. two or more men who have had sex with the same woman

Origin:

Ah, your early 20s. You can't walk into a cafe in this town without running into THAT Shauna or THAT Deborah or THOSE twins. But that's all right. You're exploring the bodies of others. How do you know what you like unless you've tried it? One day, you and your buddy A-Train stroll into Victrola for a macchiato and a little pastry thing. While waiting in line, you notice Deborah (aka Deb-Deb—long story, pillow talk) sitting in the corner with her MacBook Air and her rosy cheeks and her excellent taste in jackets. You turn to A-Train and prepare to launch into a little kiss-and-tell, but then you notice that he's staring right at her, too. She looks up, does a double take, blushes, and then returns to her blog post about the dangers of fracking in Appalachia. "Bro?" you say. "Bro," he says. "Americano for Deb-Deb!" the barista says. "Broooooooooo," you both say. Welcome to the family, vagbros.

Example of "vagbros" usage:

"Wait. So you also slept with the drummer for Tall Cop? That means we're vagbros." —Sebastian

bile squire noun

1. person who holds one's hair back during an episode of vomiting

Origin:

Looks like someone had one too many craft cocktails at the Highbrow/Lowbrow cocktail hour. In the morning, you'll need a little hair of the dog, but which dog bit you? The MD 20/20 in the blue-raspberry St. Germain spritzer? Or the ouzo in your Ouzo 'Fraid of Virginia Woolf greyhound? In any case, that's not your problem right now. Your problem is trying not to puke all over the bartender's waxed mustache. Enter the bile squire. She swoops in, escorts your drunk ass to the porcelain throne, and attends to your majesty's heaving.

Example of "bile squire" usage:

"I really appreciate your playing my bile squire last night, but could you not look so proud when you tell all of our friends about it? Thanks." —Augustine

cock slaw noun

See also: "hose load"

1. large quantity of ejaculate

Origin:

You just watched that scene in Raging Bull. The one where Joe Pesci tells Robert De Niro not to have sex before the big fight against Sugar Ray Robinson because if he does, he'll lose the power stored in his vital father-stuff and thus not have enough man-juice to defeat the champ. What a silly notion. That couldn't possibly be true, could it? I mean, would you really be more productive at work if you committed to, let's say, even just a two-week moratorium on masturbation and sex? You try it, just for fun. It works. You've never written so much code. You've never wrangled so much business. After two weeks, you and your sex-starved loved one celebrate with a roll in the hay. You climax. It. Goes. Everywhere. The room is covered in cock slaw.

Example of "cock slaw" usage:

"What I want to know is how all this cock slaw got on my elbow." —Tina

come thief noun

See also: "seed keep"

1. one who retains ejaculate within anus or vagina, even up to the point of hoarding

Origin:

Congratulations. You've just come inside of someone. You're feeling pretty good. Your lover is nestled in the crook of your shoulder. This person "fits" there. But this person has been "fitting" there for some time now. It's been like 30 minutes since you... you know, pumped that ass full of cock slaw. When is this person going to hobble into the bathroom, turn on the water, and do whatever the hell it is they do in there? Is this person keeping it? What are they going to do with it? What kind of show is this person running here? Sir, you are dealing with a come thief. Better keep the jewels in the sack from now on.

Examples of "come thief" usage:

"I'm telling you. He just keeps it. He's a come thief." —Plato

"You can't trust her, son. She descends from a long line of come thieves." —Shakespeare

SHE-WOL noun

See also: "cloud case"

1. sudden disappearance of friend due to girlfriend's perceived immediate need

2. sudden disappearance of friend after his or her introduction to a comely stranger

Origin:

Guys' night. Darren is two bourbons into the evening and is preparing to smoke the first cigarette he's had in two weeks because screw it. Bill is at the bar about to order a round of Fireball because he's an asshole. Aswin is ogling the three women who are ogling themselves in the mirror behind the bar because he's only human and so are they. You want to turn to Sebastian and ask him whether the woman on the far left is wearing a yarmulke or—but wait. Where's Sebastian? Didn't he say he was just stepping out to take a call from Deb—oh. Oh. He went SHE-WOL.

Examples of "SHE-WOL" usage:

"Sebastian went SHE-WOL hours ago. He and Deborah have been. You know. Working it out." —Aswin

"Sorry I went SHE-WOL last night, guys. She said she had a shark tank and every episode of The Monkees on laser disc. Laser disc. Was I supposed to say no?" —Sebastian

Rag Law noun

See also: "red rights" or "rights on red"

1. code or list of rules outlining one's readiness to have intercourse during menses

Origins:

How many times. How many times have you been rendered a mere cloud in trousers by the phrase "I'm on my period." Part of what's making this awkward is you haven't taken the time to reflect on the reality of period sex. What's your Rag Law? Are you good to go, whether spotting or at high tide? If you are, then sort out the procedural questions: Do you have a towel clause? Have you considered moving the whole operation to the shower? Or are you a tad fastidious around Aunt Flo? That's honest. So it is written, so it shall be done or not done. You can always make amendments in the future.

Example of "Rag Law" usage:

"That's a pretty weak Rag Law, bro. If I can push through mud, you can push through blood." —Kate's friend Jason

love raisin noun

See also: "mud buddy"

1. lover with very wrinkly skin due to extended ablution

2. small piece of poop on or around the anus spotted during intercourse

Origin:

You've been going at it for a while. The bed is a mess and the glass of water has been knocked over and you are absolutely going to be late for work tomorrow. Now it's time to make the final move. You both silently decide to end on a classic. You assume the position. The whole glory of your lover's ass is in the air. Uh-oh. In the lamplight, you notice a small pebble-sized rabbit pellet on the rim of his or her anus. Don't fret. Don't draw any attention to it. That's just a love raisin. (If you're squeamish about this, in the future you might suggest that your lover become a love raisin in the bathtub lest he or she offer up a love raisin in the bedroom.)

Examples of "love raisin" usage:

"Come hither buttercup, gypsy mine, love raisin—your wrinkly skin astounds as the sun doth shine." —Sebastian

"Deborah was horrified to discover the existence of the secondary definition of 'love raisin,' as it names her central fear in the sack." —Aristotle

What's missing? Add more terms in the comments!