It took me quite a while to tear myself away from the latest episode of The Apprentice--in which all of the little mini-Trumps run around New York City in high heels and office-casual dress trying to sell art--and get back to reading Hans Ulrich Obrist's Interviews, Volume I. In fact I was unsuccessful, so my thoughts on that immense book will have to wait a week or two. For now, I'm spending far too much time trying to decide whether or not it was even very interesting to make all these hard-headed money types reach way, waaaaay down for the right words to make the sale. My decision: It was more along the lines of cruel, kind of like making a spelling-bee contestant do tricks on the balance beam.

Well, the losers can all console themselves with the old chestnut that "art is subjective," unlike bottled water and airplanes. But there are intelligent ways to sell art, none of which require deep knowledge of the art world. Of course it's possible that the producers decided not to show us the contestants doing any sort of legwork, like, for example, getting in touch with likely collectors (the only marketing we saw was two hapless Trumpies handing out fliers on the sidewalk). Or doing some research on the artists themselves (Meghan Boody, of the smutty, photo-surrealist light boxes, has work in the Whitney's collection and has shown internationally, a few bits of news that could do a lot for you, however much you dislike the work). Here, salesmanship had more to do with leading unimpressed buyers up to the work and galumphing through awkward little interpretive spiels. My heart absolutely went out to the poor gallery owner beseeching one team (the eventual losers) to please talk more with the artist, since their own sales pitches were falling so pitiably short of the mark. That poor woman: A poor opening night spells a bad month for a gallery, while the show's contestants only have to face Mr. Trump in the boardroom.

The moral of last Thursday night's story? All things being equal (that is, no one knowing anything), it's easiest to sell abstract art. It's safe, chaste, unlikely to offend anyone, and can mean pretty much anything you want.

Oh, and here's some real news: Billy Howard is moving Howard House southward, toward, but not quite into, Pioneer Square. His new space, designed by architect Jerry Garcia, should be ready at the beginning of May.