"Ho whatchulookinat, Bitch whatchulookinat, Ho whatchulookinat, Bitch whatchulookinat...."--DJ Godfather

I like electronic music. I have for years. But somewhere along the way, dance music got boring and pretentious. It's so cheesy with all those sugary, croony vocals. Eeew.

Back in the day, when I still lived in Detroit, I was a huge fan of techno--the speed, the intensity--but now even that's boring. Techno takes itself so seriously. It's supposed to be party music, isn't it?

The real party's coming to town this Saturday, straight from Detroit. I can't wait to see how sensitive Seattle reacts to the obnoxious new sound of "ghetto tech," as DJ Godfather and Disco D bump the I-Spy like only crazy Midwesterners can. People will either dance their asses off, or be completely and utterly offended--because ghetto tech is extreme. It's fast, it's nasty, and it's fun. With roots in Detroit's inner-city titty bars, ghetto tech flourished when titty-bar DJs would play music faster for the girls, to make them "booty dance"--to make 'em "freak." (Picture the Sir Mix-A-Lot video, where he likes "big BUTTS....")

Now the energy and raunchiness of that scene is out on tour at regular clubs across the country, in the form of two white boys--DJ Godfather and Disco D.

When either DJ is behind the decks, the first thing you'll notice is the speed: They turn it way up, usually cranking along around 145-160 bpm (beats per minute). It's fast, but also super-skilled, both DJs obviously influenced by the scratching and turntable trickery of DMC competitions.

The most important thing you'll notice about ghetto tech is that it possesses what most other electronica lacks--a sense of humor. The lyrics are juvenile, vulgar, and ridiculous, like vintage 2 Live Crew. A sensible girl like me should probably be offended by tracks like "Ass 'N Titties," or by lyrics like, "Skankin' ass bitches that need to wash up/don't be mad when I don't wanna fuck." But I'm not offended, not at all. I just giggle hysterically. And I dance a little faster.