From the Apr 22 – Apr 28, 1999 issue

Pullout

Bartender's Corner VII

The Six Stages of Sexual Harassment

by Sara Daley

Clinical studies have shown that bartenders and cocktailers are often very well acquainted with incidents of sexual harassment. For those who feel they've been a harasser or a harassee, the following classifications for typical sexual harassment behavior may help confirm your suspicions.

1. THE PINCH
The first step involves the act of harassment itself, followed by the victim's protest or acknowledgment of the act. See illustration..

2. "WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, BABY?
"Why do you gotta go and make such a big deal out of men being men and women being meat? We were having a perfectly good time, weren't we? You were lookin' sexy, getting me drunk, and I was just letting you know that, yes, I've got red-hot blood and cheap rum coursing through my veins. I'm just being ME, baby!

3. "OH... WHAT AN ASS AM I"
Oh, I'm sorry... so, so sorry. I am such an asshole, what a fucking doorknob I am. I don't know what I was thinking; I wasn't thinking; please, please, please won't you forgive me? Or if your boyfriend is here, I'll make sure to apologize to him instead of you, cuz even though you're still a piece of meat, you're not MY piece of meat. Know what I mean?

4. "MY SHACKLED BUZZ IS YOUR FAULT"
Okay, I pinched your ass! So now you're not talking to me? Does that mean you have to go and make it all awkward? Your attitude makes ME uncomfortable! Was it really necessary to go all Gloria Steinem on me and wreck the mood? If you could've just gone with the flow, it wouldn't be so weird between us now.

5. "I'M NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU FORGIVE ME"
C'mon, please try to understand that I've had a few, and I just saw your ass in those kinda tight pants and... well, it just happened. Please try to understand that I'm really a good person. I've never had anything like this happen before. Are we square? Am I forgiven? Am I? Well? Can I have another Long Island?

6. "I'M OUTTA HERE, BITCH"
What, you don't want to talk to me? You want me to shut up? How can you just leave it this way? Okay, so I made a mistake, BIG DEAL! So now I'm s'posed to be perfect?!? I really misjudged you. I thought we were friends. I had no idea you were such a fucking uptight bitch. Fuck you, and fuck your tip, too. Just call me a cab, and I am OUTTA here!