From the Sep 25 – Oct 1, 2003 issue

Pullout

Being Gay in Seattle

A Guide to Bookstores, Bars, and Bathrooms of Ill-Repute

by Adrian Ryan

Hard to believe, ain't it, Tinkerbell? A fistful of weeks ago, you were hand-in-hand with your fag hag, dodging the fag-murderous football team and denying every minute of it. But that's all behind you. You're in college now, on the bright and naughty verge of a big gay adventure that promises to probably seriously fuck you up forever--a wondrous world in which that laptop your parents are still making payments on plus a screen name containing "student" or "college" or "boi" are the only ingredients necessary to assure an active social life. But you need a little help getting started, don't you? Fret not, frat slut. Read carefully then, and consider this the most important lesson you'll ever learn. Period.

ON CAMPUS
Classes, Coffee Shops, Dorms:
If you're out and reasonably presentable, you'll find yourself meeting other out gay and lesbian students just about everywhere you go. Find one you like, go on a few dates, get to know each other, have some sex, meet their parents, move in, adopt a child, stop having sex, grow old, die. It's worked for straight people for millions of years and nowadays it can work for you too. Or, if you prefer to meet the gay old-fashioned way (read: sleazy), there are other options for you...

University of Washington:
Whether you planned it this way or it's the divine providence of some gay God that owes you big, if you're going to the UW you're sitting in a boy-bootay bonanza! From the Waterfront Activities Center locker room to the Suzzallo-Allen Library's fourth- and fifth-floor men's rooms, a mild amount of loitering can really pay off. Or so they say.

Seattle Central Community College:
So you didn't get accepted to gay, gay UW, but there's still boys to be had. Legend has it that the Culinary Department's men's potty resembles the last days of the Roman Empire.

Seattle University:
The library's third and fourth floors are cruisier than Holland America. My ex-boyfriend told me.

SLUTTY LOCALES
Basic Plumbing
(1505 10th Ave, 323-2799): Not everyone ends up at this 18+ sex club--not straight people, for example, and not gay people who worry overmuch about cooties. If you feel drawn, put on some Carmex and get it out of your system. Try not to get an STD--use condoms, for starters, and see our guide to STDs on page 21--and pray you don't show up on the same night as your dad. This shit happens.

Club Seattle
(1520 Summit Ave, 329-2334), Club Z
(1117 Pike St, 622-9958): Two bathhouses. Can't recommend them, never been. According to the Health Department, they're great places to go if you're just itching to catch syphilis from guys older than both your parents put together. Wrap yourself in plastics.

UW Arboretum
(AKA Sodomy Point): A hot skip and a pump away from UW proper, on Lake Washington Blvd. A circuit party, with shrubbery.

LEGIT LOCALES
Bailey/Coy Books
(414 Broadway E, 323-8842): A neighborhood bookstore with a big gay section that doubles as a Friday-night all-ages pickup spot.

Broadway Market
(E Broadway and Harrison St): A gay mall on a gay street? Extraordinary.

Beyond the Closet Bookstore
(518 E Pike St, 322-4609): Books, community resources, porn, and flirty employees.

Toys in Babeland
(707 E Pike St, 328-2914): Sexual accoutrements, lube, and an entire stock of plastic penises that can never walk away, damn it.

BARS
Unless you repeated junior high, the bar and club scene might be beyond your tender grasp. But if your fake ID hasn't been torn up by a snotty bouncer yet, here are a few options:

R Place
(619 E Pine St, 322-8828): Hip and happening, dancing and drinking, Abercrombie and fucking Fitch.

Wild Rose
(1021 E Pike St, 324-9210): The cutest queer girl bar this side of Lesbos. Actually, it's the only queer girl bar this side of Lesbos.

The Eagle
(314 E Pike St, 621-7591): A leather and fetish bar far too advanced for beginners, but check it out anyhow.

The Cuff
(1533 13th Ave, 323-1525): The Eagle with training wheels. And dancing. And cheap beer on Sunday.

Manray
(514 E Pine St, 568-0750) and

Blu
(722 E Pike St, 568-4258): Where everyone knows your name, has your haircut, and has already had your boyfriend. Both have the ambience of gay microwave ovens.

Changes Tavern
(2103 N 45th St, 545-8363): A dart's toss from UW and the only gay bar listed here not on Capitol Hill. Tell 'em Adrian sent ya. Personal reasons.

Neighbours
(1509 E Broadway, 324-5358): It was there before you were born, it will be there long after you're gone--this place will be playing Ce Ce Peniston when cockroaches rule the earth. Thursday's fun. Go. Dance. Drink. Fuck. Live.