From the Nov 25 – Dec 1, 2004 issue

Columns

BEST SERVED COLD

About a month ago when I was biking down the street, someone leaned out of his window to yell "fat ass!" at me. Last week, you followed in fine form by yelling "lard ass!" as you drove by me. Instead of just taking it on the chins this time, I got in my car and followed you to where you live. I now know your vehicle's make and model, its license plate number, and what you and a few of your friends look like. I know your home address. I know your name. I also took the time to follow you to work; I even rode in the same elevator with you.

Here's the point: At some point in the next few months, I will begin to slowly sabotage your life. Brakes go out? Ah, too bad. Get a flat again? Darn it. Car get keyed? Bummer. Keep in mind that, even though I'm overweight, I know how to enjoy a heaping helping of sweet, sweet vengeance.

--Anonymous

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