What does "erotic" mean to you, as opposed to "pornographic"? "How do I answer that without sounding like a moron.... Erotic tends to be more sensual, more positive, whereas pornographic is... erotic is more--okay, okay, okay--something pornographic tends to come across as more gratuitous. The undertones of eroticism feel like they have more depth and more emotion."

Does sex have to be emotional for you? "Yes. Yes it does. I have to cry the whole time. And then after I cry, I repeat Abbott and Costello jokes, and then I laugh a lot."

Does that turn your partners on? "Seeing as how there are no partners, whatever I do I'm good."

So your current sex life is autoerotic? "It's pretty much non-erotic at this point because I'm so busy. But autoerotic sounds better--I don't sound like an asexual fur ball. But when a show requires you to say the words 'clitoris' and 'erection' and 'ejaculation' and so forth, there's only so long before it just becomes clinical. Then you worry about how you pronounce it, instead of what might happen when you actually touch it."

Do you like to masturbate? "Aaaah! You are not asking me that! [To others on her end]: He's asking me if I like to masturbate! [Back into the phone]: Ah... I'm from South Carolina and my mother could read this. I can think of worse things to do with my time--that will be my answer."

What do you think about when you masturbate? "Peter Pan."

Really? "No, but we'll put that."

The cartoon or the peanut butter? "Depends on if it's day or night. The cartoon is definitely an early-morning deal. My mother is not going to read this--though Southern mamas have a way. She's already seen the press packet photo and whoooo. Both my parents were pretty intrigued by that."

Intrigued how? "About how much flesh I reveal--we're not naked in the show at all. My dad was intrigued less by the nudity than by the navel-piercing. He said, 'I changed your diapers for'--however many years he did. 'What I want to know is what the hell is that?' Piercing and tattoos are a faux pas in my family."

Why? "Just because they don't have them."