EVENT: This former member of the late lamented improv troupe Kings' Elephant Theatre is in In It For The Money at Odd Duck Studio.
What are you willing to do for money? "I'd have to take that on an individual basis."
Would you sell your body? "No."
Not for a million dollars? "For a million bucks, maybe."
How about half a million? "Half a million, sure. If we're talking large amounts, sure. If we're talking $50, forget it."
How about $50,000? "The question I have to ask is, what am I selling my body for? If it's sex, sure. I'm sure my wife--for $50,000, she'd say, 'Yeah, go ahead.' You should be asking her these questions."
It's to have sex with Bob Hope. "That would kill him. So you're basically asking me to kill Bob Hope. You know, there's a war coming, so we need Bob."
How about Michael Jackson? "$50,000... sure."
How about $10,000? "Nah. That's less than a year's pay, I'm not doing it for that. I notice you're not mentioning any women here...."
How about Nancy Reagan? "Is she still alive?"
Yes. "If she wanted to, sure. God, am I a slut or what?"
What would you sell a kidney for? "If it was for a worthy cause... if you're talking some kid who needs a kidney, I'd give it away. If it was Bob Hope, forget it."
It's Dick Cheney, and he'll pay $100,000. "A week ago I would have said no way, but now I go: 'Ehhhh...'--and the FBI would be there, so I think I'd be forced into it by the powers that be. That would be my fate, the only person who could donate organs to Dick Cheney. That's hell, if you think about it. I mean, I'm as patriotic as the next guy...."
Is there anyone you wouldn't sleep with for any amount of money? "Well, the gag would be to say 'you'... yeah, probably, but I can't think of anybody off the top of my head. I'd sleep with you for money."
How about your mom? "You sick bastard. My mom's a Catholic. I don't think she even slept with my father."
