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Blastbeat Rodeo

The Northwest Deathfest Is Gonna Be Off the Hook

by J. Bennett

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INCANTATION Dude, yes.

Dood! Do you thrive on indecipherable band logos? Do you rock the living shit out of XXL camouflage cargo pants? Do you listen to Cannibal Corpse's "Stripped, Raped & Strangled" like it might suck your dick if you just keep playing it? Are you ready to get all hammersmashedface? Well, pull your fucking hand out of your pants already--it looks like the pages in that Fangoria you've got are starting to stick together. Why not peel your ass off the sofa and hit the town tits-first for two stages of nonstop death-metal at Northwest Deathfest?

Seriously, though, last year's Deathfest drew 300 people to Studio Seven, despite a total lack of national acts. This year, promoter Frank Hetzel (who also organized the annual Seattle Metal Fest) is hoping to cram about 700 greasy headbangers into the Fenix Underground on April 3 for the Deathfest's triumphant return. In addition to grizzled headliners like Floridian gore-bore hammerheads Cannibal Corpse, Antioch, California thrash titans Sadus, and Pennsylvania mustache warriors Incantation, the main-stage lineup features local bullet-belt commandos Funeral Age, Blackgoat, and Fallen Angels--all of whom (the locals, that is) carry on in the double-bass blitzkrieg and Cookie-Monster vo-kill (and Satanic and/or necro-lyrical) tradition of their Floridian forebears (Death, Obituary, Deicide, etc.). The second stage is topped by Auburn, California's New Plague and Eugene, Oregon's Necryptic--not to mention a band called Shitstorm, who not only have the best name in heavy-metal history, but a logo that features two inverted crosses.

Anyway, when you're in the thick of the pit, surrounded by windmilling longhairs and fat guys in Mortician long sleeves, keep telling yourself that Cannibal ("we were in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective") Corpse haven't put out the same album 10 times in the last 15 years, and try not to think about the fact that there aren't many chicks around.

Oh, and don't forget the pre-party meet and greet with the headliners--and porn queen/wrestling cheerleader Jasmin St. Clair--at Jimmy Z's in Everett the night before the Fest. "She's fully into the metal--big time," Hetzel says. Dude, yes.

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